:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: Great News ::

My little brother got engaged last week. It's the best news I heard in quite some time and I couldn't be happier if he told me he bought me a lifetime supply of beer and bacon. I've yet to meet his fiance though I have seen photos of her on his Facebook page. She seems like a sweetheart and they do make a great looking couple. Just as important (to him anyway, she seems like the kind of girl that his mother would absolutely adore.)

And yet... as happy as I am for him, I can't help but feel bittersweet at the same time. I haven't seen him in over three years. I'd love for to go out for beers, catch up on life, and watch a Lakers game for old time's sake.. I want to meet his fiance and welcome her into our dysfunctional family and warn her that if she ever breaks my little brother's heart, I'm gonna put a hit out on her (inside joke: when mom was pregnant, I was sure he was going to be a girl.) As much as my parents drive me crazy, I miss them (and mom's homemade spaghetti sauce).

He's only 28 years old. If he was playing baseball he'd be entering his Prime years and as far as his life is going now, it seems like he is indeed. He'll be finishing up his Masters in a little over a year (his second by the way, that overachieving prick). He found someone to share his promising future with.

Being the Black Sheep I've always been somewhat distant from my family and for the most part I'm okay with that. But this is such great news that it's not enough just to hear it. I want to be there with everyone to soak it all in. For the first time in a long time - perhaps because Christmas is around the corner - I feel somewhat isolated.

... and I want what he has. (There I said it.)

Labels: good news, introspective, little brother

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:20 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Ladies? ::

I was enjoying dinner with a friend from work at one of my favorite new spots in South Beach. It's a cool little burger and beer joint, named Burger and Beer Joint appropriately enough.

(Actual conversation: Me: We're going to this burger and beer joint that just opened up.

Friend: Cool! What's it called?

Me: Umm, Burger and Beer Joint.

Friend: Staring at me funny wondering if I'm being a dork again.)

Back to the story. We had finished our burgers (or rather, I finished mine and ate some of hers) and while waiting for our deep-fried Twinkie dessert, I'm leaning in towards her as she's showing me an app on her new Blackberry. The food runner comes up behind us and sets the Twinkie down and says "here you go ladies."

Upon hearing that I raise and turn my head towards her and say, "thanks" with a wry smile. She has an amusingly surprised look on her face and scurries back to the kitchen. Maybe my hair is getting a bit long.

Nah.

By the way, the Twinkie was delicious.

Labels: cheeseburger, food, hair, i'm a fatass, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 7:27 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Happy Thanksgiving! ::

It's been a long year but despite it all, I have plenty to be thankful for. Sure I have my friends, being employed and all but there's other stuff

- My guitar Lill-E.
- Air conditioning.
- U2's new album.
- The new kitchen knives I bought this year.
- Looking ahead.
- My adorable cat.
- My relatively high alcohol tolerance (unless I'm trying to get drunk).
- It's November and warm, which mean hot latin girls still wearing midriffs.
- The Lakers
- Many, many more things not the least of which, my favorite bourbon:

But I'm thankful for you, the few loyal readers I have left. I have no idea who many of you are (and please introduce yourself I you've never done so, and if it's been a while since your last comment, just say "hi") but if you're still here, thanks for sticking around. I hope you have many things to be grateful for as well. Happy Thanksgiving.

Labels: bourbon, thanksgiving, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:19 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Humor ::

Having turned 35 this year, I spent a good part of my birthday reflecting on what my life was about. Where I've been, where I'm going, what I need to change (some of the details are hazy as they can be when a night of drinking involves pints of Guinness preceded by three Manhattans). I'm content, for the most part, with where my life is now but "content" isn't the same as "I love my life."

I don't think huge changes are necessary. Just some behavioral and habitual tweaks that could push me in the right direction (for example: keeping nights of drinking involving pints of Guinness preceded by three Manhattans to a minimum). Living in South Beach, I'm often told stories and anecdotes of people my age and older who underwent some sort of cosmetic enhancement in an effort to stay youthful. With anything ranging from Botox injections to liposuction, the elusive search for the Fountain of Youth is a popular expedition.

No, I'm not considering any sort of plastic surgery. I still look young for my age. Most of my fixes are mental and emotional. That being said, it seems my subconscious has resorted to its own form of Botox in that I've noticed a distinct degradation in my sense of humor. What I mean by it's become more sophomoric and puerile.

Maybe it's my young co-workers. It could just be that I'm trying to mentally stay young. It's not so much what I find humorous (I always enjoyed bathroom humor) but it's some of the stupid shit that comes out of my mouth that sometimes gets people in stitches and occasionally, me into trouble.

It's not like my humor was particularly sophisticated but there was at least a modicum or intelligence in my quips and comments. There will always be that but at the same time there are these examples (none of which I'm particularly proud of) what I'm talking about:

- I taught one of the young hostesses what "dropping the kids off at the pool" meant and enjoyed it a little too much, like I'm bathroom-humor Yoda or something.

- Last Tuesday was spent telling my co-workers various facts about Chuck Norris, which was met with either laughs, confusion, or hostility. (Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.)

- I can't go more than two days without ending someone's comment with an out-of-context "that's what she said."

- During a busy rush at work, a co-worker asked me if I needed anything and my reply was "a nice, sloppy blow-job. Oh you mean right now? Umm, I'm good." (She's still laughing.)

- Stupid shit like this.

- And this.

- One of the managers was telling us how it's our duty to help each other when it gets busy, and a co-worker and I started giggling because he said "duty."

There are other, better (worse?) example but I think I lost enough respect as it is. Remind me again why I'm still single?

Then again, at least I haven't resorted to puns. I'll never stoop that low.

Labels: humor, I'm an idiot, unintentional comedy

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 8:18 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: This Thing On? ::

I know. It seems I write one of these posts every few months or so saying "I'm still here" after going a few weeks without posting anything. Well, I'm still here.

It's not that I haven't tried blogging but I I've had more false starts than the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and it's disconcerting how the drafts in my Blogger Dashboard have started to pile up. I've finally figured out that it isn't so much that it's writer's block, at least not in the traditional sense.

I used to blog frequently enough and practiced writing enough that I developed my own style. Probably because I haven't been as prolific lately but I think I've lost that crucial feel for writing. There's also the possibility that having both a Facebook and Twitter account might be distracting me. (Then again, it's not like I update those pages all that frequently either.) It's certainly not for lack of material.

I've been reading some different blogs lately; not the ones I have linked on my page (which reminds me: update links); many of which I enjoy the content but a few other, while the topic itself isn't the most scintillating, they possess a very distinct, very elegant voice that I enjoy. It makes me wonder if I should try to tweak my writing or just try to keep hammering away until I get it back.

Either way, I'm still here.

Labels: still here

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:40 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Moments when You Should Enjoy a Great Drink ::

One of the blogs I've been enjoying recently has a great philosophy on drinking;

"I have long said that great wines are for really good or really bad days."

While I appreciate a beautiful wine, I'm not a wine connoisseur. However, few things make me happier than a good pour of fine whisk[e]y. I've also long believed in this line of thinking but I've never articulated it quiet so simply and elegantly. It's a great philosophy, not surprising coming from a pretty damn good blog.

Getting back to the point: Last night I treated myself to a glass of 21-year-old Balvenie Scotch. Tonight I dipped into my stash and am currently sipping on a glass of Laphroaig Quarter Cask.

Nothing good happened today. Or for that matter, recently.

Labels: blogs, drinking, introspective, scotch

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:23 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Fall Meme ::

I normally avoid doing memes unless I'm really need something to write about. As it so happens, I really need something to write about but at the same time this meme is a bit more erudite than others I've seen in the past. I won't tag anyone but give it a go yourself.

1. It’s not fall in Miami (or your city of origin) until _____________? That’s assuming you can actually tell the difference in weather between summer and fall here. The mosquitoes stop swarming so heavily, hurricane watches have died down to a bare minimum, and Dolphins fans start breaking out both their Marino Jerseys and delusions of grandeur, and I switch from Irish Whiskey to Bourbon.

2. Kelly Preston’s character in the movie For Love of the Game expresses her need to escape NYC because “Summer’s almost over, and I feel like I missed it.” What do you need to do in the waning days of summer for it to feel complete? Being as it summer lasts a bit longer here than most other cities (seriously, at 10:15 in the evening it's STILL 84 degrees) I have a few extra weeks to feel the sand between my toes, whip up some good ceviche, and wash it down with a Belgian beer.

3. The person I know is wrong for me but about whom I frequently think after a break-up is _____________? There isn't any one in particular. Being (overly) introspective makes me often wonder what I could have done differently before dwelling on her faults (alcohol helps in this regard).

4. The US Tennis Open, one of four Grand Slam events in that sport, is currently in the quarterfinal round. If you could only attend one major sporting event what would it be? Ideally, it would be Game 7 of the World Series at Dodger Stadium, sitting in the bleachers with dem bums, watching my Dodgers win the whole thing.

5. Assuming that you write an anonymous or partially anonymous blog, by what non-physically identifying characteristics might you be identified in a bar? If the bar is a dive, I'm the guy with the black hair that's almost down to the barstool. I'm probably watching sports of some sort on the TV and if the air conditioning is strong enough, I'm sipping on a dark beer.

6. Most blogs cover some sort of niche – personal, political, dating, culinary, etc. What topic, if any, would you like to address on your blog but doesn’t fit into your niche? Those topics and more run the gamut on my blog, much like me in real life. It would be very difficult to pinpoint just one thing. Being a widely read sports blogger does have its appeal, however.

7. If you could manipulate the time space continuum and give as many as three pieces of advice to a younger version of yourself, what advice would you give and to what age of you? At age 6: Stop being so fucking annoying. It's not the other kids, it's you. At age 13: Despite what mom and dad are telling you, it's okay to like girls. Get some practice talking to them now so you'll get better as a grown-up. In fact, get some practice just being more social. At age 22: Go ahead and try out that restaurant job. You might realize early on that you enjoy this type of work. At age 31: Do NOT look for a restaurant job. Remember why you moved to Miami.

8. Who among your friends do you really wish had a blog because their stories, or perspective on something ought to be shared? My little brother used to have a blog that was very intelligently written and insightful. I sometimes wish he'd start back up.

9. If you were to take an e-cation (vacation from the trappings of our electronic world,) and assuming that employment obligations would allow it, how long of a break could you take? What would you miss the most, the least? My e-cation would absolutely coincide with an actual vacation; preferably someplace remote like the mountains or a secluded private beach where even electricity might be scarce. This vacation would take place between when the Super Bowl ends and Spring Training begins. I would probably miss the blogs I read regularly.

10. On September 11th of this year, I will be attending a couple of parties and am somewhat conflicted by the fact that this ignoble anniversary shall pass with it being just another day in the eyes of many (and in some ways my own eyes as well.) Thoughts? I was in L.A. at the time and fortunately, I didn't lose anyone close to me, but I know a few that did. A brief moment of silence to remember seems appropriate.

11 How high are your walls? Who was the last person to scale them? What tools should would-be climbers have on their belt? Remember that scene in "The Rookie" when Dennis Quaid's character finally gets called up to The Show and his first game is at The Ballpark in Arlington? Remember him looking up at that palatial structure in awe? That's kinda what my walls are like, only there's also a moat around it. If you want to get to know me don't bombard me with questions. Engage me in good conversation where you tell me about yourself because unless I'm getting to know you, you won't get to know me. Even small talk is fine. It also takes time. Lots of time. Buying me a drink helps.

12. The sexiest thing a woman can say to you (or has said to you) is _____________? I love spending time with you.

Labels: about me, meme

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 9:55 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Conversation ::

It's the dog days of summer in the service industry in Miami. Since July, I've only had one week where I didn't work six days and a couple of those weeks involved picking up doubles for people who called in "sick." It might seem ironic that I'm working more when business is slow but it's the only way to make any money and there are always people willing to take a day off if there are only twenty reservations on the books.

A few of us at work were talking about wines and the topic turned to what our favorite drink is and what we would pair it with. There was a myriad of responses from a simple gin and tonic to Long Island Iced Teas. Parings ranged from cheese or sushi to "another one." My answer was, "my favorite scotch: Lagavulin 16 Year Old neat, water back."

"What would you pair it with?"

Without really thinking, almost instinctively my reply was "Good conversation with an attractive woman," almost under my breath, more to myself than anyone.

I haven't had much of a social life in that time other than post-shift beers at the local bar with co-workers, and the occasional non-date with one colleage who bears an uncanny resemblance to Kate Winslet. We work well together and she's one of maybe three out of the entire waitstaff that I can trust to get things done. But I don't like her that way; we're just friends (no benefits, but I also have my own reasons for not pursuing that path). All I know is that we always have fun when we hang out.

It's the conversation. She gives great conversation. No mention of any fledging acting or modeling careers, trying to get into some some chic new club, or some trite personal drama that's only worth a mention in her world. It always flows easily, topics are interesting, laughs are frequent, and there's few in any dead spots in the evening. She has this low-maintenance, goofball personality that some guys might find unrefined. I consider it charming. She even possesses the mature self-awareness to avoid those types of guys.

Of course, she has minor flaws. She smokes, drinks Miller LIte (yuck) and Heineken (bleh, though she does abhor White Zinfandel, which is always a plus), and she has a muffin top to match my spare tire. But that's nitpicking and I wouldn't change a thing about her. Look, we don't go out on dates; there's no romantic chemistry of any sort, but if they were dates they're more personally fulfilling than any real dates I've been on this year. Maybe it's me or maybe it's living in South Beach but something as simple as a woman who's good for conversation shouldn't be this difficult to find.

Or maybe it's me. I'm not an extrovert. When I talk I tend to be economical with my words so while I usually don't carry a conversation I can more than hold up my end. But as is always the case, and more in my case than others, some get me some don't. Kate luckily, gets me.

Labels: frustration, in a rut, introspective, women

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:13 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: How Not to Get on the Manager's Good Side ::

We just got a new Assistant General Manager at our Steakhouse. He's rather brusque and occasionally trenchant in his interactions with the staff, both front and back of the house. He also has a near-pathological infatuation with the sound of his own voice. Naturally, he's met with some resistance from the current employees and a couple have already left for greener (quieter) pastures.

Last night he questioned me about a certain method we use when serving our guests, and given that he has his own ideas of what constitutes "good" service, my answer wasn't good enough for his tastes. When he voiced his incredulity, I had my own rather sardonic response to which he asked, "Dan-E, are you trying to be a smartass?"

"Not at all. I can be one with very little effort."

Luckily the GM, who does posses a sense of humor, interjected before it got out of hand.

Labels: fights, humor, server stories, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:54 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: I'm not an Alkie ::

... I'm not a drunk either. At least not at this moment.

I like joking about being a drunk sometimes but compared to many of my friends whose topics of discussions sometimes contain references to D.U.I.s and "blacking out," I'm a Monk.

(Okay, bad example.)

But granted I occasionally have my own reasons for concern. Not so much that my 215lbs can absorb a freakish amount of alcohol. I do go through my share of beer (and the occasional bottle of wine) but every now and then I wonder if I should be going through whisk[e]y as quickly as I do.

I usually buy whisk[e]y by the 1.75ltr bottles when they're on sale at the local liquor store (be it Jack Daniels, Wild Turkey, Jameson's, etc) but it takes a while for me go through. I don't drink it daily, and I can often go months without touching my "good stuff" but when I do drink some Jack or Turkey, I might go through a large amount in one night.

Well, there's a few reasons that might be bad: if you have a long day where you feel like you just got the shit kicked out of you, you need more than "a drink". Also, my favorite whiskey glass has a slight snifter-like curve in it towards the top so it's almost acts like a functional "tasting glass" (despite the fact that I own an actual whiskey tasting glass, and yes, it makes a difference.) I do the standard "two finger pour" with a couple of ice cubes.

It may seem okay but here's the thing: I have thick fingers, so my two-finger pour tends to be more than most guy's two-finger pour. Also, my favorite glass has a rather wide base, so my two-finger pour in my favorite glass tends to be greater than the typical two or three ounce pour you might get at a bar. It's also a problem if you have three or four in a night (umm, such as like, right now).

So I should be a lot more drunk than I am now but I'm not (this shit's 90 proof for crying out loud, and I also had some beer). Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't go for a drive at all (if I owned a car, or for that matter had anywhere to go) but at the same time, I can't honestly confirm if I'm actually drunk. I'm not making any more typos on this post than normal and I can still walk from here to the bathroom or kitchen without bumping into things or knocking something over. SportsCenter highlights still make prefect sense. This post is still rather coherent and I know better than to make some phone calls or send texts right now.

Then again, I think what keeps from being a raging alkie is the simple fact that my palate can't tolerate cheap crap. I'm not an alcoholic, not just because I'm not trying hard enough, but because my budget won't allow it.

Labels: alkie, Beer, booze, drinking, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:18 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Burger Overload ::

I've known for a few months that Five Guys Burgers would be opening here on the beach and I've anticipated it with a mixture of craving and apprehension. I wrote about my first meal there and I thought it compared favorably to In-n-Out Burger, if not exactly surpassing the Fast-Food Burger Standard.

Still, I wrote this: "I'm glad that this place is located off the island and requires me to take two busses to get there because if they opened up on the Beach, I'd weigh 300 pounds in two months."

Famous last words. Not only is the new location a relatively short walk from my place, it's also not too far from where I work. They opened up Sunday and of course I, with a few co-workers, went there later that night. Unlike the other location, this spot is open until 4am. Yes, it was delicious.

As good as their fries are, it's just as well I can't get them animal style. Did I say two months? I'll probably need new pants in three weeks

Labels: cheeseburger, food, i'm a fatass, in-n-out

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:35 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Disappointment ::

An afternoon playing my guitar or reading a good book is more fulfilling than most dates I've been on. Any women with substance in Miami? - Recent Twitter Update.

I've been flirting with a hostess that works at a restaurant nearby. I ask her to join me at a nearby bar after work one evening, and she eagerly agrees.

Cool, right? (If you think this has a happy ending, you don't know my life.)

We meet outside the bar and she greets me with a big smile and a kiss. "I hope you don't mind, some of the my friends are here." No worries. I've seen a few of her friends and many of them are, umm, hot. Except the first one she introduces me to is a bald guy wearing a ridiculous belt buckle the size of my head. As we shake hands, any concerns about him being competition is allayed by his flacid, almost delicate handshake. I'm thinking he's gay. Or so I thought. This guy has a thing for her but she's apparently undecided.

We have drinks, we dance (or at least, she danced and I tried to play along). "What's with you and that guy?"

"Oh, he's just a guy I work with."

I have misgivings about the night at this point. "So why is he staring at me like I fucked his wife?"

"Honestly, we're just friends but he gets like that." Wait, this has happened before?

I'm not looking for anything serious. I don't care if she's dating someone else. But don't let him tag along when we're going out, or did you skip that part in dating etiquette class?

"Really? I thought he's gay." She laughs. "You have a firmer handshake than this guy." "He's very Metro, but not gay." (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

Whatever. "Next time, it's just the two of us." If there is a next time. "I promise."

We dance. We have fun. My plan was to go to a beer and wine lounge afterwards but I learn that Belt Buckle was allowed to tag along was because he knew the doorman at some hip new club on Collins. I thought I had to compete with guys who own Ferraris, live in hi-rise condos, or talk with a foreign accent. Apparently, that category now includes dudes who know bouncers.

She goes to the bathroom so I walk back to the bar to order a drink. I try to be the better man and get to know this guy but it's a pointless gesture as all he does is talk about himself and what a great chef he is (despite the fact that his main duty is the fry station.) I excuse myself go talk to her other friends, one of whom has such spectacular cleavage that I strain my neck trying to maintain eye contact. The Hostess (I'm thinking I need to date women in another line of work) returns and puts her arms around my waist, but I question if there's any sincerity to her gesture. "Can you come with us?"

"I had other plans." I tell her. My reply is accompanied by a dispassionate look. She looks back with a pouty, puppy-dog look and coos, "but I really want you to come."

Yeah, I caved.

We walk out and she tells the Belt Buckle that I'll be accompanying them. He sneers at me yet again and says that they'll never let me in because of my shoes. At this point, I decide I'm going home and let them fight it out. However, I can't just leave without giving this guy some shit.

"Why don't you use your culinary prowess and help me get in?"

"My what?"

"I thought you knew the guy at the door. Or are you just full of shit?"

"He won't like your shoes."

This was bullshit. I know this club and I had friends that got in wearing T-shirts and Vans. I had no intention of going but I wasn't about to let this guy off easy. I take a few steps towards him. "Why don't you just say that you don't want me to come?" The Hostess, fortunately, intercedes and also asks him to talk the doorman into letting us all through.

He weakly repeated," they won't like his shoes." I stare at him impassively but he's looking at the ground. I turn to her and ask "you really want to go with this guy?"

She pouts again. "I just want to go to this club."

"Have fun." I turn and walk away. "Can I call you when I leave?" "Night."

I head over to The Abby since I knew a friend from work would be there. I sit down next to him and order a stout. "How'd your date go?"

"Well, I'm here talking to you." He didn't press for details. I get home feeling a little too sober. As I'm pouring some bourbon, I get a text.

"Im goin home. Can i c u again latr?"

I don't feel like dealing with her. Besides, I have Woodford Reserve in front of me now.

"Ill think about it."

A moment later my phone rings. It's her. She wants talk. Women always want to talk. She tells me the club turned out to be a dud. I can't help but chuckle silently. She wants to hang again and asks for another chance. You had your chance I almost say, but instead, "whatever is going on between you two, you need to get that worked out."

"There's nothing going on, I just work with him."

Aww, hell. Given my dry spell, one more chance probably won't kill me. We meet for lunch a few days later. She redeems herself somewhat over sandwiches. She is animated and fun. Unlike many women, she asks me questions. Conversation is easy but I feel like something is missing.

Yeah, she's cute, intelligent, and has a nice ass but... I couldn't let go of the fact that she invited another guy to our date. Intentions don't matter, you don't do that. Our interaction over lunch lacked our usual playful flirting. Maybe she's nervous? I certain had my guard up. She did apologize and now we're enjoying lunch together. Maybe the onus is on me to let it go. Perhaps I should just enjoy the moment.

I can't. I have standards but at the same time I don't ask for much. I'm tired of disappointment.

Labels: dating, frustration, idiots, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:35 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Thinking too Much ::

"There a lady from the Lowe's Hotel sitting in the lounge. I need you to take care of her."

Why me? "The cocktail server can't take of that?"

"We don't have one anymore, remember?" Oh, right. " Besides, they want to eat dinner there so I need you to do it."

"Then why is she sitting in the lounge?" The lounge is normally a drinks-only area for people to sit while waiting for a table to open up.

"I was going to put her in your section but she said the music is way too loud."

Great. I wasn't in a bad mood or anything but I had a lot on my mind and I just wanted a smooth night. I didn't need this shit.

"Anyway, she could bring us a lot of a business so I need you to go there and pamper the fuck out of her."

Great, another high-maintenance hotel drone. I already have four tables. I let out a sigh. "Which on is she?" "The one in the black dress." "No problem."

As I approach the lounge I see it's two blondes I couldn't help but notice earlier. One is a young six-footer with long, tanned legs emerging from a painted-on, low-cut, zebra-striped mini-dress. The one in the black dress is shorter, curvier, and sporting miles of cleavage. They both very attractive, but sullen. As I get closer I notice Black Dress is a little older. In fact her and Zebra Stripes share a resemblance and... wait, is that her MOM?! Note to self-don't flirt with Zebra Stripes.

They're sitting with a greasy-looking guy in a grey suit, on the the cushy sofas that encourage lounging and the zebra mini-dress is riding up quite distractingly. Oh yeah, her legs aren't crossed. Since you're not here to read about some seedy upskirt crap I'll end it here by saying I didn't see anything. (Despite my best efforts.)

To make a long story short, I pampered the fuck out of her and even got them to splurge on some oysters, lobster, and abottle of Veuve. The Black Dress is initially grumpy but, I answer every absurd question she had, serve her exactly what she needed, and in the end, she actually smiled.

At the end of the night, I'm sitting in the the office, lost in my own thoughts as the manager looks over my paperwork. She asks me if the lady was happy.

"I don't think so."

She looks up. "What happened."

"I don't know. She just doesn't seem like a happy person. Maybe she's not content with life. Maybe she's just yearning for her lost youth."

"What?"

"You look at the way she's dressed, like she's looking to recapture some of the attention she might have received she was younger. And the fact that she lets her daughter dress that way, it's almost like she's living vicariously through her kid."

The manager, by now, has her face contorted trying to figure out exactly what I'm babbling about.

"From the way she talks, the way she asked for things, her demeanor, and even her posture, she doesn't seem happy at all. Probably hasn't been happy in a long time."

She leans forward towards me and says, "Dan-E, I need you to focus and listen to my question: was she happy with her dining experience?"

"Oh." Is that what you meant. "Umm, yeah, she loved her lobster tail."

She leans back in her chair and releases an exasperated laugh. "I don't know what to make of you sometimes."

"Yeah, my mind was elsewhere."

"No kidding. Stop thinking so much."

"Yeah, I do that sometimes."

Labels: introspective, thinking too much, waiting, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:00 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: I'm Back ::

It's been a month since my old iBook went on life support. After five and a half years of faithful service rendering graphics and ads, composing copy and blog posts, keeping me updated on sports, helping me research food and wines, and downloading porn other miscellaneous activities; logic board, and two batteries, and two chargers later, she finally succumbed to age.

She's succeeded by my new, white MacBook which i pretty much a vastly updated version of my old one. As much as I would have loved to buy a 15" MacBook Pro, my budget couldn't justify the purchase but honestly, this is as much computer as I need at this point. the new one is a little lighter, sleeker, and way faster. The screen is a touch smaller (13.3 vs. 14.1) but it's perkier, er, brighter.

As for the monthlong blogging break, well...

A lot has happened, but few things have changed. A couple of dates and a few numbers that led nowhere. They were good women but they just didn't intrigue me after the first drink (I thought alcohol was supposed to make women more interesting? Or is that for men? I forget). But then again, I've been in something of a funk lately so I probably wasn't at my best either. In fact, thinking about it now, whatever charm or move that might have initially attracted them to me was slightly diminished those nights.

Took a chance and bought a bottle of Bourbon called Buffalo Trace and it turned out to be fantastic.

I'm still at the Steakhouse and I've seen many of the original hires leave. Some left for greener pastures, other were told that their services were no longer required (couple of interesting stories there). Three months after we opened, the managers finally seemed to have their shit together and they seemed to have figured out that I actually know what I'm doing, unlike a few of my otherwise cordial coworkers and I've been getting good schedules as a result.

My guitar still sounds as sweet as ever.

Is anybody out there still reading? If you are, please leave a comment and say "hi." Especially if you're a lurker and you've never commented before.

Labels: still here

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:15 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Out of Commision ::

My laptop is on the fritz at the moment. I can use it for about ten minutes at a time before it freezes up on me. According to the dude at the "Genius" bar at the Apple store, fixing it will probably cost almost as much as a new laptop. FML.

Labels: please just shoot me

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:13 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Cryin' ::

I was making small talk with the girl from my that date the other night. She was wearing this gold tank top and I started poking fun at her for it by pretending she was an awards statue.

She thought it was funny at first but later told me that she sometimes practices her award-winning speech in front of the mirror. Did I mention before that she's trying to be an actress? Now, I haven't dated a lot of actresses so I don't know if this is a common thing or not but I didn't find it too odd. And being friends with sports fans, my friends and I do, on occasion after a few drinks, make fun of the typical athletes' celebratory speech or post-game interview.

"I wanna thank my Lord and Savior..."

"We all gave a 110%..."

"They really brought their A-game..."

"No comment."

I mentioned this and she suddenly got serious, saying it's not a joke to her saying it's her dream to make it big. Okay, that's fine and all but lighten up a little? This is where it got a little odd for me. She then said she occasionally cries while she practices this speech.

Really?

I like to get into character when I do it, she says.

Is it wrong of me that I wanted to start laughing? Or am I just being an asshole? Rhetorical question. Far be it for me to poke fun at someone's hopes and dreams (especially for the unjaded few I meet in MIami that still have hopes and dreams) but, I don't know, making yourself cry like that just seems a little odd. Like said, I haven't dated a lot of actresses.

Labels: dating, unintentional humor, weird, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 7:34 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Drafts ::

No, this post isn't about beer. This is about the 18 drafts I have saved in my Blogger queue waiting to be either finished or published dating all the way back to February 2007. Most are incomplete, and I can't seem to find the words to finish them properly. I supposed if I considered myself a writer, I'd say I'm suffering from writer's block but... it's something else.

Even with the ones that are completed, I'm hesitant to post them for any number of reasons. I don't think they're written well. it's entirely too personal for me to post. My baseball/football/fantasy team sucks. And do you really want to read more crap about my recent run of bad luck with women?

6 years, 7 months, and 762 posts later I don't where to take this thing. The odd thing is, it's not for lack of material. I just seem to have forgotten how to get my thoughts down on paper. Perhaps I need to fall back on some old advice.

Labels: alkie, frustration

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:34 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Happy Mother's Day ::

My mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me my only son
And listen closely to what I say
And if you do this it'll help you some sunny day

Take your time, don't live too fast
Troubles will come and they will pass
Go find a woman and you'll find love
And don't forget that there is someone up above

And be a simple kind of man
And be something you'll love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Won't you do this for me son if you can?

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul
And you can do this if you try
All that I want from you my son is to be satisfied

And be a simple kind of man
And be something you'll love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Won't you do this for me son if you can?

Boy don't you worry, you'll find yourself
Follow your heart and nothing else
And you can do this if you try
All that I want from you my son is to be satisfied

And be a simple kind of man
And be something you'll love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Won't you do this for me son if you can?
- "Simple Man" Lynyrd Skynyrd

That's one of my favorite songs, and Skynyrd's best song not named "Freebird" (actually, I think it's their best song, period, which I know is heretical to say but, whatever). I believe any parent that has a son should play that song for him the moment he's able to comprehend music and lyrics. If my mama ever told me such things, life might have been different.

I rarely blog about my parents for reasons I won't get too specific about here. Even before I hit my teens our relationship has been anywhere from indifferent to acrimonious. Moving away helped our relationship considerably. Age and some degree of maturity helped me change my perspective since I stopped seeing them as The Worst Parents Ever to just being able to see them for the people they are.

Trying to be a good son I called my mother to wish her a Happy Mother's Day and I was treated to, for the first time in God knows how long, a pleasant surprise.

Like usual, she questioned (she used to nag) why I don't have a girlfriend (because you did your best to sap me of any self-confidence whatsoever during my formative years you megalomaniacal bitch, which I refrained from saying). Every time she does this, I always remember how she was never exactly open-minded about the ethnicities I can or can't date.

(I don't write about my ethnicity any more on this blog for reasons of anonymity and I've removed any previous mention of it. Other than the few people who know me in real life, I prefer to keep it private, though it probably isn't hard to figure out. Anyway, because I was raised in California my personality is that of your average West Coast White Guy. If you talked to me over the phone, you'd think exactly that.)

Instead I just told her I've been on some dates lately and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't like any of them because of their ethnicities. She then threw me this curveball: (Paraphrasing) "I don't care what she is. If she's a good woman and you love her, then I'll accept her, regardless of what she might be. Do you hear me? If she's a good woman and she makes you happy, that's all I care about."

[Surprised at the response.] Really.

"Absolutely. Your father feels the same way. All we care about is that she's a good woman and she makes you happy."

[I'm now wondering who this woman is and what she's done with my real mother.] That's good to know. I appreciate that.

"Yeah yeah, now tell me, have you met anyone or what?" [Oh hey mom, there you are.]

Yeah, I had a date last week. It was nice, nothing special.

"What is she?"

[Here it goes.] She's Dominican/Black. [Waiting for the tirade.]

(And I didn't say that just to bait my mother. My date is in fact, Dominican/Black. My days of doing things out of spite are behind me.)

She lets out a sigh. "Is she nice? Did you have fun?" Yeah mom, she's nice. And it was one date. Nothing more. "Listen, I meant what i said. As long as she makes you happy, that's all I care about. I just want you to be happy."

[This being the first concession she made for me, in quite possibly, my entire life I simply go along with it.] I'm glad you're opening up Mom. I appreciate it.

We talked a little more before I had to go. I worked that night but I spent the rest of the evening thinking about our talk. Before this, when I thought about her all I could remember was the negativity, the overprotective nature, and her inability to grasp how wildly different my perspective was from hers. But while I'd like to thinkI've grown and matured in the last five years, it's now apparent she's also made some progress.

I've always done my own thing without consideration for my parents feelings, and I'll be the first to admit that some of it was motivated by rebellion. Whatever I may think of her as a mother, as a person she's beyond reproach. Always generous, outgoing, caring to a fault and she could cook a killer plate of spaghetti from scratch. Whatever, it's good to know that my parents are now willing to meet me halfway on something.

Getting them to accept the fact that my hair is almost down to my butt, that might be more challenging.

Labels: dating, hair, introspective, parents

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 5:19 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: I Just Died a Little ::

I remember the Manny trade when it happened. Quite clearly in fact because I was writing an anti-Manny rant on my blog. It surprised me. I didn't care for it.

Some of my misgivings were allayed as we squeaked into the playoff and upset the hugely favored Cubs. Literally every story I read out of Los Angeles extolled his positive influence in the clubhouse, especially the younger players who saw him as Yoda with a bat.

Then came the offseason speculation of which team he would sign with. Dodger players openly lobbied for his signing. I couldn't argue. He's as good a role model as any - as long as we're only talking about hitting, and in an idiot-savant kind of way - for baseball prospects to emulate. I wasn't thrilled when he eventually signed but it was only two years, and the second year was an option anyway.

Like with so many things, my optimism was cautious. The kids' stats (seriously, look at the jumps in OPS) were noticeably better. There was a buzz permeating Dodger Stadium. We just won 13 home games in a row. Yeah, it was against a soft schedule but this was a promising start.

And then this happened.

That editorial articulates my feelings better than I ever could. I knew, I just knew that given his acrimonious departure Boston that there was too much potential for unnecessary drama looming. But I couldn't foresee anything like this. we went from "this is going to be a good season" to "I just hope we don't implode." I'm gonna go beat myself into a pulp with a fungo bat.

Labels: baseball, frustration, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 6:35 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Could Have... ::

It could have been something good.

But it wasn't.

I could have shown more interest. She could have been more relaxed.

It could have been a lot of fun if she stuck to our original plan for Tuesday afternoon when we both had the day off. Instead, it was a hastily rescheduled Thursday night, and we were both tired from work.

It could have ended as well as it started but it just fizzled, and I'm still at a loss as to what exactly happened.

The conversation flowed easily, but... what could have been there just wasn't.

She asked for White Zinfandel; I prefer good drinks. That could have colored my opinion of her, but we had other common interests and it's not like she's a Giants fan.

I could have been me. Or her. I still don't know.

It could have been something good.

Labels: dating, frustration

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:52 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: More Steaks ::

I can cook a Ribeye or Porterhouse steak that could rival anything you might get out of a steakhouse, and I can do it without a grill or fancy broilers. I'll serve it with grilled asparagus or garlicky sauteed wild mushroom worthy of any great cut of beef.

But my numerous attempts at chicken fried steak with a side of country-style potatoes usually end up at best, average. At least to my palate. WTF?

Yes, it bothers me a little that there are a few grill cooks at a Denny's or a Waffle House that would laugh at my dish.

Labels: cooking, steaks, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:50 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Just Thinking out Loud ::

It was dead for the first couple of hours at work this morning. I spent some of that time pondering the irony of the First Family's new Water Retriever puppy being given to them by, of all people, Ted Kennedy.

John Madden, thanks for your unbridled enthusiasm all these years. Your ceaseless passion for football made us enjoy the game just a little bit more. You also made us meathead football fans feel like smarter men.

Working at a restaurant that just opened is akin to the blind leading the stupid. There is crossover.

As much as I like U2, the new album feels more like a continuation of the last album. Not as enamored with it as I initially was. However, "Magnificent" is in fact, so.

I have three different bottles of "good" scotch and one bourbon that I haven't touch in months. It's because I don't feel like I've done anything that warrants a good drink.

Hasn't kept me from enjoying a pour of Jack, however.

Apparently, there's no truth to the rumor that U.S. Naval forces tried to detain pirates for the purpose of getting their $9.50 and 2 1/2 hours of their lives back for "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End."

I've been listening to Beethoven's "Symphony No. 3 in E flat major 'Eroica'" a lot after tasting and enjoying a Washington State Riesling of the same name.

I'm not turning gay.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Good thing Wagner never wrote a piece called "Doppelbock."

(Not even sure what that last line meant.)

I have my health, I have a job, and my guitar still has all six strings. I've always tried to be a "glass is half-full" type, as long as there's beer in it.

I never watch "American Idol" and yet I still know who Susan Boyle is.

Thanks to my hair, there are few guys in Miami that looking anything like me, so when I notice a woman staring, I honestly can't tell if it's because she thinks I'm attractive or if she think I'm some rare, visual curiosity.

Every time someone orders a steak well-done, an Angel's Halo goes dim.

I don't want Mr. Obama to fail. I don't agree with a some of his politics and many of his plans for pulling our country out of this malaise but but Goddammit I hope he doesn't fail. I'm not one of those rhetoric-spewing, fuckmook idealogues who say stupid shit like "I'm moving to Canada if Bush gets reelected." Why? I like it here. If I'm not living in Miami, it'll be some other part of America because this is the greatest country in the world. I want Obama to return us to the greatness of decades past where allies respected us and rivals feared us. Because as long as I and 300 million of my fellow Americans choose to reside in this young, great land of ours, we desperately need it to recover. I want Mr. Obama to make us forget the misguided war, the enervating recession, and the ignominious legacy of the last Administration. I even hope he ends up greater than the Messianic perception that he and the media has manufactured. For the sake of those around me, and for the sake of this country, I want him to succeed.

I'm just not getting that vibe from him, that's all.

Labels: alkie, humor, irony, random thoughts, unintentional comedy

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 8:25 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Butcher Buddy ::

I haven't been able indulge in my love or red meat much the last couple of months since that time has been spent either briefly unemployed or training for the new job. I haven't been starving or anything but my budget dictated some degree of parsimony in my grocery budget so every trip to Publix involved a concerted effort to avoid the meat case, lest I find myself tempted into an unnecessary purchase.

Now that we've been open for about three weeks and we're starting to make some money, it seemed only proper to reacquaint myself with the steak display and luckily enough, they had bone-in rib eyes on sale for $6.99/lb. As usual, I skip the packaged cuts on the shelf and pick out a well-marbled 36oz cut from the display case. As I turn around one of the butchers waves to me.

"How you been? I haven't seen you in a while."

Despite the fact that I used to stop by at least once a week, it's still a little surprising that he'd both recognize me and take the time to say "hi."

"I've been, umm, busy lately. How've you been?"

"Pretty good. Did you get the rib eye?"

"Yup."

"Bone in?" (If you're curious, butchers and foodies typically favor steaks with the bone still attached since it does two things: It maintains the flavor of the meat and the bone acts as a heat conductor, which results in more even cooking. This is why porterhouse steaks, T-bones, and rib cuts are so flavorful.)

"Of course."

I show him my steak. "Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. The way you cook it, it's gonna be like buttah. It's too bad you weren't here couple of weeks ago. We got a couple of cases of bone-in New York Strip."

"Really? Here?" (This is a less common cut that you only see in very high-end steakhouses, and almost never in a typical grocery store.)

"Hell yeah! I was looking for you too. I know you like those thicker cuts and I was gonna save you some."

I decided at that point that I needed to become this guy's friend.

"Dude, that would have been sweet" (Unfortunately, I really do talk like that sometimes.)

He goes on about other stuff they get on occasion. We talk more and I finally ask him his name... just before I notice his name tag. Just before I leave, he tells me when he works and that he'll definitely let me know when the "good stuff" is in stock.

I always thought it was good to be on a first name basis with the bartender at your favorite bar. Being on a first name basis with your butcher is just as cool.

Labels: cooking, meat, steaks

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:51 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Where's the Funny? ::

It's been a while since i've blogged and even that last post was a lame rehash of the previous year's material. I've been reading some of my archives there's a couple of things or note; page disclaimer notwithstanding I'm taken aback at all the typos. It's not that I lack basic grammar and language skills, and I even try to proofread everything before posting but I'm a little perturbed at what slips by.

The other, more important thing I've noticed is that the quality of my blogging seems to have declined in the last year or so. Maybe it's just me but it's lacking a certain energy that it can have when I'm "on." My blogs just don't seem as funny - to me - as they could be.

I'll be the first to admit that my humor is arcane and dark and some of the crap I write is just for me, but even that stuff has made me wonder where the funny went. I can still make my coworkers laugh with my various cracks and comments but when I sit down to blog it sometimes feels like I spend more time staring at the screen. Even my parenthetical quips aren't what they used to be.

It could just be writer's block but that would imply that I'm in some way a writer and "blogger's block" sounds like an intestinal problem (See what I mean? I'm resorting to borderline toilet humor here. I mean, I'm not above a good fart joke - or for that matter a good fart - but still.) Part of the reason is that I seem to blogging about the same shit lately. New job, football, baseball, my workers are drunks/funny/idiots, I can't get a woman to look at me if I self-immolate, I eat too much unhealthy junk and I love it, etc etc etc.

Odd thing is that my life doesn't seem repetitive. Just the blogging part. There's stuff going that I don't talk about, and there are many thing I just don't feel comfortable sharing with pretty much any one. I've written about some of this more personal stuff in the past and I felt like I was walking around with my fly down... and I forgot to wear underwear.

We'll see where this goes.

Labels: in a rut, introspective

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 9:52 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Happy St. Patrick's Day! ::

Enjoy your St. Paddy's day. Just do yourself a favor and stay away this putrid crap. Seriously.

You're better off sticking to Ireland's most famous beer.

A nice Black 'n Tan is appropriate as well.

And if you're a raging alkie fan of hard liquor like me, this is some of the best Irish Whiskey around.

Labels: alkie, Beer, drunk, guinness, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:58 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Basic Training ::

I've spent the last two weeks at my new job training. It's almost like having a regular job since everyone has been at work from 10 - 6 every day, with weekends off. Needless to say, the first few days were rough since I'm not used to getting up that early. Actually, a lot of the other trainees were visibly lethargic. Good thing there's a Starbucks nearby or else the managers would be more than just slightly miffed at all the new people dozing off during class.

Back up a little: I don't remember if I blogged about it, (I mentioned it on Twitter) but before I got hired, I had to submit to a drug test, my first time ever. I couldn't help but joke with the guy interviewing me that I was surprised restaurants tested for steroids, which got a light chuckle. It seemed funnier in my head.

Being a very upscale steakhouse, a lot of the training revolves around "proper hospitality" (not service) to our "guests" (not customers; guests). It's the kind of place where my job title isn't "waiter" or "server," it's "Captain." Yeah. It might sound impressive but I took it with a grain of salt (preferably Fleur de Sel) It might sound nice but if someone asks me what I do, I'm not going to puff my chest out and say "I'm a Captain." However, there's a couple of guys there who seem to be taking this new title a bit too literally. One of these guys is so laid-back (and rather absent-minded) that he makes me look like a meth addict. I couldn't help but wonder how he managed to pass the drug test.

The guy in charge of our training is a native New Yorker and possesses a little bit of that attitude, though not so much to be insufferable. I couldn't help but notice that he sounds a lot like Bobby Flay. I didn't point this out to him, since I didn't want to get fired before we even got started.

There's three more days of training left before our soft opening and if everything goes as planned, our grand opening is next Monday. In the meantime, there's more training, and more practice. Should be fun.

Labels: waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 8:58 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: One More Day ::

... till U2's new album is out in stores. Also awesome, they're performing on Letterman all week.

Labels: awesomeness, music, U2

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:35 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Fettuccine, Linguini, Martini, Bikini ::

As much as I love spending time in the kitchen some friends are surprised that I don't own any of those informercial cooking products that blare from the TV at three in the morning. (They're probably asking because they know I'm usually awake at three in the morning.)

It's a good question actually and my answer usually falls along the lines of either "it looks like a piece of shit" or "I prefer doing it old-school." It's why I never owned a George Foreman Grill (I prefer a good skillet AND I like the grease to stay put when I cook my steaks, thank you), one of those Ronco rotisserie ovens (doesn't work well with cedar planks), or any type of food storage savers (I never have leftovers and nothing lasts very long in my fridge.)

You guys know about my love of a good cheeseburger so I almost picked up one of those Big City Slider Stations until I read this review. "Smells of noxious chemicals" doesn't sound very appetizing and I prefer a good full-size burger anyway. Also, judging from the size of your typical slider, I'd have to eat at least twelve or so of these before I got full and I don't have that kind of time. (Actually I do these days but, whatever.)

I do a lot of chopping and dicing when I cook so when I first saw the informercial for the Slap Chop it seemed like a Godsend... Until I realized the "star" is that same hypermanic guy pushing the Sham-wow. I don't know about you but I can't not laugh at this thing. There's his classic line at the 0:37 mark that I can't believe made it past the writers and directors of this car crash. There's a part of me that wants to buy this thing for the sole purpose of being able to use that line on some friends while keeping a straight face.

Then there's classic line number two when he's talking about the "Gratey." "Fettuccine, linguini, martini, bikini." I don't know about you but I have this visual of an Italian Bistro in the Bahamas that features a swim-up bar.

After watching that a couple of times, he killed it for me. Something about him just seems... off, and not just because he could be the A.D.H.D. posterchild who reuses to take his medication. He seems like a guy that would try to peddle real-estate deals to people who got ripped off by Bernie Madoff. That and the Slap Chop just seem like it would come apart after two weeks so it falls under the "piece of shit" category. I have a decent chef's knife. I'll stick with that for now.

Side note: Am I the only one that saw the informercial for the Snuggie and got creeped out?

Labels: cheeseburger, cooking, humor, unintentional comedy, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 5:11 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: So Now What? Part 2 ::

It's only fitting to write a follow-up to that girl I I met last week at tennis. My buddy Pedro called later that week to catch up and I told him about what happened on Wednesday. After laughing his ass off, he had the bright idea of seeing if she's on Facebook and sending her a message if I find her profile.

Seemed harmless enough other than the fact that it seemed somewhat stalker-ish. But given my luck up to that point, what's the worst that could happen; she ignores my message? Never show up at the tennis clinics again? Whatever, I've heard worse ideas.

I knew her first name, and during our conversation she told me what she did, where she lived, and what college she went to. Using those filters, I found her profile in about five minutes and... wow is that her? That is her college and I can open up her profile and, holy crap that is her. WOW she's hot. I mean, she looked good sans makeup and all (not just because her little tennis skirt showed off her legs) but her default photo showed her decked out in a black dress at some restaurant or club and let me tell ya, she cleans up nice. I have to admit, I was a little intimidated.

It took me about forty minutes to compose a message. Yeah really. It couldn't come off too weird or dorky, and I made sure there weren't any typos (did I mention she's a teacher?). It's one thing to go over something with a fine-tooth comb; I strained this thing through a sieve. Finally convinced that I wouldn't seem like a total idiot, I clicked "send."

Saturday came and went with no reply, no calls, nothing. I did check her profile once more to see if there were any changes in her status (which might actually be a little stalker-ish) but again, nothing. I thought that maybe she doesn't check it that often because unlike other Facebook dwellers, she enjoys interacting with three-dimensional human beings. Any type of reasoning that makes me feel less like a loser, I'll go with. Whatever, I didn't hear from her.

Or so I thought.

Another Wednesday night, another night of tennis. I arrive, pay for the clinic, walk to the courts and... oh it's her. Umm, shit.

"Hey how are you?" "I'm good, how are you?" (There's that smile again.)

"Not too bad." "I got your message on Facebook."

Oh. Umm, shit. My initial reaction was apprehension. Crap. I knew it. She thinks I'm an idiot. But, wait a minute and focus for a minute. She's here, she said 'hi' to me, she's smiling, and oh by the way, she's HERE. And another thing, dumbass? SHE'S SMILING.

"You did." 'Yeah, I tried calling you on Saturday."

o_Ó

"You did?"

She did? I don't remember getting a call at any time on Saturday... oh wait. There was that one call early afternoon from an area code that I didn't recognize. I get these occasionally and it's always some telemarketing call so I ignored it. That was her? She's been living in Miami longer than I have; I thought she'd have a local number. Why the hell didn't she leave a message?!

Never mind that. I have a shot to salvage this thing.

We keep making small talk throughout the night and I really can't help but notice that being the only girl, she's not only doing a pretty good job keeping up with the guys (again, not a metaphor for "she has a nice ass" although, yeah it's not bad) she's is a bit better than a couple of them. Once we're done, I go up to her and ask her for her number (again) and punch it into my phone. (After last week, I don't care if I'm just taking the trash out, I'm never leaving home without that thing again, ever.)

We have tentative plans for Sunday afternoon. Let's just see now if I figure out a way to screw that up.

Labels: cell phones, dating, girls, tennis

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:32 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: So Now What? ::

I did my usual Wednesday night tennis thing. I wanted to get my mind off of my current unemployment status and beating the crap out of a little yellow ball seemed like a good idea. I get there and start warming up. Once we get split up I noticed a girl in a blue tennis outfit that's also playing on our court. She's kinda cute but I only noticed since the advanced clinic is usually a pickle farm.

As it turns out, she's pretty good and possesses a killer backhand (and that's not a metaphor for "she has nice legs," though there is that). While picking up balls we make eye contact. Normally, I'd probably just smile a little and keep picking up balls but instead I smile and ask, "How's it going?" She smiles back and says "hi."

I try to make some casual conversation with her between drills by starting off with "you have a nice backhand. Where'd you learn to play?" (Seriously, I have no game.) Fortunately she gives me more than just short, curt answers. If anything, she's laid-back and chatty, and has an easy smile. I find out she's from Chicago, lived in Miami for many years, is a school teacher, and likes Da Bears.

Once the clinic is over, I approach her to get her number. Only thing is, I left my cell phone at home - I never bring it with me when I play - and I didn't have a pen. So I ask her for her phone and she hands it over; I punch in my number and press dial.

"That's my number, and now I should have yours."

"Cool, I'm gonna save it." She flashes that smile again.

"Alright, I'll call you about Saturday."

"Bye."

"See ya."

(And this is despite the fact that I'm dripping with sweat, probably smell funny, and sporting a patchy two-week old facial shrub. Either my personality won out or she *really* doesn't care about looks. I'm guessing the latter.)

After she walks away, I pack up my rackets with a stupid grin on my face. I get home and grab my phone and... nothing. Absolutely nothing. WTF. It should have said "1 missed call" but there was NOTHING. How did it not go through? I pressed the green button! Did she have bad reception? Did she save the number too quickly?! I guess it's irrelevant because there was NOTHING.

So now what do I do? If I see her again at the clinic, she's going to think I'm just another asshole that doesn't call. (I mean, I can be an asshole but I usually call.) Just my luck. This is why I sometimes hate technology. Anyway, I'm gonna go self-immolate.

Labels: dating, girls, please just shoot me, tennis, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:05 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Job Search: Yet Again ::

First the bad news: Some of you might remember I wrote that I might get laid off (one of these days, I'd like to type that without using the word "off") from my job. It seems that i was on the bubble with management considering laying off one of the less productive waiters. Word of my altercation with the lazy busboy got back to the people at human resources and as a result, I was cut. (The busboy was also terminated, but that doesn't really make me feel any better.) This happened right after I wrote that first post.

Now the good news: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

I couldn't resist, it was right there. The real good news - with a caveat - is that I found a new job not too long after. The new job is at another steakhouse, which is great because I like the steakhouse atmosphere and when it comes to the menu, I know the basics quite well. The caveat: this is a brand new restaurant that hasn't even opened yet. I don't even begin training until late next week, maybe. Normally, a new steakhouse be great, and this place is well known with several locations on the East Coast. However, with the crappy economy, I don't think anyone knows whether or not the new spot will take off.

I can only hope. It sucks to be dealing with this - yet again - but I only have myself to blame for the situation I'm in.

Labels: I'm an idiot, job search, server stories

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 8:30 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: BRUUUUUUCE ::

One thing I completely forgot to mention about the Super Bowl was the halftime performance by Bruce Springsteen. I'm a fan of The Boss, not quite to the degree that I'm a U2 fan, but I like a good number of his songs, and "Born to Run" is by far my favorite album and song.

Watching him do the things he did on that stage was pretty cool for me. At the same time, when he started to climb up on that piano, my first thought was "I hope he doesn't fall and break his hip." The dude is my dad's age (actually, he's younger) for crying out loud and the only thing dad is likely to climb on these days is his bed. But he performed with an energy, verve and stage presence that younger musicians, like say Billy Corgan would kill for... assuming he would ever stop being a pretentious, self-loathing, fuckmook with that pathetic whoa-is-me I'm-a-starving-artist-facade. (And I like Smashing Pumpkins. Seriously. And I digress yet again.)

Just a few thoughts:

• There were no fewer than four moments during that halftime show that made me question whether or not he'd injure himself. That shot of him grabbing the mic stand and leaning back with his knees bent like that, I swear I thought saw a genuinely pained look on his face and I wasn't sure whether or not he'd actually be able to get up from that without Little Stevie and Clarence Clemons helping him out. Though I admit, if he did hurt himself and had to be taken off the field on a cart, that would have amused me to no end.

• (Speaking of which, one of the my favorite bizarre moments was seeing the Big Man on the cowbell for "Glory Days." It was cool, unnecessary and unintentionally hilarious at the same time. Look, I'm a huge advocate of more cowbell but what's the point if you can't even hear it? They had a seven-piece band you put him on the cowbell? On the other hand, if anyone can make a mute cowbell seem cool, it's Clarence. Gene Frenkle would be proud.)

• I like watching power slides as much as the next rock fan but Springsteen's power slide gave me two thoughts: 1. When he was running (read: ambling) to build up speed he looked, well, old. That or his pants were way too tight. 2. I really didn't want to see his crotch flying towards the camera (read: right at me) at that speed at that close of a range, especially on the HD screen at the bar. Good thing that portion of the show wasn't in 3D or else someone might have hurt themselves from flinching.

• The setlist was pretty good. I noticed he changed the lyrics in "Glory Days" to fit the football theme, though it didn't bother me nearly as much as it did other hardcore Springsteen fans since, let's face it, he's not exactly Alexander Solzhenitsyn to begin with. For example, in "Glory Days" you throw a "fastball" whereas a "speedball" is something you do to get high. Not that I'd know anything about that.

• The mic-sharing spit-off with Little Stevie was vintage but having the fake referee go out there to throw a flag was egregious. I'm pretty sure several lines were crossed there.

• "Born to Run" isn't just my favorite album, it's one of my favorite songs and I was really hoping he'd end with it. Instead he clumsily mixed in "Working on a Dream" from his new album. That and the fireworks shooting off in time with the beat of "Born to Run" seemed out of place. Bruce Springsteen, a sellout? Say it ain't so. On the bright side, despite rumors he didn't sing "Secret Garden."

• Out of all the people sitting at the bar patio, there were literally six people who seemed to be into the halftime show, and they were all my age or just a little older. A lot of the younger customers and the Latin audience used that moment to go to the bathroom, order more beer, or get high. I know the peak years of his popularity are behind him but you can't honestly tell me that that many people are apathetic to a living rock legend. I know I'm biased but still.

Despite the flaws, I really enjoyed it. A little more than last year's Tom Petty and way more than Paul McCartney. (What, was Oasis busy?)

Labels: football, humor, more cowbell, music, unintentional comedy

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:33 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Super Bowl XLIII Recap ::

Almost had it. For two minutes and two seconds I looked like a genius. When I made my pick I wrote, "Since I'm not putting any money on the game, I'm going with Arizona: 23-20." Right there, in the fourth quarter, with 2:47 left on the clock Kurt Warner threw a perfect pass to Larry Fitzgerald, who ran a quick slant and shot up the middle, torching the secondary. After the extra point, the score was 23-20.

With that much time on the clock, anything could happen so I kept my self-high-fives to myself (and because the other people at the bar would have looked at me funny). After all I remembered something else I wrote while listing the reason why they might lose; "...and let's face it; they're the Arizona Cardinals."

As if trying to prove me wrong right after proving me right, they revert back to form. Now, nobody thought that the Arizona offense would stay dormant for long, though no one thought they would do all their work in the 4th quarter. Certainly no one thought they would put up the defensive display that they did. It could have been a blowout but they held Pittsburgh with some impressive goal-line stands, and even forcing a safety by inducing a holding call.

So I guess no one was surprised when QB Big Ben guided his team up the field with an 8-play drive while eluding blitzes and tackles with a series of moves and jukes, somehow keeping the play alive, and managing to look like a tall, unathletic (no it's not a real word) white guy in the process. (Seriously, every time red jerseys surrounded him, he somehow managed to stay on his feet, scrambled away, and looked like he was about to trip even though he was upright. He may look unathletic but Big Ben's got some skills.) As elusive as he was, Arizona missed a lot of tackles and their secondary left too many openings.

You know the rest. 0:29 left and Arizona faltered (though they were at the Pittsburgh 43-yard line; I would loved to have seen what might have happened if Kurt Warner made that Hail Mary anywhere within Fitz's range. Catch or no catch that would have been one hell of a finish). Game, set match Pittsburgh wins.

I can't complain. I even told my brother that I thought the Steelers would win but I'm going to root for the Cards anyway. But like any Super Bowl that doesn't involve my 49ers all I was really rooting for was a good game. It was a great game. Besides, I've been to Pittsburgh and I liked the city. I wouldn’t want to live there but I could think of worse places to visit for a few days, especially if it involves attending a sporting event.

And you know me, I'm going to like any city where their signature food item is a giant sandwich.

Labels: football, picks, sports

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 9:17 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Super Bowl XLIII Pick ::

It's time. Tomorrow will be the game we've all been waiting for. It's going to be a hell of a match and we might see history right before our eyes. Yes folks, the matchup featuring Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal will promise an epic Australian Open Finals.

What did you think I was talking about?

Okay, okay, it's all about football. Sure I love tennis, but I really love football. There are a lot of compelling stories behind this year's Super Bowl that I could get into (and will in a moment) but that would obscure the fact that this game has all the potential to be a classic. Sure, it could also be a major blowout but whatever.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about stories that news channels will try to milk the way Letterman milks a joke and I was dead on about a few of them. However, there are a few I things I missed that’s worth considering. Such as:

• The Kurt Warner Story: everyone knows the story of his ascent to the NFL elite and his relationship with his wife Brenda, as well his life of great Faith. There's been that and more, specifically how he was all but left for dead after St. Louis released him but found new life in Arizona. But the big story I didn't expect was Brenda's reemergence into the spotlight. All she did was ditch her old military cut and grew out her hair and dyed it blonde. The result is kind of well, attractive. Almost hot, even. Hey, if God gave me a wife that looked that good at that age, I'd worship Him, too. What? I just report this crap.

• Arizona Head Coach Ken Whisenhunt facing his former team in the Super Bowl. It's been mentioned a few times but Whiz, to his credit never played the revenge angle so this story never got going. The story that did develop is that with all his years in Pittsburgh is that he knows how the Steelers game plan. Conversely, they know his coaching style.Yet he knows that they know, and they know that he knows that they know, so they know that he knows and he knows that they know, so everyone knows that they know each other, and... You know what? Never mind.

• Larry Fitzgerald might be the best wide receiver in the game right now. However, due to the ridiculous numbers and his spectacular catches, that angle might be a little overhyped. Yeah he's great but it's still a little early for the Jerry Rice comparisons okay? And I'm not just saying this because I'm a frustrated SanFran 49ers fan. Actually, that's pretty much, why I'm saying it.

• Ken Whisenhunt turning the Cardinals into a respectable franchise just might be the greatest trick play of all time. I wrote this mostly as a small joke, but the truth is he's made some shrewd decisions that led to this point. Unlike his mentor Bill Cowher, he did all this while keeping the spittle to a minimum.

As for my pick, I honestly don't know. Pittsburgh could win because they have the best defense in the NFL this season, feature a balanced offense, QB Ben Roethlisberger is a master of improvisation, and they still have a good number of players left over from their Super Bowl winning team. But Ben is hurt, hardnosed wide receiver Hines Ward is playing with a bad knee, RB Willie Parker and the offensive line is still inconsistent.

Arizona could win because they have a potent offense that torched Philly two weeks ago; two wideouts that could make big plays if Fitzgerald is covered, an underrated secondary, and the whole "no one believes in us" spin. But more often than not, defense wins championships, Anquan Boldin's hamstring is still a question mark, they might not be able to establish a running game, and let's face it; they're the Arizona Cardinals.

As much as I love Kurt Warner('s wife), rooting for the underdogs, and watching history happen, I can see Pittsburgh pulling it off. However, Arizona is playing with an edge, and I think they're just a bit healthier. Since I'm not putting any money on the game, I'm going with Arizona: 23-20. MVP: Edgerrin James.

(Oh yeah; I think - I hope - Federer wins the Australian Open.)

Labels: football, picks, sports

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:53 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: And no Taxpayer Dollars were Used... ::

... to construct this stadium just in time for the Super Bowl. What can I say? Stuff like this makes me smile.

Labels: awesomeness, food, football, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:40 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Hungry? ::

With all the time I spend in the kitchen I thought I should post photos of some of the dishes I whipped up. It's not quite food porn but it's definitely not for the faint of heart. And if you're a vegetarian you should probably move along.

Some brats boiled in beer with caramelized onions. Perfect food while watching football.

The Fatty Melt and the Luther Burger. How would you like your coronary prepared?

Deep fried whole Red Snapper with a white wine garlic cream sauce, crispy shallots, and roasted asparagus. It's fish. Of course it's healthy.

Rack of lamb with garlic, rosemary, and dijon crust. I love lamb. 

Saving the best for last, my version of the Bistecca alla Fiorentina (Florentine T-bone). It's very different from how I normally cook a porterhouse steak but the flavors were amazing. Serve rare with a side of cannelini beans, roasted garlic and a big Amarone. Don't eat till you're full, eat till your tired.

Yeah, I can cook  a litte.

Labels: awesomeness, cheeseburger, cooking, fish, food, steaks

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:34 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: It Seemed like a Good Idea... ::

... but quite frankly I have no idea what to make of these women wearing a bikini make of bacon. Taken separately, they're two things I really like to put in my mouth (wait, what?) but combine the two and it's just a little odd. Even for me.

Maybe it's our version of eating sushi off a naked woman but I just can't see this catching on at restaurants across America. Ironically, when I first heard about the naked sushi thing, my reaction was along the lines of "and?' Go figure.

Labels: bacon, food, naked, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:46 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....