:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: Thursday, July 09, 2009 ::

:: I'm Back ::

It's been a month since my old iBook went on life support. After five and a half years of faithful service rendering graphics and ads, composing copy and blog posts, keeping me updated on sports, helping me research food and wines, and downloading porn other miscellaneous activities; logic board, and two batteries, and two chargers later, she finally succumbed to age.

She's succeeded by my new, white MacBook which i pretty much a vastly updated version of my old one. As much as I would have loved to buy a 15" MacBook Pro, my budget couldn't justify the purchase but honestly, this is as much computer as I need at this point. the new one is a little lighter, sleeker, and way faster. The screen is a touch smaller (13.3 vs. 14.1) but it's perkier, er, brighter.

As for the monthlong blogging break, well...

A lot has happened, but few things have changed. A couple of dates and a few numbers that led nowhere. They were good women but they just didn't intrigue me after the first drink (I thought alcohol was supposed to make women more interesting? Or is that for men? I forget). But then again, I've been in something of a funk lately so I probably wasn't at my best either. In fact, thinking about it now, whatever charm or move that might have initially attracted them to me was slightly diminished those nights.

Took a chance and bought a bottle of Bourbon called Buffalo Trace and it turned out to be fantastic.

I'm still at the Steakhouse and I've seen many of the original hires leave. Some left for greener pastures, other were told that their services were no longer required (couple of interesting stories there). Three months after we opened, the managers finally seemed to have their shit together and they seemed to have figured out that I actually know what I'm doing, unlike a few of my otherwise cordial coworkers and I've been getting good schedules as a result.

My guitar still sounds as sweet as ever.

Is anybody out there still reading? If you are, please leave a comment and say "hi." Especially if you're a lurker and you've never commented before.

Labels: still here

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:15 PM [+] :: |
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:: Out of Commision ::

My laptop is on the fritz at the moment. I can use it for about ten minutes at a time before it freezes up on me. According to the dude at the "Genius" bar at the Apple store, fixing it will probably cost almost as much as a new laptop. FML.

Labels: please just shoot me

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:13 PM [+] :: |
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:: Cryin' ::

I was making small talk with the girl from my that date the other night. She was wearing this gold tank top and I started poking fun at her for it by pretending she was an awards statue.

She thought it was funny at first but later told me that she sometimes practices her award-winning speech in front of the mirror. Did I mention before that she's trying to be an actress? Now, I haven't dated a lot of actresses so I don't know if this is a common thing or not but I didn't find it too odd. And being friends with sports fans, my friends and I do, on occasion after a few drinks, make fun of the typical athletes' celebratory speech or post-game interview.

"I wanna thank my Lord and Savior..."

"We all gave a 110%..."

"They really brought their A-game..."

"No comment."

I mentioned this and she suddenly got serious, saying it's not a joke to her saying it's her dream to make it big. Okay, that's fine and all but lighten up a little? This is where it got a little odd for me. She then said she occasionally cries while she practices this speech.

Really?

I like to get into character when I do it, she says.

Is it wrong of me that I wanted to start laughing? Or am I just being an asshole? Rhetorical question. Far be it for me to poke fun at someone's hopes and dreams (especially for the unjaded few I meet in MIami that still have hopes and dreams) but, I don't know, making yourself cry like that just seems a little odd. Like said, I haven't dated a lot of actresses.

Labels: dating, unintentional humor, weird, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 7:34 PM [+] :: |
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:: Drafts ::

No, this post isn't about beer. This is about the 18 drafts I have saved in my Blogger queue waiting to be either finished or published dating all the way back to February 2007. Most are incomplete, and I can't seem to find the words to finish them properly. I supposed if I considered myself a writer, I'd say I'm suffering from writer's block but... it's something else.

Even with the ones that are completed, I'm hesitant to post them for any number of reasons. I don't think they're written well. it's entirely too personal for me to post. My baseball/football/fantasy team sucks. And do you really want to read more crap about my recent run of bad luck with women?

6 years, 7 months, and 762 posts later I don't where to take this thing. The odd thing is, it's not for lack of material. I just seem to have forgotten how to get my thoughts down on paper. Perhaps I need to fall back on some old advice.

Labels: alkie, frustration

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:34 PM [+] :: |
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:: Happy Mother's Day ::

My mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me my only son
And listen closely to what I say
And if you do this it'll help you some sunny day

Take your time, don't live too fast
Troubles will come and they will pass
Go find a woman and you'll find love
And don't forget that there is someone up above

And be a simple kind of man
And be something you'll love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Won't you do this for me son if you can?

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul
And you can do this if you try
All that I want from you my son is to be satisfied

And be a simple kind of man
And be something you'll love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Won't you do this for me son if you can?

Boy don't you worry, you'll find yourself
Follow your heart and nothing else
And you can do this if you try
All that I want from you my son is to be satisfied

And be a simple kind of man
And be something you'll love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Won't you do this for me son if you can?
- "Simple Man" Lynyrd Skynyrd

That's one of my favorite songs, and Skynyrd's best song not named "Freebird" (actually, I think it's their best song, period, which I know is heretical to say but, whatever). I believe any parent that has a son should play that song for him the moment he's able to comprehend music and lyrics. If my mama ever told me such things, life might have been different.

I rarely blog about my parents for reasons I won't get too specific about here. Even before I hit my teens our relationship has been anywhere from indifferent to acrimonious. Moving away helped our relationship considerably. Age and some degree of maturity helped me change my perspective since I stopped seeing them as The Worst Parents Ever to just being able to see them for the people they are.

Trying to be a good son I called my mother to wish her a Happy Mother's Day and I was treated to, for the first time in God knows how long, a pleasant surprise.

Like usual, she questioned (she used to nag) why I don't have a girlfriend (because you did your best to sap me of any self-confidence whatsoever during my formative years you megalomaniacal bitch, which I refrained from saying). Every time she does this, I always remember how she was never exactly open-minded about the ethnicities I can or can't date.

(I don't write about my ethnicity any more on this blog for reasons of anonymity and I've removed any previous mention of it. Other than the few people who know me in real life, I prefer to keep it private, though it probably isn't hard to figure out. Anyway, because I was raised in California my personality is that of your average West Coast White Guy. If you talked to me over the phone, you'd think exactly that.)

Instead I just told her I've been on some dates lately and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't like any of them because of their ethnicities. She then threw me this curveball: (Paraphrasing) "I don't care what she is. If she's a good woman and you love her, then I'll accept her, regardless of what she might be. Do you hear me? If she's a good woman and she makes you happy, that's all I care about."

[Surprised at the response.] Really.

"Absolutely. Your father feels the same way. All we care about is that she's a good woman and she makes you happy."

[I'm now wondering who this woman is and what she's done with my real mother.] That's good to know. I appreciate that.

"Yeah yeah, now tell me, have you met anyone or what?" [Oh hey mom, there you are.]

Yeah, I had a date last week. It was nice, nothing special.

"What is she?"

[Here it goes.] She's Dominican/Black. [Waiting for the tirade.]

(And I didn't say that just to bait my mother. My date is in fact, Dominican/Black. My days of doing things out of spite are behind me.)

She lets out a sigh. "Is she nice? Did you have fun?" Yeah mom, she's nice. And it was one date. Nothing more. "Listen, I meant what i said. As long as she makes you happy, that's all I care about. I just want you to be happy."

[This being the first concession she made for me, in quite possibly, my entire life I simply go along with it.] I'm glad you're opening up Mom. I appreciate it.

We talked a little more before I had to go. I worked that night but I spent the rest of the evening thinking about our talk. Before this, when I thought about her all I could remember was the negativity, the overprotective nature, and her inability to grasp how wildly different my perspective was from hers. But while I'd like to thinkI've grown and matured in the last five years, it's now apparent she's also made some progress.

I've always done my own thing without consideration for my parents feelings, and I'll be the first to admit that some of it was motivated by rebellion. Whatever I may think of her as a mother, as a person she's beyond reproach. Always generous, outgoing, caring to a fault and she could cook a killer plate of spaghetti from scratch. Whatever, it's good to know that my parents are now willing to meet me halfway on something.

Getting them to accept the fact that my hair is almost down to my butt, that might be more challenging.

Labels: dating, hair, introspective, parents

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 5:19 PM [+] :: |
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:: I Just Died a Little ::

I remember the Manny trade when it happened. Quite clearly in fact because I was writing an anti-Manny rant on my blog. It surprised me. I didn't care for it.

Some of my misgivings were allayed as we squeaked into the playoff and upset the hugely favored Cubs. Literally every story I read out of Los Angeles extolled his positive influence in the clubhouse, especially the younger players who saw him as Yoda with a bat.

Then came the offseason speculation of which team he would sign with. Dodger players openly lobbied for his signing. I couldn't argue. He's as good a role model as any - as long as we're only talking about hitting, and in an idiot-savant kind of way - for baseball prospects to emulate. I wasn't thrilled when he eventually signed but it was only two years, and the second year was an option anyway.

Like with so many things, my optimism was cautious. The kids' stats (seriously, look at the jumps in OPS) were noticeably better. There was a buzz permeating Dodger Stadium. We just won 13 home games in a row. Yeah, it was against a soft schedule but this was a promising start.

And then this happened.

That editorial articulates my feelings better than I ever could. I knew, I just knew that given his acrimonious departure Boston that there was too much potential for unnecessary drama looming. But I couldn't foresee anything like this. we went from "this is going to be a good season" to "I just hope we don't implode." I'm gonna go beat myself into a pulp with a fungo bat.

Labels: baseball, frustration, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 6:35 PM [+] :: |
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:: Could Have... ::

It could have been something good.

But it wasn't.

I could have shown more interest. She could have been more relaxed.

It could have been a lot of fun if she stuck to our original plan for Tuesday afternoon when we both had the day off. Instead, it was a hastily rescheduled Thursday night, and we were both tired from work.

It could have ended as well as it started but it just fizzled, and I'm still at a loss as to what exactly happened.

The conversation flowed easily, but... what could have been there just wasn't.

She asked for White Zinfandel; I prefer good drinks. That could have colored my opinion of her, but we had other common interests and it's not like she's a Giants fan.

I could have been me. Or her. I still don't know.

It could have been something good.

Labels: dating, frustration

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:52 AM [+] :: |
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:: More Steaks ::

I can cook a Ribeye or Porterhouse steak that could rival anything you might get out of a steakhouse, and I can do it without a grill or fancy broilers. I'll serve it with grilled asparagus or garlicky sauteed wild mushroom worthy of any great cut of beef.

But my numerous attempts at chicken fried steak with a side of country-style potatoes usually end up at best, average. At least to my palate. WTF?

Yes, it bothers me a little that there are a few grill cooks at a Denny's or a Waffle House that would laugh at my dish.

Labels: cooking, steaks, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:50 AM [+] :: |
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:: Just Thinking out Loud ::

It was dead for the first couple of hours at work this morning. I spent some of that time pondering the irony of the First Family's new Water Retriever puppy being given to them by, of all people, Ted Kennedy.

John Madden, thanks for your unbridled enthusiasm all these years. Your ceaseless passion for football made us enjoy the game just a little bit more. You also made us meathead football fans feel like smarter men.

Working at a restaurant that just opened is akin to the blind leading the stupid. There is crossover.

As much as I like U2, the new album feels more like a continuation of the last album. Not as enamored with it as I initially was. However, "Magnificent" is in fact, so.

I have three different bottles of "good" scotch and one bourbon that I haven't touch in months. It's because I don't feel like I've done anything that warrants a good drink.

Hasn't kept me from enjoying a pour of Jack, however.

Apparently, there's no truth to the rumor that U.S. Naval forces tried to detain pirates for the purpose of getting their $9.50 and 2 1/2 hours of their lives back for "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End."

I've been listening to Beethoven's "Symphony No. 3 in E flat major 'Eroica'" a lot after tasting and enjoying a Washington State Riesling of the same name.

I'm not turning gay.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Good thing Wagner never wrote a piece called "Doppelbock."

(Not even sure what that last line meant.)

I have my health, I have a job, and my guitar still has all six strings. I've always tried to be a "glass is half-full" type, as long as there's beer in it.

I never watch "American Idol" and yet I still know who Susan Boyle is.

Thanks to my hair, there are few guys in Miami that looking anything like me, so when I notice a woman staring, I honestly can't tell if it's because she thinks I'm attractive or if she think I'm some rare, visual curiosity.

Every time someone orders a steak well-done, an Angel's Halo goes dim.

I don't want Mr. Obama to fail. I don't agree with a some of his politics and many of his plans for pulling our country out of this malaise but but Goddammit I hope he doesn't fail. I'm not one of those rhetoric-spewing, fuckmook idealogues who say stupid shit like "I'm moving to Canada if Bush gets reelected." Why? I like it here. If I'm not living in Miami, it'll be some other part of America because this is the greatest country in the world. I want Obama to return us to the greatness of decades past where allies respected us and rivals feared us. Because as long as I and 300 million of my fellow Americans choose to reside in this young, great land of ours, we desperately need it to recover. I want Mr. Obama to make us forget the misguided war, the enervating recession, and the ignominious legacy of the last Administration. I even hope he ends up greater than the Messianic perception that he and the media has manufactured. For the sake of those around me, and for the sake of this country, I want him to succeed.

I'm just not getting that vibe from him, that's all.

Labels: alkie, humor, irony, random thoughts, unintentional comedy

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 8:25 PM [+] :: |
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:: Butcher Buddy ::

I haven't been able indulge in my love or red meat much the last couple of months since that time has been spent either briefly unemployed or training for the new job. I haven't been starving or anything but my budget dictated some degree of parsimony in my grocery budget so every trip to Publix involved a concerted effort to avoid the meat case, lest I find myself tempted into an unnecessary purchase.

Now that we've been open for about three weeks and we're starting to make some money, it seemed only proper to reacquaint myself with the steak display and luckily enough, they had bone-in rib eyes on sale for $6.99/lb. As usual, I skip the packaged cuts on the shelf and pick out a well-marbled 36oz cut from the display case. As I turn around one of the butchers waves to me.

"How you been? I haven't seen you in a while."

Despite the fact that I used to stop by at least once a week, it's still a little surprising that he'd both recognize me and take the time to say "hi."

"I've been, umm, busy lately. How've you been?"

"Pretty good. Did you get the rib eye?"

"Yup."

"Bone in?" (If you're curious, butchers and foodies typically favor steaks with the bone still attached since it does two things: It maintains the flavor of the meat and the bone acts as a heat conductor, which results in more even cooking. This is why porterhouse steaks, T-bones, and rib cuts are so flavorful.)

"Of course."

I show him my steak. "Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. The way you cook it, it's gonna be like buttah. It's too bad you weren't here couple of weeks ago. We got a couple of cases of bone-in New York Strip."

"Really? Here?" (This is a less common cut that you only see in very high-end steakhouses, and almost never in a typical grocery store.)

"Hell yeah! I was looking for you too. I know you like those thicker cuts and I was gonna save you some."

I decided at that point that I needed to become this guy's friend.

"Dude, that would have been sweet" (Unfortunately, I really do talk like that sometimes.)

He goes on about other stuff they get on occasion. We talk more and I finally ask him his name... just before I notice his name tag. Just before I leave, he tells me when he works and that he'll definitely let me know when the "good stuff" is in stock.

I always thought it was good to be on a first name basis with the bartender at your favorite bar. Being on a first name basis with your butcher is just as cool.

Labels: cooking, meat, steaks

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:51 PM [+] :: |
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:: Where's the Funny? ::

It's been a while since i've blogged and even that last post was a lame rehash of the previous year's material. I've been reading some of my archives there's a couple of things or note; page disclaimer notwithstanding I'm taken aback at all the typos. It's not that I lack basic grammar and language skills, and I even try to proofread everything before posting but I'm a little perturbed at what slips by.

The other, more important thing I've noticed is that the quality of my blogging seems to have declined in the last year or so. Maybe it's just me but it's lacking a certain energy that it can have when I'm "on." My blogs just don't seem as funny - to me - as they could be.

I'll be the first to admit that my humor is arcane and dark and some of the crap I write is just for me, but even that stuff has made me wonder where the funny went. I can still make my coworkers laugh with my various cracks and comments but when I sit down to blog it sometimes feels like I spend more time staring at the screen. Even my parenthetical quips aren't what they used to be.

It could just be writer's block but that would imply that I'm in some way a writer and "blogger's block" sounds like an intestinal problem (See what I mean? I'm resorting to borderline toilet humor here. I mean, I'm not above a good fart joke - or for that matter a good fart - but still.) Part of the reason is that I seem to blogging about the same shit lately. New job, football, baseball, my workers are drunks/funny/idiots, I can't get a woman to look at me if I self-immolate, I eat too much unhealthy junk and I love it, etc etc etc.

Odd thing is that my life doesn't seem repetitive. Just the blogging part. There's stuff going that I don't talk about, and there are many thing I just don't feel comfortable sharing with pretty much any one. I've written about some of this more personal stuff in the past and I felt like I was walking around with my fly down... and I forgot to wear underwear.

We'll see where this goes.

Labels: in a rut, introspective

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 9:52 PM [+] :: |
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:: Happy St. Patrick's Day! ::

Enjoy your St. Paddy's day. Just do yourself a favor and stay away this putrid crap. Seriously.

You're better off sticking to Ireland's most famous beer.

A nice Black 'n Tan is appropriate as well.

And if you're a raging alkie fan of hard liquor like me, this is some of the best Irish Whiskey around.

Labels: alkie, Beer, drunk, guinness, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:58 AM [+] :: |
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:: Basic Training ::

I've spent the last two weeks at my new job training. It's almost like having a regular job since everyone has been at work from 10 - 6 every day, with weekends off. Needless to say, the first few days were rough since I'm not used to getting up that early. Actually, a lot of the other trainees were visibly lethargic. Good thing there's a Starbucks nearby or else the managers would be more than just slightly miffed at all the new people dozing off during class.

Back up a little: I don't remember if I blogged about it, (I mentioned it on Twitter) but before I got hired, I had to submit to a drug test, my first time ever. I couldn't help but joke with the guy interviewing me that I was surprised restaurants tested for steroids, which got a light chuckle. It seemed funnier in my head.

Being a very upscale steakhouse, a lot of the training revolves around "proper hospitality" (not service) to our "guests" (not customers; guests). It's the kind of place where my job title isn't "waiter" or "server," it's "Captain." Yeah. It might sound impressive but I took it with a grain of salt (preferably Fleur de Sel) It might sound nice but if someone asks me what I do, I'm not going to puff my chest out and say "I'm a Captain." However, there's a couple of guys there who seem to be taking this new title a bit too literally. One of these guys is so laid-back (and rather absent-minded) that he makes me look like a meth addict. I couldn't help but wonder how he managed to pass the drug test.

The guy in charge of our training is a native New Yorker and possesses a little bit of that attitude, though not so much to be insufferable. I couldn't help but notice that he sounds a lot like Bobby Flay. I didn't point this out to him, since I didn't want to get fired before we even got started.

There's three more days of training left before our soft opening and if everything goes as planned, our grand opening is next Monday. In the meantime, there's more training, and more practice. Should be fun.

Labels: waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 8:58 PM [+] :: |
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:: One More Day ::

... till U2's new album is out in stores. Also awesome, they're performing on Letterman all week.

Labels: awesomeness, music, U2

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:35 PM [+] :: |
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:: Fettuccine, Linguini, Martini, Bikini ::

As much as I love spending time in the kitchen some friends are surprised that I don't own any of those informercial cooking products that blare from the TV at three in the morning. (They're probably asking because they know I'm usually awake at three in the morning.)

It's a good question actually and my answer usually falls along the lines of either "it looks like a piece of shit" or "I prefer doing it old-school." It's why I never owned a George Foreman Grill (I prefer a good skillet AND I like the grease to stay put when I cook my steaks, thank you), one of those Ronco rotisserie ovens (doesn't work well with cedar planks), or any type of food storage savers (I never have leftovers and nothing lasts very long in my fridge.)

You guys know about my love of a good cheeseburger so I almost picked up one of those Big City Slider Stations until I read this review. "Smells of noxious chemicals" doesn't sound very appetizing and I prefer a good full-size burger anyway. Also, judging from the size of your typical slider, I'd have to eat at least twelve or so of these before I got full and I don't have that kind of time. (Actually I do these days but, whatever.)

I do a lot of chopping and dicing when I cook so when I first saw the informercial for the Slap Chop it seemed like a Godsend... Until I realized the "star" is that same hypermanic guy pushing the Sham-wow. I don't know about you but I can't not laugh at this thing. There's his classic line at the 0:37 mark that I can't believe made it past the writers and directors of this car crash. There's a part of me that wants to buy this thing for the sole purpose of being able to use that line on some friends while keeping a straight face.

Then there's classic line number two when he's talking about the "Gratey." "Fettuccine, linguini, martini, bikini." I don't know about you but I have this visual of an Italian Bistro in the Bahamas that features a swim-up bar.

After watching that a couple of times, he killed it for me. Something about him just seems... off, and not just because he could be the A.D.H.D. posterchild who reuses to take his medication. He seems like a guy that would try to peddle real-estate deals to people who got ripped off by Bernie Madoff. That and the Slap Chop just seem like it would come apart after two weeks so it falls under the "piece of shit" category. I have a decent chef's knife. I'll stick with that for now.

Side note: Am I the only one that saw the informercial for the Snuggie and got creeped out?

Labels: cheeseburger, cooking, humor, unintentional comedy, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 5:11 PM [+] :: |
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