:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: Tuesday, September 13, 2005 ::

:: More Wingman Rules ::

Remember my post about how to be a good wingman? Well, I had to dig out the original file to use it for an assignment (really). I wrote them last year so I forgot that there's a couple more rules that need to be mentioned so here's numbers 5 and 6.

If you can think of any more or feel I left something out, please let me know.

5. YOU ALWAYS GOT HIS BACK. So you just got back from men's room only to find a bunch of Mr. Smiths surrounding your Neo. And instead of "whoa" he's screaming "I gots a black belt in Fung Shui" Now, your duty is to protect both your sorry asses, but if diplomacy fails, be ready to throw down. How your pugnacious partner got himself into this predicament doesn't matter. For single combat, the rule of thumb is: Same height, let 'em fight; bad guy bigger, pull the trigger (as in tag-team the oaf, not like, shoot him or anything). Four of them vs. one of him? Congradulations Morpheus, you have to protect The One. Even if it means getting whomped on (you saw the movie). Exception: if some previous dumbass behavior warrants this beating and this is the fifth beat-down you've saved his ass from this week, you don't have to hurry: Go ahead and finish your beer.

6. NO ONE GETS LEFT BEHIND. Things are getting a little nuts: His drunken charms are frighteningly effective on that cross-dresser host... er... hostess... whatever, or he's gone Animal House and pissing into car windows. Either way, he's about to be more screwed than your Catholic sister. You're required to get him home in one piece with body, mind, arrest record, anal virginity intact (assuming he hasn't already been to prison, that scamp). You must make sure he doesn't do anything that night that's going to make him suicidally mortified, incarcerated, divorced, or deceased. Should something like that happen the good wingman can and should use to lying, bribery, guilt trips, a sucker punch, or a well-placed bitch-slap. ("Sorry dude, but this is for your own good.") Anything short of breaking the buddy code of silence is fair game; use your discretion. But regardless, get your man home.

So there you have it. The six rules to being a good wingman. Remember, knowledge is power. And power corrupts. And corrupted files during studio week suck ass.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 6:43 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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