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Thoughts, observations, and introspections from an art student waiter/bartender in South Beach. Arcane humor ensues.
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:: Monday, March 17, 2003 ::

As a red-blooded American my freedom is something I try never to take for granted. It may be my subconscious need to balance out the apathetic jagoffs out there who act as if their civil liberties came to them in the form of "Eat Pizza and Lose 50 Pounds!" e-mail. Only in America can I openly criticize our local and national leaders and not worry about having my nuts cut off. In fact, the freedoms we enjoy (squandering) so much is unique in that the creators of the Constitution and the Bill of Rights implicate -- almost encourage - us to question the powers that be should we ever feel that the actions of those who we elect aren't commensurate with the wishes of their constituency. Don't even get me started the civil responsibilities laid upon us through these documents that we as country often collectively and utterly fail to uphold.

So you can imagine my colossal joy upon learning that congressmen are now using the word "freedom" to precede "fries" and "toast" in the Capitol Building lunchroom. As I understand, legislature is now pending requiring the use of "freedom" to describe kissing, poodles, cheeses, pastries, and certain types of panties.

Halfwits like these are running the country? These obsolete rejects of society we somehow have come to call our country's leaders regularly tout freedom as something so valuable it's worth sending our young men and women out to die defending it. You know what? If you hold it in such high esteem, don't diminish its value and meaning by using it to describe a potato, alright? I realize that France not supporting our stance on Iraq may be construed as abandoning an ally but let's be fair, those fey little surrender monkeys are only doing this to mirror Germany's views. Clearly they still remember back in World War II how the Germans invaded and conquered Paris like a mob of rowdy Asians taking over a Tapioca Express after church service.

It's one thing when our leaders do asinine things in the name of freedom -- politicians have been hiding behind that word to serve their own agendas for years -- but it's something else entirely when the common folk perpetuate this behavior with their own acts of stupidity. I'm reading in papers that people are dumping their French wines down the toilet as a way of protesting France's apparent lack of a spinal column. Geez. These pinheads don't get it? France already has your money! All this is going to do is cause them say "stoopeed Ameri-cahns" with a greater sense of glee. I'm normally not one to ridicule another's unorthodox display of patriotism but come on. Finish off and enjoy your stash and just buy California vintages from now on if you feels so strongly about it. I'm guessing that the morons who do this are former dotcom-ers with cases of wine left over from their heyday and are nostalgic for the feeling of seeing their money being flushed down the drain.

You really want to screw with the French, how's this for an idea: push for a resolution to carpet-bomb the country with aid packets similar to the ones we dropped over Afghanistan, only these packets contain bars of soap with firm instructions to use them more than twice a month. (Don't groan, you knew I'd use the "French are stinky" punch line, however hackneyed it may be)

Some of you more resilient readers who made it this far may now be thinking "great, identity-crisis boy here has not only disowned his own culture, he's now embarrassed to be an American." To those thoughts I spread my buttcheeks and empty the contents of my colon on them - in a literary sense of course. Many recent events have given me greater pride to be an American. My vice-like embrace on civil liberties that allow me pontificate on current issues with articles carrying on a pompous undertone (like this article for example) matched only by the self-preening one might find in a Gloria Allred press conference won't be relaxed any time soon. I absolutely believe personal freedoms, American or otherwise, should be defended. Except that right now, it's not under attack. Our relevance as a country is, however, and not from any foreign source. It's happening within our own borders and that relevance is being subverted by the people we elected to represent us. They must be stopped. Or at least, severely bitchslapped.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 6:03 AM [+] :: | 0 comments

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