:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: Burger Overload ::

I've known for a few months that Five Guys Burgers would be opening here on the beach and I've anticipated it with a mixture of craving and apprehension. I wrote about my first meal there and I thought it compared favorably to In-n-Out Burger, if not exactly surpassing the Fast-Food Burger Standard.

Still, I wrote this: "I'm glad that this place is located off the island and requires me to take two busses to get there because if they opened up on the Beach, I'd weigh 300 pounds in two months."

Famous last words. Not only is the new location a relatively short walk from my place, it's also not too far from where I work. They opened up Sunday and of course I, with a few co-workers, went there later that night. Unlike the other location, this spot is open until 4am. Yes, it was delicious.

As good as their fries are, it's just as well I can't get them animal style. Did I say two months? I'll probably need new pants in three weeks

Labels: cheeseburger, food, i'm a fatass, in-n-out

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:35 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: 2009 Resolutions: ::

Not to sound like a downer but I don't even know why I bother with these sometimes. On the off chance that I manage to keep a resolution through a year, it's not like I ever remember making the resolution in the first place. Many times it's broken within the first month.

Case in point, I was at Publix this afternoon to pick up some cleaning supplies. Nothing major, and I didn't pick up anything I didn't need (harder than it seemed since they had both Stone Crabs AND porterhouse steaks on sale for ridiculously cheap). While I was shopping someone set up a table to sell Girl Scout Cookies. Whatever. I haven't had them in literally years. Those Tagalongs are great but like I wrote in a previous post I don't have much of a sweet tooth, other than the occasional craving for Haagen-Daaz, specifically Dulce de Leche.

Well, guess what their brand new flavor is.

If I didn't know better, I'd think someone was trying to kill me with food. Of course I had to try one. I went ahead and bought a box of the Dulce de Leche and a box of Tagalongs. I know. Give me a little credit: I only got one of each.

That (finally) brings me to my point: Being as it one of my resolutions was "Lay off the junk food," why do I even try? I went through a period of a few years where I didn't make resolutions and my life was unaffected. There's always some stupid excuse, too. In this case my thinking was along the lines of "no more Fatty Melts, fried fish, and maybe cut back on the steaks." I didn't think I'd get tempted by a thirteen-year-old girl peddling her sweets. (Wait, that sounded bad.) Seriously, I hadn't eaten that crap for years! But there it is. Then again, being as it they're my resolutions and it's still only the first month, I'm allowed to give myself a mulligan. I just need to find some Girl Scout repellant.

Just a few of my other resolutions:

• Stop smoking. Oh wait, I don't smoke. Cool, that was easy.

• Lay off the junk food. I've eaten my last Fatty Melt for a while, I've gotten over my fish taco nostalgia, and I'm certain that box of cookies should placate my Dulce de Leche cravings. At least for a week or so. I still have to have my steaks however, but I'm gonna try leaner cuts like sirloin filets. Instead of potatoes, maybe try a salad or two. (Technically, tomato and mozzarella with olive oil, roasted red peppers, and diced pancetta constitutes a salad. At least where I work.)

• Don't get fired. Seriously, that sucked. It's not like I even liked that job but being singled out like that even though others were complicit, seriously, that just sucked.

• Run more. Or more accurately, start running again. I remember how good I used to feel last year when I was running regularly. My clothes fit better, I had more energy, and every now and then there would a cute chick in running shorts. Speaking of which:

• Stop being so Goddamn shy. I'm not (too) socially awkward or anything but given that it's my job to be talkative and social and meet new people every night, I'm still an introvert. I'm not the kind of guy that can start up a conversation with a stranger standing in line. Every time I go to The Abby, I spend most of the time either watching sports or talking to my buddy who works there. If I ever get in a conversation with someone else at the bar, it's because they initiated it. Odd because when I'm "forced" to meet people - new co-workers, customers, friends of friends - I'm easy to get along with, can hold up my end of the conversation, and be fun to hang with. Why am I so shy? I should be able to meet new people outside of those constraints. Of course, I have no idea how to go about doing this but bear with me.

• Get my "Real Job." It's been over three years since I graduated from Art School. I'm saving up my money and once this year's season is over, I'm going all in on finding that "Real Job." Of course, I said the same thing last year but stuff happened and my plan went slightly awry.

There are a few other resolutions that are a bit more personal, which I'm not going to share obviously. Wish me luck.

Labels: food, i'm a fatass, ice cream, introspective, resolutions, steaks

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:42 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Will Power ::

...I have none. 

Or so it seems at times. If I'm properly motivated, I can be quite disciplined in many ways but there are times where I feel I'm about as restrained as a drunken frat boy in a strip club. Especially when it comes to food.

Ever since I wrote this post I've been trying to, if not lose, then at least temper the weight gain. It's been only moderately successful. Two reasons, I love to cook. More than that, I love to eat.

I've been laying off the garlic bread at work but I've been experimenting with braising (everything from leg of lamb, beef shanks, to veal) lately and I work with a head chef who's unusually willing to share recipes. Anything braised calls for some type of starch to truly appreciate it and I've been preparing various types of mashed potatoes to accompany my dishes.

It doesn't sound too bad except when I cook my primary goal is flavor. That means I use a lot of butter, salt, spices, and cream. (Liquor-based sauces are great too.) In other words, it's almost as if I eat like I want to have a heart attack.

Since turkey season is over, I told myself (with a straight face even) that I'd stop with the rich stuff and try to lose that weight. Then I went grocery shopping this afternoon.

I passed by the meat section to look for some lean sirloin steaks and fish but as I passed by the butcher's case, something catches my eye: "Dry aged Prime Ribeye Steaks." You fuckers. This is something they rarely carry and now they display it? Great timing guys, thanks.

Usually, the only time I buy steaks is if they have ribeyes or porterhouses for sale. But, good God it's Dry Aged! I picked out a nice 27oz. bone-in cut.

It didn't end there. I have a weakness for ice cream. Specifically, Haagen-Dazs' Dulce de Leche. I actually don't have much of a sweet tooth but I do treat myself to a pint of ice cream once in a while. I can easily walk down the cookie or cake aisle and leave empty handed and I haven't bought candy in literally over a decade. But the freezer case sometimes calls to me like a sweet oasis in my savory dessert...er... desert so I try my best to avoid

 it.

But that same day, I was looking for, um, something and passed by the Haagen-Dazs section and I couldn't help but notice a new flavor. I lean in to take a look and see something called "Fleur de Sel Caramel." They're trying to kill me.

I haven't cooked the steak yet but the ice cream? It was awesome.

Labels: cooking, food, i'm a fatass, ice cream, steaks

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:56 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Fattier Fatty Melt ::

Remember my last post about the Fatty Melt?

Only guys like me would look at that and think of adding more grease in the form of bacon. All I did was add a couple of slices of bacon on top of the tomato. This guy went ahead and trumped my creation with this monster. Go ahead and scroll to the bottom of the page.

Why didn't I think of that? Well played, sir.

Labels: awesomeness, cheeseburger, cooking, food, i'm a fatass

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:33 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Fatty Melt ::

Stuff like this makes me happy.

A good friend emailed me the link asking, "is it odd that i thought of you when i saw this?" No, not at all. If anything, you know me too well.

Of course I made it at home. Several times. Add some bacon and a touch of mayo and you have all sorts of awesomeness.

Labels: cheeseburger, cooking, food, i'm a fatass

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 6:59 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Carb Overload ::

Working in a restaurant, whether you're a chef, dishwasher, or waiter means you're always around food. Most places let the Front of the House (FOH) staff munch on some bread or salad or any leftover prepped items if we get hungry before, during, and after a shift. That free bread you enjoy at many restaurants has satiated many mid-shift hunger pangs.

It's great and all if you're hungry at 9:30 and you have two more hours to go before closing but it's not hard to overdo it, such as my case.

The Steakhouse has garlic bread on the menu that's just amazing. It's garlic, parmesan, truffle butter and white truffle oil baked on a ciabatta bread and there's always a few pieces floating around the line and left over at the end of the night.

We also have a wild mushroom risotto (this steakhouse has a strong Italian influence) that's awesome. Since I'm one of the few waiters that don't give the cooks a hard time, they usually ask me if I'd like a plate of risotto when we close. Of course I say yes.

(It's crucial to get on the cook's good side. It helps that if I have a customer that doesn't finish a bottle of wine, I get fresh glasses and treat the chef to a drink.)

They also provide a pre-shift family meal. Sometimes it's hot dogs. Other times, they make ribs with black beans and rice or spaghetti and meatballs.

Another thing that doesn't help is all the available dry good available in the back. The chef isn't so anal about inventory that he'll freak if I take home some peppercorns for my grinder (I go through a lot of pepper and I haven't had to buy any since I started working here). Just the other week, I wanted to cook my coriander-crusted red snapper with a tequila-lime cream sauce. One problem: I was out of coriander. I asked one of the cooks if they had any in the back, which they did, which I ground up that night and enjoyed a nice dinner.

I've also taken home some Old Bay, fennel, ancho chile powder, and some of that killer truffle oil, among other things.

(I'm not stealing from the company or anything. This is almost the same thing as working in an office and "borrowing" a stack of post-its or some paper clips. It's not like I tried to sneak a ribeye out of there.)

Combine all these factors and you can see now why I've gained about 8 pounds since I started my job at the Steakhouse. Trying to lose that weight working as a waiter is like trying to quit a cocaine habit by moving to Miami. (Not that I know anything about that.)

Labels: cooking, food, i'm a fatass, steaks

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 7:34 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Geez, You're Killing Me ::

Like most people, I don't know when I'm going to die. But I just discovered how I'm going to die.



It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't know how to make it but I found the damn recipe. It was nice knowing all of you.

Labels: awesomeness, bacon, eating, food, i'm a fatass

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:20 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Double Double vs. Five Guys ::

You guys know how much I revere the Double Doubles from In-N-Out Burger. It's not just that it's something I grew up with, or that it's best damn fast-food burger ever, or that it's comfort food in a way that nothing my mother ever made could match (that last sentence would probably kill her, if not for the fact that she was already dead. And by "dead" I mean, "dead to me").

(The last two sentences were jokes, just so we're clear.)

I've lamented the fact that there's nothing like that anywhere out here in South Florida. It's not that you can't find a good burger, you just have to have a waiter or a bartender ask you about what cheese you'd like and what temperature you’d like your burger. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But sometimes I want to walk up to a counter, order my burger and fries and grab my own refills at a fountain and do it at a place not named McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's, or Checkers. They finally opened a Fatburger here and while good, it's not the same.

That may have changed.

There's a baseball scout/writer for ESPN named Keith Law who also maintains a separate blog about food and entertainment. He travels a lot and writes up his scouting reports for ESPN's website. On his other blog, he writes reviews of various restaurants he visited when he's traveling. He's been to L.A a few times and has written glowing reviews of the place and proclaimed the In-N-Out the Gold Standard for fast food burgers, which is why he's also one of my favorite writers.

That was tested somewhat when he wrote about a place called "Five Guys" burgers. It's also a regional burger chain that's scattered up and down the East Coast. He ate there during a trip to Palm Beach during spring training and this is what he wrote:

"...it’s off the charts, and I'd rate it above In-N-Out in the fast food burger category. The fries are the key – hand-cut, like In-N-Out’s, but thicker, and a regular order comes with more fries than I could eat in a sitting. The burgers are thicker than In-N-Out's, of roughly equivalent quality, but because they only cook burgers well done, the patties start to dry out, which one can compensate for somewhat with extra ketchup, but it's not the same thing."

Off the charts? Perhaps but above In-N-Out? No way. No fricken' way. Impossible. Not happening. Especially not if you need ketchup to compensate for overcooked beef. And it's not my West Coast Bias talking. There are plenty of fast food places that try to copy In-N-Out but they can’t match the overall quality of flavor that a Double Double has. Fatburger is the perfect example. I dismissed it as reckless hyperbole.

Then I found out they opened a new location just off 36th and Biscayne, near the Design District where a new plaza opened up a little over a year ago. There's a Target there and I need to stop by anyway so this was perfect. I find out they also pride themselves on fresh produce, never-frozen beef, and the aforementioned hand-cut fries. Again, other places do this but with inferior results.

I walk in and I'm greeted to a nice, clean restaurant that would be almost sterile if not for the fact that there's a row of potato sacks that divide the lines from the dining area. Okay, it's different from the standard dividers but it also looks like they don't have enough storage space. On either wall is a haphazard array of posters and printouts with quotes from various publications (Washington Post, Zagat, etc.) extolling the excellence of Five Guys. I don't ever recall any In-N-Out Burger location (and I've been to plenty) ever having any posters like that because quite frankly, they don't need it. Strike two. However, the smell emanating from the kitchen is strikingly similar to that of In-N-Out.

I finally check out their menu and they do have a bit more in the way of variety. They have kid’s burgers, more toppings, and HOLY CRAP they have bacon! (If there's anything I might love more than a Double Double, it's bacon.) I'm tempted to order a bacon cheeseburger but I stick to the regular cheeseburger so I have more even comparison. I try to keep the toppings as similar as possible: lettuce, tomatoes, and fried onions. In-N-Out has their famous "spread" that's like Thousand Island but better, so I go for mayo and mustard (no ketchup). Other toppings range from sautéed mushrooms (nice), jalapeno and green peppers (very nice), A1 and BBQ sauce (ugh, really?), and relish (that's for hot dogs. I don't get the relish thing. Fatburger also does this and I just can't see it being that good on a burger. But what do I know. I'm unemployed.) I also get a regular order of fries. The Cajun style fries sound tasty but again, for comparison's sake, I stick with the normal fries.

I pay, get my order number and wait. I'm tempted to give them strike three for their prices (almost $11 for a cheeseburger, fries and a soda. For that, I could order TWO Double Doubles, fries and soda and have change left) but it's Miami and prices everywhere on everything have been going up. To be fair since I haven't been to In-N-Out in over two years so I have no idea what they charge now ($2.70 last time). The length of the wait is similar, which is fine since they cook oer order. I notice a large barrel of peanuts at the end of the line, which seems completely out of place, yet it makes sense to give people something to munch on while waiting for their meal. Of course I ate some.

They call my number, and I get my order. In a bag. Didn't I say it's for here? "Sorry man we don't have any trays." Really. "Yeah, you can just rip open the bag and use that." Okay then. I refill my soda, grab some ketchup and sit down. I open the bag and the first thing I notice is the smell, which again, is remarkably similar to In-N-Out. I pull out my burger and rip open the bag and lay it flat. I see the fries and Keith is right, there are a lot of fries here. They stuffed them into a cup about the size of a grande at Starbucks but there's so much left at the bottom of the bag that it could easily fill two. They also had a nice brownish tint instead of the pale yellow you most other places. I grab one and take a bite and... damn it's hot... and good. Disturbingly good. Eat a few more. Keith is right again... bastard. In-N-Out fries taste almost like you're biting into a baked potato, but with that deep-fried crispy goodness. These are similar but the thicker cut really brings out the potato flavor. I'm feel conflicted.

I unwrap the burger and I have to say, it was impressive. It's slightly bigger than a Double Double and there are sesame seeds on the bun. Crisp looking lettuce leaves, good-sized slice of tomato, and the onions look grilled to perfection. I take my first bite and... damn... this is awesome. I take a few more bites. Can this be happening? Something is actually going to sway my opinion? Did somebody actually one-up the benchmark fast food burger?

Well, no.

It was really damn close, however. The two beef patties were thicker, and being well done (they even have a sign behind the counter that states all burgers will be cooked as such) they were a little drier. It had that same pungent, beefy flavor you'll find in a Double Double but it wasn't any more so despite the thicker patties and the texture wasn't as good. The bun was fine but despite having sesame seeds, didn't provide any additional flavor and could have been something bought off the shelf at a Whole Foods. However, the lettuce, tomato, and onion were all fresh and the overall balance of all the ingredients was almost (and emphasize the "almost") perfect.

(By the way, if you're wondering how I could possibly do a fair comparison despite not having had a Double Double in over two years, it's because I've been there enough times over my lifetime that the taste will stay with me until I die. They probably made enough money on me alone that they could finally expanded as far east as Arizona. If I'd known I was moving to Miami in 2003, I would have doubled my efforts. Maybe even recruited some friends.)

The final verdict: well it's a toss-up. Five Guys does have better fries, thanks to the thicker cut and the fact that they use peanut oil instead of vegetable oil. (In-N-Out provides the option of Animal Style however, which is awesome.) As for the cheeseburger, it had that similar great beefy taste and overall balance of flavor, BUT the texture was off since the patties were well done. Don't get me wrong. We're not talking cardboard here. But I've never got anything less than juicy, flavorful burgers at In-N-Out.

So Five Guys has the better fries but In-N-Out has the better burger. And since we're talking burger joints here, the final verdict goes to... (drumroll)...

In-N-Out!

Shocker right? Honestly, I gave Five Guys a fair chance, and I wanted to like it, which I did and I'd recommend it to anyone. If by some miracle they opened up a place in the same city, you can't go wrong either way. (Or go to In-N-Out for the Double Double and Five Guys for the fries.) We're talking options 1A and 1B here. And I'm sure some people might disagree with my verdict (you dogmatic despots).

Last note: I'm glad that this place is located off the island and requires me to take two busses to get there because if they opened up on the Beach, I'd weigh 300 pounds in two months.

Labels: cheeseburger, double double, five guys, food, i'm a fatass, in-n-out

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:43 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Surf & Turf ::

We had a couple of beefy guys stop in Monday and judging from their attire they were here for the NASCAR race over the weekend? How did I know? I'm just that observant. (That and one guy wore T-shirt that said "NASCAR" across the front.) They weren't at my table but I could tell they were quite hungry when I saw their order. Traditional Surf & Turf is a steak and a lobster tail. We only sell whole lobster so our Surf & Turf is a New York Strip and shrimp. These two guys ordered a dinner consisting of a Filet Mignon and a whole lobster, including the sides.

It was an impressive bill for only two people (almost $200) but everyone was amazed that both the guys thought they could put away that much food. "Really?" I wondered. It was an 8-ounce filet (pre-cooked weight), and the lobster was 1 1/2 pounds, which seems like a lot but at least half that weight is shell, so we're still talking only about a pound of food. Including the corn, potatoes, and pasta sides, it wasn't really that much. Or at least I thought so, ('cuz I'm a fatass) but I was clearly the minority opinion.

But can you blame me? To give you an idea of what I can eat, Publix had Porterhouse steaks on sale for $7.99 a pound and I bought a nice 32oz piece that I'm going to enjoy in a couple of days (I've had bigger, I once polished off a 36oz at a steakhouse, along with a tomato and onion salad and a couple of sides) along with some shrimp. And the best thing about eating that at home instead of at some restaurant: once you've eating all the meat, you can pick up the bone with your hands and start gnawing away, since some of the best tasting meat is right on the bone. Good stuff.

Labels: eating, i'm a fatass, NaBloPoMo, server stories, steaks, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:12 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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