:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: Merry Irish Christmas ::

I did what any self-respecting Irishman would do on St. Paddy's day: I went out for sushi. (Seriously. Every Irish themed bar is going to packed with drunken jackasses drinking green beer and puking said beer on the floor later. No way I'm going to one of those places.) Don't think for a second that I didn't have my pint of Guinnness, however.

As for the rest of you enjoy some of this...

...or this...

...but before you drink, toast with this:

Labels: alkie, booze, drinking, guinness, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:27 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Moments when You Should Enjoy a Great Drink ::

One of the blogs I've been enjoying recently has a great philosophy on drinking;

"I have long said that great wines are for really good or really bad days."

While I appreciate a beautiful wine, I'm not a wine connoisseur. However, few things make me happier than a good pour of fine whisk[e]y. I've also long believed in this line of thinking but I've never articulated it quiet so simply and elegantly. It's a great philosophy, not surprising coming from a pretty damn good blog.

Getting back to the point: Last night I treated myself to a glass of 21-year-old Balvenie Scotch. Tonight I dipped into my stash and am currently sipping on a glass of Laphroaig Quarter Cask.

Nothing good happened today. Or for that matter, recently.

Labels: blogs, drinking, introspective, scotch

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:23 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: I'm not an Alkie ::

... I'm not a drunk either. At least not at this moment.

I like joking about being a drunk sometimes but compared to many of my friends whose topics of discussions sometimes contain references to D.U.I.s and "blacking out," I'm a Monk.

(Okay, bad example.)

But granted I occasionally have my own reasons for concern. Not so much that my 215lbs can absorb a freakish amount of alcohol. I do go through my share of beer (and the occasional bottle of wine) but every now and then I wonder if I should be going through whisk[e]y as quickly as I do.

I usually buy whisk[e]y by the 1.75ltr bottles when they're on sale at the local liquor store (be it Jack Daniels, Wild Turkey, Jameson's, etc) but it takes a while for me go through. I don't drink it daily, and I can often go months without touching my "good stuff" but when I do drink some Jack or Turkey, I might go through a large amount in one night.

Well, there's a few reasons that might be bad: if you have a long day where you feel like you just got the shit kicked out of you, you need more than "a drink". Also, my favorite whiskey glass has a slight snifter-like curve in it towards the top so it's almost acts like a functional "tasting glass" (despite the fact that I own an actual whiskey tasting glass, and yes, it makes a difference.) I do the standard "two finger pour" with a couple of ice cubes.

It may seem okay but here's the thing: I have thick fingers, so my two-finger pour tends to be more than most guy's two-finger pour. Also, my favorite glass has a rather wide base, so my two-finger pour in my favorite glass tends to be greater than the typical two or three ounce pour you might get at a bar. It's also a problem if you have three or four in a night (umm, such as like, right now).

So I should be a lot more drunk than I am now but I'm not (this shit's 90 proof for crying out loud, and I also had some beer). Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't go for a drive at all (if I owned a car, or for that matter had anywhere to go) but at the same time, I can't honestly confirm if I'm actually drunk. I'm not making any more typos on this post than normal and I can still walk from here to the bathroom or kitchen without bumping into things or knocking something over. SportsCenter highlights still make prefect sense. This post is still rather coherent and I know better than to make some phone calls or send texts right now.

Then again, I think what keeps from being a raging alkie is the simple fact that my palate can't tolerate cheap crap. I'm not an alcoholic, not just because I'm not trying hard enough, but because my budget won't allow it.

Labels: alkie, Beer, booze, drinking, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:18 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Christmas Party ::

Sunday night was our company Christmas party. It wasn't just a party for our restaurant; being part of a corporation, we combined our party with that of the restaurant just across the street. There was potential for partying it up with people I've never met (especially considering the stories I've heard about past Christmas parties) but for the most part, I was just there for the free beer and free food.

I mean, free beer and free food. Can't beat it, right? And at least they did quite well with the latter when the cooks came out with a whole roasted pig. They had other stuff like nachos, paella, and yuca (which I love) but there's few things I like eating more than whole roasted pig (not surprisingly, they're other food items). I was one of the first in line, of course.

My co-worker was right behind me, but she didn't know about my penchant towards weird food. When I got up to guy slicing up the whole pig, I asked for parts of the pork belly, skin, and one of the pig ears. The moment I said "ear" she smacked me on the arm and exclaimed, "oh my God, really? EEWWW!" Whatever. The guy carving the pig gave me a knowing smile and said, "muy bueno, señor." It was delicious.

I went back for seconds and the guy asked, "amigo, te gusta cabeza de puerco?" "Si, señor." I wanted the tongue but some food freak already got to it so I settled for a hind leg and half a skull. When I came back with my plate I freaked out my former floor manager, his fiancé, two co-workers, and some chick who was drawn to my long hair. Whatever. Like gnawing on a pig's leg is any different from gnawing on a turkey leg. It was delicious.

As for the booze, it was limited to beer (cheap, fizzy, yellow crap out of a keg) and wine (cheap shit that you might find at Denny's) so my hopes of doing tequila shots with co-workers were dashed (they wouldn't allow keg stands either). As it was, my hopes of a drunken make-out session with one of the cute hostesses never happened either since I just couldn't get drunk. (It's impossible for me to get even a buzz off of beer unless I drink the strong Belgian or German stuff and even then I need to drink on an empty stomach.) Sometimes, having a high tolerance sucks.

The party itself was okay. There was mingling, some bad uncoordinated-white-guy dancing (possibly by me), and way-off-tune karaoke (definitely not me) and some lame attempts at drinking contests. It was relatively mild in contrast to some of the stories I heard from past Christmas parties where there were drunken hook-ups, fights, and drinking games. But I had fun, and I got to eat a pig's head. It's not every day you can say that.

Labels: Beer, drinking, food, party, server stories, weird

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:04 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: That Sucked ::

After suffering through mediocre seasons from my Dodgers and abject misery from my 49ers, my Lakers gave me some hope this season that I'll finally witness something that won't make bitter and depressed.

We started strong.

We made a ridiculously one-sided trade in the real, professional sports world that made every wonder how the hell we pulled that off. (If someone even attempted this in a Fantasy League it would be automatically rejected and cause profanity-laced diatribes on the message boards for weeks)

Kobe finally won his MVP.

The Lakers cruised through the playoffs into a finals bout with the Celtics that revitalized the historic feud that peaked and died in the 80s.

The Celtics won the first two games, which was okay because good teams are supposed to win their home games. The Lakers did so in Game 3. We were going to have a good series.

And then THIS happened.

Good thing I was working tonight because even though it was deader than the nerve endings on Briana Bank's vulva, it was less painful than watching this game. If I watched this at a sports bar, I'd have been kicked out for unruly behavior including - but not limited to - excessive shouting, breaking stuff, hurling glasses, and punching anyone wearing green. (And this is the kind of place where coke deals go down in the patio, so you have to really do some dumb shit to get booted.)

If I watched this at home, my TV, tennis racket, various glasses, and several empty bottles of beer would be broken (kinda like my will to live at this point) and the relatively new bottle of Jameson's (1.75) would be drained.

I'm only slightly exaggerating.

As it is now, I'm going to finish my (pint)glass of whisky and stop typing before I really write something I'll regret. If my Lakers lose this series, I'm going to punch myself in the stomach, slam my head against the stove while it's lit, and then hurl my body in front of a bus after I light it on fire. Then once my soul leaves my battered corpse, I'm going to reach out, grab that soul, pull it back down, rip off my charred arm and beat the soul to death with that arm.

If you think I'm being melodramatic, you need to know that we were up by TWENTY FOUR POINTS.

Labels: anger, basketball, drinking, lakers, please just shoot me, sports, threw up in my mouth, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:13 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Cosmos ::

Now, I don't know what it's like at other restaurants but at my current and last place of employment, the guys (who are hetero) usually all get along pretty well. If it's slow and we're standing around talking, conversations can get pretty crass. If it's all guys working that night, it becomes a frat house, with all the shit talking, pranks, and other crap we pull to get through the night. I wrote about it here and here.

I'm sure the majority of my female readers (do I have any male readers any more? Raise your hand(s)) know what movie is coming out this weekend. It was a source of humor for most of the male waiters at work this week and Ramon started it a couple of nights ago while we were setting up the restaurant. "Hey ladies, you remember to keep Friday open so we can go see 'Sex and the City, okay?" (That in itself was funny because we're so shortstaffed that nobody gets Friday or Saturday night off.)

Theo chimes in with "I'm so there girlfriend!"

"And we're gonna go to a lounge and drink some Cosmos and try to find some sugardaddy."

Of course, I can't stay quiet. "And we just have to stop by the Steve Madden store because I saw the cutest pair purple pumps in the window the other day."

(Sometimes, straight guys bond by acting really gay e.g. professional athletes rewarding a great play - touchdowns or home runs - by slapping each other on the ass, but that's a whole other post.)

It's funnier if you actually listened in on it while it happened, since a couple of the girls who work with us were laughing. (Or maybe not.)

The jokes keep going until last night, where I suddenly have this bright idea: "Hey you know what we should do: we should stop by Finnegan's, do shots 'till we're all hammered, then go to a screening and heckle the movie until they throw us out."

I was (only sorta) joking except a few of the guys looked at each other and nodded, and then they gave me that "it's not a bad idea" look. Of course, talk then deteriorated into the stuff we could shout at the screen during SATC, most of which is puerile and sophomoric. I'll spare you the details but a lot of it resembles what a drunk frat guy might yell at a drunk sorority chick during Mardi Gras weekend, and for a few minutes before we opened, we were in stitches.

(By the way, I graduated high school in 1992, in case you were wondering.)

I walked by the bartenders tonight before we opened and quipped, "you guys got enough Triple Sec?" They got the reference and laughed (Triple Sec is a key ingredient in Cosmopolitans) but the scary part was that even though I was joking, I don't think I walked pass the service bar the whole night without seeing at least one Cosmo waiting to be served. Theo had the first table of the night, a group of six middle-aged women, and their first round consisted of four Cosmos and two Sourapple martinis. We had a few bachelorette parties, and some all-female parties tonight each of those tables had at least two Cosmos every time I walked by.

Not only that, our restaurant is a few blocks from the local megaplex so after 8:00, there would be a huge crowd of women walking by every hour or so. Oddly, about half these women seemed either angry or sullen, was the movie as bad as I heard? Who knows, and really, who cares. We never followed up on my bright idea, which was probably a good thing, but I'd be lying if there weren’t a small part of me that wished I could have had that "I once got thrown out of a movie theater" story.

Labels: drinking, humor, I'm an idiot, movie, unintentional comedy

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:15 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Holidays ::

It's apparently not enough that we have more than our share of holidays, some relevant (Christmas, St. Patrick's) and some pointless (Valentine's, Parent's) but apparently someone felt the need to implement a National Waiter's Day which is cool with me since I always need an excuse... um... reason to drink. Appropriately enough, I have the day off and I'm going to do my best to avoid thinking about work at all costs.

So if you go out to eat today, some simple advice: you don't need to say "happy waiters day" (chances are good that they might not even know), be courteous, order something extra for yourself, and if the waiter or waitress did a good job, tip a little extra.

If you have a friend who's a waiter (or for that matter, a bartender) be a pal a buy the person a drink. If that person is already trashed (probability: high), drive him or her home or get them a cab.

Also, as long as we're talking cool holidays, I'd be ignoring my civic duty if I didn't remind everyone that it's National Masturbation Month. Really. Enjoy.

Labels: alkie, drinking, masturbation, sex, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:25 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Happy St. Patrick's Day! ::

Have a few of these.

I'm also going to treat myself to a little of this.

Labels: alkie, Beer, drinking, guinness, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:54 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Sounds about Right ::

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love. You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!) Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

I may be a cynic about my own love life but I'm happy for people who are able to find what I haven't. If you're in a relationship, I wish you much happiness, and not just for today but.

BUT for you fellow single readers out there who either dread or are indifferent to today's proceedings, let's celebrate National Singles Awareness Day together. It's for real! There's even a card! Later tonight, pour yourself your favorite drink have a drink with me. As for me, I'm gonna pour myself a good-sized shot of good scotch (I prefer a good Islay scotch but I finished that bottle last Thanksgiving. I do have an excellent bourbon but I'm gonna save that for when I might actually have female company... which means I'll never drink it) and sip it while watching "Caddyshack."

What are you going to be drinking?

Labels: alkie, drinking, online quizzes, rants, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:28 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Restaurant Blues ::

It gets busy every year during the Orange Bowl since Miami becomes overrun with college football fans in town to support their teams (playing in one of the many anonymous, meaningless, BCS-mandated Bowl games. Seriously, what's the names of these Bowls? Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl, Konica Minolta Gator Bowl, San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl. It's only a matter of time before we have the Tampax Bowl Presented by Valtrex... but that's neither here nor there). However, the kitchen managers seemed to forget that little detail this year since during a busy Friday night, we started running out of fish. If you work in a seafood restaurant, this is a problem. We have twelve different fish on the menu. By 10:00p.m. we were down to four. Our introductory spiel, which normally consists of rattling off specials, was reduced to telling everyone what we had left:

"Welcome to Seafood Grill. About the menu, there are a few items are currently unavailable. They are grouper, red snapper, swordfish, tuna, whole yellowtail snapper, mahi mahi, lobster, and whole pompano. The fish that are available are trout, salmon, tilapia, and wahoo. Wait, I'm sorry, we just ran out of wahoo. (This is where I try to avoid eye contact and force a smile to hide my abject embarrassment. And not just because I had to say “wahoo.”) Oh, and our soup of the days is New England Clam Chowder. I think we have some left. Now, can I get you some drinks?"

Most of my customers were good natured about it, even the ones that walked out. A few found it funny (especially after I mentioned that someone was getting fired that night.) This happened a couple of times before and it was actually worse ("welcome to Seafood Grill, would you like steak, chicken, or shrimp?") and I try to laugh it off but my buddy Chuck wasn't as amused. After his third table walks out on him, he walks up to me and says "people have written bad country songs about shit like this."

I had a "oh, what the hell" moment and started making up lyrics for a bad country song (is there anything more redundant than “bad country song?”), sounding like Willie Nelson on acid (as opposed to weed). Chuck thought it was funny and contributed a few words here and there. It got funny enough (or perhaps we lost our minds) that I had to write it down. This is what we ended up with that night:

I'm workin' in a diner and we're runnin' out of food
The customers are cranky and they're acting kinda rude
The waiters are all angry, the cooks are all pissed off
The busboy says he'd rather watch a porno and jerk off

CHORUS:
I got the blues, the blues, the restaurant blues
I really hate this job, but I don't know what else to do
It sucks the life right out of me
I drink so much I always pee
The blues, I got the blues, the restaurant blues

The manager is looking like she really wants to cry
Bartenders are drunk, the hostess has gone bye-bye
The owner's on a rampage, he's steamin' from the ears
All I wanna do is go home and drink some beers

Chorus

That's all we have so far. It's a little rough, there's room for editing, but I think we have something.

Labels: anger, drinking, humor, music, rants, server stories, songwriting, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:03 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: The Reason Behind my Resolution ::

I don't go out drinking often but when I know it's gonna happen, I usually load up on food so I get a nice buzz, while everyone around me is wondering why the ceiling fan is still while the room is spinning. (And I don't have to worry about a DUI since I don't own a car.) I might start with a couple of glasses of whiskey (or whisky) on the rocks, followed by a couple of beers (and maybe a couple more). If you remember this post, I can put away a decent amount of alcohol, though that tolerance only comes after eating a large amount of food.

After working New Year's Eve, a few of us went out for drinks at this bar next to our restaurant, where we're friends with their staff and they hook us up with discounted booze. I ate some chicken piccata beforehand but I wasn't sure if it would be enough to ward off the drunkenness. I was enjoying my night with some pool and bar chatter, until one of my co-workers decided to order us a round of Jäger shots and Heineken chasers. I normally hate Heineken but who am I to refuse a drink, right?

Unfortunately, I stuck with whiskey that night and they served it in larger-than-normal tumblers and went easy on the ice so by the time the Jäger shots came around, I was feeling pretty good. What happened after that was a blur.

I vaguely remember some large woman hitting on me and my buddy telling me, "you even try to go home with her and I'll punch you in the face." "Why?" "It'll keep you from going home with that beast." "I was just talking to her." "Yeah, whatever. Shut up and drink your beer."

I somewhat remember some greasy looking Latin guy constantly staring at me. Probably because of my long hair and apparently, Latin guys think long hair belong on women only. He did this for a few minutes before I got sick of his stare and I walked up to his face (with a pool stick in one hand) and asked very gently, "why the fuck are you staring at me?" He recoiled slightly. (I was literally six inches from his face, partly because the music was really loud and I wanted to make sure he heard me. Which was stupid because I didn't even know if this guy spoke English.) He simply put his hands up and said "sorry mang."

There were a couple of other things that I really don't care to talk about. However, this is what happened the morning after:

I woke up to my phone alarm blaring a few inches from my head. At first I wondered where I was. I figured out I was in my apartment but only after realizing that it looked different because I was lying in my bed backwards.

My clothes were in a small pile on the floor next to my shoes, yet I still had my socks on. I smell cigarettes, which is weird since I don't smoke. I turns out to be my hair, which is lying across my neck. Even though I had my hair down all night, I woke up wearing a ponytail and I don't remember when I put it up. Luckily, I still had my boxer briefs on.

I laid in bed for a moment to recall the pervious night (and because I left my legs next to the door) when my alarm goes off again. I hit the snooze button and I look to see what time it is. I'm not sure why but I set my alarm to go off at 3:19pm. When exactly did I set my alarm and why 3:19pm? I lay my head back to figure this out when ten minutes later, it goes off again, and I suddenly realize I have to at work in 90 minutes.

I drag my ass out of bed to the bathroom, where I think I smell Jack Daniels somewhere; only it's just me peeing. I limp to my fridge, chug a can of Monster energy drink, take a shower, and pound another Monster while my hair dries.

Once I get to work, I’m treated to sorry sight of waiters and bartenders in various states of hangovers. (Except for the one bartender who was fine since all he did was smoke pot all night. Yeah, that one.) I find the guy who ordered the Jäger shots and tell him to never order that shit again. His reply?

"I bought Jäger shots? When did I do that? I don't remember that! Are you sure it was me?"

Yeah, you were the one told me to get my ass over to the bar to do shots. Just before you told me to stay away from that one chick who was hitting on me. Remember?

"No."

You don't?

"I remember you walking up to some guy with a stick like you were about beat him to death with it."

Oh that. "Yeah." I wasn't going to kill him. I just didn't like the way he was looking at me.

"Whatever. I was sure you were gonna kill him because you had that look on your face again."

I did? [Pause.] Whatever. No more Jäger.

"I'm okay with that."

Labels: alkie, drinking, drunk, I'm an idiot, regrets, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:51 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: One of my New Year's Resolutions... ::

... No more Jägermeister. Ever. My friends and I went out drinking after work during New Year's Eve. I was fine till one of them ordered Jäger shots.

Everything after that was a blur. Seriously, what's in that shit?

Labels: alkie, drinking, I'm an idiot, please just shoot me

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:56 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Happiness is... ::

... going to Walgreens and discovering they have Johnnie Walker Black gift sets - 750ml bottle plus two very sturdy whiskey tumblers - for only $25.

Labels: alkie, drinking, NaBloPoMo, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:15 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Barman ::

I've been working behind the bar a couple of times a week, which is good, except it's always during the day shift, which... it isn't bad but it's not always great. When we're busy, I get the bar experience that I like, juggling bar customers and the service bar since there's only two of us during the day. On days where it's slow, I'm behind the bar making idle chatter with whoever's working the floor. (That or I'm contemplating where in my life did it all go wrong.) Days like that, where we have maybe two tables (six people walk between 11:30am - 4:00pm, and two of those are people asking for job applications) I try to keep myself busy by pre-prepping drinks, reading bar manuals, and if it's Sunday, watching football. It's that or I go next door and take a nap or I grab a bottle of whiskey and start drinking heavily. Lucky for me, my body doesn't seem like alcohol before 5:00pm so drinking on the job isn't an option. (That and I enjoy this whole "employment" thing since it allows me to like, pay rent and buy stuff.)

Still, when we're busy and we get tourists who like to drink it gets fun for me. I enjoy cooking and making drinks is like cooking with liquids. I remember a shift a few weeks ago where it seemed every customer was drinking. I was whipping up margaritas, sourapple martinis, mojitos, and a couple of tequila sunrises and even though we were busy, I never got in the weeds. Right up until an English couple sits at my bar and asks for a "Singapore Sling."

A what?

"Singapore Sling? Can you make that?” He could guess from the look on my face that I didn't know what the hell that was. He wasn't sure either, other than there was gin in it. Lucky for me, I had the Bartender's Guide right there and found it quickly. We didn't have any cherry brandy so I probably shouldn't have tried but the poor guy seemed really set on his Sling so I made it with extra grenadine and gin and hoped the guy wouldn't know any better. Sure enough, he and his wife took a sip, smack their lips, looked at me and said, "well that's bloody fantastic. Cheers."

I'm at awe how some bartenders are able to remember so many recipes. Granted 80% of the orders at the bar are either beer, wine, something on the rocks, or some type of mixed drink like Jack and Coke or gin and tonic. I've worked with guys who can whip something up in no time even though they haven't made it in months. And sure enough, 15 minutes later, an older couple walk in and ask for a a couple of Old Fashioneds. Easy enough. "What bourbon would you like?" "Do you have Maker's Mark?" "Of course." I whip up two Old Fashioneds and they also seemed quite happy with their drinks. I overpoured just a tad (on accident, of course) as there's some left in the shaker so I sample it. Eh. It must be an acquired taste. I like Maker's Mark neat but mixing it with sugar, aromatic bitters, orange and a marachino cherry just doesn't do it for me. But I'm clearly in the minority since the Old Fashioned has been around longer than the martini.

Just before I go on my break agroup of four guys walk in and ask for a "Royal Flush."

Huh?

"It's Crown Royal and Peach Shnapps." I make their shot, they slam it, and leave. At least these guys knew what went in it.

Labels: bartending, drinking, NaBloPoMo, server stories, waiting, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:30 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Football! ::

My little brother sent me tickets to a Dolphins game and I finally got to go to my first football here in Miami. I went with my co-worker buddy Chuck, who's a big Dolphins fan (which is probably why he has a drinking problem). He loves football as much as I do and was so excited that he calls me early this morning about an hour before he came to pick me up.

"Hey, you ready to go?"

"Now? You're supposed to pick me up in an hour."

"Yeah, but I'm just sitting around doing nothing."

I needed a quick shower so I told him to pick me up in thirty minutes. Twenty minutes later he calls again.

"Hey, what kinda beer do you want?"

"Umm, I don't care. I just bought some Sierra Nevada."

"No dude, I'm buying cans. Bottle breaks and shit. You like Coors?"

I wasn't sure what he was planning that we'd end up breaking beer bottles (he's from Texas, maybe he wanted to shoot some empties in the parking lot) but I wasn't going to argue with someone who wanted to buy beer. He picked me up, got a couple of subs, and tailgated at the parking lot for about an hour; eating, drinking beer, and tossing the football around. It was awesome. He got a nice buzz going and as we made our way to the stadium we passed a row of police cars and he said, "hey, let me get a photo of us drinking beer in front of these cars."

What it is about going to sporting events that turns men in their thirties into college frat boys? I don't know but it's awesome.

We found our seats, which were on the upper deck near the red zone. Not quite nosebleed, but we had a great view of the entire field. (It was also my first time at Dolphin Stadium for a game that wasn't baseball). We were surrounded by rowdy DolPhans, though not rowdy enough for Chuck, who tried to start a chant every time Buffalo had 3rd down. He maintained his buzz through the whole game, which was impressive considering they stop beer sales after the third quarter.

If you've never been to a game, you realize how TV-centric the timing of everything is. There were moments where the players on the field were just standing around waiting out a commercial break. We also had to endure the PA announcer, who wasn't that good.

But few things beat seeing an eagle-eye view of the game unfolding before your eyes. Seeing the offensive and defensive formations, watching the play unfold from high up, you really appreciate the complexities of football in a way you just can't grasp on TV. That and being surrounded by the immediate fan response to anything positive (the one touchdown Miami scored) or negative (the four passes Marty Booker dropped) makes the atmosphere and experience a lot of fun. It's also fun if you're seated near an avid who's had one too many beers and tries to start chants by shouting at everyone around him as well as towards the field; in my case that fan happened to be Chuck. Every time the Bills threatened, he's get up and start yelling "GO DEFEEEEENNSE!!!" (He's married to a lovely woman but she's Colombian, which means she thinks that if he's not at home, he's a skirt-chasing bastard. He doesn't get out much.)

As for the the game itself? Not very high scoring, frustrating at times, exhilarating at others, but overall great because it had just enough suspense at the end as to whether or not the Dolphins could pull it out. I need to do this more often.

Labels: alkie, drinking, football, NaBloPoMo

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 9:34 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Drinking Problem ::

Remember my co-worker from this post? We were talking during a slow night he tells me this:

"I have a drinking problem."

"Yeah, you told me."

"This is different."

"How so?"

"I'm not drinking, and that's a problem."

I gotta tell you, slow shifts really drag when we don't work together.

Labels: alkie, drinking, NaBloPoMo, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 9:50 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Promotion Follow-up ::

Remember my post from Monday about my friend who's working as a manager at the? Well I just found out Tuesday from a mutual friend that he isn't there any more. As it turns out, new ownership took is taking over and a lot of his superiors were getting fired and new people were being brought it and while his job may have been safe, he didn't care for the relative lack of stability. He ended up taking an old friend's offer to manage and bartend at their restaurant.

I went to visit him there, which turned out to be a nice little Irish Bar/Restaurant. It's perfect for him since he's full Irish, has a healthy drinking habit, and he gets to both manage the floor and bartend a couple of nights week. Best of all, he doesn't have to wear a suit or a nametag. I read some great reviews about their food, so I ordered their fish and chips, which were excellent, and washed it down with a couple of perfectly poured pints of Guinness (I expect nothing less from him). I noticed their impressive whiskey selection and he poured me a glass of 10-year old scotch called Talisker (neat), which was outstanding. (Scotch back for your Guinness, Dan-E?) It’s definitely a place I’ll be going back to.

Anyway, he seems to be doing well and even though he's only been there for a week, he's really enjoying it. Plus he gets the nights that he wants (he's literally the only service guy I know that wants Friday AND Saturday off) and it's two blocks from his condo. I'm happy for him; he's a good guy and things are working out. As for the job offer? It never came up. I'm ok with where I am and I need to focus on finding me real job anyway.

Labels: Beer, drinking, NaBloPoMo, server stories, waiting, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:02 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Promotion ::

I was at The Abby a few weekends ago and ran into and old buddy that used to work there. He took a job at the Biltmore Hotel in Coconut Grove managing one of their restaurants and he's doing well. He's been bartending for years and this is his first job where he's strictly managing, and he likes to joke how he "sold out" because he went from working a grungy bar like The Abby to a fine dining restaurant where's forced to wear both a suit AND a name tag.

We talk shop and he reflects on his reasons for leaving even though he had to take a large pay cut to manage. One of the reasons is he's now married to his beautiful wife, and he didn't want to keep coming home at six in the morning so he could spend time with family since she works a "normal" job with "normal" hours. There was also the earning potential if he stayed at it as well as the benefits that comes with working for a large company. He's been there almost ten months now working diligently and he's already been promoted from "Assistant Supervisor" to "Assistant General Manager." He gets a wine commission in addition to his base salary, as well as the perks that come with managing a high-end restaurant (read: free booze).

Like me, he's more of a dive bar and beer guy and we share stories (read: talk shit) about customers who march into our restaurants and demand the staff kiss their ass for no other reason than that they're rich. Since I’ve been working the day bar bartender twice a week, we talk more shop about drinks and drunks. After about thirty minutes he tells me this: "we've been looking for a guy to take my old job after I got promoted and if you cut your hair and shave your goatee, you have a standing offer to come work for me."

I thought it was the alcohol talking. For a longtime bartender who's full Irish, his tolerance is amazingly low (his nickname is "Plastic Paddy"). But I've seen him completely sloshed and his speech wasn't slurring so it seems he was serious. I told him the logistics; it was a 20 minute drive and I don't have a car, I didn't want to take a pay cut, and I've never managed anything in my life. He insisted. And I thought about it; wasn't my whole reason for moving to Miami was to go to art school so I'll advance my career in advertising?

Still, however briefly, I considered it. I've been working on and off on my book and plan to find my "real job" in the next few months. But while he was going on about the perks of the job, the thought of advancing my career in the service industry, in many aspects, seemed appealing. I have a few months of bartending under my belt and I enjoy working behind bars (umm, as in serving drinks; not in a prison or anything), making drinks, socializing and meeting people.

If I was to be completely honest the thought of being a career bartender is appealing; I'd make pretty good money, the hours are great (I’m a night owl and I'd never have to wake up before noon), it's probably a good way to meet women (it's how Paddy met his wife), and I'd enjoy other perks (read: free booze). Except I devoted two years of my life to art school where I discovered that I'm actually good at this Art Director thing. I may not be the greatest or anything but I'm a good creative thinker, I like deadlines, I can wake up at 7am on a regular basis if need be, and most important, I enjoy it.

It strengthened my resolve to find my advertising job even more. All I know is I can't put off my art career much longer. I'll never know how good I'll be at it unless I get that first job. My future may well be as a bartender, or maybe even something completely different, but I'll never know unless I give it a shot.

In the meantime, I turned to my buddy and replied, "I'm flattered but I gotta go give my art career a shot first but I'll tell you what; five years from now, if I decide I'm sick of that line of work, I'll look you up and come work for you. How's that sound?" He smiled and reached out his hand.

"Deal."

Labels: Abby, career, drinking, NaBloPoMo, server stories, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:06 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Drunkenness and Breakups ::

I know it's been a while since I posted but there hasn't been much goingon. Unless you wanted read about me being too chicken-shit to talk to women or stuff like that, I haven't felt like writing.

My buddy Duke, who I used to work with, came by to visit over the weekend. I might have mentioned him before, but the short version is: good worker, fun to work with, beautiful fiancé, and overall good guy. I didn't get to know him as well as I'd like since we mostly talked during down times at work but there was a mutual regard and respect while we were co-workers. His fiancé would stop by the restaurant every now and then, and we became friends as well. They were an adorable couple.

He left late last year to find another line of work, and just before that, I remember how he seemed eager to start a family soon. We didn't talk much since then other then some phone tag and text messages. So when I saw him Sunday night at work, I was happy to see him and there was a small part of me expecting him to pass out cigars or something. As it was, I was busy tending to my tables and my manager, who's his golfing buddy, was monopolizing his time catching up. Which was fine because I had a full section and my tables were keeping me busy; I figured I could talk to him once we closed.

Once I finished my paperwork and sat down next to him at the bar, I found him completely hammered. Slurred speech, stumbling, can't-walk-much-less-stand-hammered. He lived in Aventura, which is a good fifteen miles north of South Beach so, my manager, our friend Chuck, and I were wondering how to get him home. No way in hell he was driving.

We tried to get him to call his fiancé, who worked nearby, but according to him, she was at home, and couldn't get here on her scooter at that hour. A cab would be expensive, the manager couldn't take him because he had to stay late and close the restaurant, Chuck had to get home because his "wife is waiting for me and she's dressed like a whore" (also, she's Colombian, which means that if he's not at home or at work, she thinks he's out chasing skirts, so I understood completely). So that left me, since all I wanted to do after work was go to the Abby and have a beer.

The manager gave me some cab money, Chuck thanked me for taking the bullet, and I took the keys to Duke's car and drove him home. I know the general area where he lives and once I got close I tried to wake him up, but he apparently had a LOT of wine and I couldn't wake him up with an air gun. I did what seemed logical at the time, which was grab his phone and call his fiancé to get directions. I get her on the phone, tell her what's up with Duke and ask how to get to their place. I ask her if she's at home, and she tells me no. "Oh, so you're at work?"

"No, we're not together any more."

Wait... what?

My favorite couple that I met since I moved to Miami, are no longer a couple? What the fuck?! It started to make sense as I made my way to his place. He showed up alone, he was evasive when I asked how his fiancé was doing, and one of the cooks saw him on the verge of tears in the other dining room (I wouldn't know about this until the next day). He clearly didn't want any of us to know what happened, and when I talked to him briefly after dropping him off, he could barely look me in the eyes.

I called her after to let her know Duke is home safe and she gave me the Cliffnotes version of why she left him and thanked me for getting him home safe. During the cab ride home, it took a while for me to process everything that happened. I mean, the last time I saw either of them, they were leaving the restaurant, holding hands and looking forward to their lives together, and seemed to me the picture perfect couple. And now - even though many months have passed - they're not together? That sucks.

Duke called me the next day to thank me for driving him home, but also to ask me why I felt the need to call his ex-fiancé in the first place. I told him the truth: he couldn't drive so I drove him home in his car, he wouldn't wake up so I called her for directions, etc, etc. Clearly, he didn't mean for any of us to find out about this since he's not only heartbroken, but he feels embarrassed and emasculated that she left him, for reasons he didn't get into, nor did I inquire about.

I feel bad for him. On some level, I can relate to his situation. But on the other hand, he was with this girl for seven years (!) and they were supposed to husband and wife, which I never felt about anyone I was with. I told him that as a friend, I'd be available to talk to him if he ever felt the need, but to be completely honest, there's a part of me that doesn't want to listen to him vent his baggage. Not because I'm an asshole, but because I have so much of my own shit I need to figure out that I'm just not sure if I want to listen to someone else's relationship problems. ("You had a hot girlfriend for the last seven years and I can't even get a woman to so much as look at me. Yeah, sure." Don't get me wrong, I can be an asshole, I just don't want to be at this time). If he calls, of course I'll be available.

But I've been sitting on this for the last few days. This doesn’t really affect me in any way; I hadn't seen either of them in almost a year, and yet I'm still thinking about this now. Looking back, maybe I should have just tried a little harder to wake him up.

Labels: drinking, girls, regrets

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:54 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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