:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::
Thoughts, observations, and introspections from an
:: Friday, June 13, 2008 ::
Labels: anger, basketball, drinking, lakers, please just shoot me, sports, threw up in my mouth, whiskey Labels: alkie, basketball, celtics, sports, the gay wingman Labels: alkie, basketball, celtics, sports
:: Friday, February 01, 2008 ::
We started strong.
We made a ridiculously one-sided trade in the real, professional sports world that made every wonder how the hell we pulled that off. (If someone even attempted this in a Fantasy League it would be automatically rejected and cause profanity-laced diatribes on the message boards for weeks)
Kobe finally won his MVP.
The Lakers cruised through the playoffs into a finals bout with the Celtics that revitalized the historic feud that peaked and died in the 80s.
The Celtics won the first two games, which was okay because good teams are supposed to win their home games. The Lakers did so in Game 3. We were going to have a good series.
And then THIS happened.
Good thing I was working tonight because even though it was deader than the nerve endings on Briana Bank's vulva, it was less painful than watching this game. If I watched this at a sports bar, I'd have been kicked out for unruly behavior including - but not limited to - excessive shouting, breaking stuff, hurling glasses, and punching anyone wearing green. (And this is the kind of place where coke deals go down in the patio, so you have to really do some dumb shit to get booted.)
If I watched this at home, my TV, tennis racket, various glasses, and several empty bottles of beer would be broken (kinda like my will to live at this point) and the relatively new bottle of Jameson's (1.75) would be drained.
I'm only slightly exaggerating.
As it is now, I'm going to finish my (pint)glass of whisky and stop typing before I really write something I'll regret. If my Lakers lose this series, I'm going to punch myself in the stomach, slam my head against the stove while it's lit, and then hurl my body in front of a bus after I light it on fire. Then once my soul leaves my battered corpse, I'm going to reach out, grab that soul, pull it back down, rip off my charred arm and beat the soul to death with that arm.
If you think I'm being melodramatic, you need to know that we were up by TWENTY FOUR POINTS.
:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:13 AM [+] ::
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:: Tuesday, January 29, 2008 ::
Except he didn't. He was out with a strained abdominal muscle (wuss). Ray Allen was stricken with the flu. Paul Pierce had a sore vagina and finished with only seven points. Of the Miami stars, Shaquille O'Neal pulled a hamstring running to the post-game spread when the team chef brought out pot roast (not to say I wouldn't have done the same thing but this guy is supposed to be a fucking ATHLETE... and my hamstrings are in better shape, apparently), and Dwayne Wade left in the third quarter with "flu-like symptoms" (did he have pre-game make-out session with Ray Allen? I mean really. It's that or Wade got sloppy seconds with a sports groupie who stopped by the visitor's locker room first).
Whatever. My buddy and I snuck in two small bottles of vodka and small bottle of Jack Daniels (that was mine) so halfway through the second quarter, we had a nice buzz going (I'm not an alcoholic!) so the game wasn't too unbearable. And I have to say, I was impressed with the depth of the Celtics bench players. It wasn't Boston's Big Three but the backup guys played like a decent college team going up against some beer-league rejects and as bad as the game was (they won by thirty points but the game wasn't nearly that close) those guys were fun to watch. There wasn't a ball-hogging superstar (Kobe, I love you but it's true) or some star primadonna that's angry because the team stopped paying for his pedicures. The Celtics bench guys played like a TEAM - kinda like how the Detroit Pistons played when they won the Title - and as a casual fan it was fun to watch.
Hey, it was a free ticket. Sports events are like rock music in that it's always better to experience it live anyway (even if your seeing some crap band like Maroon 5) and even without the booze, I still would have had fun. And as a sports fan, the one thing I took away from it was this: I can complain about my favorite teams all I want (Dodgers, 49ers, Lakers, Federer losing in the semis of the Oz Open) but it's still better than being a Miami sports fan.
:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:18 AM [+] ::
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(And really, as a casual basketball fan, even I don't want to go see a team that should be called the Pat Riley Burnouts featuring a debilitated Dwayne Wade - who has the same look on his face as Al Pacino in "Ocean's 13" where he's simultaneously thinking "I can't believe I'm doing this shit" and "can I start getting paid in cash?"- and the Fat Guy Formerly Known as Shaq. (Has there been a more precipitous, yet easily predictable fall for glory any superstar athlete? This guy ate his way out of his own oversized uniform and his "work ethic" makes, Seth Rogin from "Knocked Up" look like a workaholic. On the other hand, he's in perfect shape to become a MIami cop.)
Anyway, there's been a lot of hype about the Celtics since this latest crop has finally brought respectability back to that franchise, never mind that they've been on an historic tear so far. So while it would have been nice to see them play someone besides the rejects from the Washington Generals, watching Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, and Paul Pierce anywhere is a treat.
I'm going with my buddy who's the bartender at The Abby, and he just called me asking if there's a liquor store nearby. He wants to bring a couple of flasks and fill them with booze since the arena stops selling booze after the third quarter, which he finds offensive. This is going to be interesting.
:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 6:05 PM [+] ::
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