:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: That Really Sucked ::

A part of me just died.

There's always next year though. We have a solid foundation, the young players will have another year of experience under their belt, and... who are we kidding. I'm drinking myself into a stupor tonight.

Labels: anger, baseball, lakers, please just shoot me, sports

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:06 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: That Sucked ::

After suffering through mediocre seasons from my Dodgers and abject misery from my 49ers, my Lakers gave me some hope this season that I'll finally witness something that won't make bitter and depressed.

We started strong.

We made a ridiculously one-sided trade in the real, professional sports world that made every wonder how the hell we pulled that off. (If someone even attempted this in a Fantasy League it would be automatically rejected and cause profanity-laced diatribes on the message boards for weeks)

Kobe finally won his MVP.

The Lakers cruised through the playoffs into a finals bout with the Celtics that revitalized the historic feud that peaked and died in the 80s.

The Celtics won the first two games, which was okay because good teams are supposed to win their home games. The Lakers did so in Game 3. We were going to have a good series.

And then THIS happened.

Good thing I was working tonight because even though it was deader than the nerve endings on Briana Bank's vulva, it was less painful than watching this game. If I watched this at a sports bar, I'd have been kicked out for unruly behavior including - but not limited to - excessive shouting, breaking stuff, hurling glasses, and punching anyone wearing green. (And this is the kind of place where coke deals go down in the patio, so you have to really do some dumb shit to get booted.)

If I watched this at home, my TV, tennis racket, various glasses, and several empty bottles of beer would be broken (kinda like my will to live at this point) and the relatively new bottle of Jameson's (1.75) would be drained.

I'm only slightly exaggerating.

As it is now, I'm going to finish my (pint)glass of whisky and stop typing before I really write something I'll regret. If my Lakers lose this series, I'm going to punch myself in the stomach, slam my head against the stove while it's lit, and then hurl my body in front of a bus after I light it on fire. Then once my soul leaves my battered corpse, I'm going to reach out, grab that soul, pull it back down, rip off my charred arm and beat the soul to death with that arm.

If you think I'm being melodramatic, you need to know that we were up by TWENTY FOUR POINTS.

Labels: anger, basketball, drinking, lakers, please just shoot me, sports, threw up in my mouth, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:13 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: I got Beat by a Thirteen-Year Old ::

I played another round of tennis tonight. I usually get grouped with the advanced crowd, there's a few guys who are better than me, a few who are worse. Tonight, about halfway through a kid joins our group and is easily able to keep up. Florida is a hotbed of tennis talent, since the warm weather allows for year-round practice. Anna Kournikova lives here (though her record indicates she hasn't utilized the "practice" part much) and there are lot of ranked juniors who also practice at where I play.

The pro had us play King of the Court and this kid immediately had us on the ropes. And by "us," I mean some of the usual crowd that shows up at these clinics: late 20s, early 30s (and on other nights even older) guys who are B-Level players. We thought he was around eleven, so he wasn't hitting very hard, but he chased down every shot and returned everything deep with a metronome-like consistency. We've seen kids like this before but few ever played this well against grown ups so we thought maybe he was ranked Top-10. I was trying to go for a little too much so I beat myself more than anything but even on points where I though I had him, he managed to send it back. One regular who's a little better than me was putting up a good fight but he wasn't doing that much better.

Not only that, the runt started talking trash.

Us old guys started talking about humbling the little twerp, not on the court but by treating him like our little red-headed cousin: dumping the water cooler over his head, or maybe giving him a swirly. Ultimately, we decided to give him a wedgie but never got around to it, unfortunately.

Our on-court (and psychological) beating went on for a few more minutes. One of the guys found out he was thirteen, and when I asked, he said he was ranked 30th in the state of Florida age 14 and under. Okay, so he's not in the Top 10 and he's a teen. That didn't make me feel any better. I was still losing to a kid whose balls haven't even dropped yet.

And here I was starting to think my game was improving. Oh well. I could always take up bowling.

Labels: anger, I'm getting old, tennis

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:11 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Job Search: Following Up ::

I'm gonna stop numbering the "Job Search" title because it's getting demoralizing.

One of the most frustrating parts of this job search was the number interviews that seem like they went well, which ended with the interviewer telling me something like, "I'll call you soon to let you know what's going on" or "I'll call you to let you know when you can start training." Only to have those be dead ends.

If you remember my post from Day 2, I seemed optimistic at that time because out of the ten or so places I went to, two managers out of the three or four I talked to gave me those replies. Both were duds. Since then, I've had three other interviews. Two of them were the same result. One of them was the hotel and the fact that they at least got back to me, even to let me know I've been rejected, was at least a relief.

I'm racking my brain trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong. It's the way I've always been. If something goes wrong, my first thought goes to what I could have done differently. I wrote yesterday "I have a good work history, my references are solid, I dressed fairly professionally, I possess a resume and a coverletter (and my own pen), I have a firm handshake, I maintain eye contact during interviews, and I don't do drugs. But that's not enough."

It bothers me that I'm getting this type of flaky behavior from supervisors. They give me the impression that I'm hired; yet I'm not. It's either that or they just don't have the gall to let me know they'd rather go with someone else.

Maybe I should have sent a thank you note... hmm... maybe, but I don't think that would be a determining factor. Did they found out I got fired from my last job? Could be, but there's been a few people that got fired for showing up drunk or high on drugs, or getting into shouting matches with managers, things far more egregious than anything I did, that found jobs elsewhere.

Perhaps it's my follow-up calls? I called back to each one, trying to seem ambitious and eager for having done so, but now I'm wondering if I maybe came off as desperate. But wouldn't you want to err on the side of wanting to work? I don't know. I thought I was doing this properly and professionally but I'm missing something.

Labels: anger, frustration, job search, please just shoot me

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 9:45 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Job Search: Day 12 ::

To follow up yesterday's post, I get to today's interview on time and the H.R. lady tells me that the people are in a meeting and if I could wait for about thirty minutes. Great, more waiting. I say sure, and she offers me a cup of coffee, which I gladly accept. I go to the lobby and sit for a couple of minutes before I walk outside to grab a newspaper while I wait. About forty minutes later, an older guy walks up and introduces himself. He's one of the restaurant managers.

We sit down and talk. He tells me more about the restaurant and asks if I have any questions. I rack my brain trying to come up with something intelligent to ask, since I already asked quite a few questions two days ago. I inquire about employee culture, service etiquette, business volume, and anything else that might sound remotely perspicacious. This interview is a lot shorter than the other two and he tells me that someone will call within the day. Cool. I think.

I got home a little while ago and when I checked my email, there's one from the hotel. That was fast. I click it open and this part stands out:

"After careful consideration of your application, we regret to inform you that you have not been selected for this position."

Oh. Ummm... Fuck. I call the hotel and ask for the H.R. director. I cordially ask her why I was turned down. "You lacked the enthusiasm and motivation we were looking for." Huh? "We're looking for someone who displays a little more enthusiasm and the desire to work here." It had nothing to do with my work experience, my work history; it wasn't because you called my old place and found out I was fired, or my references didn't give me a glowing enough recommendation... you turned me down because I'm not enthusiastic enough?! "I see. If you don't mind giving me a little advice, what could I have done exactly to make you think differently?" I ask. "You just needed to show more enthusiasm and energy." So I should have drank more coffee before the interviews? I have this weird feeling that there's something else and she either can't or won't tell me, but why not? I'm been nothing but professional and cordial this whole time, and I'm asking for advice, why hold back? "Well, thanks anyway. I appreciate your time."

After I hang up, I put my heads in my hands and let loose a pretty loud roar. I pound my desk a few times. My cat freaks out and runs into the closet. Every interview I've ever been to, I always try to pass myself off as amicable and professional. If anyone ever asks me to point out my strengths, one of the things I mention is that I'm even-tempered and have a generally relaxed personality. It never once occurred that it might work against me. I have a good work history, my references are solid, I dressed fairly professionally, I possess a resume and a coverletter (and my own pen), I have a firm handshake, I maintain eye contact during interviews, and I don't do drugs. But that's not enough.

Then again, I did write yesterday that I had the feeling that the hotel job might bore me. Maybe that got conveyed unintentionally. When informed of my earning potential, which was a bit less than I'm used to, I may have had a negative reaction that I didn't realize. I do remember asking several questions about picking up night or bartending shifts as a way to show I can do more that just wait tables, but they might have taken that as a lack of desire to work in the morning. Maybe it's because I didn't sleep well last night. I'm not outgoing, and I'm not the most outwardly expressive person. To be completely honest, this has been a point of contention with a few people in the past, including my former employers. I don't know.

At least I don't have to cut my hair.

Labels: anger, introspective, job search, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:40 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Restaurant Blues ::

It gets busy every year during the Orange Bowl since Miami becomes overrun with college football fans in town to support their teams (playing in one of the many anonymous, meaningless, BCS-mandated Bowl games. Seriously, what's the names of these Bowls? Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl, Konica Minolta Gator Bowl, San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl. It's only a matter of time before we have the Tampax Bowl Presented by Valtrex... but that's neither here nor there). However, the kitchen managers seemed to forget that little detail this year since during a busy Friday night, we started running out of fish. If you work in a seafood restaurant, this is a problem. We have twelve different fish on the menu. By 10:00p.m. we were down to four. Our introductory spiel, which normally consists of rattling off specials, was reduced to telling everyone what we had left:

"Welcome to Seafood Grill. About the menu, there are a few items are currently unavailable. They are grouper, red snapper, swordfish, tuna, whole yellowtail snapper, mahi mahi, lobster, and whole pompano. The fish that are available are trout, salmon, tilapia, and wahoo. Wait, I'm sorry, we just ran out of wahoo. (This is where I try to avoid eye contact and force a smile to hide my abject embarrassment. And not just because I had to say “wahoo.”) Oh, and our soup of the days is New England Clam Chowder. I think we have some left. Now, can I get you some drinks?"

Most of my customers were good natured about it, even the ones that walked out. A few found it funny (especially after I mentioned that someone was getting fired that night.) This happened a couple of times before and it was actually worse ("welcome to Seafood Grill, would you like steak, chicken, or shrimp?") and I try to laugh it off but my buddy Chuck wasn't as amused. After his third table walks out on him, he walks up to me and says "people have written bad country songs about shit like this."

I had a "oh, what the hell" moment and started making up lyrics for a bad country song (is there anything more redundant than “bad country song?”), sounding like Willie Nelson on acid (as opposed to weed). Chuck thought it was funny and contributed a few words here and there. It got funny enough (or perhaps we lost our minds) that I had to write it down. This is what we ended up with that night:

I'm workin' in a diner and we're runnin' out of food
The customers are cranky and they're acting kinda rude
The waiters are all angry, the cooks are all pissed off
The busboy says he'd rather watch a porno and jerk off

CHORUS:
I got the blues, the blues, the restaurant blues
I really hate this job, but I don't know what else to do
It sucks the life right out of me
I drink so much I always pee
The blues, I got the blues, the restaurant blues

The manager is looking like she really wants to cry
Bartenders are drunk, the hostess has gone bye-bye
The owner's on a rampage, he's steamin' from the ears
All I wanna do is go home and drink some beers

Chorus

That's all we have so far. It's a little rough, there's room for editing, but I think we have something.

Labels: anger, drinking, humor, music, rants, server stories, songwriting, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:03 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Temper ::

I hate conflict. As mellow a person as I am, people are often surprised when I tell them about the temper I used to have. "I just can't picture it," they usually say. Back when I was younger, if I lost my temper objects would get broken and people might get hurt either physically or emotionally. It was an ugly side of me that I didn’t like and I worked on tempering it enough that I at least now, I lose it very, very infrequently.

The last time it happened was about six years ago. It involved a friend at the time, who for whatever reason, was the kind of guy who liked to push buttons and instigate arguments. He told me a few time "I wanna get you angry just to see how you're like." I didn't think he'd actually follow through. One night he was trying to get me talk about stuff I didn't like talking about, asking very invasive questions, and trying to provoke an argument. I looked across the table and asked him "what are you doing?" "I'm just trying to get under your skin," he replied with a smirk. "Ok, then." I go around the table, grab him by the neck, lift him up and throw him against the wall. Then I punch him in the stomach, and I throw my elbow to his face. As he crumples to the ground, I reach down, grab his neck, get right into his face and say to him - without ever raising my voice - "you happy now, you piece of shit? This is me angry, wanna see more, asshole?" Just before the other guys pull me off of him. He ended up badly shaken and with a black eye.

He tried to apologize later. I told him,to forget about it. He waited for my apology, almost demanding it, but I wouldn't give it to him because as far I was concerned, all I did was give him what he wanted.

We haven't spoken in six years. I'm not proud of that event, but I probably wouldn't have done anything different. If a friend can't respect me enough to not respect my request of "don't piss me off," then I can find better friends.

I've lost my temper since then a few times but fortunately no one got elbowed. A few of those incidents involved coworkers who were assholes anyway. If you've ever worked in a restaurant, you'll learn that, for whatever reason, cooks - regardless of whether they're head chefs, pastry chefs, or just line cooks - are temperamental types. You send back orders with too many changes or substitutions and they go apeshit. Since I've been hired at my current restaurant, I've gotten into shouting matches with a grill cook and on two occasions, I almost got into a couple of fistfights with a line cook.

With the grill cook it was a case of him being a bully that liked to verbally abuse the waitstaff (he was a big Haitian and he liked to pick on the gay and female waiters). A few times, I just shut up and took it because I was new and didn't want to make waves. I finally got fed up. He made a mistake on my order and I told him to fix it and to "hurry the fuck up." He looked at me stunned, amazed that a waiter would have the temerity to talk back to him. "Stop staring at me and cook!" Once he got my dish out, he called me to the prep room, and we had a shouting match before a manager intervened. This happened twice.

With the line cook he was just a crazy guy no one particularly liked but kinda feared because he was also a big guy. We got into a shouting match over something stupid. He finally says to me "let's take this outside" and heads to the door. The smart thing would have been to walk away but for whatever reason, whether I was operating on four hours of sleep, or just feeling brave (read: stupid), I follow him outside. I get into his face (really stupid, since he's about my size, but with bigger arms) and ask "what now, huh? What are you gonna do?" He's probably not used to working with a straight, male waiter who's not afraid to talk back or isn't worried about messing up his hair, but clearly wasn't expecting this response. "Man, you crazy," he says and walks back in.

This would happen again a month later as I was cutting fruit for the bar (should've known better than to piss off a guy holding a knife). He again asks me to take it outside and this time, I hold the knife behind me (again, really, really stupid) and follow him out. As I walk behind him, he looks back and asks me "what you got behind your back?" "You really wanna find out?" (Really, what I'm thinking is, aw crap why did I do this.) He stares at me for a moment before finally saying "man, you fucking crazy" and walking off.

The last incident happened six months ago and neither one of those guys work here any more. But I remember those fights, as well as the one I mentioned earlier, because after each one of those conflicts, I felt like shit afterwards. It wasn't due to any adrenaline from my surge of anger or anything. But each time, on my way home, a wave of remorse would hit me, and I'd spend the rest of the night second guessing myself, wondering if there was another way I could have handled that situation. I never slept well those nights. In most of those cases, the only alternative would have been to back down, but for a guy with even a modicum of pride, that's unacceptable. But regardless, I hated that I let myself get suck in, I hated the way I acted, and I hate the kind of person I become when I lose my temper.

I'll never understand people who openly talk about throwing tantrums, causing scenes, or other things they do in anger, in a way that seem like they're bragging and proud, like they accomplished something. Despite that, I know that anger is part of life whether I like it or not. I'm just still trying to figure out how to deal with it properly. But I hate conflict.

Labels: anger, fights, introspective, server stories, temper, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:08 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Rants ::

I've been told by a couple of friends who read my blog that some of my rants about customers, while interesting, have them concerned for me because I sound so "angry." A buddy told me that he's worried that I'll snap and actually grab a pepper mill (seriously, we have a couple that are two feet long) and club someone over the head like they're a baby seal.

Well, no. I'm way too mellow to ever get that worked up over people I'll probably never see again. Most nights go through without problems and even when I do get the one or two high maintenence customers, it's rarely something I stew over and for the most part, it's good blog fodder. In the case of the last post, where each event compounds the next and everything happens in rapid succession, you feel drained. But nights like that are rare.

That said, whatever perceived anger you may or may not sense here, it's nothing compared to this pissed-off Starbucks Barista. Talk about angry, someone needs to lay off the coffee and step away from the espresso machine.

Labels: anger, pepper mill, server stories, starbucks, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:14 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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