:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: Flake ::

Remember how I said that The Hostess was out of the picture? Guess who I ran into after work at Geno's Pizza last weekend? She was coming home from some club and stood in line behind me. We chatted briefly and while I was cordial, she was a bit tipsy. I stayed distant but she was her loquacious self. She said she missed me and asked why haven't called. Because you're a flake and I'm tired of that shit. "I've been busy."

She asked, almost begged me to call her and hang out. Maybe it's because I was getting off at 2am and tired but I agreed. My only day off was Wednesday and that's my tennis night. I could always play another night but I told her we could meet up after I'm done playing since my gut feeling said she'd bail on me.

Turns out I was right.

No big deal. I did what I was going to do anyway but I was still annoyed. I don't have much in the way of expectations from her. She's fun to hang with but I never considered her dating material since she smokes, is a little immature for her age, and quite frankly, I probably deserve better. But I did enjoy her company and it would have been nice to hang out.

(Full disclosure, the only reason I gave her another shot is because she's a cute brunette with blue eyes. I'm pathetic.)

I remember trying to date back when I was younger and having with deal with this shit then but is this what women are like when they're in their 20s?. I felt like going off her but instead I just let it go. Is this how women are at that age? Or have I just been getting bad cards?

Labels: dating, girls, rants, the hostess

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:04 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Thoughts on the New Place ::

It's a good thing that I work with some good people at Swanky Trendy Restaurant because I can't stand some of the drama that goes on here.

It's a complete flip from Seafood Grille in that while I liked working that restaurant, (after two-plus years, i knew how to work that that place like a g-string... I'm talking about guitars by the way) I couldn't stand half of the waitstaff and management whereas at Swank, a good majority of the servers and bartenders are cool but trying to provide good service for my customers can be unnecessarily cumbersome.

Before I go on, I need to point out that I got home at 3am after a needlessly long shift. I was too tired to make dinner so I drank and two bottle of Guinness Extra Stout and a large pour of Jameson's whisky for my dinner (Guinness is pretty much Irish brown bread pureed and fermented... and it's good for you!) so if my spelling, diction, and grammar are more off than usual, well, deal with it. I'm tired of stopping by Gino's Pizza on the way home even though that's the only place open that I can stop by without making a significant detour. (Gino's has great pizza between the hours of 11am and 11pm, where the pizza is fresh but at 2 or 3am, that slice of pepperoni might have been there for a few hours.) And at 3am, I don't feel like cooking anything. So heavy beer and whisky it is.

It's frustrating to work in the sense that while the prices of everything from food, cocktails, and wines are higher, I'm not taking home a commensurate increase than I was at Grille since I tip out a higher percentage than before. I not only tip out to the bar and bussers, I also tip out foor runners and a "floater," whose actual responsibilities I'm still not exactly sure about.

Another point I don't care to deal with: there's been rumors circulating that Swank is going to close sometime in May due to new management. Great. Good to known. Waiters in the know who've been there for several years vs. management who's been there for a few months and I'm getting conflicting reports from both ends.

i'm supposed to find my "real job" by summer anyway so this shouldn't effect me much, if at all, and this certainly beats three weeks of unemployment. But if unemployment is being adrift, I still get the feeling that I was rescued by a sinking ship.

The GM is a prick. Vera, the sweetheart of a manager that I adored, has left to work elsewhere. A couple of hostesses, some waiters, a bartender, and several bussers have moved on since I started. Two more bartenders, including the one that called me "sweet cheeks," have been fired. Even the kitchen staff has been dealing with turnover.

My future isn't here. But I'm lucky to work with people who are nice, fun, and seem to care and I'm relieved that I no longer have to work at the Grille. (And if you're curious about The Hostess, she's pretty much out of the picture. She may be fun to hang out with she's also a colossal flake and I'm too old to deal with that shit.)

At least I know what I need to do.

Labels: career, rants, server stories, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:32 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Nothing better to do? ::

Anyone who reads my blog knows I'm a huge football fan. I've followed my SanFran 49ers since the Joe Montana era. You might think I live and die during the months of October to January depending on how they do, which isn't too far from the truth. But at its core, football is entertainment, nothing more. It's one vehicle for men (and women) who follow the desire to be a part of something larger than themselves, however absurd, ephemeral, or sophomoric our devotion may seem to others. We love our teams, we love the sport itself, and we know that although Our Team may have lost in the playoffs/not made the playoffs/sucked so bad you wanted to disown them, life goes on and there's always next year.

That being said, what the FUCK is up with this shit?. Seriously, there's the Michael Vick issue, players out there causing shootouts at strip clubs, and players still trying to take steroids and other performance enhancing supplements but forget all that. Those long-haired bastards need to see a barber.

I mean, really? This is what the powers that be of the National Football League are going to discuss?

Granted, this is the merely the suggestion of one team president of one football team - Kansas City Chiefs president Carl Peterson- who by the way, hasn't been able to put together a winning team since Dick Vermeil retired a few years ago. But the fact that it's actually important enough of an issue that it'll be discussed during the NFL owner's meeting tells me that some people who run the league are incredibly shortsighted and out of touch.

Look, I realize that for me to get all riled up about something this trivial (from any perspective really, be it from team owners to the casual fan) is a bit absurd, considering there's so many other things out there that I can get riled up about. I know that there are other things that concern me more. But reading about this affected me in a way I can't exactly explain, and it's not just because I'm a football fan with long hair that's almost down to my ass (okay, maybe a little).

The NFL has had an image problem the last couple of seasons. Players testing positive for drug tests, several criminal convictions, players being caught with gun arsenals, and even allegations of cheating among the coaching ranks. This article argues my point more eloquently than I can (and gayer... seriously, "Waiting to Exhale" dude? Take a day off and watch "Caddyshack" or something) and I'll paste a few points.

...players wear their hair long for reasons beyond fashion or to be rebellious. For example, Pittsburgh Troy Polamalu does it as a tribute to his Samoan heritage and Jacksonville's Lamont Thompson as a way to remind himself to be patient. And as a man who has grown locks twice in my life, I can tell you starting them can be very spiritual and maintaining them a source of pride. Like fingerprints and DNA, no two heads of locks are exactly the same.

...No, I see it as another way to make corporations comfortable about the NFL because its image has taken a severe hit the past couple of seasons. Whitewash the personality so that the product is more palatable to a broader audience.

I'm going to wake up tomorrow and think about the day ahead and the upcoming weekend. I'm going to study for the upcoming wine test I need to take at my new job. I'll watch CNN and consider the upcoming election. And I'll probably wonder if I'll be able to wake up in time to get in some tennis Saturday morning. And even if some of my favorite players have to cut their hair to meet uniform standards, I'll probably still follow football with the same fervor as your average football freak.

But at least I have a modicum of an idea of what really matters.

Labels: 'roids, football, hair, rants

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:16 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: The New Job ::

The last post was about how I got the job. This post is about what the job is like.

The short version is that so far it's... eh. I haven't made much money despite the fact that the prices are considerably higher than my old job. For one, the nights have been slow and being the new guy, I don't get a good section until I pay my dues.

On my first night on the floor as a waiter, I walk up to my first (and only) table of the night and I greet the couple by saying, "good evening, welcome to Seafood Grill." Don't even bother, I'll say it for you: I'm a fucking idiot. Old habits are hard to break. Fortunately, it's an older couple and the music is going so they don't hear much beyond "welcome."

Tuesday and Wednesday night were snoozers. It was slow and no one really did much of anything. Thursday night, I got assigned to a party of 125 people in the mezzanine. No problem except it was a gropu of Italian Nationals and only a handful of people in the party spoke even passable English. Everyone else insisted on speaking Italian despite the fact that I don’t look remotely Italian. Also working against us was that they didn’t assign enough servers, there were two new guys and the party Captain was also a first time Captain. All things considering, he did a pretty good job making sure everything that needed to be done got done but it was an ordeal. In the end, the customers were happy and we walked out with a decent payday.

Friday was okay. Saturday sucked because it was the coldest night of the month and I was assigned an outdoor section. I had three tables the entire night. I picked up a 7-top indoors because of one of the waiters wanted to leave early. Cool, just transfer it and I'll take over. Except they spoke mainly Spanish and were very high maintenance. He also failed to mention that there were a few items they turned away that he conveniently forgot to ask the manager to void leaving me to explain why Table 11 was asking to speak to management. I had Sunday off and I used it to decompress and run some errands.

Monday SUCKED because although I finally got a full section, it was indoors and the weather finally warmed up enough that the majority of the customers wanted to dine al fresco. I walked home with $22.

Honestly though, it's just a run of bad luck and like averages in baseball, things will improve.

I'm venting and ranting somewhat but truth be told, it's not all bad. The majority of my co-workers are really cool people, and many of them have been more than happy to help me out if I have a question or five. They invited me out for drinks on my third night and got to know some of the folks. One of the girls is already in love with my shoulder rub techniques. Couple of the guys and I have already bonded to the point that we're already talking shit to each other.

The General Manager, like any good GM, knows his stuff, regales the staff with stories of his accomplishments, loves the sound of his own voice, and is viewed by the staff with either apathy or acrimony. The two assistant managers on the other hand, seem like good people.

Antonio has been there for only two months but he's the friendly one that goes around and greets the staff before work. It seems however, that the staff views him as the GM's puppet (or "puppy" depending on the person's grasp of American euphemism.

Vera is an absolute sweetheart. She always sits patiently and answers my numerous questions, doesn't go on ego trips, is exceedingly friendly, and is always willing to help someone out. It's somewhat surprising since literally every manager I've worked for has some sort of character flaw that manifests itself eventually, be it ego, melodrama, power-trippers, inability to handle pressure, or lackadaisical work ethics. I saw none of this, though it may be because I haven't been there long enough. Also, perhaps because she's part French, is about 5'10," and possesses a willowy body, but she's always dressed impeccably. It's too bad she's a smoker. And married. And completely out of my league.

Still, this beats sitting around on my ass, nursing sore feet from walking around South Beach job hunting, and watching Food Network reruns.

Labels: rants, server stories, waiting, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:56 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Sounds about Right ::

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love. You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!) Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

I may be a cynic about my own love life but I'm happy for people who are able to find what I haven't. If you're in a relationship, I wish you much happiness, and not just for today but.

BUT for you fellow single readers out there who either dread or are indifferent to today's proceedings, let's celebrate National Singles Awareness Day together. It's for real! There's even a card! Later tonight, pour yourself your favorite drink have a drink with me. As for me, I'm gonna pour myself a good-sized shot of good scotch (I prefer a good Islay scotch but I finished that bottle last Thanksgiving. I do have an excellent bourbon but I'm gonna save that for when I might actually have female company... which means I'll never drink it) and sip it while watching "Caddyshack."

What are you going to be drinking?

Labels: alkie, drinking, online quizzes, rants, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:28 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Restaurant Blues ::

It gets busy every year during the Orange Bowl since Miami becomes overrun with college football fans in town to support their teams (playing in one of the many anonymous, meaningless, BCS-mandated Bowl games. Seriously, what's the names of these Bowls? Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl, Konica Minolta Gator Bowl, San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl. It's only a matter of time before we have the Tampax Bowl Presented by Valtrex... but that's neither here nor there). However, the kitchen managers seemed to forget that little detail this year since during a busy Friday night, we started running out of fish. If you work in a seafood restaurant, this is a problem. We have twelve different fish on the menu. By 10:00p.m. we were down to four. Our introductory spiel, which normally consists of rattling off specials, was reduced to telling everyone what we had left:

"Welcome to Seafood Grill. About the menu, there are a few items are currently unavailable. They are grouper, red snapper, swordfish, tuna, whole yellowtail snapper, mahi mahi, lobster, and whole pompano. The fish that are available are trout, salmon, tilapia, and wahoo. Wait, I'm sorry, we just ran out of wahoo. (This is where I try to avoid eye contact and force a smile to hide my abject embarrassment. And not just because I had to say “wahoo.”) Oh, and our soup of the days is New England Clam Chowder. I think we have some left. Now, can I get you some drinks?"

Most of my customers were good natured about it, even the ones that walked out. A few found it funny (especially after I mentioned that someone was getting fired that night.) This happened a couple of times before and it was actually worse ("welcome to Seafood Grill, would you like steak, chicken, or shrimp?") and I try to laugh it off but my buddy Chuck wasn't as amused. After his third table walks out on him, he walks up to me and says "people have written bad country songs about shit like this."

I had a "oh, what the hell" moment and started making up lyrics for a bad country song (is there anything more redundant than “bad country song?”), sounding like Willie Nelson on acid (as opposed to weed). Chuck thought it was funny and contributed a few words here and there. It got funny enough (or perhaps we lost our minds) that I had to write it down. This is what we ended up with that night:

I'm workin' in a diner and we're runnin' out of food
The customers are cranky and they're acting kinda rude
The waiters are all angry, the cooks are all pissed off
The busboy says he'd rather watch a porno and jerk off

CHORUS:
I got the blues, the blues, the restaurant blues
I really hate this job, but I don't know what else to do
It sucks the life right out of me
I drink so much I always pee
The blues, I got the blues, the restaurant blues

The manager is looking like she really wants to cry
Bartenders are drunk, the hostess has gone bye-bye
The owner's on a rampage, he's steamin' from the ears
All I wanna do is go home and drink some beers

Chorus

That's all we have so far. It's a little rough, there's room for editing, but I think we have something.

Labels: anger, drinking, humor, music, rants, server stories, songwriting, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:03 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Second Not-Quite-Annual L.o.P.D. Turkey of the Year Awards ::

It's about time I did one of these since I had some fun with the first one. Some of these you'll agree, others you may not, and a few will leave you shaking your head since I put it in there just for me.

• The Mitchell Investigation: This may surprise some of you since I've made my animosity towards Barry Bonds quite clear. While I am quite happy at the prospect of Bonds going to jail and the fact that his career is more or less over, I'm trying to figure out when exactly an investigation that was supposed to be about cleaning up Baseball (never mind we have far worse problems that need solving, but that's another post) became a bounty hunt. Why the focus on Bonds? What about Jason Giambi? Did they forget Rafael Palmeiro? He didn't get that strong popping Viagra and he committed the most memorable act of perjury (finger-wagging and all) during the first round of hearings.

• Britney Spears/Lindsey Lohan/Paris Hilton: Please, please, I beg you: just go away and leave us alone.

• Travis Henry: It's been confirmed that this Denver Bronco running back is the father of nine (9) children from nine (NINE!) different women. And now he just got suspended for testing positive for marijuana. Now I flunked the narcotics portion of biology (who are we kidding, I flunked biology) but isn't smoking pot supposed to lower your sperm count? And why hasn't anyone turned this guy's life into a reality show? this is one that I would actually watch.

• The guy who invented the Mojito: Sure it's a tasty drink, even he or she must have thought at least once while making it, "This is a pain in the ass." It's not difficult to make but muddling the lime, mind and sugar about twenty, times your forearm feels like it'll fall off.

• Tiki Barber: This guy retired early to become a broadcast think he'd be a great “disseminator” of information and all he is is a bland talking head. But the reason he's a T.o.Y. is because he started talking shit about his old team (the N.Y. Giants) as soon as he was retired. Judging from the reactions, one might conclude he lacked the testicular fortitude to bring up any team shortcomings in the locker room while he was still playing but as it is, he waited until after he was gone. Talk about a chicken-shit way to make a name for yourself. Oh by the way, the Giants are playing much better without him.

• My Cat: Look, I adore my cat. He's a big, adorable, orange ball of fur but I just spent $200 at the veterinarian because he's eating less, only to discover that nothing's wrong with him. He's eating less because cats "are easily stressed" and might get weirded out "if you move your chair," according to the Vet. Really? So the reason he lost his appetite isn't because of renal failure or infection, but because I moved the litter box to the bathroom? That little shit.

• Terrell Owens: You can't spell "Turkey of the Year" with "T.O. and it just wouldn't a T.o.Y. list without him.

• The Guy who Owns this Restaurant: Thanks to this guy's hot and cold submarine sandwiches, I've put on about ten pounds in the last two months. So if anything's to blame it's really my lack of will power (that Steak Special is awesome) but this is my list so I'm gonna blame the sandwich maker.

• The Los Angeles Dodgers: I'm kinda happy that they hired Joe Torre since I wasn't completely sold on Grady Little. Yet, the hiring process was shameful. They tried to talk to Torre while Little was still employed and while he took the high road, that was the low point of an otherwise storied franchise. Oh, and they're going to feature a float in the next Tournament of Roses Parade (does anyone still watch this? If you do please, let me know) to celebrate the 50th Anniversary, you know, since we don't have any recent Titles to celebrate. If it's anything like the current Dodger team, the people on the float will start arguing with each other halfway through the parade and break down at the last mile.
  

• Dan-E: This guy's a loser. Who's he to critcize anyone?

Labels: NaBloPoMo, rants, thanksgiving, turkey of the year

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:07 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Thinking too Much, Still ::

I've haven't played my guitar much in a few weeks. I had last night off after working a long lunch shift and wanted to I wanted to relax for a bit. I poured myself some bourbon and pulled Lilly out of her case (for those of you new to my blog, I name guitars; my acoustic is Lilly and the electric is Colette) for my own personal jam session. Her strings were a little worn but after a few strums, the sound came back and I played for about an hour. I played everything from some practice scales, old church songs, and Bon Jovi

It was fun and relaxing but I also had to get my mind off the fact that I ran into one of the girls I blogged about a while ago. It wasn't quite cordial, either. After the initial pleasantries, she asked why I lost touch.

What are you talking about? I tried calling you. Why didn't return my call?

I texted you.

And I tried to call you afterwards but you weren't picking up.

Well... I really like texting.

You'd really rather type out messages on a keypad instead of just pressing that green button?

Well, it's easy because I have a Blackberry.

I don't remember much after that since I think my head exploded. We said our obligatory "good to see you again, blah blah blah" but I was left thinking (which is never a good thing) about this. I'm not one these people that’s perpetually attached to their cell phones. I work with people who check their cells every hour during a shift. I have to deal social retards every time I work because they're too busy yapping on their phones to order, or even practice some simple courtesy. When I had a car, I'd always have incidents with some dumbfuck man or woman who's too busy talking to see what's going on around them. If I call someone and leave a message, I sometimes get a text back. And there have been times when I email people where they reply via text.

What the fuck?

I dislike cell phones and I fucking HATE texting just as much, if not more. I may have a cell but I use it like a landline; I don't like using it when I'm not at home. I was one of the last one of my friends to get a cell phone and I've yet to really embrace it so I admit that I may be a little behind the times but is texting now really an acceptable form of regular communication? It's not enough that I have to consider whether my clothes are ok, if my breath stinks, whether my humor is too arcane, or what I say when I call, but now I have to think about how and when to text? Really?

It's probably because I'm a guy but I don't like using the phone unless it's a with a friend in a different city that I haven't seen in a while. And I'll even admit that there have been a few times where text messaging has been useful. but geezus. Is this what we've become? A bunch of thumb-talking savants? Or am I the one that's out of line?

Back to the point of this post; as I was thinking about this, it seems that ever since I moved to Miami, just about every minute I spent with any woman came in a distant second to some alone time playing my guitar. Is that sad or what? (Don't answer that.)

Labels: cell phones, dating, NaBloPoMo, rants

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:48 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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