:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: BRUUUUUUCE ::

One thing I completely forgot to mention about the Super Bowl was the halftime performance by Bruce Springsteen. I'm a fan of The Boss, not quite to the degree that I'm a U2 fan, but I like a good number of his songs, and "Born to Run" is by far my favorite album and song.

Watching him do the things he did on that stage was pretty cool for me. At the same time, when he started to climb up on that piano, my first thought was "I hope he doesn't fall and break his hip." The dude is my dad's age (actually, he's younger) for crying out loud and the only thing dad is likely to climb on these days is his bed. But he performed with an energy, verve and stage presence that younger musicians, like say Billy Corgan would kill for... assuming he would ever stop being a pretentious, self-loathing, fuckmook with that pathetic whoa-is-me I'm-a-starving-artist-facade. (And I like Smashing Pumpkins. Seriously. And I digress yet again.)

Just a few thoughts:

• There were no fewer than four moments during that halftime show that made me question whether or not he'd injure himself. That shot of him grabbing the mic stand and leaning back with his knees bent like that, I swear I thought saw a genuinely pained look on his face and I wasn't sure whether or not he'd actually be able to get up from that without Little Stevie and Clarence Clemons helping him out. Though I admit, if he did hurt himself and had to be taken off the field on a cart, that would have amused me to no end.

• (Speaking of which, one of the my favorite bizarre moments was seeing the Big Man on the cowbell for "Glory Days." It was cool, unnecessary and unintentionally hilarious at the same time. Look, I'm a huge advocate of more cowbell but what's the point if you can't even hear it? They had a seven-piece band you put him on the cowbell? On the other hand, if anyone can make a mute cowbell seem cool, it's Clarence. Gene Frenkle would be proud.)

• I like watching power slides as much as the next rock fan but Springsteen's power slide gave me two thoughts: 1. When he was running (read: ambling) to build up speed he looked, well, old. That or his pants were way too tight. 2. I really didn't want to see his crotch flying towards the camera (read: right at me) at that speed at that close of a range, especially on the HD screen at the bar. Good thing that portion of the show wasn't in 3D or else someone might have hurt themselves from flinching.

• The setlist was pretty good. I noticed he changed the lyrics in "Glory Days" to fit the football theme, though it didn't bother me nearly as much as it did other hardcore Springsteen fans since, let's face it, he's not exactly Alexander Solzhenitsyn to begin with. For example, in "Glory Days" you throw a "fastball" whereas a "speedball" is something you do to get high. Not that I'd know anything about that.

• The mic-sharing spit-off with Little Stevie was vintage but having the fake referee go out there to throw a flag was egregious. I'm pretty sure several lines were crossed there.

• "Born to Run" isn't just my favorite album, it's one of my favorite songs and I was really hoping he'd end with it. Instead he clumsily mixed in "Working on a Dream" from his new album. That and the fireworks shooting off in time with the beat of "Born to Run" seemed out of place. Bruce Springsteen, a sellout? Say it ain't so. On the bright side, despite rumors he didn't sing "Secret Garden."

• Out of all the people sitting at the bar patio, there were literally six people who seemed to be into the halftime show, and they were all my age or just a little older. A lot of the younger customers and the Latin audience used that moment to go to the bathroom, order more beer, or get high. I know the peak years of his popularity are behind him but you can't honestly tell me that that many people are apathetic to a living rock legend. I know I'm biased but still.

Despite the flaws, I really enjoyed it. A little more than last year's Tom Petty and way more than Paul McCartney. (What, was Oasis busy?)

Labels: football, humor, more cowbell, music, unintentional comedy

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:33 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Already Looking Forward to Next Year ::

And not just because my favorite band is going to release a new album.

Labels: music, U2

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 5:07 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Dolphins ::

I never blogged about this before but, what the hell. Some of you might lose respect for me after I admit this... but I've always been a fan of Hootie and the Blowfish.

One of their early, very popular songs called "Only Wanna be with You" (which i can play and sing along to on guitar... shut up) has the lyrics "... I'm such a baby 'cause the Dolphins make me cry." For the longest time, I though these guys were environmentalists who were upset over dolphins dying in fishing nets or something.

It wasn't until I moved to Miami that I discovered that these guys, especially Hootie, are merely hardcore fans of football, specifically the Miami Dolphins.

That there, is the textbook example of something called "overthinking."

--

And as I plug the most American of all popular sports around the world, I bid you all a happy Fourth of July.

Labels: football, introspective, music, my life, thinking too much

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:03 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Getting Old ::

During my time off, one of the things I did to kill time was to go running again. (I used to run pretty regularly a couple of years ago but having a girlfriend and job that sucks the life out of you tends to kill your energy.) Naturally, my first time out was awful. I barely made it out to the track before my calves were burning.

At least I was playing tennis somewhat regularly so it got better quickly. I was never a great distance runner anyway so whatever I lack in time and distance I make up with intensity by doing stair climbs. It's more of a plyometric workout than aerobic but exercise is exercise. There aren't any of those long, steep climbs you'd see in a football stadium, just some rickety wooden bleachers. Still, it serves its purpose and after about a week, I was back to my old pace.

Last Sunday, after a couple of sets, I notice two guys walk over to the bleachers next to mine and started their own workout. It wasn't much different; a few sets of running up one step at a time followed by a few sets two at a time, though at a somewhat faster pace. It's what they did next that caught my eye. They started hopping up the steps like a couple of rabbits. Then they did the hop one leg at a time. Hmm. Never tried that. Looks easy enough. No problem. I'll match them step for step.

Three problems with that line of thinking:

1. I've never hopped up the bleachers, never mind the one leg thing.
2. These guys were about fifty pounds lighter than me. At least.
3. They were also at least ten years younger.

(Also, keep in mind that I don't know who the hell they are and they couldn't care less who I was, yet I'm here thinking, "I'll take these guys down.)

I start with the two-legged hops. This isn't so hard. I played volleyball before. I have thick legs. After the fourth one however, I start to struggle. It's okay, just a couple more. Done. Oh wait, I have to do the one legged thing now. Crap. I start with my right leg. Then switch to my left leg. It's my weaker side so my entire thought process was "don't break your ankle. Dumbass." I start mentally playing Alice in Chains' "Rooster" to pump me up.

Ain't found a way to kill me yet
Eyes burn with stinging sweat
Seems every path leads me to nowhere...

... Yeah they come to snuff the rooster
Yeah here come the rooster, yeah
You know he ain't gonna die
No, no, no, you know he ain't gonna die

I manage to finish up without hurting myself and try to take some pride in knowing I can keep with some lanky kids. It's then I look over see that they're doing the whole thing again. Dammit. I can’t leave now. I take some deep breaths, stretch my quads, and do the whole thing over again. Oh gawd this sucks. My mental iTunes still has "Rooster" on repeat, though now the second verse is starting to resonate more.

Got my pills 'gainst mosquito death
My buddy's breathin' his dyin' breath
Oh God please won't you help me make it through

My legs are burning. My lower back is starting to hurt. But I keep at it. Pain is good, I start telling myself. Use it. Pain means you're alive. Feeling pain is better than feeling nothing. USE IT. Don't *think* you can do this, *know* you can do this. There's a difference between knowing the path, and taking the path... wait a sec, when the FUCK did I starting talking like Morpheus? Great little pep talk Obi-Wan. Now can we just get this shit over with?!

I'm doing the last of my sets and I see the guys taking a breather, with one of them bent over sucking wind. That's right buddy. Eat it. I complete my last climb and I decide to take a few cool-down sets. I finally see the guys walk away. Oh yeah. Still here bitches. I rule. Immediately after, the fatigue finally hits me and I prop myself up on the fence because my legs feel like someone beat them with mallets. Holy crap that sucked. What the hell was I thinking? After a few minutes of heavy breathing, stretching and making sure I don't need a stretcher I slowly jog home.

I stretch a little more, chug two glasses of water, take a long hot shower, and I feel a lot better. Pretty good actually. My legs are a little tender but they're fine. Of course, the next morning when I wake up, I had trouble actually getting up because my calves and quads were SORE. Good thing it was slow that night at work because running around in that condition would have really sucked.

Labels: competitive, exercise, music, running

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:38 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Restaurant Blues ::

It gets busy every year during the Orange Bowl since Miami becomes overrun with college football fans in town to support their teams (playing in one of the many anonymous, meaningless, BCS-mandated Bowl games. Seriously, what's the names of these Bowls? Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl, Konica Minolta Gator Bowl, San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl. It's only a matter of time before we have the Tampax Bowl Presented by Valtrex... but that's neither here nor there). However, the kitchen managers seemed to forget that little detail this year since during a busy Friday night, we started running out of fish. If you work in a seafood restaurant, this is a problem. We have twelve different fish on the menu. By 10:00p.m. we were down to four. Our introductory spiel, which normally consists of rattling off specials, was reduced to telling everyone what we had left:

"Welcome to Seafood Grill. About the menu, there are a few items are currently unavailable. They are grouper, red snapper, swordfish, tuna, whole yellowtail snapper, mahi mahi, lobster, and whole pompano. The fish that are available are trout, salmon, tilapia, and wahoo. Wait, I'm sorry, we just ran out of wahoo. (This is where I try to avoid eye contact and force a smile to hide my abject embarrassment. And not just because I had to say “wahoo.”) Oh, and our soup of the days is New England Clam Chowder. I think we have some left. Now, can I get you some drinks?"

Most of my customers were good natured about it, even the ones that walked out. A few found it funny (especially after I mentioned that someone was getting fired that night.) This happened a couple of times before and it was actually worse ("welcome to Seafood Grill, would you like steak, chicken, or shrimp?") and I try to laugh it off but my buddy Chuck wasn't as amused. After his third table walks out on him, he walks up to me and says "people have written bad country songs about shit like this."

I had a "oh, what the hell" moment and started making up lyrics for a bad country song (is there anything more redundant than “bad country song?”), sounding like Willie Nelson on acid (as opposed to weed). Chuck thought it was funny and contributed a few words here and there. It got funny enough (or perhaps we lost our minds) that I had to write it down. This is what we ended up with that night:

I'm workin' in a diner and we're runnin' out of food
The customers are cranky and they're acting kinda rude
The waiters are all angry, the cooks are all pissed off
The busboy says he'd rather watch a porno and jerk off

CHORUS:
I got the blues, the blues, the restaurant blues
I really hate this job, but I don't know what else to do
It sucks the life right out of me
I drink so much I always pee
The blues, I got the blues, the restaurant blues

The manager is looking like she really wants to cry
Bartenders are drunk, the hostess has gone bye-bye
The owner's on a rampage, he's steamin' from the ears
All I wanna do is go home and drink some beers

Chorus

That's all we have so far. It's a little rough, there's room for editing, but I think we have something.

Labels: anger, drinking, humor, music, rants, server stories, songwriting, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:03 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: The Soundtrack of my Life Part II ::

Put your iTunes or whatever music player you have on shuffle. The first song that you hear will be the song for your Opening Scene. Skip to the next song, this answers your next question. Keep doing this until the end. However, I have a lot of Classical music so if, for example, "Allegro con Brio" from Beethoven's "Symphony no. 5 in C Major" pops up, I just skip ahead and see if anything with lyrics (and a title in English) come up.

Thanks to Neenee for this one.

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY? Oh Danny Boy - Peformed by Daniel O'Donnell
And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me
And all my dreams will warmer, sweeter be
If you will kneel to tell me that you love me
I will sleep in peace until you come to me.

What a way to start, huh?

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? Good Times Bad Times - Led Zeppelin
In the days of my youth, I was told what it means to be a man,
Now I've reached that age, I've tried to do all those things the best I can.
No matter how I try, I find my way into the same old jam.

Good Times, Bad Times, you know I had my share;
When my woman left home for a brown eyed man,
Well, I still don't seem to care.

Sounds about right.

3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? November Rain - Guns 'n Roses
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? You and Me and the Bottle makes Three - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Well I know this cat named Mo. He wanders to and fro
His and my favorite waterin' hole
I said "Hey Mo, how you doing, where have you been?
He said, "I've been fine with my whiskey, wine and gin.

I'm not an alcoholic.

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE? Texarkana - R.E.M.
20,000 miles to an oasis
20,000 years will I burn
20,000 chances I wasted
Waiting for the moment to turn
I would give my life to find it
I would give it all
Catch me if I fall

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? - Cabo Wabo - Van Halen
We drink mescal right from the bottle
Salt shaker, little lick a lime, ohhh
Throwin down, down tryin to reach the bottom
Where the guave worm, well hes mine all mine

I'm NOT an alcoholic.

7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? The Fly - U2
It's no secret that a friend is someone who lets you help
It's no secret that a liar won't believe anyone else
They say a secret is something you tell one other person
So I'm telling you...

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? Hold her Down - Toad the Wet Sprocket
And they dont know her
But what the fuck
They've got nothing else they can do
And they've no reason
But still they come
And I
Would have a hard time facing you
This crime
The shame of what a man can do

And they wonder why I never call.

9) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Paranoid Android - Radiohead
When I am king, you will be first against the wall
with your opinion which is of no consequence at all
What's that...?

10) WHAT IS 2+2? Spirits in the Material World - The Police
Where does the answer lie?
Living from day to day
If its something we cant buy
There must be another way

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Let her Cry - Hootie and the Blowfish
And just let her cry...if the tears fall down like rain
Let her sing...if it eases all her pain
Let her go...let her walk right out on me
And if the sun comes up tomorrow
Let her be...let her be.

I'm pretty sure my best friend won't like that I called him a "her."

12) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Little Drop of Poison - Tom Waits
Did the devil make the world while god was sleeping
Someone said you'll never get a wish from a bone
Another wrong good-bye and a hundred sailors
That deep blue sky is my home

She left in the fall, that's her picture on the wall
She always had that little drop of poison

No wonder I'm so confused lately.

13) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Terrorism - Soulfly
Spreading terrorism through the music
Rebelling against all this shit
Energy in the purest form
Controlled chaos, bring it on...

Sort of works, but I'm really not this angry. (Just don't piss me off.)

14) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Stand up and Shout - Steel Dragon
I know what you want and what your thinking
I can free your sexuality
No ones ever tortured you with pleasure
Pleasures all you'll ever feel from me

I'll buy you a drink if you know where exactly this song is from (without Googling it).

15) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Kashmir - Led Zeppelin
All I see turns to brown, as the sun burns the ground
And my eyes fill with sand, as I scan this wasted land
Trying to find, trying to find where Ive been.

Yeah, sounds about right =P

16) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Fallen - Sarah McLachlan
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

I didn't even need the lyrics. The title pretty much says it all.

17) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Touch You Touch You - Hot Hot Heat
Know you won't believe it
not until you see it.
No. Know you won't believe it
not until I write it down.
Down...I Touch You, Touch You

Strangely fitting.

18) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Kite - U2
Who's to say where the wind will take you
Who's to say what it is will break you
I don't know, which way the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around
Don't want to see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye

It was originally "4 Finale: Adagio molto from Symphony No. 3 in E flat major OP. 55 'Eroica'" by Beethoven but, whatever.

19) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? You can't Kill Rock 'n Roll - Ozzy Osbourne
Leave me alone, don't want your promises no more
'Cos rock & roll is my religion and my law
Won't ever change, may think it's strange
I'm born to rock & roll, I'm here to stay, yeah

Ozzy rules.

20) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Whiskey in the Jar - Metallica
There's whiskey in the jar-o
Being drunk and weary I went to Molly's chamber
Takin' my Molly with me, but I never knew the danger

Seriously, I'm not an alcoholic!

21) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? If it Make you Happy - Sheryl Crow
If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad

I'm not going to tag anyone but if you're like me and you havea a lot of classical or instrumental music, try adopting my rules and see what you end up with.

Labels: meme, music

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:49 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Age Gap ::

I've been on a Led Zeppelin kick lately and being the type that whistles while I work (literally), I've been whistling everything from "Since I've been Loving You" to "Achilles' Last Stand." Last night, while folding napkins after the restaurant closed, I started singing "Immigrant Song." The bartender, a guy about my age, starts singing along, and we start getting loud at the chorus, where Robert Plant shrieks "ahh ahh aaahhhhhhhhhh AH!" (Yes, I can hit those notes. No it doesn't sound nearly as good.)

Anyway, Melinda, our 24 year old co-worker, hears us and asks - innocently and earnestly - "is that the song from Shrek the 3rd?"

Oh good God.

Labels: I'm getting old, Led Zeppelin, music, server stories

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:10 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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