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It's apparently not enough that we have more than our share of holidays, some relevant (Christmas, St. Patrick's) and some pointless (Valentine's, Parent's) but apparently someone felt the need to implement a National Waiter's Day which is cool with me since I always need an excuse... um... reason to drink. Appropriately enough, I have the day off and I'm going to do my best to avoid thinking about work at all costs.

So if you go out to eat today, some simple advice: you don't need to say "happy waiters day" (chances are good that they might not even know), be courteous, order something extra for yourself, and if the waiter or waitress did a good job, tip a little extra.

If you have a friend who's a waiter (or for that matter, a bartender) be a pal a buy the person a drink. If that person is already trashed (probability: high), drive him or her home or get them a cab.

Also, as long as we're talking cool holidays, I'd be ignoring my civic duty if I didn't remind everyone that it's National Masturbation Month. Really. Enjoy.

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