:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: Monday, February 23, 2009 ::

:: Fettuccine, Linguini, Martini, Bikini ::

As much as I love spending time in the kitchen some friends are surprised that I don't own any of those informercial cooking products that blare from the TV at three in the morning. (They're probably asking because they know I'm usually awake at three in the morning.)

It's a good question actually and my answer usually falls along the lines of either "it looks like a piece of shit" or "I prefer doing it old-school." It's why I never owned a George Foreman Grill (I prefer a good skillet AND I like the grease to stay put when I cook my steaks, thank you), one of those Ronco rotisserie ovens (doesn't work well with cedar planks), or any type of food storage savers (I never have leftovers and nothing lasts very long in my fridge.)

You guys know about my love of a good cheeseburger so I almost picked up one of those Big City Slider Stations until I read this review. "Smells of noxious chemicals" doesn't sound very appetizing and I prefer a good full-size burger anyway. Also, judging from the size of your typical slider, I'd have to eat at least twelve or so of these before I got full and I don't have that kind of time. (Actually I do these days but, whatever.)

I do a lot of chopping and dicing when I cook so when I first saw the informercial for the Slap Chop it seemed like a Godsend... Until I realized the "star" is that same hypermanic guy pushing the Sham-wow. I don't know about you but I can't not laugh at this thing. There's his classic line at the 0:37 mark that I can't believe made it past the writers and directors of this car crash. There's a part of me that wants to buy this thing for the sole purpose of being able to use that line on some friends while keeping a straight face.

Then there's classic line number two when he's talking about the "Gratey." "Fettuccine, linguini, martini, bikini." I don't know about you but I have this visual of an Italian Bistro in the Bahamas that features a swim-up bar.

After watching that a couple of times, he killed it for me. Something about him just seems... off, and not just because he could be the A.D.H.D. posterchild who reuses to take his medication. He seems like a guy that would try to peddle real-estate deals to people who got ripped off by Bernie Madoff. That and the Slap Chop just seem like it would come apart after two weeks so it falls under the "piece of shit" category. I have a decent chef's knife. I'll stick with that for now.

Side note: Am I the only one that saw the informercial for the Snuggie and got creeped out?

Labels: cheeseburger, cooking, humor, unintentional comedy, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 5:11 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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