:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: Cowboys vs. Packers Week 13 Game Diary ::

So once again, I'm at Dewey's for another Football Game Diary. This should be a good game, with two teams that have potent offenses and solid defenses. There's also the Brett Favre vs. his heir apparent, Tony Romo. They both make these ridiculous plays off that no other quarterback seems to be able to make. Both teams are 10-1, both lead their divisions and both are considered the class of the NFC. Finally, both teams at one point or another beat my 49ers in the playoffs repeatedly during the 90s so I have a certain competitive animosity towards them. I just wanna see a good football game, though if you put a gun to my head, I’d have to pick Green Bay just because I hate them less.

8:24 Favre throws a rope to his receiver who catches it two inches off the turf. You hear about analysts touting a quarterback's ability to put the ball where only his guy can make the play but Favre makes throws where even his own guy can barely get to it.

8:28: Field goal. Green Bay up 3-0.

8:29: Dallas has the ball. It’s no secret that Romo grew up idolizing Favre. Let's see now if he can play while completely starstruck.

8:31: High throw to Owens and Green Bay cornerback Al Harris rips the ball from the his hands. Looks like it happened out of bounds. Green Bay challenge.

8:36: Nope. Dallas ball. Play continues and they finish with a field goal.

8:43: Green Bay starts with a run up the middle and the running back gets clobbered by Dallas safety Roy Williams. This guy is brutal. It's not just that he's a hard hitter; he also forced the NFL to adopt a rule change preventing horse-collar tackle (the "Roy Williams rule") because he broke too many ankles. Someone you want on your side, yes?

8:46: Like last time, I ' hear the commentary but whoever fed the jukebox loves Metallica so at least the music is good. And somewhat appropriate. I just need someone to play "For those About to Rock" by AC/DC and we're golden.

8:49: The first few running plays by Dallas were with Julius Jones. Last year, he accused Bill Parcells of "not utilizing his skillz properly" or something to that effect. He had the chances to be the started lost it Marion Barber. So clearly, it's not the fault of the previous coach, he just sucks ass. And I'm not just saying that because he killed my fantasy team last year.

8:51: Terrell "Alligator-Arms" Owens just dropped a very catchable, short pass that could have given Dallas 1st Down. My manager, who's a lifelong Cowboys fan, has this love-hate thing with Owens and I can imagine him shouting at his TV right now.

8:53: Field goal Dallas. I just noticed that the referees are wearing black pants. Anyone know what's up with that? Ref uniforms just don't look good with black pants.

8:54: Was I just talking about clothes there? Sorry about that, gay moment over. Back to the game.

8:56: Oops. Favre just threw a pick. They showed a stat that says this is his first INT is 139 attempts. Remember a couple of seasons ago when it seemed like Favre threw that many INTs in one season and everyone was saying he should retire? Good times.

8:58: Touchdown Dallas; Romo to wide receiver Patrick Crayton. So far, no evidence of Favre-worship. If this was last season, Owens would be throwing a hissy fit that the pass wasn’t to him.

9:05: Green Bay runs Ryan Gant (who?) up the middle and scores a TD. See what happens when you incorporate a running game?

9:13: Another touchdown pass to Anthony Fasano (gee, you think maybe he's Italian?). If this was last season, Owens would be throwing a hissy fit that the pass wasn't to him.

9:17: Deion Sanders is doing sideline reporting, except he's not talking directly into the camera. He's wandering around, talking with his hands, while staring off into space. Apparently the NFL Network thinks this is good idea. I guess that's one benefit about having the sound off.

9:24: You're not going to believe this but Favre just threw another interception. Would this be a good time to mention that Favre has NEVER won a game at Dallas?

9:26: Romo throws another TD to Fasano, except when he falls it the ball rolls loose. Did he have possession or did the ground knock it loose? Green Bay challenges and... no good. Fasano never had possession.

9:29: No problem, short pass of Owens, and this time he manages to hold on. I hate him. I really, really hate him.

9:33: Favre got up clutching his right arm the last time he got sacked so now Aaron Rodgers is in.

9:34: ...and he nearly gets picked off throwing into double coverage.

9:36: ...then he overthrows a short pass to the running back. All that time apprenticing under Brett Favre is clearly paying off.

9:40: Romo slings it out deep to Owens, who has to slow down to get it, while cornerback Al Harris keeps running. Hey Al? This isn't a track meet. So far Dallas has been maintaining constant pressure on the Quarterback. Romo has been knocked down but he's had a lot more time in the pocket. Second series in a row that Rodgers is in.

9:44: I wonder how serious Favre's injury is. They just showed him on the sideline. There’s no splint or tape on his arm but he's still holding it. Back on the field, the kid is doing well on this series. No risky throws, some accurate short passes, and they're now at Dallas' 20.

9:53: Short pass to Greg Jennings, who jukes and weaves his way to the Endzone. 27-17 Dallas.

9:56: 31 seconds left and Dallas kneels to take it into Halftime. Important stats:
Passings:
Favre: 5/14, 56 yards, 0 TD, 2 INT. Rodgers: 5/8, 69 yards, 1 TD, 0 INT
Romo: 9/15, 197 yards, 3 TD, 0 INT

Rushing:
Green Bay: 90 yards, 1 TD
Dallas: 39 yards

Green Bay started off with the short pass/run attack and everything fell apart when Favre reverted back to 2005 form by chucking the ball deep. Going back to the game plan with Rodgers resulted in a touchdown. Defensively, neither team has any sacks but Dallas has been far better at pressuring the passer, while Green Bay has done a pretty good job and holding the running backs, although their defensive backs have been vulnerable. On the plus side, they’ve held Terrell Owens to only 147 yards and 1 TD so there's hope.

10:10: And we're back. Favre is still out with what looks like an injured elbow.

10:22: Green Bay is back to the short passing game. The longest throw by Rodgers so far is about 12 yards, but it seems to be working. He's mobile enough to make some plays with his feet if there's nothing open.

10:27: 3rd and goal, and Ryan Grant (seriously, who?) punches it in for a TD. 27-24. Considering the turnovers and how relatively easily Dallas is moving the ball, the score should be higher.

10:30 That reminds me, I remember after they got bitchslapped by New England how Dallas Coach Wade Phillips said afterwards that the game plan was to "stop the running game and make Tom Brady beat us." It wasn't a great idea in retrospect, and it wasn't even a great idea to begin with. Brady's been an elite quarterback for years now and you want to make him beat you? THAT'S your game plan? It's like someone saying "we're going to walk Kevin Youkilis and make Big Papi beat us." Or "we’re going to stop Scotty Pippen and force Michael Jordan to make the shots."

10:45 I just saw Harris knock Owens down on his back, then move to tackle Barber. Don't ask me why, that just made me smile.

10:49: You have to see this play to believe it: Perfectly placed short pass to a WIDE OPEN Owens in the Endzone, and he bobbles it! Not only did he bobble it, he somehow batted it away from himself, the ball goes flying into the hands of Harris. INT, and a touchback. The ball was in his hands; enough that he virtually cradled it. The every day equivalent would be if you asked me to pass the salt and I came up to you, gently placed a salt shaker in your hands, you wrap your fingers around it, and yet somehow it still ends up on the floor and makes a mess, causing seven years of bad luck. I find myself smiling yet again. I can't prove it but I think my manager just threw his glass at the TV.

10:56: ...and after all that, Green Bay punts.

10:57: Like the last time I did this, I ordered the chicken fingers. I really wanted a burger but Dewey's burgers are big, greasy, and kinda messy (in other words, perfect) and I didn't want grease all over my keyboard. Of course the chicken fingers are a little greasy too but they're more manageable than a one-pound bacon cheeseburger. Yes, I thought this all out.

11:04: Romo throws a deep bomb and gets a pass interference call, putting them at the 2-yard line. Pass to Crayton, touchdown, 34-24 Dallas.

11:13: Rodgers is having an amazing game considering this is the longest time stretch of time he’s ever played since he got drafted. Again, he's not doing anything spectacular but he's moving the ball, running around to buy time, and not making mistakes. He led the team to another scoring drive, 34-27.

11:17: I just saw 6-1, 188lb Al Harris try to take down 6-5, 265lb Jason Witten and it made me laugh. You had to be there.

11:26: 1:51 left in the game and Dallas is running with Marion Barber to eat up the clock. They manage a field goal and lead 37-27. 1:03 left in the game.

11:30: Favre is out for the night. I wonder how serious his elbow injury is? Is his consecutive games streak going to come to an end?

11:33: Too bad, Rodgers starts out with a couple of completions only to have the next couple dropped by his receivers. Turnover on downs, Dallas kneels, and they win 37-27.

The Cowboys will probably end up with home field advantage once the playoffs start but as it stands now, New England is still the team to beat, and neither team seems like they have the overall game to beat the Patriots.

Labels: Dewey's, diary, football, NaBloPoMo

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:20 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Football: Week 13 Preview ::

I had a lot of fun writing a football Diary when my SanFran 49ers played Arizona during Week 1 so I was going to write a game Diary of this week's marquee Dallas Cowboys vs. Green Bay Packers game. I had the night off, and it would be a great way to kill a post for NaBloPoMo but I found out that the game is only going to be on the NFL Network, which is only available on certain cable providers and only for a premium charge.

This sucks. The last time I did the diary, it was at a dive/sports bar where the atmosphere was fine but I couldn't hear any commentary. Now, thanks to the NFL's fascist cable policy, the only way I can do this is if I go to a sports bar that carries the NFL Network and down Guinness and chicken wings while the game is on.

Insidious bastards.

Labels: Beer, diary, football, NaBloPoMo

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:23 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: My Cat ::

I've never owned a cat before the ex talked me into it early last year. My best friend back in LA has a few but playing with them at his house is completely different from living with one. Fortunately, my Rick-E is the sweetest cat ever but every now and then he does something I didn't know cats would do.

For example; for the last few months, when I come home from work, he's often right there just inside the front door. It's almost like he's waiting for me or something. I know dogs do this all the time but I had no idea cats do this. Is this common? If anyone else who reads this owns a cat, do they do this, too?

Labels: cat, NaBloPoMo

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:57 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Happiness is... ::

... going to Walgreens and discovering they have Johnnie Walker Black gift sets - 750ml bottle plus two very sturdy whiskey tumblers - for only $25.

Labels: alkie, drinking, NaBloPoMo, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:15 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Oops ::

I'm a little out of it most mornings but Sunday kinda sucked when I woke up with one of those stuffy noses where you can't breath in the morning but it's gone by the afternoon. I'm working the bar that day so set up the mats, glasses and bar gear, and then I cut fruit and make whipped cream for the desserts. I go to the prep room, toss in all the ingredients (heavy cream, sugar, and vanilla extract), turn on the food processor and go put my work shirt on. When I return, it's just about done. I scoop out the whip into the jug and I get a little on my fingers in the process so I lick it off.

Oh, yuck. What the fuck?

It's nasty. My first thought was that the heavy cream went bad. I sniff (or try to) the empty carton and it's fine. What the fuck? The chef walks in, sees my face, and asks what's wrong. I show him the whip. He smells it, looks at me and starts laughing. "What's so funny?" I ask. He points to the shelf where we keep the vanilla extract. It's a little disorganized and the labels are faded. I grab the bottle and turn it around.

It's fish sauce.

The vanilla is right next to bottle of fish sauce, and since both of the labels were turned around, they look pretty much identical. I guess if my nose were ok I would have noticed it sooner. There's been a few times where someone might turn the cream into butter, but this has to be a first. Lucky for me, the owner was upstairs doing paperwork so she was none the wiser.

Labels: bartending, I'm an idiot, NaBloPoMo, server stories, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:54 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: The Replacements ::

"I look at you and I see two men: the man you are and the man you ought to be... "
- Gene Hackman from "The Replacements"

You wouldn't think that some cheesy line from a "so-bad-it's-good" football flick would mean much. I was flipping channels after "SportsCenter" and "The Replacements" happened to be on. I've seen it before but it's one of those films that I'll watch till the end if I run across it. You've probably never watched (because you have a life) it but it's worth watching just for the sheer Unintentional Comedy throughout the whole flick.

There's Keanu Reeves, who's shockingly effective as the quarterback There John Favreau playing the psychotic adrenaline junkie defensive back (you occasionally see him with a "wait, I was in the movie 'Swingers' and now I'm doing this?" look on his face). There's Gene Hackman mailing it in shouting clichés with a "wait I was the start of 'Hoosiers' once, wasn't I?" look on his face. And my favorite character was the lovely Brooke Langton as the head cheerleader/love interest/Wonderbra spokesperson whose previous claim to fame was one of Billy's girlfriends on "Melrose Place" (yes, I recalled that from memory and no, I'm not ashamed). Just so we're clear, her character is a single, cute, kindhearted, head NFL cheerleader who, by the way, owns her own bar. I mentioned she's single, right? Because this happens all the time.

John Madden and Pat Summerall providing commentary (including one train wreck of a scene where Keanu finally makes a move on Brooke. The Police's "Every Breath You Take" is playing while Madden and Summerall provide commentary like Shane is trying to get into the end zone. I'm not making this up.)

I could go into the plot but it's your standard predictable sports movie with a happy ending, and I AM somewhat ashamed to admit, the ending gave me chills. Just like a good bad sports flick should.

Labels: boobs, football, movie, NaBloPoMo, reviews, unintentional comedy

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:39 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Hitman ::

I've been on an independent and foreign movie kick lately. I've been getting a lot of that from Netflix and I've enjoyed most of them. I enjoy well crafted dramas (Il Postino, Field of Dreams) and thought provoking films (Syriana, City of God) as much as anyone. But if there's one thing for that's a guilty pleasure, it's a big, loud, dumb, action movie.

I had the day off so I went to see a movie. It was either "No Country for Old Men" or "Hitman." I had a long week so I decided on "Hitman." Remember how base and brainless, yet visceral and visually spectacular "300" was? This was pretty much on the same level, except dumbed down even more. I didn't know it was based on a video until I saw it in the opening credits but it makes perfect sense afterwards, with the plot (or lack thereof) and character development (ditto) being what it was. One of the redeeming values of "XXX" was the it didn't take itself seriously at all, but "Hitman" tries to take itself somewhat seriously, which for me, made it even more entertaining, in that it was ripe for unintentional comedy. (Then again, I'm easily amused.)

The plot is decent enough, Timothy Olyphant (his parents must have been Hobbits or something) is just icy enough as the hitman and Dougray Scott is solid as the cop tracking him down. But I have to admit, I enjoyed watching the lovely smokin' hot Olga Kurylenko, who seems to have trouble keeping her clothes on. And when clothed, can't seem to find anything that isn't transparent. The action scenes are all nicely choreographed, and there's a couple of parts where I laughed even though that's probably not what the filmmakers intended.

We're not talking "Citizen Cane" here. But if you had a long week and want to fantasize about being putting a hit out some bad people, you could do a lot worse than "Hitman."

Labels: boobs, guns, movie, NaBloPoMo, reviews

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:45 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Loan ::

Remember the post where I wrote about my co-worker Koby, who asked me for my urine sample? Last night, he comes up to me and asks me for another favor: "Hey Dan-E, can I borrow thirty bucks? I'll give you fifty back."

I thought he said "fifteen" so I started laughing. "I'm serious. Fifty bucks."

I stopped laughing. "Fifteen or fifty?" "Fifty." "As in five-zero?" "Yep. I have the cash to pay you back at home right now but I need to place an order right after work."

"You piss off your girlfriend and you need flowers or something?"

"No I need money to buy a big bag of weed."

I should have known. "But what about your probation?" (He does a fist pump.) "It's over starting tomorrow! That's why I need money to buy a big bag and I'm thirty dollars short."

"Oh, ok."

Looking at the slightly confused look on my face, he proceeds to explain to me how buying in bulk will be cheaper instead of just buying one small bag. And I'll admit, I found it all fascinating.

"I see. So this guy's, what, the Costco of drug dealers?" (Laughing) "Yeah, something like that."

"I didn’t know drug dealers gave bulk discounts." "They don't like to." "But for you?" "Yep." "You must have been a great customer." "Before I got caught, I was his favorite."

"You can’t just wait tomorrow?" "I have the (another fist pump) whole day off and today’s my last day of probation." "And you're willing to give me an extra twenty dollars back just so you can buy your stash tonight?" "Yep."

I was hooked. I wanted to learn more. "And you’d still save money?" "Fifty bucks!" "Really." "Yeah, it's gonna be thirty dollars once I pay you back, but still!"

This is how it works out: he can buy one gram of marijuana for $20 (which, according to him is the equivalent of two small joints or one big fatty) or he could just buy ten bags at once for $150. Even a non-smoker can appreciate that deal. Except he was $30 short.

"And..." There's an "and." "...I know you don't do drugs but I’ll roll you a nice one on top of the extra $20. That's how important this is."

Again, I'm not a pot smoker but for some reason, and I hate to admit it, that got me thinking. "That's cool but if you get caught again, I won't be able to give you a urine sample for at least a week or two."

I'm telling you, there's never a dull moment with this guy around.

Labels: drugs, NaBloPoMo, pot, server stories

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:53 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Things I'm Grateful For ::

I know that a lot of my posts the last couple of months have been a depressing outpouring of neurosis but I do have a lot of things to be thankful for:

• The Lakers. Since my Dodgers collapsed and my 49ers just plain suck, the Lakers give me something, however ephemeral, to root for.

• My pet turtle Mike and my cat Rick-E. I'm not even a cat person but Ricky is the sweetest cat ever. And watching Mike eat just makes me happy.

• No Hurricanes this year.

• Even though I've been out of school for two years, I've learned a great deal about life in that time.

• My friends who I still keep in touch with (however infrequent it may be).

• Learning how to bartend: it's a great way to meet women (now I just need to learn how to pick up women).

• My guitar.

• Reading this article. Seriously, Js? Wow.

• Steak sandwiches. Considering the state of their sports and the city in general, this is what keeps Philly alive.

• Learning experiences.

• Movies like "Knocked Up." I know it's just a movie but if a guy that looks like that can land a chick that looks like Katherine Heigl, there just might be hope for me.

Labels: boobs, NaBloPoMo, thanksgiving

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:53 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Happy Thanksgiving! ::

Labels: NaBloPoMo, thanksgiving, turkey of the year

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:21 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Second Not-Quite-Annual L.o.P.D. Turkey of the Year Awards ::

It's about time I did one of these since I had some fun with the first one. Some of these you'll agree, others you may not, and a few will leave you shaking your head since I put it in there just for me.

• The Mitchell Investigation: This may surprise some of you since I've made my animosity towards Barry Bonds quite clear. While I am quite happy at the prospect of Bonds going to jail and the fact that his career is more or less over, I'm trying to figure out when exactly an investigation that was supposed to be about cleaning up Baseball (never mind we have far worse problems that need solving, but that's another post) became a bounty hunt. Why the focus on Bonds? What about Jason Giambi? Did they forget Rafael Palmeiro? He didn't get that strong popping Viagra and he committed the most memorable act of perjury (finger-wagging and all) during the first round of hearings.

• Britney Spears/Lindsey Lohan/Paris Hilton: Please, please, I beg you: just go away and leave us alone.

• Travis Henry: It's been confirmed that this Denver Bronco running back is the father of nine (9) children from nine (NINE!) different women. And now he just got suspended for testing positive for marijuana. Now I flunked the narcotics portion of biology (who are we kidding, I flunked biology) but isn't smoking pot supposed to lower your sperm count? And why hasn't anyone turned this guy's life into a reality show? this is one that I would actually watch.

• The guy who invented the Mojito: Sure it's a tasty drink, even he or she must have thought at least once while making it, "This is a pain in the ass." It's not difficult to make but muddling the lime, mind and sugar about twenty, times your forearm feels like it'll fall off.

• Tiki Barber: This guy retired early to become a broadcast think he'd be a great “disseminator” of information and all he is is a bland talking head. But the reason he's a T.o.Y. is because he started talking shit about his old team (the N.Y. Giants) as soon as he was retired. Judging from the reactions, one might conclude he lacked the testicular fortitude to bring up any team shortcomings in the locker room while he was still playing but as it is, he waited until after he was gone. Talk about a chicken-shit way to make a name for yourself. Oh by the way, the Giants are playing much better without him.

• My Cat: Look, I adore my cat. He's a big, adorable, orange ball of fur but I just spent $200 at the veterinarian because he's eating less, only to discover that nothing's wrong with him. He's eating less because cats "are easily stressed" and might get weirded out "if you move your chair," according to the Vet. Really? So the reason he lost his appetite isn't because of renal failure or infection, but because I moved the litter box to the bathroom? That little shit.

• Terrell Owens: You can't spell "Turkey of the Year" with "T.O. and it just wouldn't a T.o.Y. list without him.

• The Guy who Owns this Restaurant: Thanks to this guy's hot and cold submarine sandwiches, I've put on about ten pounds in the last two months. So if anything's to blame it's really my lack of will power (that Steak Special is awesome) but this is my list so I'm gonna blame the sandwich maker.

• The Los Angeles Dodgers: I'm kinda happy that they hired Joe Torre since I wasn't completely sold on Grady Little. Yet, the hiring process was shameful. They tried to talk to Torre while Little was still employed and while he took the high road, that was the low point of an otherwise storied franchise. Oh, and they're going to feature a float in the next Tournament of Roses Parade (does anyone still watch this? If you do please, let me know) to celebrate the 50th Anniversary, you know, since we don't have any recent Titles to celebrate. If it's anything like the current Dodger team, the people on the float will start arguing with each other halfway through the parade and break down at the last mile.
  

• Dan-E: This guy's a loser. Who's he to critcize anyone?

Labels: NaBloPoMo, rants, thanksgiving, turkey of the year

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:07 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Surf & Turf ::

We had a couple of beefy guys stop in Monday and judging from their attire they were here for the NASCAR race over the weekend? How did I know? I'm just that observant. (That and one guy wore T-shirt that said "NASCAR" across the front.) They weren't at my table but I could tell they were quite hungry when I saw their order. Traditional Surf & Turf is a steak and a lobster tail. We only sell whole lobster so our Surf & Turf is a New York Strip and shrimp. These two guys ordered a dinner consisting of a Filet Mignon and a whole lobster, including the sides.

It was an impressive bill for only two people (almost $200) but everyone was amazed that both the guys thought they could put away that much food. "Really?" I wondered. It was an 8-ounce filet (pre-cooked weight), and the lobster was 1 1/2 pounds, which seems like a lot but at least half that weight is shell, so we're still talking only about a pound of food. Including the corn, potatoes, and pasta sides, it wasn't really that much. Or at least I thought so, ('cuz I'm a fatass) but I was clearly the minority opinion.

But can you blame me? To give you an idea of what I can eat, Publix had Porterhouse steaks on sale for $7.99 a pound and I bought a nice 32oz piece that I'm going to enjoy in a couple of days (I've had bigger, I once polished off a 36oz at a steakhouse, along with a tomato and onion salad and a couple of sides) along with some shrimp. And the best thing about eating that at home instead of at some restaurant: once you've eating all the meat, you can pick up the bone with your hands and start gnawing away, since some of the best tasting meat is right on the bone. Good stuff.

Labels: eating, i'm a fatass, NaBloPoMo, server stories, steaks, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:12 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Coffee Addict ::

It seems there's a few axioms about the service staff who work at a restaurants; you like to drink, you like to do drugs (or perhaps both), you're kinda of a slacker, and you need lots and lots off caffeine.

I don't have a drinking problem, I don't do drugs, but I seem to have a fairly strong need for caffeine. You'd think this would be odd considering that I wake up around 12:00 and most of my shifts start around 5:00pm. In my case, I usually chug some Diet Coke with my breakfast (a few of my co-workers wake up just before they come to work). But even then I need something, extra once I get to work so I pick up a can of Rockstar or Monster energy drink when I start. If you've never had it, it's Red Bull but the can is twice as large. It used to be sufficient but now they started selling an even larger can (the equivalent of three Red Bulls) and I've switched over to those.

Pretty intense, right? It gets better; now that it's getting darker sooner and the first couple of hours of work is dead, I also drink a couple of cups off black coffee while I stand around. And the funny thing is, that's still not as much coffee as I used to drink back when I had a desk job.

How human beings survived before discovering coffee, I'll never know.

Labels: coffee, NaBloPoMo, server stories, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:41 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Barman ::

I've been working behind the bar a couple of times a week, which is good, except it's always during the day shift, which... it isn't bad but it's not always great. When we're busy, I get the bar experience that I like, juggling bar customers and the service bar since there's only two of us during the day. On days where it's slow, I'm behind the bar making idle chatter with whoever's working the floor. (That or I'm contemplating where in my life did it all go wrong.) Days like that, where we have maybe two tables (six people walk between 11:30am - 4:00pm, and two of those are people asking for job applications) I try to keep myself busy by pre-prepping drinks, reading bar manuals, and if it's Sunday, watching football. It's that or I go next door and take a nap or I grab a bottle of whiskey and start drinking heavily. Lucky for me, my body doesn't seem like alcohol before 5:00pm so drinking on the job isn't an option. (That and I enjoy this whole "employment" thing since it allows me to like, pay rent and buy stuff.)

Still, when we're busy and we get tourists who like to drink it gets fun for me. I enjoy cooking and making drinks is like cooking with liquids. I remember a shift a few weeks ago where it seemed every customer was drinking. I was whipping up margaritas, sourapple martinis, mojitos, and a couple of tequila sunrises and even though we were busy, I never got in the weeds. Right up until an English couple sits at my bar and asks for a "Singapore Sling."

A what?

"Singapore Sling? Can you make that?” He could guess from the look on my face that I didn't know what the hell that was. He wasn't sure either, other than there was gin in it. Lucky for me, I had the Bartender's Guide right there and found it quickly. We didn't have any cherry brandy so I probably shouldn't have tried but the poor guy seemed really set on his Sling so I made it with extra grenadine and gin and hoped the guy wouldn't know any better. Sure enough, he and his wife took a sip, smack their lips, looked at me and said, "well that's bloody fantastic. Cheers."

I'm at awe how some bartenders are able to remember so many recipes. Granted 80% of the orders at the bar are either beer, wine, something on the rocks, or some type of mixed drink like Jack and Coke or gin and tonic. I've worked with guys who can whip something up in no time even though they haven't made it in months. And sure enough, 15 minutes later, an older couple walk in and ask for a a couple of Old Fashioneds. Easy enough. "What bourbon would you like?" "Do you have Maker's Mark?" "Of course." I whip up two Old Fashioneds and they also seemed quite happy with their drinks. I overpoured just a tad (on accident, of course) as there's some left in the shaker so I sample it. Eh. It must be an acquired taste. I like Maker's Mark neat but mixing it with sugar, aromatic bitters, orange and a marachino cherry just doesn't do it for me. But I'm clearly in the minority since the Old Fashioned has been around longer than the martini.

Just before I go on my break agroup of four guys walk in and ask for a "Royal Flush."

Huh?

"It's Crown Royal and Peach Shnapps." I make their shot, they slam it, and leave. At least these guys knew what went in it.

Labels: bartending, drinking, NaBloPoMo, server stories, waiting, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:30 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: I am Beowulf! ::

I had the night off and after a long week, I unwound by going to watch "Beowulf" this afternoon. I was going to write up my own review of this movie but I ran across another review written by NY Post writer Kyle Smith that you can read here. I normally wouldn't care too much about a critic's writing style but this particular review made me laugh out loud.

When talking about the look of the film he writes:

"The effect is strange: the fantasy factor is less than it is in pure animation, while the human factor is less than it is in live action. Actors’ eyes turn into glassy beads and their skin becomes soft plastic; if the Pillsbury Dough Boy showed up on screen, he’d fit right in. Someone would give him a shield and a mace, tell him to lose a few pounds and send him into the action."

He likes the movie but there are parts where it takes itself so seriously that you kinda have to alleviate it with humor.

"Up pops Beowulf (Ray Winstone? Really, Ray Winstone?) from across the sea primeval. With long, straight blond hair and a headband, he seems like Bjornborgowulf, but this is one Scandinavian who isn’t content to have a killer forehand. “I’m Beowulf,” he declares. “I’m here to kill your monster.” And quaff your drink and swive your wenches, please. The queen (Robin Wright Penn) frostily notifies Beowulf that “There have been many brave men who have come to taste my lord’s mead,” at which point the newcomer must be wondering if he has stumbled into Ye Olde Gay Scene."

Maybe because I know what mead is (honey wine) I thought that line was funny in a "Beavis and Butthead in College" sort of way. I did laugh somewhat but there a few guys behind me that found it hysterical. Unintentional humor litter the plot while intended humor is few and far between. But this is supposed to be an adult fantasy story and for the most part, perhaps becasue the didn't dumb it down for the masses too much, it stays entertaining all the way through. The digital paint-over look of the film is distracting for the first five minutes or so but once the movie gets going (especially the battle scenes) you'll see why they chose this method of filming.

It'll probably be most compared to "300" and while it may not be quite as visceral as that Greek pickle farm, it's still a very entertaining movie. Don't be afraid to laugh out loud.

Labels: boobs, movie, NaBloPoMo, reviews

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:37 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Halfway There ::

I'm halfway through National Blog Post Month and to be honest, I'm not sure I can hold up this "post every day" thing. I am going to try, and not with some lame "I'm supposed to post every day but I can't think of anything to write so here's my post about how I can't think of anything to write" filler post. I went back and read my posts and I'm a little perturbed at how whiney some of the posts sound. While it's probably good that I get some of my thoughts out there (and maybe get some feedback), a part of me feels like I wanna meet whoever wrote that crap and punch him in the face.

I mean, life isn't bad. There are other things going on in my life and yet, when I sit down and think of something to write, that's what comes out. I suppose internalizing everything isn't exactly healthy, but I find it somewhat odd that I could write some of this stuff on my blog where the vast majority (and by vast majority, I mean ten of twelve) of my readers have never met me, yet I can't seem to verbally articulate my neurosis to people I've known for years. Go figure.

Whatever, I'll keep trying to post every day and if that's all that's on my mind, I guess it's what I'll write about. But I'll try to fit in some posts about other stuff that I like, football, food, idiot customers I can talk shit about, etc.

Labels: NaBloPoMo

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:58 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Southern Style ::

There's a NASCAR event at the Miami Homestead Speedway this weekend, so tonight, we were treated to our first wave of customers from the flyover Southern states. Chuck and I worked a party of twenty and when I checked IDs, I noticed a lot of them were from North Carolina. If you followed by blog for any time, you know that I follow NASCAR as eagerly as I'd follow a guy with dysentery and a corn fetish. I thought maybe there might be a college football team coming here this weekend but as it turns out, the party was the sports marketing team for driver Tony Raines, who drives the Texas Instruments car. "Oh yeah, I've heard of him," I replied when making conversation with a cute little blonde. I really haven't but I figured I'd play along.

We get Southerners in every now and then, depending on what's going on in town. Sometimes it's football, other times it might be a convention of some sort. Last year, we were overrun with people from Kentucky during the Orange Bowl. When the Jaguars played the Dolphins, we saw nothing but Jacksonville jerseys that weekend.

People from the South are unfailingly polite, mediocre tippers, and aren't afraid to be, um, different. There were three guys, at least the ones I noticed, that sported some rather impressive mullets. They all wore denim shorts and had mustaches that would make Magnum P.I. jealous. Their tables also involved at least one woman who looked like she just climbed out of a sequin mine.

A few other things I noticed:

- Like I said, they're all very polite but can sometimes be a little demanding if we don't carry items they're accustomed to. And politeness doesn't always go with generosity, since they're not always the best tippers. "Thanks for everything, the food was great; here's 13%." Wow, thanks ya'll.

- For example, they LOVE Ranch Dressing. Our house salad is served with balsamic vinaigrette. That's it. We don't have options like other chain restaurants. But half my customers asked for Ranch. At one point I contemplated asking the manager to buy a tub of Ranch just for the weekend just so we don't have to explain what balsamic vinaigrette is.

- They also love their Caesar salads. If the vinaigrette was too exotic for them, they went to Plan B, the Caesar. Everyone else just went straight to the Caesar.

- They also love ketchup. I remember watching Standup Comedian Ron White (of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour) talk about how ketchup "makes everything taste better," which resulted in a loud ovation from the crowd. Not being very Southern, I limit my ketchup intake to when I have fries or onion rings. Tonight? I saw it applied to potatoes, calamari, fish, and (ugh) steak. I'm of the belief that a good steak needs little more than salt and pepper - maybe a pinch of paprika - to taste good (I haven't used A1 in over a decade) and I felt real, physical pain when I saw someone pour ketchup over a perfectly good filet mignon.

- They absolutely LOVE gin. Good gawd do they love gin. Actually, they generally like drinking (we served a lot of mojitos, too) but if they're out, they want gin. We went through an entire bottle of Tanqueray and half a bottle of Bombay Sapphire.

- And if they're not drinking gin, they want Sweet Tea. I've never had Sweet Tea but I guess it's a bit more complicated than just brewing iced tea and adding a lot of sugar. I'm not sure what it invovles but we don't do it. Last year, one couple who never visited Miami asked how we could possibly not have Sweet Tea. "We're from the South and Miami is even more South!" "Ma'am, Miami isn't the South. It's more like North Cuba."

- They love their NASCAR. People from Georgia all the way to St. Louis were here tonight and I can only imagine what it'll be like once the weekend starts tomorrow.

And that's just the people we saw in our restaurant. The night started slow so I stood outside for a little bit enjoying the mild weather and I saw quite a few trucks - Ford F150s, Chevy Silverados, Dodge Rams - with out of state license plates out cruising. But still, we were busy and yet the night went very smoothly. I'd imagine we're in for more of the same for the weekend.

I just hope we stocked enough gin.

Labels: NaBloPoMo, nascar, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:48 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Photos ::

My old Yahoo Photo page is being shut down so I transferred everything over to Flickr. All I have at the moment are the pictures from my Baseball Road Trip and I'm still organizing everything.

Just for fun, I added a link for some post-hurricane photos, as well as pictures of my turtle. I'll try to keep that updated.

Labels: NaBloPoMo, photos

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:47 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Nightmares ::

I normally sleep pretty well but I had a fairly vivid nightmare last night. I couldn't tell you what happened now but all I remember is that it felt real. It may have had something to do with some of my subconscious fears or something. I recall having trouble breathing, like I being overwhelmed under some great burden, bad enough that I woke up. It took a moment to remember where I was and I lay there staring at the ceiling. I was ok. I left my TV on and I heard something about baseball, which was odd since the season was over. Also odd was I still had trouble breathing. My breaths felt shallow; something was wrong. It was like that burden from my dream was something real. Was I still dreaming? I must be. I lift my head up.

And I saw my stupid cat, laying there across my chest. My big, orange, twelve pound cat Ricky, eyes half closed, purring loudly, looking about as content as cats do when they find a nice place to rest. He turns to look at me with what looked like an annoyed expression, like I just interrupted his beauty rest or something. Or at least that's how it seemed since my eyes are useless without my contacts. I lay back and laugh. He's very sweet and affectionate but he's never done that before. Or at least I don't think he has.

I push him off and try to go back to sleep. Except I lay on my side this time so Rick-E won't try to sleep on top of me again. Determined to mooch off my body heat, he curls up next to me and I feel him resume purring. I think about that dream, and try to figure it out. It felt real. It invovled things I've had on my mind lately. But that breathing thing bugged me. Ricky may be big for a cat but twelve pounds is nothing, isn't it? It felt real. I fell asleep thinking about it. Fortunately, I make it through the rest of the night without any more breathing problems.

Labels: cat, dreams, NaBloPoMo, nightmares

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 9:08 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: 49ers Game 9 Recap ::

Last week when I was putting in my schedule requests, I considered asking for Monday night off as well so I could watch my 49ers play the Seahawks on Monday Night Football. Maybe even do another Game Diary since the last one kinda fun.

Good thing I didn't. The way they played today, if I had to sit through the entire game I probably would have a few holes in my TV right now, my laptop would be shattered from me hurling it, there would be holes punched in the wall, and I'm pretty someone would have called the police to my place after being frightened from all the noise.

Ok, I'm not really that volatile but given the way team played tonight - the way they've played most of this season - there would have been much anger and frustration on my part. As it was, I worked tonight and had to deal with a steady stream of freaks and retards (you wouldn't think that something as simple and obvious as reading a menu would be difficult but apparently, some people don't get that a menu is where you learn what you can order), weasely co-workers, and lazy busboys but that was still less painful than watching my Niners get shut out by a team that we beat twice last year.

I clearly remember how I was approaching this season with "cautious optimism." Last year, I expected nothing and we went 7-9. This year, I thought we could build on that but... we're now 2-7. The numerous injuries haven't helped but neither has the fact that our quarterback has regressed. Not surprising considering his offensive coordinator last year was Norv Turner (a guy with a history of developing young quarterbacks; for example, Troy Aikman. Ever heard of him?) and is now a guy who used to be in charge changing the urinal cakes at the stadium.

So now, I'm back into that rarified sports fan zone of rooting for a losing season in order to establish some high draft picks. Except that one of our early picks was traded to the Patriots (yeah, like they need help). Ugh. I think I may need a new team.

Labels: 49ers, football, NaBloPoMo, threw up in my mouth

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:52 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Football! ::

My little brother sent me tickets to a Dolphins game and I finally got to go to my first football here in Miami. I went with my co-worker buddy Chuck, who's a big Dolphins fan (which is probably why he has a drinking problem). He loves football as much as I do and was so excited that he calls me early this morning about an hour before he came to pick me up.

"Hey, you ready to go?"

"Now? You're supposed to pick me up in an hour."

"Yeah, but I'm just sitting around doing nothing."

I needed a quick shower so I told him to pick me up in thirty minutes. Twenty minutes later he calls again.

"Hey, what kinda beer do you want?"

"Umm, I don't care. I just bought some Sierra Nevada."

"No dude, I'm buying cans. Bottle breaks and shit. You like Coors?"

I wasn't sure what he was planning that we'd end up breaking beer bottles (he's from Texas, maybe he wanted to shoot some empties in the parking lot) but I wasn't going to argue with someone who wanted to buy beer. He picked me up, got a couple of subs, and tailgated at the parking lot for about an hour; eating, drinking beer, and tossing the football around. It was awesome. He got a nice buzz going and as we made our way to the stadium we passed a row of police cars and he said, "hey, let me get a photo of us drinking beer in front of these cars."

What it is about going to sporting events that turns men in their thirties into college frat boys? I don't know but it's awesome.

We found our seats, which were on the upper deck near the red zone. Not quite nosebleed, but we had a great view of the entire field. (It was also my first time at Dolphin Stadium for a game that wasn't baseball). We were surrounded by rowdy DolPhans, though not rowdy enough for Chuck, who tried to start a chant every time Buffalo had 3rd down. He maintained his buzz through the whole game, which was impressive considering they stop beer sales after the third quarter.

If you've never been to a game, you realize how TV-centric the timing of everything is. There were moments where the players on the field were just standing around waiting out a commercial break. We also had to endure the PA announcer, who wasn't that good.

But few things beat seeing an eagle-eye view of the game unfolding before your eyes. Seeing the offensive and defensive formations, watching the play unfold from high up, you really appreciate the complexities of football in a way you just can't grasp on TV. That and being surrounded by the immediate fan response to anything positive (the one touchdown Miami scored) or negative (the four passes Marty Booker dropped) makes the atmosphere and experience a lot of fun. It's also fun if you're seated near an avid who's had one too many beers and tries to start chants by shouting at everyone around him as well as towards the field; in my case that fan happened to be Chuck. Every time the Bills threatened, he's get up and start yelling "GO DEFEEEEENNSE!!!" (He's married to a lovely woman but she's Colombian, which means she thinks that if he's not at home, he's a skirt-chasing bastard. He doesn't get out much.)

As for the the game itself? Not very high scoring, frustrating at times, exhilarating at others, but overall great because it had just enough suspense at the end as to whether or not the Dolphins could pull it out. I need to do this more often.

Labels: alkie, drinking, football, NaBloPoMo

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 9:34 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Drinking Problem ::

Remember my co-worker from this post? We were talking during a slow night he tells me this:

"I have a drinking problem."

"Yeah, you told me."

"This is different."

"How so?"

"I'm not drinking, and that's a problem."

I gotta tell you, slow shifts really drag when we don't work together.

Labels: alkie, drinking, NaBloPoMo, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 9:50 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: I didn't need to see that ::

I'm munching on a steak and cheese sub while watching watching Season 4 of Nip/Tuck on DVD when I got to the scene where Christian Troy ends up having sex with Rosie O'Donnell and I kinda threw up in my mouth a little.

Why in the name of Zeus' butthole did he do that?! I mean, following the story line I can see why he did what he did but... seriously, why? I can understand suffering for your art but, geez. I hope he got hazzard pay.

Labels: eww, NaBloPoMo, Nip/Tuck, threw up in my mouth

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:53 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Promotion Follow-up ::

Remember my post from Monday about my friend who's working as a manager at the? Well I just found out Tuesday from a mutual friend that he isn't there any more. As it turns out, new ownership took is taking over and a lot of his superiors were getting fired and new people were being brought it and while his job may have been safe, he didn't care for the relative lack of stability. He ended up taking an old friend's offer to manage and bartend at their restaurant.

I went to visit him there, which turned out to be a nice little Irish Bar/Restaurant. It's perfect for him since he's full Irish, has a healthy drinking habit, and he gets to both manage the floor and bartend a couple of nights week. Best of all, he doesn't have to wear a suit or a nametag. I read some great reviews about their food, so I ordered their fish and chips, which were excellent, and washed it down with a couple of perfectly poured pints of Guinness (I expect nothing less from him). I noticed their impressive whiskey selection and he poured me a glass of 10-year old scotch called Talisker (neat), which was outstanding. (Scotch back for your Guinness, Dan-E?) It’s definitely a place I’ll be going back to.

Anyway, he seems to be doing well and even though he's only been there for a week, he's really enjoying it. Plus he gets the nights that he wants (he's literally the only service guy I know that wants Friday AND Saturday off) and it's two blocks from his condo. I'm happy for him; he's a good guy and things are working out. As for the job offer? It never came up. I'm ok with where I am and I need to focus on finding me real job anyway.

Labels: Beer, drinking, NaBloPoMo, server stories, waiting, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:02 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Thinking too Much, Still ::

I've haven't played my guitar much in a few weeks. I had last night off after working a long lunch shift and wanted to I wanted to relax for a bit. I poured myself some bourbon and pulled Lilly out of her case (for those of you new to my blog, I name guitars; my acoustic is Lilly and the electric is Colette) for my own personal jam session. Her strings were a little worn but after a few strums, the sound came back and I played for about an hour. I played everything from some practice scales, old church songs, and Bon Jovi

It was fun and relaxing but I also had to get my mind off the fact that I ran into one of the girls I blogged about a while ago. It wasn't quite cordial, either. After the initial pleasantries, she asked why I lost touch.

What are you talking about? I tried calling you. Why didn't return my call?

I texted you.

And I tried to call you afterwards but you weren't picking up.

Well... I really like texting.

You'd really rather type out messages on a keypad instead of just pressing that green button?

Well, it's easy because I have a Blackberry.

I don't remember much after that since I think my head exploded. We said our obligatory "good to see you again, blah blah blah" but I was left thinking (which is never a good thing) about this. I'm not one these people that’s perpetually attached to their cell phones. I work with people who check their cells every hour during a shift. I have to deal social retards every time I work because they're too busy yapping on their phones to order, or even practice some simple courtesy. When I had a car, I'd always have incidents with some dumbfuck man or woman who's too busy talking to see what's going on around them. If I call someone and leave a message, I sometimes get a text back. And there have been times when I email people where they reply via text.

What the fuck?

I dislike cell phones and I fucking HATE texting just as much, if not more. I may have a cell but I use it like a landline; I don't like using it when I'm not at home. I was one of the last one of my friends to get a cell phone and I've yet to really embrace it so I admit that I may be a little behind the times but is texting now really an acceptable form of regular communication? It's not enough that I have to consider whether my clothes are ok, if my breath stinks, whether my humor is too arcane, or what I say when I call, but now I have to think about how and when to text? Really?

It's probably because I'm a guy but I don't like using the phone unless it's a with a friend in a different city that I haven't seen in a while. And I'll even admit that there have been a few times where text messaging has been useful. but geezus. Is this what we've become? A bunch of thumb-talking savants? Or am I the one that's out of line?

Back to the point of this post; as I was thinking about this, it seems that ever since I moved to Miami, just about every minute I spent with any woman came in a distant second to some alone time playing my guitar. Is that sad or what? (Don't answer that.)

Labels: cell phones, dating, NaBloPoMo, rants

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:48 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Just Asking ::

You ever fart so loud your butt hurt?

Labels: farts, gas, NaBloPoMo

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 8:00 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Promotion ::

I was at The Abby a few weekends ago and ran into and old buddy that used to work there. He took a job at the Biltmore Hotel in Coconut Grove managing one of their restaurants and he's doing well. He's been bartending for years and this is his first job where he's strictly managing, and he likes to joke how he "sold out" because he went from working a grungy bar like The Abby to a fine dining restaurant where's forced to wear both a suit AND a name tag.

We talk shop and he reflects on his reasons for leaving even though he had to take a large pay cut to manage. One of the reasons is he's now married to his beautiful wife, and he didn't want to keep coming home at six in the morning so he could spend time with family since she works a "normal" job with "normal" hours. There was also the earning potential if he stayed at it as well as the benefits that comes with working for a large company. He's been there almost ten months now working diligently and he's already been promoted from "Assistant Supervisor" to "Assistant General Manager." He gets a wine commission in addition to his base salary, as well as the perks that come with managing a high-end restaurant (read: free booze).

Like me, he's more of a dive bar and beer guy and we share stories (read: talk shit) about customers who march into our restaurants and demand the staff kiss their ass for no other reason than that they're rich. Since I’ve been working the day bar bartender twice a week, we talk more shop about drinks and drunks. After about thirty minutes he tells me this: "we've been looking for a guy to take my old job after I got promoted and if you cut your hair and shave your goatee, you have a standing offer to come work for me."

I thought it was the alcohol talking. For a longtime bartender who's full Irish, his tolerance is amazingly low (his nickname is "Plastic Paddy"). But I've seen him completely sloshed and his speech wasn't slurring so it seems he was serious. I told him the logistics; it was a 20 minute drive and I don't have a car, I didn't want to take a pay cut, and I've never managed anything in my life. He insisted. And I thought about it; wasn't my whole reason for moving to Miami was to go to art school so I'll advance my career in advertising?

Still, however briefly, I considered it. I've been working on and off on my book and plan to find my "real job" in the next few months. But while he was going on about the perks of the job, the thought of advancing my career in the service industry, in many aspects, seemed appealing. I have a few months of bartending under my belt and I enjoy working behind bars (umm, as in serving drinks; not in a prison or anything), making drinks, socializing and meeting people.

If I was to be completely honest the thought of being a career bartender is appealing; I'd make pretty good money, the hours are great (I’m a night owl and I'd never have to wake up before noon), it's probably a good way to meet women (it's how Paddy met his wife), and I'd enjoy other perks (read: free booze). Except I devoted two years of my life to art school where I discovered that I'm actually good at this Art Director thing. I may not be the greatest or anything but I'm a good creative thinker, I like deadlines, I can wake up at 7am on a regular basis if need be, and most important, I enjoy it.

It strengthened my resolve to find my advertising job even more. All I know is I can't put off my art career much longer. I'll never know how good I'll be at it unless I get that first job. My future may well be as a bartender, or maybe even something completely different, but I'll never know unless I give it a shot.

In the meantime, I turned to my buddy and replied, "I'm flattered but I gotta go give my art career a shot first but I'll tell you what; five years from now, if I decide I'm sick of that line of work, I'll look you up and come work for you. How's that sound?" He smiled and reached out his hand.

"Deal."

Labels: Abby, career, drinking, NaBloPoMo, server stories, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:06 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Thing I have Learned from Relationships with Women ::

...

Labels: dating, girls

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:19 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Thinking too Much ::

One of the busboys I work with became a father to a little girl and I couldn't be simultaneously happier, yet completely terrified for him. He's a good guy, a hard worker, has a good head on his shoulders, and is all of 22 years old. His wife is 21, and they've already been married for almost two years. Like any good friend, I've been giving him shit about this ("did they ever find out who the real daddy is?")

I've gotten to know him pretty well over the last few months, partly because he's the only busboy we have that speaks English well and actually busses tables. But every time I talk to him, I notice his remarkable maturity (for his age anyway; he's miffed that his wife won't let him buy a motorcycle), and judging from the doting way he talks about his wife and his family, he's going to be alright.

Still, he's 22. I'm eleven years older than he is and I'm not even ready to get married, much less have kids (I never want kids but that's beside the point.), but then he's light years ahead of where I was in terms of maturity, his stage in life, etc, etc compared to when I was 22. I told him this when he asked if I’m looking to start a family soon but his simple reply was "yeah but it's not like that in my country."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, man. In America everyone waits to get married and have a family because they wanna make money or whatever. I love my wife and she loves me, man. That's all that matters."

"I guess." My inner cynic thinks it's a bit simplistic and idealistic, but it's working for him and I'm not going to rain on his parade.

"And I'm not rich or anything yet but my other job pays enough to take care of my family. I just work here to save a little extra. But I don't worry about money, man. Just 'cuz I don't buy my little girl Gucci shit don't mean I'm not going to take care of her."

He's right. Granted, he's luckier than most of us in terms of finding his ideal woman, but still. We do wait longer for many reasons; financial stability, sow your wild oats, see the world, gain material wealth, whatever. But in his native country (Honduras), life is apparently, simpler. It could be cultural differences. Or maybe it's the comparable lack to earning potential that forces love of family as the core factor. I'm speaking from ignorance; I've never been there.

And like so many things these days, it makes me question mysself, being as it I tend to think too much. It usually turns back into brutally introspective self-analysis and dwelling on - perhaps self-perceived - deficiencies.

Sure, I was immature at age 22 old but what about now? Don't I eventually want to meet a nice girl? What's keeping me? Why am I waiting? Why am I even comparing myself to a 22 year old?

Am I not ready? Possibly.

Why not? It's a lame excuse to cover myself.

And why would do that? I don't wanna talk about it.

Have I not met the right person? Obviously not. But it goes a lot deeper that.

What do you mean? If this magical "right person" dropped into my lap, would I even know what to do?

So are you even trying? Umm...

Do you have any valid reasons or are you just too chicken shit to even ask a girl out? Uhh... can I get back to you?

I've met a few women and gotten a number here and there but nothing ever came of it. But really, what was the big fucking deal with getting a number anyway? It's nothing. Absolutely nothing if you can't develop anything from it. And I can't believe that my psyche is so out of whack right now that I would consider something relatively insignificant as getting a number a major hurdle. So what's the real issue?

I've always heard and read that women are experts and sensing a man's confidence and even though I have a pretty good "poker face" (or I thought I did, anyway) maybe I'm more transparent than I realized. Poker face is one thing but I'm not good at faking confidence and I've lived my whole life with a part of me that tells me, "you can't do this. You're not good enough. You think you're fooling anyone?" It was there during college, it was there when I tried to learn guitar, it was there before I moved to Miami, and it's there every time I try to summon the testicular fortitude to talk to some woman I just met. Whether she's sitting at my bar or she's standing next to me at the produce section, it’s there.

"Why are you talking to her? She's out of your league. Don't waste your time flirting with her, have you forgotten you're just a waiter?"

I'm usually able to overcome these thoughts. I'm a decent guitar player, I did well in college and art school, and I'm doing well in Miami otherwise.

So why do I feel this way? Hours of reading books, plenty of time think, and some brutal self-analysis later I think I have a pretty good idea. (Details of which I won't get into now. Maybe in a later post.) How the hell do I fix this though? Work through it myself like I usually try to do? See a therapist? Get advice from friends? And in terms of dating, do I forget trying to meet women with this crap going on in my head or can I work through it, fake it even? Is putting myself out there regardless part of working through it? And really, how do I project myself as a fine catch to some woman when I have trouble believing that myself?

No one I know would ever guess that I have these issues. And really, I'm fine otherwise. It just pisses me off that I'm letting it affect me to this degree and that at age 33, that I know less about dating and relationships than guys 10 years younger than me.

I don't how this went from a post about my buddy become a dad to a sudden outpouring of my neurosis. I thought about deleting this content and starting over but nah. Maybe I need to stop internalizing everything. Maybe I need to stop worrying about seeming weak and open up about some of this to friends. Maybe I need to stop questioning myself. Maybe I just need to get laid.

Whatever. Sometimes, I think too much.

Labels: dating, in a rut, introspective, NaBloPoMo, server stories

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:30 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Halloween ::

My restaurant allows its staff to dress up for Halloween. I wasn't planning on dressing up until I got a call that morning from Chuck, and he really didn't want to be the only straight guy in costume. I relented and lacking time and creativity, slapped together at the last minute a male Hawaiian Hula Dancer that I had left over from a previous Halloween.

My hair has gotten long enough that the managers make me keep it up in a knot, whereas a ponytail was previously sufficient but for that night, they let me keep it down. I wouldn't be writing about it except for this: three random women that night asked me it that was my real hair - ??? - followed by something along the lines of "oh my gawd, it's so beautiful, I'm so jealous," etc.

Random women have been telling me how much they like my hair every now and then so I guess I should be used to it by now (that and some drunk guys from Pittsburg thought I was Steelers safety Troy Polamalu, though they didn't ask me for an autograph or anything, which would have been kinda weirdly cool), except I've never had anyone ask if it was a wig. Then again, considering the costumes I saw some guys wearing that night, I wasn't surprised. Kinda funny now that I think about it.

Labels: football, hair, halloween, NaBloPoMo, server stories, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:24 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: NaBloPoMo ::

In honor of National Blog Post Month, I'm going try to go along with this "post every day" thing, mostly because my blog has been neglected more than Mike Vrabel running a short post in the Red Zone and I need to find a way to inject some badly needed life back into it.

I'm a day late but never late than never, right? And I did post yesterday so that should count for soemthing. Stay tuned.

Labels: football, NaBloPoMo, still here

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:50 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Drunkenness and Breakups ::

I know it's been a while since I posted but there hasn't been much goingon. Unless you wanted read about me being too chicken-shit to talk to women or stuff like that, I haven't felt like writing.

My buddy Duke, who I used to work with, came by to visit over the weekend. I might have mentioned him before, but the short version is: good worker, fun to work with, beautiful fiancé, and overall good guy. I didn't get to know him as well as I'd like since we mostly talked during down times at work but there was a mutual regard and respect while we were co-workers. His fiancé would stop by the restaurant every now and then, and we became friends as well. They were an adorable couple.

He left late last year to find another line of work, and just before that, I remember how he seemed eager to start a family soon. We didn't talk much since then other then some phone tag and text messages. So when I saw him Sunday night at work, I was happy to see him and there was a small part of me expecting him to pass out cigars or something. As it was, I was busy tending to my tables and my manager, who's his golfing buddy, was monopolizing his time catching up. Which was fine because I had a full section and my tables were keeping me busy; I figured I could talk to him once we closed.

Once I finished my paperwork and sat down next to him at the bar, I found him completely hammered. Slurred speech, stumbling, can't-walk-much-less-stand-hammered. He lived in Aventura, which is a good fifteen miles north of South Beach so, my manager, our friend Chuck, and I were wondering how to get him home. No way in hell he was driving.

We tried to get him to call his fiancé, who worked nearby, but according to him, she was at home, and couldn't get here on her scooter at that hour. A cab would be expensive, the manager couldn't take him because he had to stay late and close the restaurant, Chuck had to get home because his "wife is waiting for me and she's dressed like a whore" (also, she's Colombian, which means that if he's not at home or at work, she thinks he's out chasing skirts, so I understood completely). So that left me, since all I wanted to do after work was go to the Abby and have a beer.

The manager gave me some cab money, Chuck thanked me for taking the bullet, and I took the keys to Duke's car and drove him home. I know the general area where he lives and once I got close I tried to wake him up, but he apparently had a LOT of wine and I couldn't wake him up with an air gun. I did what seemed logical at the time, which was grab his phone and call his fiancé to get directions. I get her on the phone, tell her what's up with Duke and ask how to get to their place. I ask her if she's at home, and she tells me no. "Oh, so you're at work?"

"No, we're not together any more."

Wait... what?

My favorite couple that I met since I moved to Miami, are no longer a couple? What the fuck?! It started to make sense as I made my way to his place. He showed up alone, he was evasive when I asked how his fiancé was doing, and one of the cooks saw him on the verge of tears in the other dining room (I wouldn't know about this until the next day). He clearly didn't want any of us to know what happened, and when I talked to him briefly after dropping him off, he could barely look me in the eyes.

I called her after to let her know Duke is home safe and she gave me the Cliffnotes version of why she left him and thanked me for getting him home safe. During the cab ride home, it took a while for me to process everything that happened. I mean, the last time I saw either of them, they were leaving the restaurant, holding hands and looking forward to their lives together, and seemed to me the picture perfect couple. And now - even though many months have passed - they're not together? That sucks.

Duke called me the next day to thank me for driving him home, but also to ask me why I felt the need to call his ex-fiancé in the first place. I told him the truth: he couldn't drive so I drove him home in his car, he wouldn't wake up so I called her for directions, etc, etc. Clearly, he didn't mean for any of us to find out about this since he's not only heartbroken, but he feels embarrassed and emasculated that she left him, for reasons he didn't get into, nor did I inquire about.

I feel bad for him. On some level, I can relate to his situation. But on the other hand, he was with this girl for seven years (!) and they were supposed to husband and wife, which I never felt about anyone I was with. I told him that as a friend, I'd be available to talk to him if he ever felt the need, but to be completely honest, there's a part of me that doesn't want to listen to him vent his baggage. Not because I'm an asshole, but because I have so much of my own shit I need to figure out that I'm just not sure if I want to listen to someone else's relationship problems. ("You had a hot girlfriend for the last seven years and I can't even get a woman to so much as look at me. Yeah, sure." Don't get me wrong, I can be an asshole, I just don't want to be at this time). If he calls, of course I'll be available.

But I've been sitting on this for the last few days. This doesn’t really affect me in any way; I hadn't seen either of them in almost a year, and yet I'm still thinking about this now. Looking back, maybe I should have just tried a little harder to wake him up.

Labels: drinking, girls, regrets

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:54 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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