:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

Thoughts, observations, and introspections from an art student waiter/bartender in South Beach. Arcane humor ensues.
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:: Sunday, June 03, 2007 ::

:: Server Stories: Drugs ::
One thing about waiters and bartender is that most of us either drink, do drugs, do hard drugs, or some combination of the above. I have the drinking part down (mostly in the sense that I like the taste of what I drink, and I haven't been drunk in... it's been at least a few hours) but I don't do drugs of any sort. I've tried marijuana three times (I only got high once and really, that was enough), cocaine once (no affect whatsoever. absolutely nothing. I was actually a little disappointed), and mushrooms (it turned out to be a sautéed portabella, and it was quite yummy. Sneaky bitch.)

Anyway, there's a bartender I work with that's a great guy, hard worker, and a gigantic pothead. (In the service industry, those qualities are not mutually exclusive) Or was anyway. Thanks to a domestic dispute call from the cops, (don't ask. Just, don't.) he got caught with "hemp paraphernalia" and isn't allowed to smoke any more, thanks to random drug tests enforced by this parol officer.

So I go to work last night and Koby walks up to me, holds up an empty aspirin bottle and says, "hey Dan-E, oh man, I totally wish you were at work yesterday."

"Huh? Why?" (I'm poring over next week's schedule, silently cursing the manager for making me work lunch with our Resident Drama Queen.)

"Well, you know how I'm not supposed to smoke any more?"


"And I still do anyway?"


"Yesterday, I got called into taking a drug test and I FREAKED OUT dude. And I figured the only way I was gonna pass this test is if I get some pee from you and put your sample in the cup."

And he said that so fast that I was like, "huh? what?"

"Because you're literally the only person I know that doesn't do any drugs and I knew you'd be totally clean."

"Really. The only."

"I mean, my girlfriend's mom would be clean too but I can't ask her"

Good point.

And thinking back on it, I don't know what's weirder: the fact that I have a friend that considers me close enough of a friend that he'd ask me for my urine sample, or that if he had asked me, my reply would have been, "yeah sure. Do you mind waiting ten minutes while I drink some coffee?" And without a second thought.

I've had friends ask me for favors before but you don't get requests like that very often.

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:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:20 AM [+] :: | 0 comments

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