:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

Thoughts, observations, and introspections from an art student waiter/bartender in South Beach. Arcane humor ensues.
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:: Friday, November 23, 2007 ::

:: Server Stories: Loan ::
Remember the post where I wrote about my co-worker Koby, who asked me for my urine sample? Last night, he comes up to me and asks me for another favor: "Hey Dan-E, can I borrow thirty bucks? I'll give you fifty back."

I thought he said "fifteen" so I started laughing. "I'm serious. Fifty bucks."

I stopped laughing. "Fifteen or fifty?" "Fifty." "As in five-zero?" "Yep. I have the cash to pay you back at home right now but I need to place an order right after work."

"You piss off your girlfriend and you need flowers or something?"

"No I need money to buy a big bag of weed."

I should have known. "But what about your probation?" (He does a fist pump.) "It's over starting tomorrow! That's why I need money to buy a big bag and I'm thirty dollars short."

"Oh, ok."

Looking at the slightly confused look on my face, he proceeds to explain to me how buying in bulk will be cheaper instead of just buying one small bag. And I'll admit, I found it all fascinating.

"I see. So this guy's, what, the Costco of drug dealers?" (Laughing) "Yeah, something like that."

"I didn’t know drug dealers gave bulk discounts." "They don't like to." "But for you?" "Yep." "You must have been a great customer." "Before I got caught, I was his favorite."

"You can’t just wait tomorrow?" "I have the (another fist pump) whole day off and today’s my last day of probation." "And you're willing to give me an extra twenty dollars back just so you can buy your stash tonight?" "Yep."

I was hooked. I wanted to learn more. "And you’d still save money?" "Fifty bucks!" "Really." "Yeah, it's gonna be thirty dollars once I pay you back, but still!"

This is how it works out: he can buy one gram of marijuana for $20 (which, according to him is the equivalent of two small joints or one big fatty) or he could just buy ten bags at once for $150. Even a non-smoker can appreciate that deal. Except he was $30 short.

"And..." There's an "and." "...I know you don't do drugs but I’ll roll you a nice one on top of the extra $20. That's how important this is."

Again, I'm not a pot smoker but for some reason, and I hate to admit it, that got me thinking. "That's cool but if you get caught again, I won't be able to give you a urine sample for at least a week or two."

I'm telling you, there's never a dull moment with this guy around.

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:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:53 PM [+] :: | 0 comments

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