:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: Saturday, March 17, 2007 ::

:: 300 ::

Long time ago, in a gala...er... country far, far away, there was a group of overly militant Greeks that lived under constant threat of being invaded by the Persian Army. (Or something to that effect.) They lived under a perpetually cloudy sepia-colored sky, amid sepia-colored wheat fields, in homes made of sepia-tinged stones, in weather so warm that men walked around in Speedo-precursors despite the fact they rarely went swimming since the ocean (also sepia-colored) was days away by foot.

Yes, I'm talking about the movie "300." It's a movie I thoroughly enjoyed. It wasn't the gore (not really that heavy compared to, say, "Braveheart"), or the slow-motion action scenes (very cool, but all the "Matrix" movies did it better), or even the cheesy-yet-chill-inducing-one-liners ("Then we will fight in the shade."). And it didn't bother me at all that the movie was simultaneously homoerotic (apparently, all Greeks males were Bowflex-using steroid freaks that liked to walk around in little more than fabulous red capes and tiny leather man-briefs, all the while being disturbingly hairless) and homophobic (Leonidas calls the Arcadias "philosophers and boy-lovers," and really, who likes those fey-sounding philosophers? And you can't honestly tell me that RuPaul wasn't having the time of his - her? - life playing the god-wannabe-dictator Xerxes - who by the way, is adorned by jewelry so ridiculously elaborate and unabashedly gaudy that B.A. Baracas from the A-Team is seething with envy. Not only that but he has eyebrows so perfectly tweezed that the girl I saw it with wondered who performed the waxing. Oh, and he's asking everyone to kneel before him. Interpret that as you wish.)

If you haven't seen this yet, forget any historical facts you might know about the Battle of Thermopylae. This is a painstakingly recreated celluloid visualization of a graphic novel (i.e. 'comic book' for you neophytes of geek etymology) as envisioned by Frank Miller. And that's why I love this movie. It's a movie that isn't afraid of the fact that movies, far beyond any other purpose, is meant to be a form of entertainment. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good movie that's serious (Zodiac), thought provoking (Children of Men), or even forces us to re-examine ourselves (Blood Diamond), but I also love a movie where everyone involved, from the directors to the actors, knows that they're making a movie for the sole purpose of being entertaining.

I've read reviews where critics try to interpret this movie as a metaphor of the misguided war in Iraq, or even macho white guys beating the crap out of faggoty Middle Easterners. Whatever. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and in this case, a codpiece is just a codpiece.

Forget about historical accuracy, fundamentally sound acting techniques (Gerard Butler screams almost all his lines; after a while I wanted to scream back "we can hear you, already!! Shut up!") or life-like characters that we can relate to, then don't see this movie. But if you can appreciate a movie for just wanting to be a movie, nothing more nothing less, then run to a theater now and see this spectacle.

A co-worker, gay one at that, told me that he didn't want to see it because it looked brainless and too simple. I wanted to kick him into the deep fryer and yell "this... is... SPARTA!!!"

Labels: 300, movie, reviews

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:47 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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