:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: 49ers Week 1 Game Diary ::

I don't get to watch many football games of my San Francisco 49ers since they're not televised here unless they play an East Coast team or if they're on a national broadcast. And that hasn't happened much recently because well, they've sucked since 2002. However, this is the first time in a long time that I've felt any sort of optimism - albeit cautious - coming into the season. I'm also excited since this is the first time in a while I'll be able to watch my them from beginning to end and to top it off it's a Monday Night Football game. Sure it’s the second game but whatever.

You'd think that ideally, I'd watch this at home in front of my TV with pizza and beer nearby but no, I head over to Dewey's to see it on their big HD TV. Also, I don't want to wake and scare my neighbors in case I start yelling at the TV when my team starts making stupid mistakes.

10:15
The broadcast is already delayed because the game between the Baltimore Ravens and Cincinnati Jailbirds is running long. Ravens backup QB Kyle Boeller is in. Is McNair hurt? First game of the season and he's already in mid-season form.

10:27
Game one is finally over and they switch over to the Niners/Arizona Cardinals game. I hear commentator Mike Greenberg say something along the lines of it being a sloppy game so far with no scoring and "early penalties" so we "haven't missed much so far." Great. Thanks for that Mike.

They're talking about Niner's Alex Smith being the youngest QB ever to start on Monday Night Football. Must be a slow news cycle or something.

10:29
Well, at least I won't be able to hear Mike any more since they turned the jukebox back on, because the employees at Dewey's think it's not important to hear commentators during a football game. I may be wrong but I'm calling East Coast bias here.

10:34
Initial impressions so far: Arizona has a couple of receivers that look like they should be forwards for an NBA team and QB Matt Leinart looks a little shaky. My Niners on the other hand look like a young, talented team that's going to eventually develop into a powerhouse in the NFC West. I'm NOT biased.

10:35
Matt Leinart throws a pick! On his first pass! Nice. Good start already.

10:37
Hand off to Frank Gore and TOUCHDOWN!!! I love Frank Gore. Seriously, he came out of nowhere last season and rushed for 1695 yards to give us our first elite rushing threat since, what, Ricky Watters?

10:44: Just saw Arizona Offensive Line coach Russ Grimm. He looks like he'd be better off playing for the line than coaching. So far my Niner's defense is looking pretty good.

10: 50
A shoving match just broke out. 30 minutes in and this is the second most exciting thing I've seen so far.

10:52
Random note: You know those Coors Light commercials where they use postgame footage of football coaches answering fake questions from a bunch of beer-swilling frat guys? They started airing commercials with former Arizona Coach Dennis Green and while they're ok, they missed a HUGE opportunity for comedic gold by not using footage from when he went apeshit after last season’s Chicago game.

Just imagine:
Frat guys: Coach, don't you think Coors Light is more refreshing than the king of beers?
Green: If you wanna crown them, crown their ass!
Guys: So you're saying our beer is better?
Green: They are who we thought they were! And we let 'em off the hook!

You're probably thinking I typed this all out during a commercial break and you'd be right.

10:58
They're showing a graphic about Matt Leinart being drafted 10th overall last year. I'm only guessing but I think the commentators are talking about the money he "lost" by staying an extra year in college to get his (now ex) girlfriend knocked up.

11:01
End of the first quarter and we're up 7-0. Not a bad start. I'd be more comfortable with, say 70-0 but that's asking a bit much.

11:06
Arizona put together a decent drive but we held them to a field goal. I'm liking our defense. So far.

11:07
My chicken fingers and fries show up. They both look to be a shade darker than they're supposed to be, possibly because the cook was distracted by the game and forgot to pull the fry basket out in time. Perfect.

11:08
The fries have been cooked long enough that they're super crispy while having that strange, almost translucent look to it. (You know exactly what I'm talking about.) They still have enough grease that the salt sticks right on them. I love this crap.

11:11
Alex Smith gets sacked and fumbles the ball and a Cardinal falls on it. Our defense is good but now our pass protection looks suspect. Can't win 'em all, I guess.

11:15
Arizona punted and we could have had the ball if one of our guys didn't run into the punter. Way to go guys. This is what just what we need: stupid penalties. I'm gonna smack myself in the face now.

11:18
...aaaaannd Arizona scores. Excuse me again while I punch myself in the eye.

11:19
As if someone was deliberately trying to worsen my pain, it seems some 14 year-old girl picked the music, judging by the crap I've been listening to the past fifteen minutes.

11:20
Another graphic about how Niners QB Alex Smith showed the largest improvement in QB ratings over consecutive season in the history of the NFL (from 40.8 to 74.8). It's not exactly shocking since the QB coach in his first year was also the guy responsible for changing the urinal cakes at the stadium. While that type of "improvement" is like upgrading to a rusty Camaro after driving around in a Hyundai hel together by duct tape, I'm looking at any step up, no matter how small, as posittive.

11:35
Field goal. Tie game. I've seen Smith scramble around quite a bit this series. While it's good to have a decently mobile quarterback, can we start providing some pass protection? Now? Please?

There was a nice shot of Niners Coach Mike Nolan looking sharp in his NFL regulation suit. Don't ask me why, but I find it oddly comforting to have a coach that doesn't look like he should be moonlighting in Weight Watchers commercials.

11:40
Another penalty. A ticky-tack call against my Niners secondary. This is bullshit. Go fuck yourself, ref. Or at least that's what I'm hoping Nolan is saying to the ref as he argues the call. I should mention that he has an incredibly healthy looking tan. I don't know if he's naturally dark, likes being outdoors, or enjoying tanning booths but whatever, he doesn't look like your typical pasty, bloated NFL coach. Again, I find this oddly reassuring. Yes, I believe you should know these things.

11:44
So far, our run defense is looking decent. I don't know if this is a product of an improved defense or if it's because the Arizona O-line still sucks. Whatever. I’ll take it.

11:46
Almost as if they were reading my mind, they show pictures of past great coaches who also wore suits during a game. Guys like Mike Ditka, Tim Landry, and Nolan's dad, whose first name I can't remember.

11:49
Halftime. A couple of thoughts: If Matt Leinart decided against staying an extra year at USC, chances are more than likely that my Niners would have drafted him number one instead of Alex Smith. In that extra year of college, he was Big Man on Campus while taking a ballroom dancing class, enjoyed the Los Angeles spotlight while being a tabloid coverboy, led the Trojans to a winning record only to lose to archrival UCLA, and had sex repeatedly with Paris Hilton and Britany Spears.

Since getting drafted, he held out thinking he deserved Number One money even though he fell to Ten, got his ex-girlfriend pregnant, after which he continues to attend parties and events with guys like Nick Lachey, Jake Gyllenhaal (pre-Brokeback) and other c-list male celebs, all the while never seeming to actually reserve time to you know, be a parent.

Last Matt Leinart tidbit, he was on an episode of Punk'd once. He got caught soliciting a prostitute, actually uses the excuses, "I'm Matt Leinart, I don't have trouble getting laid" and "I'm about to be drafted in a month." When the police tell him to blame his friend instead, he folds faster than cheap paper. This is the kind of character you want in your franchise quarterback.

My point being, I'm still not sold on Alex Smith but I'm happy on so many levels that we didn't draft Leinart.

12:01am
Halftime is over. QB stats so far:
Leinart: 7/10, 42 yards, 0 TD, 1 INT.
Smith: 6/11, 50 yards, 0 TD, 0 INT.
I don't know why but I'm pumped up. Come on boys, let's win this thing.

12:03
As if the football Gods were sympathizing with me, Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight" started playing on the jukebox. Awesome.

Nate Clements just kept Arizona WR and Fantasy Football stud Larry Fitzgerald from making a big play. I know Fitzgerald is a stud because he was “WR1” on my fantasy team last year. I would have loved to have a stud WR from Frisco instead but there weren't any.

Three and out, we get the ball back with really good field position.

12:13
Gore just ran over four Cardinal defenders and got a First Down on our first play of the half. I love Frank Gore.

12:16
We've held Fitzgerald to 2 catches and 8 yards so far. That means, two things: 1. Clements was a great signing this offseason and 2. It's only a matter of time before he burns us with a 70-yard touchdown reception.

12:19
First down inside the Cardinal's 15 and we end up kicking a field goal. At least we're now up 13-10 and Arizona isn't really doing much on offense.

12:26
Just saw an ad for ABC's new TV show "Cavemen" which is loosely based on the Geico commercials. Hollywood has officially run out of ideas.

12:28
We get the ball back on our own 43... and on cue Smith is scrambling for his life. I think I spoke too soon. Their defense suddenly looks energetic and Gore isn't going anywhere.

12:30
Smith finally has time to zip a 10 yard pass of Arnaz Battle for first down. See what happens when you give your quarterback some time? By the way, that's only the second time all night we converted on third down.

12:31
Four pass attempts in a row. Gore has only touched the ball 15 times and it's well into the third quarter. Sure he had that hand injury in the preseason but he's fine now and just ran over four guys. Why are we not handing off to him more often? Why?

12:37
Just saw Leinart scramble and take a shot on the chest (something he should have told his ex-girlfriend to do) from one of our linebackers. Nice.

12:39
He must be woozy since I just saw him throw two consecutive passes that, had our offense been a little more experienced, would have picked off. As it is, it's two passes defended and the Cards are punting. Considering that last year, those two passes might have been caught and taken in for a score, I'll take it. Of course, that's kinda like saying "at least my new girlfriend didn't try to poison me" but, whatever.

12:41
Finally a handoff to Gore, and he's stuffed at the line of scrimmage. Oh, that's why.

12:44
Three and out. Smith looks confused out there half the time and overwhelmed the other half and our O-line isn't protecting him. Both of the defenses have improved somewhat but I saw part of the San Diego-Chicago game yesterday and neither team is at that level. This was supposed to be a matchup of two up-and-coming young quarterbacks but so far, I've seen better pass attempts by this drunk old guy wandering around the bar here.

12:51
Random note: you know that Hootie and the Blowfish song "Only wanna be with You," with the line "I'm such a baby 'cuz the Dolphins make me cry?" For the longest time, I thought they were fervent environmentalists who were protesting all the dolphins getting trapped in tuna nets or something. It wasn't until I moved to Miami that I learned Hootie was just a huge Dolphins fan. That there is the textbook definition of "overthinking."

12:57
Arizona might not have a elite defense but they're stacking the line and we're doing nothing against them. (I can't prove it but I'm certain I saw their Mascot line up in front of the safety.) Even Gore hasn't gone anywhere since his last TD. Smith just got sacked, the wide receivers aren't getting open, and when he does throw, all the passes are so high Yao Ming couldn't catch them. Another punt. I know it's only game one but I'm getting flashbacks of 2005 (where we went 4-12) again. I'm gonna go gouge my eyes out now.

1:00
Just saw Smith standing on the sideline looking confused, only this time he's not wearing a helmet. 9/19, 66 yards, and 124 total yards for our offense. If I'm gonna make it through this night, I'm gonna need something stronger than beer.

1:02
... or see Leinart get sacked hard. At least our defense is good. Next play, Edgerrin James gets stuffed after three yards. Next play, Leinart gets rushed, scrambles away, this time for first down and more. By the way, I have a feeling I'm going to be saying "at least our defense is good" a lot this season.

1:03
And they score. Short pass to Anquan Boldin. Again I spoke too soon. Excuse me, I'm gonna ram my head through the nearest window.

1:13
Random note: I just saw a friend from school here. She was sitting about eight feet away but I never noticed her because my focus was on the game and keeping up with this game diary. And I could have gone the whole night without noticing her if not for the fact that that while I was typing the last entry, I suddenly feel these arms wrap around me and I hear "Oh my God, how are you?!" She finally lets go, I see her face and much to my relief it's someone I know and not some drunk chick mistaking me for an ex or something. In my defense she was sitting with her back to me (though that isn't a great excuse either since I spent a good amount of time checking out that part of her while we were in school together). Maybe that's why I'm still single.

1:19
And once again, I have to sit through "Hotel California." For once, I'd love to watch an entire game at this bar without ever hearing that damn song. This is the "unplugged" version so now it sucks acoustically. By the way, someone explain to me just how the hell bands playing acoustic versions of their songs started being called "unplugged" being as it even acoustic guitars have to be plugged in if anyone past the tenth row wants to hear anything. I know, I'm babbling.

1:20
Oh right, there's a football game on.

1:24
Off season acquisition Darrell Jackson reels in a pass that's again almost overthrown by Smith. Maybe Smith took to heart all those scouting reports about him lacking "arm strength" and was hellbent on proving everyone wrong but now he's throwing three feet over everybody. On the plus side, if he keeps overthrowing like this, he'll be the next Brett Favre.

1:26
Niners receivers finally catch of couple of passes and Smith has now completed 50% of his passes (12/24). A few more games like this and he'll be at Eli Manning's level.

1:28
My team decides to show off this newfound arm strength and go for a deep pass, which Jackson let SLIP THROUGH HIS HANDS. They showed a shot of 49ers fans doing exactly what I'm doing, standing with the hands on their hands, looking dumbfounded. Seriously, it was IN HIS HANDS and he dropped it. That could have been the fucking game right there! I'm kicking myself in the stomach now.

1:29
They show Coach Nolan with a look of consternation on his evenly tanned face. Or maybe its something else, I'm not sure exactly because that's about the only expression he's had all night.

1:30
Again, Smith is scrambling, though at least it's for a first down this time. Ugh. It's gonna be a long season. At least our defense is good.

1:32
Smith pass to WR Arnaz Battle and it's caught for a TD! Nope! He dropped it. HE FUCKING DROPPED IT!!! I'm running out of body parts to maim and I'm too chickenshit to self-immolate so I'm gonna go hurl myself into oncoming traffic.

1:34
We somehow make it inside their 5. I say "somehow" because I wasn't paying attention, with my head pounding on the table and all. Actually, what happened was that Battle caught the ball, had possession, was stripped just before he entered the endzone, and one of our guys recovered it in the endzone. However, there's a new rule stating that if a fumble occurs after the two minute warning, if it goes forward of the spot of the fumble, it won't be spotted forward of the spot, unless it's recovered by the player who fumbled it. Get all that? Me neither.

1:36
TOUCHDOWN!!! HOLY SHIT WE SCORED!!! FUCK YEAH!!! Ok, the ball was spotted at the 1 yard line. Smith audibles, Battle goes in motion, he hands off to Battle, and he runs it in on an endaround!!! Coach Nolan you magnificent bastard!!! You tricky motherfucker, that was awesome! That rocked!

1:37
Random Note: Microsoft Word doesn't like "endzone," thinking it should be "end zone." Yet when I typed out "mother fucker," Word says it should be "motherfucker." Someone explain this logic to me, and introduce me to the idiot who programmed this. I wanna have a word with that mother fucker.

1:40
Cardinal ball and they have 22 seconds to get into field goal range. Let's hold them here. No big plays. Shut 'em down boys, shut 'em down. Leinart throws deep and... he’s picked off!!! My 49ers win!!! WOOO!!!

Wow. Talk about an UGLY win. Obviously we still have things to work on but this is the kind of game that would usually get away from us in previous seasons so us pulling out a win is a great start. Granted, it's against the Arizona Cardinals but still. And the fact that we're finally over .500 for the first time since, what... 2003? I'm happy. Yeah, it's gonna be a long season but I'm looking forward to it.

Labels: 49ers, Dewey's, diary, football

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:03 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Celebrity Sighting ::

Working at a nice, fairly well known restaurant in South Beach, you'd think we'd get our share of celebrity sightings but not that much. The last two that I know about were Annie Lenox, who was apparently nice, and the singer Pink, who came in with her motorcross star boyfriend and was very sweet. There were a few other minor sightings but having grown up in L.A., star sightings just don't get me all excited as they would other people. So when a co-worker told me that she waited on Pink, I just said, "that's cool."

"Why aren't you more excited?" she asked.

"Let me know if you wait on one of the guys from the Florida Marlins."

In fact, I was more excited when the ex told me she waited on Indianapolis Colts wide receiver Reggie Wayne, who was apparently very sweet, but soft-spoken and almost shy. He probably didn't like all the attention from locals who still recognized him from his days playing at the University of Miami.

So tonight, just before closing, most of us are doing our sidework, goofing around when I somehow got into a conversation with a friendly young couple that wasn't even in my section. She asks me where I'm from because I "don't look like [I'm] from around here." I tell her I'm from L.A. The guy tells me he's also from the West Coast but he's living in New York now. This is the first time I noticed him since his date is rather, um, hot. That's when I notice his massive biceps that are almost thicker than my legs (I have solid 18" calves). He tells me that he grew up in Seattle but now lives in New York, even though he splits time between cities (and being the genius that I am, I figure he's a consultant or something.)

Somehow the conversation turns to sports (probably because I brought it up) and we learn that we're both lifelong SanFran 49ers fans. Then he starts to talk about how he was almost drafted by my 49ers, that he was disappointed when they passed on him, but he'll always be a loyal fan.

"Drafted? You mean for the NFL? When was this?"

"2004."

"And who do you play for?"

"The Jets."

(WHOA.)

"I'm sorry, what's your name?"

"Erik Coleman".

(I smile huge.) "Whoa, (I actually did say that, not unlike the way Keanu Reeves said it in 'The Matrix." I'm not proud of this.) I actually know who you are." (Which is true, because I remembered researching the Jets' defense during the last Fantasy Football season and ran across his name a few times. Of course it never occurred to me until just now that I'm probably acting like every other bumbling, asshole, Jets fan that's ever approached him. Or maybe not because he's not a huge defensive star like Ray Lewis of Champ Bailey, which might explain why he was friendly. Or maybe he is just a nice guy. Sorry, I'm rambling again.)

Fortunately he didn't seem at all uncomfortable and we talked more football, and his girlfriend kept saying that meeting me must be a sign because she had a dream about him being traded to my Niners, and now they just met some random waiter in South Beach who happened to be a Left-Coast native and lifelong 49ers fan.

Of course, the whole time we're chatting (the whole conversation didn't last more than five minutes) I'm smiling like a dork since I'm super-duper excited that I just shook hands with my first National Football League Player. And the whole time, he was gracious, convivial, and remarkably grounded considering he's a 24 year-old multi-millionaire playing football for a rabid fanbase.

Even if he never plays for my team, it was cool for me to meet an NFL guy who wasn't the gansta-thug-wannabe-type that media tried to portray, especially after the ridiculous amount of publicity generated by all the arrests this past season. Sure the bad apples get all the TV time, but most of the guys are good guys like Erik Coleman. (I realize I'm assuming a lot from a five-minute conversation but I don't think I am, but even if I was just let me have this.)

And to top it off, at least for my friend who waited on him, he's a very generous tipper (50%!).

Labels: 49ers, celebrities, football, server stories, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:52 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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