:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: And no Taxpayer Dollars were Used... ::

... to construct this stadium just in time for the Super Bowl. What can I say? Stuff like this makes me smile.

Labels: awesomeness, food, football, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:40 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Hungry? ::

With all the time I spend in the kitchen I thought I should post photos of some of the dishes I whipped up. It's not quite food porn but it's definitely not for the faint of heart. And if you're a vegetarian you should probably move along.

Some brats boiled in beer with caramelized onions. Perfect food while watching football.

The Fatty Melt and the Luther Burger. How would you like your coronary prepared?

Deep fried whole Red Snapper with a white wine garlic cream sauce, crispy shallots, and roasted asparagus. It's fish. Of course it's healthy.

Rack of lamb with garlic, rosemary, and dijon crust. I love lamb. 

Saving the best for last, my version of the Bistecca alla Fiorentina (Florentine T-bone). It's very different from how I normally cook a porterhouse steak but the flavors were amazing. Serve rare with a side of cannelini beans, roasted garlic and a big Amarone. Don't eat till you're full, eat till your tired.

Yeah, I can cook  a litte.

Labels: awesomeness, cheeseburger, cooking, fish, food, steaks

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:34 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: It Seemed like a Good Idea... ::

... but quite frankly I have no idea what to make of these women wearing a bikini make of bacon. Taken separately, they're two things I really like to put in my mouth (wait, what?) but combine the two and it's just a little odd. Even for me.

Maybe it's our version of eating sushi off a naked woman but I just can't see this catching on at restaurants across America. Ironically, when I first heard about the naked sushi thing, my reaction was along the lines of "and?' Go figure.

Labels: bacon, food, naked, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:46 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Job Search: Again ::

As much as I like some of my co-workers at the Steakhouse, the atmosphere, and working for competent managers who aren't megalomaniacal despots or coked-out idiots (or both), as much as I feel like I could thrive here, I can't as long as there's little business. Unfortunately, it's been very slow. Considering we're in the middle of Stone Crab season, we should easily be doing twice the business that we're doing (indeed, I looked it up and we're doing barely half of last year's numbers).

It seems the corporate office knows this and laid off or transferred six people last week. They're also going to open the restaurant only five days a week. If you've noticed that I've been blogging a lot lately, it's because I've had some extra time since waiters are given the option, and sometimes simply told, to go home if it's slow. I prefer working five shifts each week but I can't hog all the work days, and being the New Guy, most of the other waiters are given priority.

The Floor Manager found a new job and they won't be replacing him. Two busboys were transferred. The head chef and two line cooks were laid off. More cuts may be coming and I have a feeling I'm next. My exceeding competency aside, I'm still the new guy and if the head chef is expendable, I'm just as easily terminated.

I've updated my resume and have spent some time looking around. I got some strong leads at other steakhouses and my old FM told me he's cleaning house at his new place and will soon need new people, so I have options.

I really thought about sticking it out but. One of my plans this year was to save up some money this season for my "Leave Miami" stash. Not that I want to leave but I'll go to wherever my "Real Job" leads (unless it leads me to some Podunk, redneck city with no baseball team) and if that requires me to move, so be it. That savings will go towards moving expenses, plane tickets, deposits for a new apartment, a car, etc. I saved up almost about three month's worth of expenses when I found out the last restaurant was closing, so it's an attainable goal.

In order to do that, I need to make money. Thanks to the economy and the competition from the slew of new restaurants opening up on the beach, it hasn't been happening. Don't get me wrong, I can still afford my favorite beer and the occasional bottle of Jack (which I buy on sale anyway) and even catch a movie once in a while. Despite the new GM's best efforts, business hasn't materialized like we hoped. It's been bad enough that some of the people who've been there for years have been talking about finding work elsewhere. Unlike me, their tenure gives them some job security in case things do improve but I'm hoping I find something before the next round of cuts.

Sure, being laid off isn't the same as being fired but I'm pretty sure it's not going to feel much better. Either way, I'm going on my fourth job in one year. That's almost as many jobs as I've had in my lifetime. I really shouldn't complain. I could have a job collecting urine samples.

Labels: frustration, job search, server stories

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:52 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Cold ::

Today's has been the coldest day in MIami in quite a while, with the high reaching only 59. Just so you know, I'm not complaining. My little brother lives in Boston and the high there was 25. (I don't know about you but if the "High" doesn't even make it above freezing, you need to start finding new words to use. Maybe "Low" and "Really Freakin' Low.") I also know that a good number of my seven readers are from the cold northern states so I'm not going to bitch about chilly conditions here.

(Though it did take a while for the shower to heat up this morning but, whatever.)

It never fails to amuse me how people who spent most of their lives in warm climate react to non-sunny weather. I should know. You know you're in Southern California if you get a half inch of rain and every newscast starts blaring "STORMWATCH 2009!" And you know you're in MIami if the residents start throwing on layers the moment the temperature drops below 70.

Right now at Starbucks, there are women in fur coats, scarves, boots, thick sweaters, and even earmuffs. The guys are also breaking out the thick jackets, winter shirts, and some funny looking hats. The other thing that gets me is that any time it gets like this, Starbucks and other places overcompensate by cranking up the heat as if it's snowing outside. It's almost like walking into a sauna. Judging by the way everyone is huddling in their seats, I'm probably the only one who thinks so.

Labels: cold, humor, weather

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 4:11 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Wine List ::

One of the nice perks of working in the restaurant business is getting to sample various wines (and booze). One of the things that suck about working in the restaurant business is that you have to study the wines, sometimes without the benefits of tasting. I like drinking. I don't like studying.

However, if I'm forced to study something, wines and booze is about as good a subject as you can find. I love a good whiskey so studying up on that on my own time was entertaining. Antonio, the Floor Manager at my last job, knew this so he would let me occasionally try out various Scotches and Bourbons for my shift drink. At the Steakhouse, it's all about the wines. It's an Italian Steakhouse so we have huge selection of Italian reds. It's mostly Piedmont and Tuscan wines, though there are quite a few Amarones and Super Tuscans, with bottles ranging anywhere from $52 to $700.

I spent a lot of time studying our wines and since the new GM has pared down the list, it's been easier keeping up. The MILF and I try to pick a couple of mid and high-end wines to try to push while we stand around and wait for our first customer to come in. It's one way to keep it fun and we have a friendly little competition once in a while.

It's one of the reasons I've been among the top sellers and I'm don't mind using every trick in the book to make a sale. For example, we carry twelve different Pinot Noirs. Most are $50-$60, a couple of those are $82, and one that's $120. It's easy to sell a lot of the cheaper stuff but there's an excellent Pinot Noir from the Carneros Appelation (thanks for the tip, Joo) that I sell more than anyone. (I went through a case in two weeks once.) At $82 it's a hell of a wine and more often than not, I'm able to convince the customer to spend the extra $20 or so and give it a try. It's never been sent back.

The MILF prefers big reds like Cabernets and Brunellos so she doesn't bother too much lighter reds. She noticed I sell that bottle often and asked me if it's a good wine. I told her I read very good reviews. "What do you mean?"

"I've never actually tasted it."

Because of that every now and then I do walk away feeling a little dirty, and not in a good way. More like, a used car salesman sort of dirty. Our GM is pretty good about keeping up with the good seller so he's quite content to let me do my thing as long as I maintain my numbers. If there's ever a bottle that he wants to get rid of, he usually entrusts Rey, the MILF, or me to sell it. While it easy to recommend something I'm familiar with, every now and then I do get a customer asking for a recommendation for something expensive. I've done enough research that I can rattle off key adjectives like bold, lush, fruity, velvety and my favorite; "lots of complexity with layer upon layer of flavors." (It never occurred to me that those writing and marketing classes in art school would help me out in this fashion.) More often than not while I'm doing the presentation, I'm thinking "please like it, please like it, please don't send it back." So far, it's only happened once, but it was a mid-priced Merlot that we sold by the glass anyway.

Of course, I feel considerably less dirty when the managers let us take home a bottle of wine for our efforts. I already took home an Amarone. Last month, the MILF and I and worked a particularly thirsty party and got rid of some of the old inventory. As a reward, we both took home a Super Tuscan made from Syrah grapes. I still haven't opened that either, though she has and told me it's great. Or as she likes to say in her sexy Latin accent, "it's a beautiful wine. I looove it. "

I gotta tell you, the occasional free bottle of wine is something I could definitely get used to, especially when it's something I would (or could) never spend my own money on. Even if it's a crappy White Zinfandel that the manager gave away to the staff so he could take it off the menu.

Labels: alkie, server stories, wines

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 7:07 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Football Conference Finals Recap ::

It's been determined: The Arizona Cardinals are going to the Super Bowl. People were surprised they weren't immediately booted out of the playoffs but it's a downright shocker - and literally every football column and sports new talking head will be saying this for the next two weeks, to the point that even non-football fans will be saying, "yeah they're not supposed to be here we get it!!" - that the Cardinals made it this far.

Literally, no one thought they would get this far. They "won" their division with a meager 9-7 record. Despite easily beating both Atlanta and Carolina the last two weeks, they four point underdogs against Philly despite playing at home. Many teams have used the rally cry of "no one believed in us" and "no one showed us any respect!" Except in this case, it would actually be true. (The Cards have been worse than just the league whipping boy. Imagine The Gimp from "Pulp Fiction" except even more humiliating.) Don't think for a second they won't use this mentality to galvanize the team.

I mentioned this to my buddy at The Abby last night but this matchup reminds me a lot of Super Bowl XXXIV. Not just because of Kurt Warner's presence but the two teams are stylistically similar. One team features a potent offense and underrated defense while the other is a defensive stalwart with an efficient running game. (Look for this angle to be repeated among the news channels as well.)

Oh wait, there's another team playing in the Super Bowl as well? That would make sense. The Pittsburgh Steelers were expected to go far in the playoffs but their road was a little more impressive, given the higher expectations and playing the toughest schedule. Not only that, their top running back was injured much of the season, taking away the vaunted running game that's the backbone of their offense. And yet here they are.

For last wekend's picks, I wrote on my blog, "this will be a drawn-out defensive matchup where you're going to see some big hits and a few key injuries. It'll be glorious." Rarely have I been more right and rarely have I wanted to be wrong. Do you remember the head-on collision between Ryan Clark and Willis McGahee? This is one of the most brutal, cringe-inducing hits you'll ever see outside of a Kelly Clarkson album. And if you want to see it again, it's right here in all it's neck-snapping glory.

Other things you might see repeatedly on sports news:

• The Kurt Warner Story: all about how he used to bag groceries before playing Arena League Football and NFL Europe before finally taking the NFL by storm with his massive passing prowess; all the while marrying wife Brenda and taking care of her kids like they were his own, and raising a total of seven kids together, and somewhere in there discovering the Holy Grail. Okay, that last one isn't true (it was the Ark of the Covenant). Don't get me wrong, I love the guy and it is a great story if not for the fact that it's already been reported to death back in 2000.

• Arizona Head Coach Ken Whisenhunt and Offensive Line Coach Russ Grimm were both employed by Pittsburgh previous and were considered the top two candidates to replace Bill Cowher when he stepped down, only to have Mike Tomlin take the job. Looking for a coaching version of the "they didn't believe in us" chant as well as the "coming back for revenge" story.

• Look for raging debates about whether or not Larry Fitzgerald is the best wide receiver playing right now. Probably because he's played in NFL purgatory known as Arizona but the only people who really know about this guy outside of Phoenix before this year are Fantasy Football and stat geeks (guilty) and the cornerbacks and safeties he's torched during his career. Philly had the third-best defense as well as a shut-down secondary but Fitz still managed over 100 yards and three touchdowns in the FIRST HALF. Another thing he has going is that pseudo-Superman thing where he shows up at every interview wearing expensive suits and designer glasses looking more like a stockbroker than a gridiron God. Is he the best wide? I'm not sure. Yes, he's fundamentally sound, physically gifted, and has some of the stickiest hands in the world. But unless he works on improving his touchdown celebrations, baiting the media into giving cheap publicity, stops getting along so well with his quarterback, and learns how to be a whiney malcontent, he'll never be considered the best

• Ken Whisenhunt is a genius. He was always regarded as an excellent offensive coordinator with a penchant for will-timed and effective trick plays. Moving to Arizona and turning the Cardinals into a respectable franchise just might be the greatest trick play of all time.
  

Labels: football, NFL, picks, sports

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:57 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Football Playoffs 2008: Conference Finals Picks ::

Seasons like this is why I love football. Like millions of people have already said, anyone can beat anybody at any time... unless you're Detroit. Did anyone else think that Arizona could beat Carolina besides me? I thought it'd be a nail biter but it wasn't even close. Of course, no one thought that Jake Delhomme would suddenly become Ryan Leaf and that the Panther's otherwise solid defense would have bigger holes than a used-up porn star. I know I already wrote about this in my recap but come on NOBODY saw this happening... except me. Just saying.

That being said, there's the distinct possibility of going 0-2 this weekend just because there's way too many intangibles to consider in either game to make a confident, clear-cut pick. Despite their hot streak, Philly is favored by 4 points, which I think is the oddsmaker's way of saying "we have no idea how this game is going to turn out". Yeah.

Anyway, on to my picks:

Arizona over Philly:
Why not ride the hot streak? Arizona has a the best wide receiver tandem and Kurt Warner is playing like he's in his early 30s again, and they have a revived defense and running game. Philly's best playmaker Brian Westbrook is injured and QB Donovan McNabb still has a penchant for overthrowing his receivers. The game is in Arizona and Philly is 3-4-1 on the road. This is similar to what I was saying about the Cardinals last week except for some reason, these reasons seem to make more sense with this game.

There's also this: In Week 17, The Cardinals beat the Seahawks, then beat the Falcons in Round 1. Now they could beat the Eagles in the Division finals and depending on how the late game plays out, face the Ravens in the Super Bowl. That means the smallest, meekest bird might beat every other team named after a bird, and those are, at least in nature, larger, deadlier birds of prey. Don't ask me why but I find this very, very entertaining.

(On the other hand the Cardinals lost to the Jets in Week 4. Kinda ironic given the news about the river landing this week. I mean sure, the birds sucked into the engine died but they did after all, take down a jet-engine airplane, which was the point in the football sense. I'm overthinking this, aren't I?)

Pittsburgh over Baltimore:
This game isn't that much different, yet it's very different. Unlike the high-flying (can't let go of the bird analogy) passing offenses of the first game, this will be a drawn-out defensive matchup where you're going to see some big hits and a few key injuries. It'll be glorious.

The Steelers, like the Cards, are on a roll, except the excellent defense has been carrying a sneaky efficient offense capable of a big play or two. The Ravens have to know that they got lucky last week since Tennessee's offense suddenly got a bad case of butterfingers. For all the hype about rookie QB Joe Flacco, he's complete only 20 of 43 pass attempts. The Steelers don't have any big holes to exploit and Tennessee showed you could move the chains against the Ravens. Baltimore's their defense creates turnovers but I don't see their offense being able to convert those opportunities. This is the only game that seems to follow conventional NFL logic. I'd love to see an all-aviary Super Bowl but I just don’t see that happening.

Labels: football, picks, playoffs, sports

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:06 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: 2009 Resolutions: ::

Not to sound like a downer but I don't even know why I bother with these sometimes. On the off chance that I manage to keep a resolution through a year, it's not like I ever remember making the resolution in the first place. Many times it's broken within the first month.

Case in point, I was at Publix this afternoon to pick up some cleaning supplies. Nothing major, and I didn't pick up anything I didn't need (harder than it seemed since they had both Stone Crabs AND porterhouse steaks on sale for ridiculously cheap). While I was shopping someone set up a table to sell Girl Scout Cookies. Whatever. I haven't had them in literally years. Those Tagalongs are great but like I wrote in a previous post I don't have much of a sweet tooth, other than the occasional craving for Haagen-Daaz, specifically Dulce de Leche.

Well, guess what their brand new flavor is.

If I didn't know better, I'd think someone was trying to kill me with food. Of course I had to try one. I went ahead and bought a box of the Dulce de Leche and a box of Tagalongs. I know. Give me a little credit: I only got one of each.

That (finally) brings me to my point: Being as it one of my resolutions was "Lay off the junk food," why do I even try? I went through a period of a few years where I didn't make resolutions and my life was unaffected. There's always some stupid excuse, too. In this case my thinking was along the lines of "no more Fatty Melts, fried fish, and maybe cut back on the steaks." I didn't think I'd get tempted by a thirteen-year-old girl peddling her sweets. (Wait, that sounded bad.) Seriously, I hadn't eaten that crap for years! But there it is. Then again, being as it they're my resolutions and it's still only the first month, I'm allowed to give myself a mulligan. I just need to find some Girl Scout repellant.

Just a few of my other resolutions:

• Stop smoking. Oh wait, I don't smoke. Cool, that was easy.

• Lay off the junk food. I've eaten my last Fatty Melt for a while, I've gotten over my fish taco nostalgia, and I'm certain that box of cookies should placate my Dulce de Leche cravings. At least for a week or so. I still have to have my steaks however, but I'm gonna try leaner cuts like sirloin filets. Instead of potatoes, maybe try a salad or two. (Technically, tomato and mozzarella with olive oil, roasted red peppers, and diced pancetta constitutes a salad. At least where I work.)

• Don't get fired. Seriously, that sucked. It's not like I even liked that job but being singled out like that even though others were complicit, seriously, that just sucked.

• Run more. Or more accurately, start running again. I remember how good I used to feel last year when I was running regularly. My clothes fit better, I had more energy, and every now and then there would a cute chick in running shorts. Speaking of which:

• Stop being so Goddamn shy. I'm not (too) socially awkward or anything but given that it's my job to be talkative and social and meet new people every night, I'm still an introvert. I'm not the kind of guy that can start up a conversation with a stranger standing in line. Every time I go to The Abby, I spend most of the time either watching sports or talking to my buddy who works there. If I ever get in a conversation with someone else at the bar, it's because they initiated it. Odd because when I'm "forced" to meet people - new co-workers, customers, friends of friends - I'm easy to get along with, can hold up my end of the conversation, and be fun to hang with. Why am I so shy? I should be able to meet new people outside of those constraints. Of course, I have no idea how to go about doing this but bear with me.

• Get my "Real Job." It's been over three years since I graduated from Art School. I'm saving up my money and once this year's season is over, I'm going all in on finding that "Real Job." Of course, I said the same thing last year but stuff happened and my plan went slightly awry.

There are a few other resolutions that are a bit more personal, which I'm not going to share obviously. Wish me luck.

Labels: food, i'm a fatass, ice cream, introspective, resolutions, steaks

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:42 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: 2008 Year in Review ::

I don't know why I've never done this before. I've been blogging since... what... 2002? (I can't believe I've kept this thing going for this long. Seriously, six years?!) All that time and I've never done a Year in Review for Life on Planet Dan-E. (I don't know, have I? I didn't bother to check I don't actually read this thing.) Never too late to start, I guess.

January: Started off the year with a bang by getting drunk off Jägermeister; Became friendly with The Hostess; Saw the Boston Celtics blow out the Miami Heat, which made me happy and depressed at the same time; made the resolution to never drink Jägermeister, which would turn out to be the only one I manage to keep.

February: Enjoyed a great Super Bowl game and not just because the Pats lost; Got fired from a job I had for over two years; went on a lingering , frustrating job search; Eventually got a hired at a swanky restaurant only to have it close in August; During my down time, I take up running again; Extremely happy that I can once again fit into my "skinny" shirts.

March: Learned how to work at the new place as well as adapt to a whole new environment; Laugh about some very compromising photographs on a camera left behind by some careless (drunk) customers); Keep running since I like this whole "feeling healthy" thing; In the process, I almost kill myself trying to keep up with a couple of kids at least ten years younger; Celebrated my (adopted) Irish heritage by drinking a little too much Guinness and Jamesons; (come to think of it, this is pretty much every year.)

April: Played a prank on one of the managers, worked ten days straight afterwards; Spent four days in a hospital, decide that I hate it and never want to go back, and not just because of the bills; Made $20 eating a ball of wasabi; Got beat up playing tennis by a thirteen year old runt; Contemplate taking up golf.

May: Stopped talking to the hostess and not just because she was trying to drag me to see the "Sex and the City" movie; Got reprimanded by the manager for having too much hair.

June: Found out that all this time my new co-workers thought I was a major pothead since I'm laid-back, say "dude" a lot, and have really long hair; A part of me dies when my Lakers lose the finals to the Celtics; I buy a bicycle, only to get a flat tire that same day.

July: Celebrate my country by drinking too much Sierra Nevada and Jack Daniels (this is pretty much every year as well); Got a new set of contact lenses; Heard about an earthquake in Los Angeles and kinda found myself wishing I was there (because I'm an idiot); Found out My Dodgers traded for clubhouse cancer Manny Ramirez and contemplate taking a baseball bat to my own head.

August: Discovered the greasy goodness of Chicken Fried Bacon; Swanky Trendy Restaurant closes; I find gainful employment that week at an Italian Steakhouse; Spend my first night as a line cook during training, now waiting on my own Food Network show; Wait for a hurricane that never actually hits us; The Summer Olympics come and go, not that I actually watched, someone told me.

September: Football season starts, as a 49ers fan I'm both happy and depressed; Compared one of my co-workers to a 30-year old bottle of port wine and she doesn't kill me; I win the football pool two weeks in a row, only to never win again; Celebrated my fifth year in Miami by not really doing anything.

October: Against all odds Manny somehow helps my Dodgers get to the playoffs where we improbably SWEEP THE CUBS; Being a little too proficient at my job, once again, depressed me; Discovered the greasy awesomeness of the Fatty Melt, my arteries raise the white flag; Celebrated my birthday by not really doing anything.

November: Learn how to cook Osso Bucco and rediscover my love of funny words; I attend a Dolphins game with my buddy Chuck, learned exactly why they make Hootie cry; Celebrated Thanksgiving by drinking - not eating - a lot of Turkey; Following my 49ers closely only reminded why they make me cry.

December: Discovered new flavor of Haagen-Daaz and realize someone is trying to kill me; Enjoy not just one, but two Christmas parties, only after getting over the surprise that it's December already; Find something to look forward to after news that my favorite band is releasing a new album in 2009; Looking forward to 2009 for other reasons as well.

Next post: Resolutions for 2009.

Labels: introspective, looking back

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:57 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Football Round 2 Recap ::

Last weekend's football results made me nostalgic for the good ol' days when things like home field advantage, experienced quarterbacks, bye weeks, and statistical analysis actually meant something. Instead, we had the goofiest results this late in the playoff in a long time. That sound you heard Saturday evening was the thousands of people who lost money that day.

Tennessee had the best record on the regular season thanks to a stifling defense and balanced, steady offense. Baltimore had an equally good defense but were "led" by rookie QB Joe Flacco. Thanks to three ill-timed fumbles, the Ravens won despite Flacco completing only 50% of his passes, possibly because they were deflected by his unibrow. My pick: Tennessee.

Philly somehow Forrest Gump-ed their way into the playoffs despite playing wildly inconsistent all season. (They lost to Washington twice including a 10-3 snoozer that made soccer games exciting; and a bizarre 13-13 tie to Cincy, one of the worst teams in the league). Beating Minnesota wasn't a big surprise but watching Eli play like it was his rookie year was a little surprising. He let loose more floaters than I do after eating at a Mexican buffet. My pick: New York.

The snow game in Pittsburgh was a classic, if you define "classic" as "complete blowout." Sandy Eggo lost by eleven points but it wasn't really that close. Absolutely true fact; Sandy Eggo had possession for exactly one play, which was an interception in the entire third quarter. Absolutely true fact that I might have made up; Darren Sproles is actually a Hobbit. He's the fastest Hobbit from the Shire and I think maybe the fact that he had to wear spikes slowed him down. My Pick: Pittsburgh.

Carolina was 8-0 at home during the regular season while Arizona was 3-5 on the road, including 0-5 at games played in the Eastern Time Zone. Arizona had the fewest cumulative rushing yards during the regular season (less than even the bottom-feeding Detroit Lions), while Carolina had the third most prolific ground game. Knowing all this, for some reason, I still picked Arizona to win the game. Why? Call me crazy, I had a gut feeling. Also, I wasn't betting any money on it. If I was playing in even a $5 playoff pool, you'd better believe I would have picked the Panthers. (Fuck my life.)

Next week, Arizona and Philly will play for the chance to play in the Super Bowl. It's the only time that two teams with less than ten wins have ever faced off in a divisional championship game. One month ago when both these teams were floundering, if I told you that they'd both be one game away from the finals, you'd think I was hitting the Jack Daniels a little too hard (then again, you could have said the same thing last weekend). You can't predict anything in this league. Anyone can win any game at any time.

Last year, Baltimore was 5-11 and now they're playing in the AFC championship game. Last year, Arizona was 8-8. While they improved by only one game, they're now playing in the NFC championship game. Good God, the Lions might be respectable next year.

(Who am I kidding, they're years away from merely "no long a laughing stock.”)

Labels: football, humor, NFL, picks, sports, wtf

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:02 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Football Picks: Round 2 2008 ::

Before I get started I have to mention something: I'm at Starbucks (I know, shocking) and there are two people on adjacent seats taking a nap. Not one of those sorry-I-dozed-off sort of moments. They're leaning back, passed out, and in the lady's case mouth open, head slumped back, and very deep into her REM-cycle. I joke about Starbucks being my second home and all but I don't actually SLEEP here. They're not exactly hobos either. The guy is wearing new Nikes and the lady has sunglasses with "GUCCI" across the side. This is too funny.

That being said, these two still aren't as dormant as Miami's ball protection against Baltimore last week. Everyone was talking about how the Dolphins rarely turn over the ball. Having seen most of the games this season, I can say that a lot of that was sheer dumb luck. In literally every game QB Chad Pennington had at least a two or three passes that made people ask "what were you thinking?!" Every now and then it would result in a crippling interception.

Speaking of which, Ed Reed is the biggest stud right now. I haven't seen a ball hog like this since Kobe Bryant's rookie years and that's saying something for a guy playing on defense. Of course, this is the same Ed Reed that got jacked up by a wide receiver so I'm not surprised he's playing like he has something to prove.

I think the sleeping lady just drooled. With that note, and before I get distracted any more, on to the picks.

Titans over Ravens:
I'm going to be the 2,174,823rd person to say that the Titans remind me of the Ravens back when they won the Super Bowl: stifling defense, strong running game, and a veteran QB that doesn't make mistakes, and a very good special teams unit. Of course, the current Ravens look a lot like that as well; only they have a rookie QB with eyebrows that look like they could withstand a zone blitz by themselves. It's going to be low-scoring, physical, well-coached, smashmouth game that just might remind everyone why they became fans of football in the first place.

Cards over Panthers:
This one is almost too easy: The game is in Carolina, the Panthers are 8-0 at home, Arizona is 3-5 on the road and those losses weren't even close. That's why I think this game has "upset" written all over it. Arizona almost won last time they played and unlike then, the Cards actually have something resembling a running game now. It remains to be seen if the Running Back formerly known as Edgerrin James can continue his rebirth from Week 17 and Round 1. I was gonna pick Carolina but just barely; this might be closer than everyone thinks.

(By the way, isn't it weird how after all this time, that "The [Fill in the Blank] Known as [Name]" joke still kinda works? Forget his great music, I'll always appreciate Prince for this particular contribution to pop culture. Sorry, got distracted again.)

Giants over Philly:
This is the second year in a row where the last remaining Manning is Eli. Sibling rivalry being what it is, I have believe that on some level, Eli is loving every moment that big brother is up in the luxury box pretending to root for him while he's on the field defending his team's Super Bowl Title. If he does win this year, I have a feeling that Eli's going to rub his second Lombardi Trophy in Peyton's face and say, "you like that? You like that?! This is for talking me into doing those dumbass Oreo commercials. Bitch."

Steelers over Chargers:
I almost took San Diego in this game. Darren Sproles is awesome almost made LaDanian Tomlinson seem like an afterthought. Phillip Rivers did anything and everything to win that game while Pittsburgh QB Ben Roethlisberger spent the last two weeks trying to remember how to spell his name. (By the way, that's his third concussion - Non-motorcycle Injury Category.) Steelers have the better defense but the Chargers have a better O-line, running back (even minus LDT), and QB. Bad news is they're coached by Norv Turner so that cancels out some of those advantages. That and Pittsburgh has a unique homefield advantage: Heinz field is loud, the weather is going to be icy, and the field is going to be muddy, mangled, and slippery. It's exactly the kind of game John Madden would love if he were alive today.

EDIT 4:15: I already posted my pick but did I say that Arizona just might win this thing? I just have a gut feeling but... ugh. We'll see what happens when the game actually starts.

Labels: football, picks, playoffs, sports

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:45 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: 2008 Season Football Picks: Playoffs? Talk about, Playoffs? ::

I haven't done my football picks in a while but lest ye worry, I've not lost my love for the game. I just haven't been blogging about it. Since one of my resolutions is to at least attempt to blog more often it might as well be about something I like. (I like women too but not much going on there. Or at least nothing I want to blog about.)

It's been a fantastic season so far. The Lions went an historic 0-16. The Cowboys soap opera of a season fizzled out worse than "Melrose Place." The Falcons and the Dolphins, after awful seasons, returned to playoff form thanks to new coaching and management. An 8-8 team (Sandy Eggo) is hosting their first playoff game while an 11-5 (New England) team gets to watch. My SanFran 49ers somehow Forrest-Gumped their way to a 7-9 season, setting up for a potential playoff run next year. (Of course, I said that two years ago and I've been punching myself in the stomach ever since.) Did I mention that Cowboys collapse?

(I only wish that someone had actually punched Terrell Owens in the face at some point. I'll freely admit my shadenfreude toward any rival team, by the way.)

Anyway, here are my picks for the first round of the playoffs.

Arizona over Atlanta:
I hate the Cards because they play in my division but I love Kurt Warner. I also really like Larry Fitzgerald because he reminds of a cool Irish guy I went to college with named Patrick Fitzgerald. He also had a nice cousin named Gerald Fitzpatrick. (I love that joke.) His wide receiver counterpart also came back from a broken face. (I mean literally a BROKEN FACE. Dude is a stud.) Gotta like that. Finally, given the choice between the QB who's actually won a Super Bowl versus a gifted but green rookie QB, I'll take the veteran.

Indianapolis over San Diego:
Everyone seems to be picking the Charger because they won four games in a row to close out the season, including a "playoff" elimination game against Denver. That's nice and all but Indy went ahead and won NINE games in a row to finish the season. So there goes the momentum theory. We're also talking coaching matchup of Norv Turner vs. Tony Dungy. Again, I'm taking the guy with a ring.

Baltimore over Wildcats:
While at the Dolphins this season, there were two guys wearing Miami jerseys sitting near me. When they fell behind, one guy said they needed to throw more long bombs. The other replied, "bro, Pennington's bomb is eight yards." That's Dolphans for you. Rookie QB over limp-armed veteran? I hate this pick but I have to go with the better defense. I really wanted to pick Miami since I still live here and I don't want angry Dolphans breaking down my door. Then I remembered they're somewhat apathetic fairweather Johnsons and none of them know where I live. That and I'm not even sure anyone from Miami reads my blog anyway.

Minnesota over Philadelphia:
I hate this pick even more. If this was a regular season game I'd probably call this game a tie and there’s a 30% chance of being right. Yeah Philly beat Dallas (which made me happier than I should have been) but it was as much a case of the Cowboys self-immolating. Since I can't think of anything else to say about this, I'm going to revert to my Nature Theory and pick the Vikes since in nature, I'm pretty sure a Viking can kill and Eagle.

There it is. Enjoy the games.

Labels: football, picks, playoffs, sports

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:48 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Little Things ::

We got our asses kicked at worked tonight. There were only four waiters scheduled and we got hammered with 140 reservations. We barely got through but the kitchen was having a bad night and it affected us. Steaks were taking too long and when they finally came out, some of them weren't cooked properly. Steaks were being returned for being either over or undercooked.

I'm normally even-tempered but at one point and slammed my notepad down and yelled "FUCK!" when the busboy came back with an undercooked steak. (Irony being that the steak was actually a perfect medium, but this asshole had his own idea of what constitutes "medium.") I was in the kitchen and no customers heard me.

Later there was an incident with one of the busboys involving a flying coffee cup. He's terrible and lazy, and there has been talk of terminating him. But that's no excuse to lose my temper like that. (Full disclosure; I was aiming for the wall, not him.) Now I'm wondering if I'm going to get written up. The manager usually has my back and he was sympathetic but I could tell he disappointed in my behavior. I apologized to him, the busboy, and rode home wanting to beat my head against the wall for losing my composure.

I came home, and immediately downed a shot of Jack. I poured another glass and sat down to check my email. I received a notice that someone commented on my blog. (Few and far between these days.) I clicked on the comment, and I couldn't help but smile after reading what Jamy wrote.

No, I wasn't asking, but she wrote anyway and perhaps it was my somber mood at the time but I immediately felt better. It was a little gesture but little things like that are the kind of things that mean a lot to me.

I started thinking about this "friend" thing. I usually consider "friends" to be limited to people I've met in person. My Facebook friends are people I know in real life. (Okay, two exceptions.) That being said, I think my readers probably know me better than some of the people who know me in real life. I read blogs more frequently than I talk to my friends. I also have genuine reactions to things I read. When I read about a blogger's trip to Paris, I was excited for her and a little envious. When a blogger wrote about a miscarriage, I felt sad. When I saw that a friend got a new boyfriend, I was happy for her.

We're not talking major reactions or anything. I'm not very emotional to begin with but reading about lives of my readers matter to me. If I'm reading a blog of someone I know in the real world, even more so. I have friends who went through these things at some point and those things will always matter more.

Still, the people behind the blogs I read still matter. I wouldn't leave comments otherwise. That’s probably just how things are these days. As much as I hate to admit it, I like when readers leave comments. A simple little gesture but it's still much appreciated; even responses to my dumb posts about giant cheeseburgers and rants on my favorite sports teams. (Especially the dumb posts about giant cheeseburgers and rants on my favorite sports teams.) Maybe blog comments are in their own way, like text messages, only far less annoying. Little things like that, I guess, are things that friends do.

Most of this is probably stuff you already know and I'll be the first to admit that this post is ridden with platitudes and banalities, but I just finished my fourth glass of Jack on an empty stomach. Future posts will get better.

Labels: blogging, introspective, server stories

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:28 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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