:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

Thoughts, observations, and introspections from an art student waiter/bartender in South Beach. Arcane humor ensues.
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:: Thursday, July 31, 2008 ::

:: Manny being Manny ::
Fans of baseball know that Boston outfielder Manny Ramirez is always good for some interesting drama a few times a season. But I found his latest quotes interesting:

"The Red Sox don't deserve a player like me," Ramirez told ESPNdeportes.com Wednesday. "During my years here, I've seen how they [the Red Sox] have mistreated other great players when they didn't want them to try to turn the fans against them.

"The Red Sox did the same with guys like Nomar Garciaparra and Pedro Martinez, and now they do the same with me. Their goal is to paint me as the bad guy. I love Boston fans, but the Red Sox don't deserve me. I'm not talking about money. Mental peace has no price, and I don't have peace here."

I'll try to break this down so we can figure out what the fuck he's talking about:

"The Red Sox don't deserve a player like me..."
No, they do not for reasons I'll get into later. But this is about the only truthful thing he says.

"During my years here..."
I'm willing to bet good money that he couldn't tell how many years that is. In fact, I'm convinced that last year during the playoff run against the Indians, he probably thought he was still playing for Cleveland.

"...I've seen how they [the Red Sox] have mistreated other great players when they didn't want them to try to turn the fans against them."
Teams as well-run and dedicated to its fanbase as Boston have no need to turn fans against its players. The fans are knowledgeable and capable enough to do it on their own. Just ask Bill Buckner.

"The Red Sox did the same with guys like Nomar Garciaparra and Pedro Martinez, and now they do the same with me..."
Garciaparra went from being an injury-prone perennial MVP candidate to injury prone clubhouse cancer and defensive liability. He only productive season since that 2004 trade was in 2006 where he had a solid .505 slugging percentage but managed to stay healthy for only 122 games. He's currently on the DL, where he and his husband Mia Hamm have built a second home.

Boston decided against re-signing Pedro in 2004 because of concerns about the health of his shoulder. They were willing to go two years but he got four from the Mets. He pitched effectively in 2005 but underwent major reconstructive surgery for his shoulder in 2006 and has been a non-factor since, something they predicted might happen. When Pedro returned to Fenway with the Mets during an Interleague series, Boston played a tribute video for Pedro on their Jumbotron and the fans gave him a standing ovation even though he never played an inning.

These two examples don't shout "mistreatment." It was merely the moves done by a shrewd organization that doesn't feel the pressure to spend money for the sake of spending money. Also, Boston shelled out over $130 MILLION in salary for their collective services. I'm having trouble seeing any mistreatment.


"Their goal is to paint me as the bad guy."
He did this to himself, and again the fans don't need encouragement. (A few beers usually does the trick.)

"I love Boston fans..."
He loves himself. And money.

"Mental peace has no price, and I don't have peace here."
He's right about the "mental" part.

"...the Red Sox don't deserve me."
No they don't. The Red Sox are the envy of many organizations for their ability to develop and sign talent, and their commitment to winning and to their fans are one of the reasons why Sox fans are so obnoxious loyal and attract so many bandwagon fans outside of New England.

They certainly aren't afraid to spend money on players that embody that gritty Red Sox persona (Mike Lowell, Jason Varitek, Josh Beckett) and those players hold each other accountable during the long season.

So you're right. They don't deserve a player who loafs to first base during a no-hitter, someone who's widely regarded as the worst defensive left fielders currently playing or someone constantly makes trade demands every season because he's not happy with something, or something who's determined to sabotage his own season and by extension that of his team just because he's bickering with management.

They deserve better. They deserve someone who gives a shit.

Of course, as I was writing this post, THIS happens. So forget everything I just wrote. Manny's going to kick some major ass and my Dodgers are going all the way!

(This is what I've been telling myself so I won't self-immolate.)

(Seriously though, haven't we Dodgers fans been through this already?)

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:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 5:46 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Wednesday, July 30, 2008 ::
:: One thing I don't Miss about L.A. ::
... are the earthquakes. I was lounging around yesterday and I just happened to switch over to CNN right when they cut to breaking news about an earthquake hitting Los Angeles. My initial reaction was concern for my parents, the friends I have back there, whether Dodger Stadium was still standing, and if my favorite In 'n Out was undamaged (not necessarily in that order).

Then I heard the newscaster say something like "if you're just joining us, an earthquake measuring a 5.8 on the Richter Scale has hit. The Epicenter is located roughly 35 miles east of Downtown...

Wait, a 5.8? That's it?

Remember the movie "Independence Day" where those flying saucers of death shake the ground as they take position over major cities? Will Smith wakes up during this and asks "that an earthquake?" and his girlfriend says "go back to sleep. It's not even a 5 pointer."

That's not an inaccurate portrayal of how native Angelenos respond to quakes. Believe it or not, I've managed to sleep through my share of some serious quakes. I've been around some friends when one hit and while the initial reaction is mild consternation, after the first three or four seconds, when we figure out that it's not that bad we simply ride it out and carry on once it ends.

Still, I called my parents and a few friends, just make absolutely sure they were okay. My mom, who tends to overreact to just about anything, sounded calm and composed and said nothing broke or fell in the house. My friend Pedro was probably the closest, working in Orange County about fifteen miles away and said he was taken for a ride. But like most natives, he sat through it relatively calmly and went back to work.

A high-speed police pursuit has a better chance of disrupting life in Los Angeles than an earthquake that's less than a 6.0.

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:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:34 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Tuesday, July 29, 2008 ::
:: SoBe ::
It recently occurred to me that despite the fact that even though my blog description reads "...waiter/bartender in South Beach..." I don't actually write that much about South Beach itself. Or for that matter, Miami in general. I've mentioned a thing or two in passing, posted a few photos, and regularly plug The Abby and a few other local spots but that's about it.

Part of it is due to the fact that it wasn't until only this past year that I viewed my stay in Miami as anything other than temporary. I still haven't really decorated my studio the way I'd like to. I still use the same silverware I brought with me from L.A., and it wasn't until two weeks ago that I finally bought some decent knives for my kitchen. (Considering how much time I spend in there, you'd think I'd have done this sooner.) It doesn't help that the rare moments when I'm looking for my "real job," most of the ad companies I look at are out of state.

There's also the impression that residing in South Beach means you're living the South Beach life of constant partying and clubbing every weekend, heavily drinking mojitos and vodka-cranberries, doing a lot of drugs, and getting laid regularly. (Um... no, no, yes but mostly beer, does caffeine count? and hell no... on the other hand my tennis grip has never been stronger.) By those narrow standards, no I'm not really experiencing South Beach but then again, I've been here long enough and seen enough of it that I'm not really sure I want to. I rarely complain about being broke the way a lot of my co-workers do.

Part of it may be because I sometimes read this blog and a slew of other Miami-based blogs I keep on my Blogroll. Most offer better insights into life in Miami and South Beach. Complaints about traffic, idiot drivers, and the occasionally feeling that you're not in America? Done.

Thoughts on the nightlife, restaurants, and sights to see? Others do it better.

Still, I moved to South Beach in September 2003 and it feels irresponsible to not write about the city that I've spent almost five years in, whether those experiences have been good or bad. I loved it when I moved here but I think it had more do to with getting a fresh start and not so much Miami itself. I know this now, but it's grown on me in ways I didn't expect.

(Also, I never really expressed the dispair I was feeling during the last few days of my last job search. If I didn't find something soon, I'd run out of money and I had to pace the possibility of moving back in with my parents. Or being homeless, and at 33, homelessness or death seem preferable. Was it really that I dreaded that move or did I come to embrace Miami as home without realizing it?)

Sure, there's things about this place that I abhor and there are still times I feel like an outsider. But the good outweighs the bad quite a bit. And I'm not quite so complacent that I'd stay here if that wasn't the case. Perhaps Miami really is home.

Or I could just change the header.

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:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 9:51 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Friday, July 25, 2008 ::
:: Server Stories: Early Night ::
"Dan-E, my wife and I got into a fight this morning so I'm closing tonight."

"Good to know Tino, thanks."

Weekdays at work have been slow lately, enough so that some of the floor staff is often cut even before we open. I don't mind working slow nights. I usually get a good section, the customers are more mellow than some of the human garbage that trolls through on weekends, and I still make good money since the slower pace allows me to be more attentive with my tables. But the constant six-day workweeks (and a few seven-days) for the last five months or so since I got hired here are getting to me. So when he volunteered to stay, I looked forward to being cut early.

Tino's a good guy. He's an immigrant from Argentina who started here working as a busboy. But unlike some complacent types, he worked hard to better his English and worked his way up to food runner and eventually a waiter, which is what he's been doing for the last year or so. We've really bonded in the last month or so since our sections are often right next to each other during weekends and we work well together. We enjoy good small talk, bitching about the managers, and we both have ponytails.

His wife is actually very gregarious, with a strong, outgoing, straightforward personality that leaves little room for ambiguity. I've had a few fun conversations with her after work. "You sure you want to stay?" I ask just to be nice. "Yeah man, my wife is gonna beat the shit out of me," he replied with a laugh that was only half-joking.

But it's also clear who wears the pants in the family (Tino seems to prefer those calf-length pirate pants) and having met his wife, I'm pretty sure she could kick his ass. She's not huge or anything; a thin 5'7" but she's a workout freak and looks like one of the girls who are freakishly strong, kinda like Monica from "Friends." (Also, she's fourteen years older than him.)

I helped set up the place and wish him good luck before I take off. "Thanks, but it's probably going to be dead."

"No, I mean good luck when you go home tonight."

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:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:09 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Thursday, July 17, 2008 ::
:: Server Stories: What Else? ::
It's interesting to see the contrasts between most of my co-workers’ approach to their jobs and lives versus mine. All of us certainly work hard for our money (some more than others) and take some pride in doing our job well. But for guys like Jed and Lou, this is it for them. Jed has been working at Swanky Trendy Restaurant for over five years, which along is longer than my total waiter experience. A few years older than me, he's told me many stories about the many places he's worked at around the country.

Lou's quite a bit younger but I get the impression that he's in this line of work for the long haul as well. Theo, who’s has a wife and a mortgage, is another lifer. My buddy who works at The Abby is another great example.

The contrast between us is that when it comes to our lifestyles, they glide with an easy approach in that if they're not doing exactly what they want to be doing, they're very comfortable with who and where they are. They come to work, make their money and either go home to smoke weed or go out to the bar to have a few beers and many meet a few chicks. Before work, they're either sleeping well past noon and/or smoking more weed. And they wouldn’t have it any other way.

Granted they have other interests, as Jed has traveled to different parts of the world and Lou has smoked weed from different parts of South America. Jed in particular is quite fascinating.

But the point is that for them, this is it. They can't imagine doing anything else, not because they don’t know or they're too dumb or too lazy, but because they just don't want to or need to.

In a way, I envy that.

I've done other things, like some of these guys have. But while I do enjoy being a waiter, I can't help but feel I'm meant for something... different (I won't use words like "bigger" or "better" since that would belittle the profession and I have too much respect for service employees to do that.) Ever since I found out that the restaurant would be closing in late August, I've been saving money for when I finally leave the service industry (at least full time). I've been (very) slowly working on my portfolio to send out and it's only a matter of time before I'm back behind a desk playing with Photoshop instead of at a table trying to peddle a bottle of Perrier-Jouët.

Or so I keep telling myself.

(By the way, none of them know I have these thoughts. they're buddies and I enjoy hanging out with them but they're not people I would share this much personal depth with. Which isn't a bad thing. Very, very few people I know are people I would share stuff like this with.)

(Oh yeah, blog readers don't count.)

The reason why they're closing after eight years of business is because management is going to open a high-end, fine-dining, steakhouse right across the street. If it's anything like the other restaurant openings in South Beach, it's going to be a cash cow for everyone involved. (And unlike some of the gimmicky places that closes within two years, this place might have staying power.) Management has assured the floor and kitchen staff that as long as we do our jobs well and prove reliable we'll be invited to work at the Steakhouse. Thanks to my recent hot streak, I'm not worried about being left behind.

I've seen bits and pieces of the new place in the form of design renderings, new glass and silverware, possible menu items (and I thought prices at Swank were obscene), marketing ideas and it is impressive. Those other guys are very excited about the opening and are salivating over the possibility that the next Stone Crab season will be very lucrative.

My initial reaction to the news was tepid. Great for them, I hope they do well but I'm going to be behind a desk again by that time. (Which is another reason I'm not worried too much about going to the new place.) But the more I think about it, the more I'm starting to get sucked in. Potentially, I could make in one season (October 15 through May 15) almost as much as I would make in one full year as a Jr. Art Director.

Great, but why? I've said "one more season" last year and here I am now: same shit, different restaurant. I could make my money now but I'm already too comfortable as it is. A higher-paying job doing the same thing I do now and I might end up ensconced in my complacency and might end up doing this for a very long time.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. I've often wondered how my life would be different if I actually decided to try bartending and waiting at a younger age, and I've entertained the thought of just saying "screw it" and going into bartending full-time. I've made friends that have done very well doing this; some now own a nice condo, some have nice cars, a few have traveled, some are content just being major potheads.

But would that negate every reason for moving to Miami in the first place? Or at the very least, wouldn't that render those first two years as pointless? The late nights, the endless deadlines, the stress, thousands in student loans, all for naught? Two years followed by a gratifying end, thinking I found my career... only to discover I prefer waiting tables and tending bar?

I'm a very good waiter. I'm also a pretty good bartender. And those three months in Prague, working my ass off during that internship proved that if I really wanted to, I could be a pretty good Art Director. And I want to. But I'm left wondering what exactly it is I want more.

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:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 8:47 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Wednesday, July 16, 2008 ::
:: My Eyes! ::
Ever since I got this new job, things haven't gone well for my eyewear. The first thing that happened was losing one of my favorite pairs of Oakleys during the first week of training. It was partly my own fault for forgetting to take them home with me at night but they were in a very specific spot behind the bar and not anyone can just go back there. Oh well.

Later, I lose one of my contact lenses in a freak incident when I get to work. I walk in, wipe the sweat from my brow, and take off my sunglasses. When I blink I feel the left lens pop out and hit the floor. I spent a good half hour on my knees trying to find them.

If you're wondering how that could happen, I wear rigid gas permeable contacts; they tend to move around somewhat in the eye and if you blink while your eye is at a certain angle, they can pop out.

But I've never lost a pair before. Yes they've popped out many times in some very inopportune places (playing tennis or football, driving down I-5 in 6:00 traffic, in the kitchen while I'm cooking with the stove at full blast) but I've always recovered them. Not this time.

Luckily, I had a back up pair of soft lenses that used for about a month. I went in to the optometrist to get a new pair (a little over $200 with the eye exam and a fresh pair of lenses) on Saturday. Sunday, I wake up with a sore throat and a case of Conjunctivitis a.k.a. Pink Eye. Just fucking great.

I buy some eye drops while grocery shopping but when I go to pick up my new lenses this afternoon, the optometrist notices my eye and makes me sit for a $75 eye exam to confirm the obvious. At which point he writes out a prescription for a tiny bottle on antibiotic eye drops that cost another $99.

(Did I mention I don't have health insurance? Thank you Economic Stimulus Check.)

Needless to say, it's been a bit off for me lately.

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:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 6:48 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Wednesday, July 09, 2008 ::
:: Cooking ::
Anyone who reads my blog knows I love to eat and from various posts you've probably figured out I love to cook. (If you love eating as much as I do and eat out all the time, you'd have to be rich or you'd go broke. I weigh over 200 pounds and that's not from eating out.) One of the cool quirks about working for restaurants is that you learn not just recipes, but how to match certain flavors.

(True story, of all the women I've dated - and there really hasn't that many - I've always been the better cook. Sad but true. I'm okay, but not great.) At my last job at Seafood Grille, I stole their recipe for Marsala sauce, which goes great with chicken, veal, or shrimp. I also made their shrimp scampi sauce, both of which I've made at home a few times. The Ex was very appreciative when I made these.

Now, while my cooking isn't so advanced that I can make some of the fancy stuff at Swanky Trendy Restaurant, learning their menu and the ingredients in the dishes inspired me to try and experiment. For example, we have fresh ceviché that's different each day of the week and I've made experimented with different sorts of ceviché (grouper, snapper, salmon, scallops) at home many times.

I'm not a good enough cook that I can replicate Swank's entrees but I'm decent enough that I don't worry about going hungry.

One recipe that I pulled out of my ass (not literally... that would be gross) is a cedar-planked salmon filet with an orange-rum reduction sauce that I whipped together. I like it enough to put it in my regular rotation and my bartender seemed intrigued enough to pester me for the recipe. I gave it to her, so I'll share it with you readers.

Salmon
1 pound salmon fillets (cut into two pieces)
1 cedar plank (large enough to hold two filets)
4 tablespoons Dijon mustard
4 tablespoons brown sugar
Kosher salt, coriander, freshly cracked black pepper

Orange-Rum Sauce
2 medium to large oranges
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
Splash of Worcestershire sauce
Fresh Pepper
Crushed red pepper
8 oz. light rum. (I used Bacardi)
4 pats of butter
1/4 cup heavy cream optional

(All measurements are estimates. I don't own measuring spoons or cups.)

First off, pour two ounces of the light rum. Mix with Cola, ice, and a lime wedge and enjoy the drink. If you have a bottle, repeat as needed.

Soak cedar plank in salted water for at least an hour. Overnight is good. Season the salmon with salt and pepper on both sides. (Don't be afraid of salt; salt is flavor.) Lay the salmon skin-side down on the cedar plank and spread the mustard over the top and sides. Sprinkle the brown sugar evenly over the mustard.

This is probably better over a charcoal grill but I don't have one, so I did mine in an oven. Preheat the oven to 350º. I cook about 15 minutes since I like my meat medium rare or less. Adjust per your preferences.

While the salmon is cooking, prepare the sauce. Squeeze the juice out of the oranges straight into a non-stick saucepan (remove the seeds, but leave some of pulp... that's flavor) over medium-low heat. Add the Dijon, Worcestershire (a teaspoon worth, I think), and the pepper (less if you can't handle heat... wimp). Whisk the sauce briskly and constantly until it reduces somewhat (again, I did this by "feel" so your mileage - especially if you have an electric stovetop - will vary) after which you turn the heat up to medium, dump the remaining 6 oz. rum into the saucepan. Let the rum catch fire (again, gas stoves help) and keep whisking until the fire dies down.

When the fire is gone, remove from heat, add the butter (cream optional) and whisk into the sauce until the butter is melted.

When the salmon is done, you can serve it one the cedar planks or move the filets to plates, depending on how much cleaning you like to do. Pour the orange-rum sauce over the salmon and serve immediately. Accompany with mashed potatoes or roasted spring veggies. Compliment it with a dry American Pale Ale: or an I.P.A. or if you prefer wines, an earthy New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc (California versions can be too heavy and oakey) or a robust Gewürztraminer.

Try it and report back to me about how much you loved it. Or if you have any ideas that might make it better I'm open to suggestions.

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:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:22 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Friday, July 04, 2008 ::
:: Dolphins ::
I never blogged about this before but, what the hell. Some of you might lose respect for me after I admit this... but I've always been a fan of Hootie and the Blowfish.

One of their early, very popular songs called "Only Wanna be with You" (which i can play and sing along to on guitar... shut up) has the lyrics "... I'm such a baby 'cause the Dolphins make me cry." For the longest time, I though these guys were environmentalists who were upset over dolphins dying in fishing nets or something.

It wasn't until I moved to Miami that I discovered that these guys, especially Hootie, are merely hardcore fans of football, specifically the Miami Dolphins.

That there, is the textbook example of something called "overthinking."

--

And as I plug the most American of all popular sports around the world, I bid you all a happy Fourth of July.

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:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:03 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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