:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: Merry Christmas! ::

I hope your Christmas is merry
Tip the bartender well
As you drown all your memories
Of this past year from hell.

If your '06 was a good one
Then rejoice with good friends
Remember to go on a food run
So they don't eat grandma's depends.

Take time to smell the flowers
Check for corn in your stool
Take advantage of happy hour
'Cuz free booze? That just rules.

I pray your next year is better
I hope your New Year's is a blast
But try not to get any fatter
In which case, next year might not last.

Merry Christmas to all
My happy thoughts I send you
That's right, I said "Christmas"
If you don't like it, well fuck you.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 6:33 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Ugh ::

Don't read too much into this post or anything but all I'm saying is this:

Yagermeister? Evil. Just.... evil.

I'm not druhnk posting. (Buzzed posting, perhaps. Drunk? Umm.... lemme get back to you.)

EDIT: I lost count of the number of drinks I had last night (I know there was rum and Yager involved) but again, no hangover. I'm starting to enjoy this.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 4:51 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: I Must be Getting Old ::

Last night after work, I went with a co-worker to the Pawn Shop to see a band called "The Bravery." I've heard of them but she's apparently a huge fan and needed someone to go with.

It was fun and all but the concert was loud enough that I had trouble sleeping thanks to the incessant ringing in my ears. This never happened in my 20s.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 9:02 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Part XIII - You're no better than your Waiter ::

There was an huge art exhibit in Miami this week called Art Basel and for those of us in the service industry, it was a pretty lucrative week. However, we had endure an unusually heavy slew of dickhead customers, not surprising since a lot of these idiots try to convey the pretense of "artsy-ness," rather unconvincingly, I might add. (Being "artsy" isn't an excuse for forgetting basic table manners.)

So that inspired me to write up a post about the type of douchebag customers a waiter or bartender has to deal with on a weekly basis. I got about halfway through it but I stopped because I ran across this post written by another Miamian named White Dade.

It's a great post detailing a few points about how not to be a horrible customer whenever you eat out. Of course I was a little miffed since he made his points a bit more clearly, or rather more bluntly, than I would have. Whatever, check it out.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 5:58 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Part XII - Shift Drinks ::

Anyone who's ever worked at a restaurant in any capacity knows that every once in a while, you absolutely need a drink or four afterwards. It's not exactly a secret that waiters and bartenders like to drink and I'll be the first to tell you I'm not exception.

Still, considering that I've been at work from 10:30 in the morning till 1:45 at night, it probably wasn't the wisest of decisions to go out with a couple of co-workers for drinks afterwards and have four beers and a Tanqueray and tonic (I swear on my mother's grave - if she was actually dead - that I didn't order that, it was the bartender's mistake and I drank it anyway because, you know, it's still booze) while I was exhausted after long - albeit lucrative - day. Now, four beers for me is normally nothing but take into account a long exhausting day and a rare empty stomach on my part and I'm thinking right now that maybe I should have just gone straight home. Not that I'm drunk blogging or anything but I have a nice buzz going right now.

And to think, I get to do this all over again at 4:30 tomorrow... er... today? Ugh. I'll let you know how it goes. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go pass out.

EDIT: So I woke up around 11:00 this morning feeling fine. This isn't good. It's just going to encourage me.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:33 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Just a Thought ::

What's the difference between my mother and pits bulls?

Pit bulls eventually let go.


As a matter of fact, she did call me yesterday. Why do you ask? :P

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:43 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Nine Layers ::

I forget whose blog I found this on but since I hadn't posted anything in a while, this is a good way to get back into it.

LAYER ONE:
Name: Dan-E
Birth date: 1974
Birthplace: Earth
Current Location: Miami, FL
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Dark brown/black
Height: 5'10"
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Libra

LAYER TWO:
Your heritage: Human
The shoes you wore today: Flip Flops
Your weakness: Blue eyes; great smile; rare steak; sushi
Your fears: Public speaking; not realizing my potential; cockroaches
Your perfect pizza: Pepperoni, mushrooms, and extra cheese on a pan crust; Thai chicken
Goal(s) you'd like to achieve: Play guitar better; find a good job at a kick-ass ad agency; get my weight below 200

LAYER THREE:
Your most overused phrase on AIM: I don't use AIM
Your first waking thoughts: "Shit." Or "fuck."
Your best physical feature: My legs
Your most missed memory: Going for a Double-double run to In 'n Out burger at one in the morning with my buddies

LAYER FOUR:
Pepsi or Coke: Diet Coke.
McDonald's or Burger King: In 'n Out
Single or group dates: People do group dates even after they're out of college? Seriously?
Adidas or Nike: Whatever's on sale
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Tazo
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee, black, hot

LAYER FIVE:
Smoke: Smoke what?
Cuss: Fuck yeah
Sing: In the car, sometimes in the shower
Take a shower everyday: Yes
Do you think you've been in love: Yes
Want to go to college: Not any more
Liked high school: NO
Want to get married: Yes
Believe in yourself: Most of the time
Get motion sickness: No
Think you're attractive: Depends
Think you're a health freak: Yes. (Which is why I love eating deep-fried bar food while downing an ale or three.)
Get along with your parent(s): I'm dead to them
Like thunderstorms: Yes
Play an instrument: (Air) Guitar

LAYER SIX:
In the past month...
Drank alcohol: Yes
Smoked: Smoke what?
Done a drug: No
Made Out: Yes
Gone on a date: Yes
Gone to the mall?: Yes
Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: No
Eaten sushi: Yes
Been on stage: Hell no
Been dumped: Yes
Gone skating: No
Made homemade cookies: No
Gone skinny dipping: No
Dyed your hair: No
Stolen Anything: I took home some steak rub from work a few times without telling anyone.

LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yes
Been caught "doing something": No
Been called a tease: No
Gotten beaten up: Yes
Shoplifted: It was an accident
Changed who you were to fit in: Yes

LAYER EIGHT: --
Age you hope to be married: Umm, pre-death?
Numbers and Names of Children: Not having kids. Ever. I know "never say never" but screw you. Never.
Describe your Dream Wedding: Small intimate gathering at a nice restaurant where the foutain is a keg pouring Sierra Nevada.
How do you want to die: In a blaze of glory
Where you want to go to college: I'm done with college
What do you want to be when you grow up: Rock star
What country would you most like to visit: Australia, Brazil, parts of Canada, and Europe (I know it's not technically a "country" but, whatever.)

LAYER NINE:
Number of drugs taken illegally: One
Number of people I could trust with my life: Two. Maybe three.
Number of CDs that I own: 300 or so
Number of piercings: Does a piercing stare count? (That was lame.)
Number of tattoos: None. Yet.
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Never. But I hear my name is all over the post office.
Number of scars on my body: A lot
Number of things in my past that I regret: Two. Maybe three.

Now, I'm supposed to tag nine others but... nah.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:36 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Happy Thanksgiving! ::

A friend of mine showed me a text message he got during Thanksgiving lunch today. It said, "If the Pilgrims killed a cat instead of a Turkey for dinner, we'd be eating pussy every thanksgiving."

Sure the smell would be [different] but at least you wouldn't have to deal with any tryptophan comas.

On that note, Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you had a good one and stuffed yourself - as a friend of mine stated - "like a malnourished pilgrim."

Edit: Thanksgiving. I meant Thanksgiving.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:12 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Part XI - Random Conversation ::

I get into some interesting chats with both my customers and co-workers and most of the time, it's standard -of-the-mill restaurant chatter. Hi, where you girls from; yes the grouper is a local fish; I could tell you the recipe for the Scicillian sauce but then the chef would have to kill you. Did you see girls on table ten? I'd like Europeans if they weren't such shitty tippers; did you see the chick on table four? I think the cooks is bitching everyone out. Again. Etc, etc, etc.

Every now and then, there's one that sticks out and makes me laugh when I think about it later. And some of the conversation with my co-workers are such that patrons would probably lose their appetite if they ever overheard us. Here's a few:

• Three of us, two straight guys a gay guy, were sitting around after work. Somehow, we get to the topic of blow jobs and ML, who's garrulous and can easily dominate a conversation, is doing most of the talking.
• "Blah blah blah, and personally, I don't know any woman who can give a blow-job as good as a man does."
• Having tuned him out, straight guy and I suddenly look at him, then we look at each other, and smile, thinking the exact same thing. "I can think of two or three women who give pretty good ones."
• "At least."
  

• I'm waiting on a three-top of middle-aged men a women. They're nice and halfway through their stone crabs, one of the guys asks me my name.
• "Dan-E," I simply reply, wincing. (Usually if a customer asks for you name, it's not because they want to be your friend. They want to know whose name to holler every time they need some stupid little thing.)
• "Ahh, Danny. That's a good, solid Irish name." The rest of the table laughs, since I don't look remotely Irish. (I'm way too tanned.)
  
• "It is. I'm actually half Irish" I say deadpan.
  
• "Are you now?"
• "Yep, my dad is 1st generation Irish." (I can't believe they're buying this crap.)
  
• (Examining me closely) "Oh, I can see that. (I should probably mention that they already polished off a bottle of Pinot Grigio.) Do you have any Irish traits in ya, Danny-boy?"
  
• "Well, I can drink three pints of Guinness in an hour and not feel a thing." (This is true.)
  
• The guys laugh and raise their glasses. "Here's to you, Danny-boy."

• Another late night after the restaurant is closed. Everyone's having shift drinks. Mel finishes a beer and burps. I finish off my beer and release a loud belch (not just a burp, a belch), getting nods of approval from the straight guys, and looks of disgust from a couple of a the gay guys.
• "Dan, that's gross," says MH.
• I simply smile and nod my head while ML says "at least he didn't do it while customers were here."
• "I'm sorry but he's just too straight for me."
• I look at him. "M, that is the nicest thing you've ever said to me."
  

• We're standing around the computer terminals during a slow shift. We've been open for an hour and we've had one customer (who ordered to go). One person starts to sniff the air, then another, then another. Someone farted. We scatter. A few of us who ended up at the other side of the restaurant are laughing, but Mel point the finger at Andy. He shakes his head.
• "Believe me, if I farted, you would know."
• "Why, 'cuz it smells even worse?"
• "No, 'cuz it would smell like cum."
• "Eww!!!" shrieks Mel as she scrunches up her face.
• I then ask Andy, "So then, what would it smell like if you burped?"
• "Oh my gawd, you guys are sick." Mel scurries away.
• Andy just laughs and replies, "I don't do that."

• A guy walks in five minutes after we close for lunch. "Sorry about that. We open again at 5:30 for dinner."
• "Do you have fish and chips?" (He says "feesh and cheeps.")
• "No sir."
• "Then can you recommend restaurant?"
• "If you want fish 'n chips, the Playwright over on 13th and Wash..."
• No, I mean a Chinese restaurant."
• "Um..." His transcontinental culinary shift catches me off guard. I have to think for a moment. "Try Miss Yips' on Lincoln Road or Sum Yum Guy (that's really what it's called) on Washington."
• Later that night I'm still trying to figure out how a guy goes from wanting fish 'n chips to suddenly craving chow mein. I'm still not sure.
  

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:41 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: There are Others?!?! ::

I was bored and browsing some blogs when I ran across this onlines "test" on Ashburnite's blog and I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 8 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Eight? EIGHT? Who the fuck stole my idea of using a hyphen in my name?! Seriously! I'm gonna have to hunt these people down and kill them all. (Or not.) Damn plagiarists.

Sorry, rant over.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:02 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Couldn't have been that bad... ::

Last night when I came home from work, I found one of my socks in the litterbox. I should probably mention that Buttercup suffers from what I can only describe as kitty OCD. I'm not a cat person and I've never owned cats before but everytime he goes, he digs for what seems an inordinate amount of time. He scrapes the litter, the edge of the box, the wall, even the tile floor, in an attempt to bury his poop. Kinda like a person who washes their hands a little too often.

He also tries to cover up his dish after he eats. Keep in mind that it's also on the floor, no litter anywhere near it, and yet he makes digging motions on the floor with his paws.

Ironically, this is the same kitty that likes to enter the bathroom whenver I'm, um, sitting there and beg for attention. I'm trying to read a magazine and there's Buttercup, purring and rubbing up against my leg. So that tells that while he doen't like the smell of his poop, his leftovers, and my socks, the stank from my poop doesn't bother him. I'll never understand cats.

As for my sock? I threw it away.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:35 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Life Goes on ::

Thanks to everyone who left well-wishes on my comment board. Just so everyone knows, I'm doing alright all things considering. We had an amicable breakup. I haven't contemplated suicide, I'm not stalking her, I haven't started using hard drugs, and I'm not standing outside her window blaring my stereo John Cusack-style or anything. What I did do is have a night of heavy drinking - or more accurately, drinking heavy beer - with a co-worker over at the Abbey Brewing Co (I know, how cliche'). Not to say we went overboard or anything but we decided to stick to beers that have an alcohol content of at least 9%. It's not that I was despondant or anything, I just felt like drinking lots of beer. And boy did we (our tab was $65!).

If you're wondering why I haven't posted since then... well, I just haven't felt like posting. Given the thoughts going through my mind those first few nights I'm pretty sure I would have posted something nasty about the The Ex-girlfriend (the fact that everything would have been true is irrelevant). And if you're looking forward to some sort of drama regarding this situation, well, it's not going to happen. If you read my blog for any amount of time, you'll know that I try very hard to not disparage people I know without their knowledge on my blog. It's passive-aggressive and a really chicken shit to do. (Now I know some of you do like to do this but the previous sentence pertains to me and only me. And I'll freely admit that I enjoy reading blogs that go off on other people. By the way, posting about weird customers at my restaurant doesn't count.)

Having said all that, I'm moving forward. I have custody of the kids (the turtle and the two kittens). It was never meant to be and I have history of getting over women pretty easily. This time is no different.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:56 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: It's over ::

... it was fun while it lasted.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:45 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Look at my Little Boy Grow Up ::

Being a proud parent of a, um, turtle you learn to appreciate some of the quirks about owning a reptile as a pet. I've always been a dog person and always envisioned having one eventually. I have friends who have cats, goldfish, hamsters, and even a fighting fish and while they're cool in their own way, they never appealed to me. I wanted something with fur that licks my hands and plays fetch.

So you can imagine my surprise at the level of affection I've developed for my turtle Mike. I never realized turtles could be such cool pets but at the same time, I wonder if I should be a little embarassed for being so ga-ga over a reptile. But then I remember I don't care what anyone things so, never mind. Here's a few more baby photos.

This is what he was like when I first got six or seven months ago. His shell was about the size of a half-dollar coin. Cute, ain't he?



















That little white thing next to him is a calcium block for his tank. I put that there for reference so you can see how much he's grown. That block is actually about 15% larger than when he was a hatchling.



















You can really see the details on his shell. It's quite beautifully shaped.



















A pretty clear shot of his red "ear." I took this right before he scurried back into the water. I can't prove it but I think he said "thanks for waking me up, you giant douche." Kids.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:55 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Week 7 Picks: ::

I know how disappointed you readers were when I forgot to post my picks last week (just play along). I still managed to turn in my picks for the football pool so I can yet again lose my ten dollars to someone who probably picks based on which uniform is prettier. (I'm not bitter. Not at all.)

So for the season, I'm now at 58-29 after going 8-5 last week and 10-4 the previous week. That's not to bad considering I'm not a like, a paid analyst over at ESPN or anything, and we all know how they're never wrong.

Also, congratulations to the Detroit Tigers for making it to the World Series. (As I mentioned before, I'm rooting for them because I think they're the better team, mostly because The Girlfriend is from Michigan and I don't have a choice.) The city needs something to feel good about (it's not like the auto industry or the Lions are helping in that respect) they have a rich history filled with great moments in baseball history and this season is a reminder to its great past. However, I thought it was over the top to mention yet again that Jerome Bettis is a Detroit Native and that he's coming home to with it all. I mean, enough is enough. Go drink a Miller Lite or something.

Week 7:
Philly over Tampa
Is it just me or dd the Igles look a lot like the Washington Generals when the play the Harlem Globetrotters? It's not that they went in knowing that they were supposed to lose that game but they played like a father trying to not hurt his 5-year-old son while rassling.

Jacksonville over Houston
One positive way to look at not having signed Reggie Bush: Houston's first pick Mario Williams has two sacks. Bush has NONE. Count 'em, none!

Pittsburg over ATL
Congrats to the Falcons coaching staff for finally figured out how to utilize Michael Vick's considerable running skill by installing that play option running game in tandem with Warrick Dunn. Give it a couple of more seasons and they'll finally figure out how to teach how to, you know, pass the ball.

New England over Buffalo
Buffalo has been so awful the last few season that I'm even starting to lose my taste for Buffalo Wings. Ok, not really.

Carolina over Cincy
When Marvin Lewis' dictum about signing and drafting "character" guys looks shakier than a Parkinson's patient after three Red Bulls. If you don't think bad character can ruin a good team, just look at the Bengals. (I'd say look at Oakland but that's too easy.)

Green Bay over Miami
In case you forgot, the Dolphins are a team is such dire condition that they're relying on Detroit castaway Joey Harrington to keep things from getting worse. And Coach Nolan is getting so desperate that he might sign a wide receiver in the first round in next year's draft.

New York Jets over Detroit
Apparently, Detroit has only enough room for one feel-good story at a time (sure the PIstons Red Wings had successful seasons at the same time but hockey doesn't really count) so it's only appropriate that the Lions are going to suffer their next loss away from home, so they don't infect the Tigers with their losing stank.

Sandy Eggo over Kansas City
Philip Rivers, who the hell are you and where the hell did you come from?!

Denver over Cleveland
Why does Jake Plummer suck so bad this season? Can anyone tell me how he reverted back to his old self? Did he shave that beard or something?

Seattle over Minnesota
So Shaun Alexander is out till Novermber, and they're expecting a huge boost when he comes back. It's like they suddenly forgot that he SUCKED before he went down with his injury. His MVP award last season was the worst selection for that award since, well, A-Rod the same year.

Arizona squeaks by Oakland
I was certain that the Raiders were almost a lock to go at least 0-10 until Arizona choked worse than A-Rod in the fourth quarter against the Bears last weekend. And now, thanks to that historic meltdown I have absolutely no idea. Vegas setting the spread at 3 points is their way of saying "we don't have a damn clue either." I found it rather amusing that the only person fired was the offensive coordinator. Almost like they're trying to imply that their offense was actually coordinated the last few years.

Indy over Skins
As each year passes, Peyton Manning and the Colts find new ways to keep breaking records, gutting through wins, blowing out opponents, and losing late in the playoffs. Just saying.

Dallas over New York Giants
Can someone tell me why sportscasters keeep referring to them as the "New York 'Football' Giants?" As opposed to what, the "New York 'Baseball' Giants? The "New York 'Bocci ball' Giants? The "New York 'Broadway Musical' Giants?" I need to know these things.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:58 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: The Soundtrack of my Life ::

I got this from the lovely and talented Babbling Brooke and since I haven't posted all week, I figured it's a good post to start again with. Here's how it works... Put your iTunes or whatever music player you have on shuffle. The first song that you hear will be the song for your Opening Scene. Skip to the next song, this is your next category. Keep doing this until the end.

Opening Scene: Something to Believe In - Poision
And give me something to believe in
If theres a Lord above
And give me something to believe in
Oh, Lord arise

Wake Up Scene: Nothing Else Matters - Metallica (acoustic version)
So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

Average Day: Top Gun Theme (Yeah, really. Shut up.)

1st Date: Why can't this be Love - Van Halen
Oh here it comes
That funny feeling again winding me up inside
Every time we touch
Hey I don't know
Oh, tell me where to begin cause I never ever
Felt so much

Falling in Love: Ride the Lightning - Metallica
Someone help me
Oh please, God help me
They are trying to take it all away
I don't want to die

Fight Scene: Sweet Surrender - Sarah McLachlan
I've crossed the last line
From where I can't return
Where every step I took in faith betrayed me
And led me from my home

Break Up Scene: We all Die Young - Steel Dragon (I'll buy you a drink if you know where this song is from and somehow manage to not mock me for having this on my iTunes)
Tell me I know
I lived so afraid
And still we cry alone
With words left unsaid

Back together: Go Daddy-O - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Go, daddy-o!
Go, daddy-o!
Go, daddy-o!
Go!

Secret Love: Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Sweet home Alabama
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home Alabama
Lord, I'm coming home to you

Life's OK: Running with the Devil - Van Halen
I live my life like there's no tomorrow
and all I've got, I had to steal
Least I don't need to beg or borrow
Yes I'm livin' at a pace that kills

Mental Breakdown: Electrical Storm - U2
You're in my mind all of the time
I know that's not enough
Well if the sky can crack, there must be some way back
To love and only love

Driving: Fur Elise - Beethoven

Learning a Lesson: All my Love - Led Zeppelin
Should I fall out of love, my fire in the light
To chase a feather in the wind
Within the glow that weaves a cloak of delight
There moves a thread that has no end.

Deep Thought: Satisfaction - Rolling Stone
When i'm drivin' in my car
And that man comes on the radio
He's tellin' me more and more
About some useless information
Supposed to fire my imagination

Flashback: Heartbreak Hotel, Elvis
Well, since my baby left me,
I found a new place to dwell.
Its down at the end of lonely street
At heartbreak hotel.

Partying: Enter Sandman - Metallica
Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
Off to never never land

Happy Dance: Mysterious Ways - U2
One day you will look
Back and you'll see
Where you were held
How by this love
While you could stand
There You could move on this moment
Follow this feeling

Regretting: Strange Brew - Cream
Shes a witch of trouble in electric blue,
In her own mad mind shes in love with you.
With you.
Now what you gonna do?
Strange brew -- kill whats inside of you.

Long Night Alone: Everybody Hurts - REM
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Death Scene: Love Her Madly - The Doors
All your love is gone,
So sing a lonely song
Of a deep blue dream,
Seven horses seem to be on the mark

Closing Credits: Creep - Radiohead
I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

Some are kinda random (Fur Elise?), other are dead on (Mysterious Ways, Strange Brew) and others are strangely appropriate (Nothing else Matters, Ride the Lightning, Creep). I'm supposed to tag people but... nah. If you decide to try this out, let me know.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:21 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: I Really Need to Watch what I Eat ::

The Girlfriend often makes gestures about baking things for me: cake, cookies, muffins, etc. but so far she's only cooked for me, which is cool since her food is good and I don't need to be eating that waistline-expanding, sugary crap anyway. That isn't to say that I don't eat that crap because if I get home from work tired and hungry - which is pretty much all the time - I usually reach for whatever's in front of the fridge. (Coincidentally, or perhaps not, my beer is usually what's in front of the fridge.)

A couple of weeks ago, I opened the fridge and saw a couple of packages of brownies in there. I opened it up and tored off a square, and bit into it. My first thought: "they hell kinda brownies are these?!" The texture was very gritty and doughy and it dispersed in my mouth the same way a slice of Kraft Singles would do when you eat those by themselves (you know what I'm talking about. Of course you do. You're lying.) Naturally, I finish it off anyway, after which I decide perhaps I should make myself something with a little more sustainance for dinner.

I asked The Girlfriend about those brownies the next day - I believe my exact words were "babe, those brownies in fridge totally suck" - to which she replied, "what brownies?"

"The new ones? In the blue package?"

"Oh that? That's ready-to-bake cookie dough."

(Pause) "That's... really?"

"Yeah. You didn't try to eat that did you?"

While I didn't say anything, my facial expression, whatever it may have been, answered for me. I know this because she started laughing hysterically.

"You really do eat everything."

(Sheepishly) "Shut up."

"You're such a dork."

"Shut up."

Later that night I take a closer look at the package. Sure enough, Pillsbury Ready to Bake Triple Chocolate Cookie Dough. I'm pretty sure that when they told us that we have to "watch what you eat," they weren't aware of that glitch.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:06 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Part X - I'm a Professional Salad Tosser ::

... not only that I can make a kick-ass Ceasar. (Hey-O!!!)

The restaurant is implementing a few changes and a couple of them are additional salads to our menus and a new wine list. All the waiters were at work listening to the owner explain to us how the salads are made. One of the guys had a question regarding the gorgonzola and all I remember from the reply is "blah blah blah cut the cheese." Maybe I was tired or bored, or maybe my inner child took over my brain for an unfortunate moment but I started to snicker. Then I noticed that my buddy Chuck was also laughing at that verbal gaffe.

Yeah we're all adults, aren't we. (By the way, I don't know if this has anything to do with anything but Chuck and I were the only straight guys there. Thought I'd mention it.) Part of the salad seminar involved tasting. And as each of the cooks got a turn at making each one, the waiters were grazing like cows. I'm not sure but after eating all that green, leafy stuff and other healthy crap, I think my body might have gone into anaphylactic shock.

A day later, we were given a lession on wines by the new manager Rey. We were lectured on the different varietals but also the proper method of presenting and pouring wines to a customer. I thought I was doing it right this whole time but I guess not. (Apparently, popping open the cork, setting the bottle in front of the customer, and telling him "dude, take a long swig and gargle that bitch" isn't the right way. Whatever.) And it would supposedly help us if we ever have deal with customers like these.

We went over the differences in the various whites (Pinot Grigio, Sauvignon Blanc, Reisling, and Chardonnay) and reds (Pinot Noir, Merlot, Syrah, and Cabernet) and even tasted them so we got an idea of what they taste like and what to recommend them with when they order their seafood.

However, Rey didn't say anything about the White Zinfandel. Shocking, I know.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:29 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: To the People of Red Sox Nation... ::

...I feel your pain.

I now know what it was like for you those two long years of 2002 and 2003, with October of the latter year being a culmination - or nadir - of the kind of suffering a fan can endure when he or she fiercely, stubbornly, and indeed, idiotically cling to that unwavering faith that great things can happen - only to see Grady Little take that faith and toss it into a dumpster the same way Boba Fett got tossed into the Sarlac Pit. (I am such a dork.)

I remember that fateful night of 2003, when Grady Little left Pedro in one hitter too long and Aaron Boone became forever known as "Aaron 'Fucking' Boone" in the city of Boston. I was watching with two friends who were from Boston. To say they were excited at the prospect of finally advancing to Elysium... er... The World Series is like saying Hurley from "Lost" was a little giddy when he found the closet full of food.

I remember them leaning forward in anticipation when Little walked to the mound, only to see that become shock and trepidation when he walked back to the dugout without calling for Mike Timlin. I remember them recoil in abject horror when Pedro hung a breaking ball and gave up the game-tying hit to Matsui.

I remember when Aaron "Fucking" Boone launched that walk-off homer off Tim Wakefield, how their faces went from dismay to revulsion to anger to apprehension to resignation in a matter of half a second. Almost like it's happened before. *COUGHbillbucknerCOUGH*

I remember having to talk then off their 5th floor balcony.

I was an outsider so while I felt bad for them, I couldn't understand the chants of "fire Grady Little." Both his years as manager, the Red Sox won more than 90 games and reached the playoffs each season. Also, as a baseball fan with a rudimentary knowledge of Sabrmetrics, it's not like Pedro's arm suddenly falls off or he starts throwing40mph fastballs the moment he throws pitch number 100. Pedro's changeup is still an above-average pitch and he used it effectively neutralize lefty batters his entire career. It was just a fluke hit that came at a bad time. And really, you should be more upset at Wakefield for giving up the home run to Aaron "Fucking" Boone (I'm trying to see how many times I can type "Aaron 'Fucking' Boone"). I tried to rationalized all this to them but they were still bitter.

A year later, fate dealt a different hand and you guys finally won The World Series. Everything was good, and all the bad, horrible things were forgotten. Boston was joyous. Even Bill Buckner was forgiven. Grady Little was a tiny little footnote soon to be forgotten deep in the annals of sports history and in the minds of jealous Yankee fans.

And then he was hired as the manager of my beloved Los Angeles Dodgers.

All the memories came rushing back to me and, no kidding, once haunted my dreams. All those rationalizations were still in my memory. He had a winning record, he's taken teams to the playoffs, the Dodgers who played for him (Bill Mueller, Derek Lowe, both former Red Sox) spoke highly of him, and it seemed like a good idea at the time (as many, many things do).

As a Left Coast sports fan, I wasn't there to see the specifics of what caused Boston to have this animosity towards Little. But as the season went on I learned. He mismanaged the bullpen worse than Joe Torre, he made puzzling calls for pinch-hits with both timing and matchups, and indeed, there were the times he left his starting pitcher in too long. But he wouldn't repeat those errors in the playoff would he? He learned from his mistakes, didn't he?

Us Dodger fans saw Derek Lowe melt down in his first playoff start. Bill Mueller was out with injuries. Nomar Garciaparra struck out a lot. And for a moment, I was at Fenway, sitting on those new Monster seats, looking over the field, watching Tood Walker botch a ground ball, John Burkett get pulled after two innings, two unearned runs score thanks to another Manny Ramirez brain fart, Johnny Damon throw like a girl, and an Alfonso Soriano homerun flying right towards me thanks to a Ramiro Mendoza fast(meat)ball. Truly, and it came without the aid of any drugs.

And to add to my confusion, in what's sure to go down as one of the colossal blunders of MLB postseason history, TWO Dodgers got thrown out at the plate within seconds of each other, which made me wonder out loud if Dale Sveum was our Third Base Coach. (I knew better, but I did have a brief, but very vivid, yet hazy moment there.)

So in a span of four get-wrenching days, Dodger fans have to suffer through a period of ignominy that Red Sox Nation never endured, by getting swept by the very beatable Mets (getting swept last year by the White Sox doesn't count because no one outside of New England though they would advance, and the five-game sweep this season against the Yankees is also excluded since that's the regular season). Blown calls, bad relief pitchers (Brad Penny? Seriously?!), horrible lineups (why did you play 82 year old Kenny Lofton?! He couldn't come up with a hit if you gave him an aluminum bat and had little league girls pitch to him), and a failure to adjust to the situations. (Sure the players couldn't come through either when it mattered, but whatever.)

And now our season is over more prematurely than a fifteen year old getting laid the first time. The only positive I can get from this is that a year after Grady Little got fired, the Sox won the very next year (otherwise know as the "Buck Showalter Theory") so I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe something equally miraculous might happen to My Dodgers. It's the only faith I have right now. That's all I have left.

At least we didn't get beat by Aaron "Fucking" Boone.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Week 5 Picks:
Detroit over Minnesota
New England over Miami
New Orleans over Tampa
Washington over New York
Carolina over Cleveland
Chicago over Buffalo
St. Louis over Green Bay
Indy over Tennessee
Frisco over Oakland
New York over Jacksonville
Kansas City over Arizona
Philly over The Circus
Pittsburg over San Diego
Denver over Baltimore

Last Week: 10-4
Total: 40-20

Labels: baseball, Dodgers, frustration, Red Sox, sports

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:04 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Server Stories: Part X - Our Restaurant is a Haven for Ex-Cons ::

You meet all kinds of people working in restaurant. Not just the customers, but the weirdos and freaks that are your fellow employees. Everyone has their quirks, a good number of them do drugs, and everyone likes to drink. And that's just the waitstaff.

The cooks, janitors, dishwashers, and everyone else you don't see have their own quirks. Interesting things happen back there, especially when you consider that English isn't the first language of just about 99.99% of the kitchen staff. Shit happens and stuff but the last two weeks have been bizarre, even for us:

• First, our cook/assistant kitchen manager Ralph, who's been working there nonstop for about seven years, somehow broke his ankle, leaving management scrambling to find a temp cook while he heals.

• Just before that happened, we hire a guy to work part time (like they knew what was coming) from a restaurant across the street. We joke that he's just there to steal the sauce recipes. He disappears after a week.

• A different guy we hired, Mack, seemed to be working out; he works hard, and unlike some of the other cooks, speaks perfect English and doesn't seem to have any predisposed animosity towards waiters. We take him out for beers for his birthday, and he sounds genuinely excited to be working there. Then he goes M.I.A. over the weekend. As it turns out, he borrowed his roommate's car, only to get pulled over and get caught with a suspended license, which resulted in a nice weekend in jail.

• Another newly hired a prep cook is there for about two weeks. He also works hard, and the managers seems to like him. Only he also goes M.I.A. for a couple of days. It seems he neglected to tell them that there's a warrant out for his arrest. (For what, I'm not sure.)

• There's a new grill cook that's such a flame that he might possibly discharge more BTUs than our rather sizable stoves. (Being as it I work in South Beach, I'm surprised there aren't more.) Last week when I show up, he seems a little moody and emotional. I know this because instead of saying "hi" he says "Dan-E, pleasthe go easthy with the orders, I'm a little moody and emotional." I simply nod, walk away and say "whoa" under my breath. Two hours later, he apparently stormed out of the kitchen in a, uh, moody and emotional fit. I say "apparently" because I was attending to my customers when this happened and didn't get to witness this meltdown (I need the blog material). The waitstaff has a good laugh about it, chalking it up to a "gay moment." (And before you overfeeling drama whores get all out of whack, the guy who said "gay moment" was a gay guy.)

• A few days later, Mack gets arrested yet again, this time for having violated probation.

In a span of just over two weeks, we have one broken ankle, one recipe thief, one gay moment... and three arrests. You'd think that as long as out managers have been in the restaurant business, they'd learn a thing or two about judging character when interviewing.

Then again, they did hire me.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:32 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server tales: Part IX - Think of the Kids (plus Week 4 Picks) ::

My bartender buddy Luke, who works at my restaurant is happily engaged to a very beautiful woman. They've been together for five years and they're trying to start a family very soon. He's one of the few that I can refer to as "good people" and I hope for nothing but the very best for him.

We were talking during a slow lunch shift about a couple of our material guilty pleasures. He has a thing for wristwatches (last count, 25) while I have this thing for all things Oakley (7 pairs of sunglasses, two of which have 4 extra lenses; 2 pairs of shoes; 2 pairs of flip flops; 1 metal case and 1 array case; 2 pairs of wristbands, 2 T-shirts and 1 polo shirt). He mentioned rather excitedly how Tag Heuer just came out with a new watch that he's itching for, but ultimately decided against it since he already has enough watches and since they're trying to have a baby, he needs to start thinking about the future.

I kinda know how he feels.

I've been itching to get myself a pair of polarized Oakleys (polarized!) but I also decided against it... because my turtle is growing up.

I'm completely serious.

When I first got Mike, he could fit onto a silver dollar with room to spare. Now, he's almost as big as my hand. I first got him in a little turtle habitat that was a glorified plastic tray. (That tray had a basking platform just large enough for both of them. And he's now bigger than the platform. Did mention that he's getting huge?! I know, I sound like a doting dad. By the way, I'm honestly surprised that I still haven't printed out "baby" photos and put them in my wallet. I know, I'm babbling.)

A little over a month later, The Girlfriend and I chipped in for a 10-gallon aquarium, a UVB basking light, a turtle dock, and some bigger grown-up food. And now he's already outgrown that.

So instead of those polarized Oakleys, I just came home with a 20-gallon tank, a higher-capacity filter, water heater, water treatment, and some feeder guppies and ghost shrimp. The total of which is just a tad more than those shades.

And it was worth it. I haven't had a chance to set up Mike's new habitat but I dropped in a few guppies and shrimp just to see how he'd like them. At first he approached the new residents with the same kind of cautious approach of a curious puppy sniffing a much larger dog (except he had his front feet pulled in and his head halfway retracted - I had no idea turtles could swim this way, it's actually kinda cool).

But once he realized they were harmless, his once-dormant turtle instincts kicked in and... he remembered he was hungry. He doesn't seem interested in the shrimp (odd considering he absolutely loves the dried shrimp that I feed him; that's like a guy saying he prefers beef jerky over a freshly grilled ribeye). However, He's spent the last 30 minutes chasing after and snapping at the little guppies around the tank. For whatever reason, watching him do this makes me really, really happy. I wonder if this is similar to how new dads feel when they take their kids out fishing or hunting for the first time and they manage to reel one in.

The Girlfriend sees me go all ga-ga over my turtle and it invariably results in her saying "I can't believe you don't want to have children." It's not the same thing. Not even close. Sure some of the responsibilities are similar (food, housing, health care) but I don't have to worry about other kid-related crap (insurance, dating, driving, college, drugs).

Anyway, I'm gonna go watch Mike chase guppies. (Make those guppies your bitch MIke!)

----------------------------------------------------

Week 4 Picks:

Indy over NYJ
Carolina over New Orleans
Sandy Eggo over Baltimore
Miami over Rice University
ATL over Arizona
Minnesota over Buffalo
Dallas over Tennessee
KC over Frisco
Rams over Detroit
Jacksonville over Washington
Cleveland over The Black Hole (of suckiness)
New England over Cinncinattica
Seattle over Chicago
Philly over Green Bay.

Last Week: 10-4
Total: 30-16

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:32 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Not that I hate him or anything... ::

... but was anyone else hoping that T.O. actually did commit suicide just so he won't plague your TV any more? Not that i would really wish death on anyone (again... and Bin Laden doesn't count since that's a gimmie) but enough is enough. I haven't seen an attention whore this desperate since that Mexican girl I dated in college. (No, the other one.)

- I haven't seen an attention whore this desperate since Paris Hilton just before her sex tape came out.

- I haven't seen an attention whore this desperate since John Lovitz started doing those horrible Subway commercials.

- It wals odd at first how Michael Irvin was interviewed after the press conference. But if any Cowboy wide receiver knows about trouble with drugs, it's him.

- He was probably thinking, "at least he wasn't caught with a crack pipe."

- T.O. - Totally Overdosed

- Owens probably OD-ed because he just realized that Drew Bledsoe is his QB.

- Actually, Owens is probably a strip club incident away from becoming the next Michael Irvin.

- Not trying to insinuate anything but the last time I ever heard anyone mention their "supplements" this often was Bill Romanowski just before a 'Roid Rage locker room fight.

- Did anyone else wonder why he wasn't doing crunches in his driveway during this interview (kudos if you actually know what I'm talking about).

Hope you enjoyed. That's all for now =)

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:09 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Somtimes, Being a Sports Nut does Pay off ::

The restaurant I work at does a weekly football pool; $10 in and winner takes all. Each week, the take is anywhere from $90 to $110 and I've played all three weeks so far. And before I go any further, you should probably know that in my not very active history of sports pools, I've won a grand total of zero. I've either missed by a one game (say, week 2), been completely blown out of the water (the Hockey World Cup last year in Prague, where I can in LAST), or was too chicken shit to even place a bet even though I was 99% sure of the outcome (The Patriots/Rams Super Bowl).

Sure enough I started off inauspiciously enough when my picks for the pool and my Blog Picks didn't even match. I started writing my picks before I had to go to work and once there, I couldn't even remember who I was going to pick. In my blog, i picked Jags over Colts and Lions over Packers (look, I finished writing my picks at three in the morning after a busy, yet dull Satruday night, ok?).

So I go to work Sunday thinking I'm already behind and don't even bother with the updates after 8:00. I watched the Monday Night just because of the backstory and the fact that I was the only one at the restaurant (and probabaly the entire planet) who picked the Saints to win.

As it turns out, two other people and I were tied going into Monday and they picked Atlanta. Of course, I didn't know any of this until Tuesday morning, when I walked into work grumpier than usual, regretting having picked up a day shift. Mick, the line cook, (who I beat) sees me walk in and says "you lovin' New Orleans a lot now, ain't you Dan-E-boy?" I look over at him rather wearily and reply, "huh?" A little later, the GM shows up and bows to me in mock reverence and hands me my $110.

Not a bad way to start a work week.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 4:55 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Week 3 Picks: ::

I know, I know. Two sports related posts in a row. I'm a guy that loves sports almost as much as I love hot chicks and rare steaks (not necessarily in that order). Anyway, I seem to be off to be a decent start this season but what I'm really stoked about is My 49ers actually affirmimg my beliefs and beating the Rams last week. So already my Niners are three games away from tying last season's record with fourteen games remaining. Hey, nobody said being a loyal fan is always pretty.

Last week: 11-5
Season tota: 20-12

Week 3:
Dolphins beat Titans:
I live in Miami and I have absolutely no idea what the hell happened with the Dolphins last week. True story: I work with a prep cook who's a diehard Dolphan. Nobody, and I mean absolutely NOBODY was happier than him when Daunte Culpepper was traded here. Sunday night at work, after that fiasco against the Bills, he says to me, "you know what mahn? I never liked Culpepper anyway" If they somehow manage to lose against the pathetic Titans this week, someone needs to put all of South Florida on suicide watch.

Vikings beat Bears:
To continue with the "Daunte sucks" theme, is anyone really surprised that the Vikes are playing better with him and Randy Moss gone? I wonder if they're experiencing the same kind of bitterness that a guy would have if they ever saw an ex-girlfriend they just dumped, only to see her three months later after she dropped 10 pounds, sporting a new hairdo, a great tan, and looking happier than she ever was with you; all the while you're slumming at dank bars, unemployed, and scratching that rash you got after a drunken hook-up with some filthy bar skank. (Not that I would know anything about that.)

Panthers maul Pirates of the Caribbean (Bucs):
I remember last season when Hall of Fame and Super Bowl MVP SanFran 49ers QB Steve Young (yes I typed that all out on purpose) questioned Chris Simms toughness after being raised in "...a laissez-faire kind of atmosphere." I haven't seen any Bucs games this season but from I read about him, I'm thinking Johnny Depp would have a better game right now.

Redskins beat Texans:
The 'Skins played so bad last week that they somehow managed to make Drew Bledsoe look like an elite QB. That's how bad they are. I don't have any jokes, other than to point out Mark Brunell's recent play.

Jets beat Bills:
Chad Pennington, where have you been? Sure the Bills' D might be vastly improved and all but, you still have to score once in a while, and with J.P Losman back there, that's gonna happen about as often as Mel Gibson passes up a chance to make Jewish jokes.

Bengals beat Steelers:
You know things aren't going well for the Steelers when Big Ben plays so bad that fans are calling for The Chin to bring in Charlie Batch. And you know what? If you saw him play in week one, that would have been the smart call. If Chuck was starting this week, I'd call it a push but since Ben and his appendix scar are playing, I'm calling Cincy all the way.

Lion eat Packers:
One thing I noticed during last week's loss to the Bears is that a lot of the Lions' players seem to be playing with certain fervor, noticeable difference from the last few season where it looked liked they were mailing it in. Sure, this group of Lions might bear a stronger resmeblance to Simba in the middle part of "Lion King" when he was too busy singing "Hakuna Mattata" and playing grab-ass with Timone and Pumba, but at least they seem to be headed down the right track.

Jaguars eat Colts:
Since I can't think of anything funny to write, I'm calling my Nature Theory on this game.

Ravens beat Browns:
The Ravens offense seems more disorganized than an art history student during finals week but the Browns as whole seem like they're in yet another rebuilding year. And Romeo Crenel is fat.

49ers beat Eagles:
Alright, I'm not just picking my Niners because I'm a shameless homer. (I am a shameless homer but that's not why I'm picking them.) The Eagles get their guts ripped out in overtime against the Giants after dominating the first three quarters, they lose Jevon "The Freak" Kearse for the year to a (sorry) freak injury, Brian Westbrook is hurt, McNabb is having TO flashbacks, and they have to fly cross-country to battle a fiesty underdog that has no pressure to even win six games? If I was a Philly fan, I probably threw up in mouth after last week's game.

Seahawks beat Giants:
I love how some analysts were lauding Eli Manning's "clutch" TD throw to Plaxico Burress when in reality, that was a borderline Hail-Mary pass that he pulled out of his ass in desperation. Sure, Seattle's offense is looking softer than Mike Golic's belly but until the G-man get some consistency from the little Manning, they'll be perennial underachievers.

Rams over Cardinals:
The Rams suck. So do the Cards. I hate them both. Terrell Owens sucks.

Patriots tame Broncos:
New Bronco wideout Jevon Walker suffered through playing with INT-machine Brett Favre last season, and now he has to play with INT-machine Jake Plummer this season. The guy must be confused, wondering when he got switched from wide receiver to cornerback.

Saints beat Falcons:
This is purely an emotional pick. Partly because I really believe New Orleans can use some good vibes sent their way, but also because they're playing in the only football arean to host U2 twice for nationally televised games. You better believe I'll be glued to the TV when they come on.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:11 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: The Impossible has Happened ::

"I don't believe what I just saw." - Jack Buck

With apologies to my non-baseball fan readers, this post is just for me. It's a way for me to jot down my thoughts and emotions from one of the greatest games in Dodger history. If you watch SportsCenter, you've probably seen highlights of my Dodgers coming back from being down 9-5 by hitting four home runs in a row to tie the game and send it into extra innings. Back to back to back to back.

I wish I had been there. Hell, I wish I could have just seen it live.

Because I didn't know the outcome until after one that evening.

"In a year that has been so improbable, the impossible has happened." - Vin Scully

I got home late that night and I had just turned on SportsCenter. It broke to a late live update after the game had just ended. The anchor started off saying the Dodgers were down in the 9th inning 9-6, which caused me to utter a few profanities.

This game against the San Diego Padres had playoff implications. They were 1 1/2 games back entering this four-game series. We took the first one behind another Greg Maddux masterpiece, only to lose the next two and relinquishing the division lead.

And we were about to lose another to drop further back. I turned away from the TV and went back to checking that day's scores (yes, I check scores on my laptop while I have SportsCenter on. Shut up).

"I really love baseball. The guys and the game, and I love the challenge of describing things."

Then the anchor says Jeff Kent homers to center. Cool. Whatever. Of course he would. He has a mustache, after all. I shrug it off.

Immediately following is homer to right by J.D. Drew. J.D. Drew? That stiff? Hmm. I turn back to the TV.

Call to the bullpen, and Trevor Hoffman, the Hall of Fame closer who's currently one save behind Lee Smith on the all-time saves list, is called to finish it. On his very first pitch rookie catcher Russell Martin sends the ball into the left-field bleachers to bring my Dodgers back to within one.

I'm out of my chair. Holy shit, is this really happening? For the next 60 seconds, the rest of the world will cease to exist.

Because on Hoffman's very next pitch, utility player Marlon Anderson (WHO?) skies one back back back back into the right field pavilion seats.

Tie game. My arms are raised. Four in a row. Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?! From THIS team? In THAT ballpark? I'm ecstatic, but I'm trying to minimize the noise since The Girlfriend is alseep.

(This is where I remind you that I'm wigging out to a highlight reel.)

This is awesome. What a comeback! But suddenly San Diego scores another run at the top of the 10th and just like that, I'm back on Earth. All that for nothing. Excitement and hope quickly give way to disappointment. But the highlights continue and I'm still on my feet.

"Boy is this a game, huh? And the crowd is loving it. From depression to euphoria and all the stops in between. It's not Monday night here. No way. It is Mardi Gras, it is New Year's Eve."

Kenny Lofton draws a walk. Then Nomar Garciaparra is up to bat. Yeah, that Nomar.

The same Nomar that was once the face of the Red Sox and beloved by the city of Boston.

The same Nomar that was so valued, that management decided the best way to acquire that long-elusive World Series Title was to trade him away.

The same Nomar that lost almost two years of his career thanks to numerous injuries.

The same Nomar who at one point was an elite shortstop, was forced to switch to first base for a team to take a chance on him.

The same Nomar that became known as "Mr. Mia Hamm."

The same Nomar that was grateful just to back in uniform, back in a locker room, back on the field, back in the batter's box, and back to some sense of relevance.

The same Nomar that despite all that, despite having a Comeback Player of the Year-worthy season, despite simply being able to play almost a full season, was still looking for some sort of personal validation.

The same Nomar Garciaparra, fighting a gimpy leg, who grounded out and struck out his previous at-bats - possibly because he's worn out from carrying all the vowels in his last name - connected on a 3-1 pitch that arced majestically over the left-field wall.

Ballgame.

YES YES YES YES! The Girlfriend wakes up and looks at me like I've lost my mind. (I'm used that look, actually.) I'm hopping up and down in my apartment. Almost 3,000 miles away from my team. About a game they ended a few minutes before. I couldn't believe what I just saw.

"This is why baseball is such a wonderful game. You just never know what you're going to see."

It took me this long to write about it because it took a couple of days just to sink in. I follow my team pretty closely (don't even try to tell me West Coast sports fans are apathetic and uninformed; I'm certainly not apathetic) so I knew that my Dodgers had the fewest homeruns in the league. Four homeruns in a game would be nice once in a while but... four in a row? In a span of seven pitches?

Even people at work who know I'm from Los Angeles asked me days later if I saw that game. Four days later, I still get excited talking about it. Hell I still get giddy simply thinking about it.

I know the fans in attendance were apoplectic. Dodger Stadium hasn't enjoyed a great moment since the Gibson Homerun in 1998. We went on to win the World Series. The closest we came to that since then was in 2003 when Jose Lima (whose career has been so sporadic that he's most famous for singing the National Anthem once while playing for the Dodgers and having a hot wife with gigantic boobs) pitched a masterful complete-game shutout against the Cardinals, only to lost the next game and get knocked out of the playoffs. Until now. Finally, we saw this game. We tasted a morsel of greatness. And we witnessed history happening right in front of our bloodshot eyes.

September game. First place at stake. A possible momentum shift near the end of a maddeningly streaky season. Back. To back. To back. To back. I with I had been there. But you know what? For those few seconds, in my mind, I was. (And I wasn't on drugs or anything.) Back there in the Right Field Pavilion. Back when I was still young and being a Dodger fan was new and exciting. I was there and it was glorious.

"...that's what it means to love baseball. Having an unwavering faith and an undying loyalty, not just in your team, but in looking forward to and hoping for those brief, historic moments of greatness that stick with you forever." - some guy named Dan-E (WHO?), July 2004

- Photos courtesy Francis Specker and Jeff Lewis of AP photo; Gina Ferazzi LAT.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:54 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....

:: Only in Miami ::

Interesting thing about Miami, especially in South Beach, is that you often see the the abject poor interspersed with the filthy rich. It would seem that sometimes, these types are the same person. I'll explain:

A while ago, I was gassing up The Girlfriend's car. A guy pulls up alongside and asks me, if I could spare a couple of bucks so he could get back to where ever it was he said he was going. I wasn't really paying attention since my mind suffered a PC-like crash the moment a guy wearing a gaudy gold chain with a cross the size of Fisher Island, driving a large, black Mercedes 500S asked me, a perpetually broke waiter wearing my favorite tattered T-shirt and worn sweat pants, driving a Malibu (not even my car) "yo man, I need gas up my ride. You got a couple of extra bucks?"

Don't get me wrong, I'm not unsympathetic to the plight of the needy - even rich people misplace their Platinum Mastercards from time to time - but given surface disparity of our economic profiles, I just looked at him with impassively for a brief moment, wondering if he knew just how ridiculous he looked. My first reaction was to ask him "are you fucking kidding me?" but decided against it since it would have been rude and possibly might have gotten me shot. So when my internal computer rebooted, I simply looked at him in the eye and replied "no."

I had just started gassing my my car so I had a couple minutes to laugh at what just happened. I was about to leave when I noticed that guy had parked outside the convenience store and I suddenly realized I was thirsty. (Yeah, right.) I walked past his car (he was panhandling from other customers) and got myself a Gatorade (waitering makes me thirsty... yeah right). I twisted it open when I got back outside, with a nice loud *snap* sound that those tops make. He looked over, I looked back and took a pull, and walked back to my car. I know, I can be dick sometimes.

Then again, I might have been a little harsh. His Mercedes was two generations old.

(Yeah, right.)

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:20 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Week 2 Picks ::

Talk about a pretty sweet Week 1 in the NFL. Green Bay got shut out for the first time since the Lombardi era and Tampa Bay got shut out, making it Tamps biggest football-related news since the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders got caught making out in a woman's bathroom. Last year's Super Bowl runner-up Seattle Seahawks couldn't score a touchdown against the lowly Detroit Lions. Week 1 of Houston's "MARIO WILLIAMS?!?! ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING?!" lament proved entertaining. Dallas' is another 3-INT Drew Bledsoe game away from a Terrell Owens meltdown. And my favorite, my Frisco 49ers almost came back against a heavily favored team despite having a QB that looks like he's belongs in a SciFI convention more than a football game.

(Yes, I said almost. Even though we lost, considering the suffering Niners fans have endured the past few years, you look for positives where ever possible.)

Last Week: 9-7

Onto Week 2:

Miami over Buffalo:
Remember back when trading away Drew Bledsoe seemed like a good idea? I know I bitch about my Niners have had lousy years but it must be so bad in Buffalo that they're pining for the days when they lost FOUR STRAIGHT Super Bowls in a row. There has to be some kind of award for that level of Futility. (Which bring up the question: you think Peyton Manning was a Bills fan? Just asking.)

Minnesota over Carolina:
Last year, the Vikings had that Love Boat scandal and Carolina had their two hot, drunk lesbian cheerleaders (where the hell is the FHM spread?!?! It's been a year people! Someone get on this! I'm serious!). How this relates to the game between these two... umm, nothing really. I'm just trying to see how often I can mention hot, drunk lesbian cheerleaders.

Eagles over Giants:
After last week's Manning Bowl, did anyone else notice that when Peyton and Eli went to shake hands, that Eli looked like he wanted to rear back and sucker-punch big brother? Or is that just me?

Baltimore over Oakland:
Game 1 of the "Coach Art Shell: the Return" couldn't have gone any better for those of us who love unintentional comedy. Forget that Randy Moss' hair was housing a nest of pigeons, that the Raider's O and D-lines were more porous than my face at age 15, or that Aaron Brooks was vintage Aaron Brooks. Other than the gray hairs and an extra 20 pounds, it was vintage Art Shell. This guy has two facial expressions: impassive and less than impassive. You'll see it if you look for it.

Atlanta over Tampa Bay:
Watching John Gruden's face after last week's loss both fascinated me and scared the living crap out of at the same time. I can't wait to see it again this week.

Detroit over Chicago:
I can't believe I'm picking the Lions and for reasons other than trying to get sex from my Michigan-native Girlfriend. But as good as the Bear's defense is, I'm pretty sure Rex Grossman is going to suffer yet another injury under the Lion's vastly improved D-line. I have no way to prove this but I'm pretty sure a main reason the defense is playing better is because their new coordinator, who got pulled over naked, threatened to show up to team meetings without pants if they played poorly.

Cincinnati over Cleveland:
Speaking of guys no one wants to see naked, has anyone seen Browns coach Romeo Crenel lately? This guy looks more bloated than Pavarotti after a pasta buffet. In this coaching matchup of two big black guys, I'm gonna pick the one that looks least likely to have a coronary.

New Orleans over Green Bay:
Did anyone else know that before last season, Green Bay made a concerted effort to trade for new Saints QB Drew Brees as Brett Favre's successor? You think the managers are kicking themselves now for not being able to pull that off now?

Indy over Houston:
Week 2 of the Texans' Fan Suicide Watch isn't going to get any easier with Peyton Manning coming into town.

SanFran over St. Louis:
My upset pick of the week: and not just because I might be a blissfully ignorant, blindly loyal, mouth-breathing 49ers fan. (I'm hardly blissful.) As many holes as the Niners have they came within a Hail-Mary of taking a superior Cardinals team into overtime in a game that had no business being that close. New Tight End Vernon Davis is a Tony Gonzalez/Antonio Gates in waiting but right now, Running Back Frank Gore is a stud. And I hate the Rams but whatever.

Arizona over Seahawks:
I couldn't tell you if Detroit is just that much better or Seattle has regressed just that much since I didn't see that game. But come on, 9-6? No TDs from last season's team with the most prolific rushing offense? That's like Christian Troy from "Nip/Tuck" suddenly only being able to score with fat chicks (and not, say, hot drunk lesbian, er, bisexual cheerleaders) just because he aged 12 months.

Denver over Kansas City:
Sure that was an ugly hit that Trent Green took, but it still wasn't as ugly as the Chiefs' overall game plan. Seriously, what was that?

San Diego over Tennessee:
The Chargers' Philip Rivers looked just good enough last week that he might be this year's Ben Roethlisberger but there's still enough time in this season for him to become another Ryan Leaf. That said The Tennessee management thought they could go into the season with Billy (Billy!) Volek as their starter, only to realize he might be this year's Joey Harrington.

New England over Jets:
Since I don?t really have anything to say about this game: hot, drunk lesbian cheerleaders! (By the way, I'm 32 years old.)

Washington over Dallas:
I didn't know about the TomKat Cruise sighting until Monday and my first thought was "I wonder who's shorter?" Anyway, in this matchup of two teams with horrible QBs that show flashes of mediocrity backed up by a good defense, go for the team with the horrible QB that isn't coached by a large bag of gas.

Pittsburg over Jacksonville:
Normally you back the home team in Monday Night Football but last week, the home teams went 0 for 2. Granted one of those teams were the Raiders so it might be too soon to call that a trend. But I'm gonna see if I can somehow start a Charles Batch resurgence bandwagon through my blog.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:45 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Week 1 Picks: Football Season 2006 ::

Are you ready for some football?!? Few things get me more excited than the start of Football season. (Some of those things are baseball playoffs, new episodes of "Lost," and all-you-can-drink beer.) Just like last season, I'm going to try to maintain a weekly post with my picks for that week. I would have posted this a couple of days ago but I've been busy with work, but not so busy that I was able to take fifteen minutes to jot down selections during a slow moment at work for our office, er, restaurant pool and that's what I'm posting here.

There is the possibility that I'll be very horrible this week since the news of the pool came to me on Wednesday and even though I did a little research and regretted some of my picks, the ones here are identical to the pool picks. (Of course, if I go 14-1, it's simply because I'm Football Genius.)

Pittsburg beats Miami:
I won't go out of my way to try to convince you that I knew the Steelers would win and I'm not just posting this after the fact. (The Girlfriend is a witness.) But if you know anything about football, you should know that "Daunte Culpepper" and "Fantasy Team Pariah" go hand-in-hand for a reason (namely, 6 TD-12 INT ratio last season). Sure Big Ben is out but the game is IN Pittsburg and, oh yeah, they're the Super Bowl Champs. That and their signature Primanti Brother's sandwich beats the crap out of a Cuban Sandwich any day.

Baltimore beats Tampa:
I don't know what I was thinking with this one. I knew the new Ravens QB was a vast improvement over last year but that's like saying you dumped Tara Reid to date Paris Hilton: sure it might be an improvement but your trading one set of problems for another and you don't necessarily feel better about yourself in the morning.

Carolina beats Atlanta:
This seemed like an easy pick until I heard that No.1 WR Steve Smith is out with TWO bad hamstrings and for a guy who's known for speed, that's bad. But then I remembered that the Panthers swept the Falcons last season and Michael Vick got smacked around like Dukakis in the 1984 elections.

Denver beats St. Louis
This pick is my first "What Might Happen in Real Life" theory of 2006. Sure, rams have horns but a bucking bronco is much larger and would kick the crap out of a ram. And if you think I'm just picking against the Rams because I they're a division rival, then you know me too well.

New England beats Buffalo:
Deion Branch is holding out because he wants more money, Pats think he's not worth No.1 WR money yet is demanding two 1st round picks for him. And none of this matters because J.P. Losman is the starting QB for the Bills. (For this week anyway.) Their Qb situation is so bad that they're actually longing for the good old days of Drew Bledsoe. And to think I bitch about being a 49ers fan.

Philly beats Houston:
Game 1 in Season 1 of Houston's annual "WHY THE HELL DIDN'T WE PICK REGGIE BUSH?!?!" outcry begins today.

Cleveland beats new Orleans:
I was most unsure about this one and I'm still not sure. We're talking two underachieving franchises that underwent personnel and management upheavals in the offseason, and starting what's supposed to be the start of a more positive, albeit another, rebuilding season. New Orleans is still trying to recover from Katrina and Cleveland has, well, the Browns and the Indians. If I had to pick today, I'd have picked the Saints instead.

Seattle beats Detroit:
Sure, one of the Lions' assistant coaches might have been arrested for driving drunk in the nude but that still doesn't make up for the fact that new offensive coordinator/egomaniac Mike Martz is to coaching staffs what Terrell Owens is to football franchises. Jon Kitna, a QB so worthless that his parents couldn't bother adding an "h" to his name, is the Lions starter. At least the Tigers don't suck any more.

Tennessee beats New York:
Disregard that Chad Pennington's shoulder might be healthy and he's good to go. The simple fact is that I throw harder than he does and the last time I went to a speedpitch booth, my fastest pitch was 59mph.

Cincinnati beats Kansas City:
I must have forgotten that half of the Bengals are only playing because they're on a work-release program from Bengals. Chad Johnson and T.J. Hoshmanzadeh (and yet I can't spell Big Ben's last name) are studs but the Chiefs have Larry Johnson, who clearly seems to have taken the diapers off.

Chicago beats Green Bay:
Bears QBs Brian Griese, Rex Grossman, and Kyle Orton can collectively tiptoe and still not sniff Packers QB Brett Favre's jock strap. However football is a team sport and unlike Chicago, Green Bay seems to have forgotten that they need a defensive unit. Oh wait, they have one? Never mind. *Chortle*

SanFran beats Arizona:
Half of ESPN radio's "Mike and Mike" Mike Golic, who's also an ESPN football analyst, is the only one who thinks my 49ers can beat the Cardinals. Since he's the guy who I named my turtle after, I'm going to pick my Niners, too (even though logic says they have almost no chance). Sometimes, I'm that easy.

Dallas beats Jacksonville:
I vividly remember this one time The Girlfriend and I went to get ice cream. We were sitting outside and this asshole blaring his radio in a Crown Vic with flashy rims parks in the handicap spot in front of our table. He gets out and walks into Coldstone's, while leaving the radio blaring, loud enough that we have to shout to converse. I want to leave but in a few minutes a cop pulls up. Not only is the guy verbally reprimanded in front of the girl behind the counter he was trying to impress, he gets ticketed for both parking in a handicap spot and for the loud radio. For whatever reason, I found myself enjoying watching that spectacle a bit more than I should have. This relates to this game because I hate the Cowboys and I'm pretty sure I'm going enjoy watching the spectacle of Terrell Owens torpedo-ing that team and watching them implode worse than the way Philly did last year. And in this case I will absolutely enjoy seeing that happen.

Washington beats Minnesota:
The first Monday Night Football on ESPN and it's a DOUBLEHEADER. I officially love Mondays now. Or I do for the next 17 weeks.

San Diego beats Oakland:
Let's see now, inexperienced rookie QB (Phillip Rivers) with potential playing with the best running back in the league (LaDanian Tomlinson) vs. veteran QB (Aaron Brooks) who makes quite possibly the dumbest on-field decisions since Ryan Leaf handing off to a guy who played backup to a past-his-prime Curtis Martin. Hmmmmm.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:29 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Really? ::

Crikey!

Hmm, maybe.

WTF?.

BAD kitty.

SWEET.

OWW. (*wince* *cringe* *shudder*)

Well, shit.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:53 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: My Turtle is getting Huge ::

I was supposed to work tonight but thanks to some strenuous drills during a tennis clinic, I can barely put my weight on my left foot thanks to a stress fracture. I probably should have called in gimpy but I thought I could grind it out but the moment I put my shoes on, I was a limping mess. Our manager Luke graciously sent me home early, being as it business has been dead (like "Michael Keaton's career"-dead) since Tropical Flame-out Ernesto (it's been dead pretty much everywhere on the beach) he decided they could get by with four servers.

So I spent the evening alone with a tall glass of Black 'n Tan and The Girlfriend's kittens. And as I'm typing this out, Buttercup (she named the other one Wesley; anyone know the reference? First one to guess gets, well, bragging rights) walked up to my chair is meowing for attention. At the same time, Mike is swimming up against his tank doing his frantic "FEED ME" paddle.

Ok, I dropped a few food sticks into his tank and I locked Buttercup in the closet. (Just kidding. He's purring in my lap right now.)

I've always been a dog person so I never thought I'd get so attached to a turtle. It's not like you can pet them or play fetch with them or anything. All the really do is swim, sleep, and eat. And boy does he eat. It sometimes feels like I'm feeding him every hour or so. It's also fascinating to watching him tear into a grape. I mean, the thing is bigger than his head but he attacks it like, well, me dismantling a rack of ribs (and considering how often I clean his tank, he shits about as often as I do. I feel like you should know these things). What was the point? Oh right. I've developed a rather deep affection for my turtle.

Anyway, what you can't see from the photo is how much he's grown since I posted his photos four months ago. He's gotten than the platform that Little Mike (God rest his soul) is sleeping on.

Anyway, he's doing his FEED ME swim again.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:29 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Tales: Part VII ::

I sometimes wonder how different my job would be if, hypothetically speaking, we were allowed to react accordingly with certain types of lousy customers. Say a regular happens to be a lousy tipper and we're allowed to selectively give that person lousy service by making them wait 40 minutes for their calamari. If a couple or a group start being a little too loud, obnoxious, or high-maintenance, we could enforce a Time-Out and make them sit in the back with the dishwashers. Or, my favorite, if a customer(s) displays the type of behavior that would get him or her beaten in real life, I'm allowed to grab our new 24" pepper mills and club them upside the head. Or maybe I could stab them repeatedly in the chest with my corkscrew. (Not that I'd ever actually do that. Not repeatedly.)

Anyway, I just had a rough Saturday night shift and I felt like venting. Here are a few funny and interesting things that happened since the last time I wrote a Server Tales post:

• I'm working a slow lunch shift with Frodo (he's really short) and this European girl walks in and asks me "I would like to talk to manager." "He's in a meeting at the moment, anything I could help you with?" "I would like to talk to manager." Umm, ok. "He's busy." Realizing this dumb American might actually know a few other words of English, she then says "I would like to talk to manager about job?" This might have worked with any other horny, desperate waiter on The Beach but I'm happily taken and far from desperate. I walk to the host stand to grab an application and as I'm about to hand it to her she replies "no no no. Good bye" and walks out the door. Frodo was watching this (or rather, watching her since she was somewhat attractive) and as I walk back to the bar, he gestures out our window, where we see or non-applicant gets into a large, black Mercedes sedan. I look back at him and wonder out loud, "what just happened?"

• We hired a new bartender. Which in itself isn't significant but he interviewed just when The Girlfriend happened to be visiting me at work during lunch. She's an avid people-watcher. On the way home she tells me that she hopes we don't hire that guy. I ask why not. She goes on the describe how he seems "off," going into details regarding his posture, his tone of voice, the way he carries himself, and quite possibly his cologne. I was working the whole time so I wasn't paying attention so I don't thing about it again. A week later, he's been hired. As it turns out she may have been right. He's a nice enough guy but almost everyone hates working with him, with several people confiding to me questioning whether he's actually ever been behind a bar in his life. Now I'm thinking about starting a secret office pool guessing when he'll be fired.

• A French couple tipped me quite well (17%). Later than day, an Italian couple OVERtipped me (they left $120 for a $95.78 bill). Just so life proves that it isn't all beer and pretzels, a family from Spain leaves me nothing. Such is life.

• A friendly, yuppie (those words aren't always mutually exclusive) couple dines in my section. For appetizers, they order artichokes and the Beef Satay. For dinner, he orders the New York strip, she has a Filet Mignon. Did I mention that I work in a seafood restaurant?

• Our restaurant is starting to use new plates to make the plating look nicer. They're white, square, and quite attractive. They're also very shallow. So shallow that every time I'm serving a dish with corn I'm a little paranoid about one rolling off. I envision one of them hitting the floor right in front of a customer's foot, seeing him slip and fall while his wildly flailing arms take out a nearby server carrying food taking him out, causing his plates to go flying, each of them landing on a different table, splattering fish and sauces everywhere, maybe getting into someone's eye, freaking out other customers, recoiling back in their chairs which in turn knocks over more plates, a couple of tables, one of the infusion jars and a couple of champagne buckets scattering ice all over the floor, which causes anyone else who might have been standing in that vicinity to slip and fall, everything happening in one magnificent, epic Looney Toons-meets-Monty Python type comedic disaster, which ends with the camera turning back to me, standing there with my plates - one of them missing a corn - looking kinda sheepish, trying to play it off by innocently asking "wha-hah-happened?" Or something like that. (I did watch a lot of cartoons as a child. Why?)

• A guy asks me "you got catfish?" I reply "no." He looks back at the menu, looks back up at me and asks, "you got fried catfish?" I pause for a moment, trying to make sure I don't say anything to offend the customer. I simply reply "no."

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:12 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Finally, an Update: Random Thoughs ::

It's been a while hasn't it? There's been stuff going on here but for whatever reason, I just haven't felt like writing. But anyway, here's some random thoughts interspersed with stuff that's actually been going on here:

• Football season is starting soon. And it just felt like it was just last month that I was talking shit about Terrell Owens.

• The Girlfriend was out of town the last week visiting her family in Michigan. While I did miss her, I did enjoy the uh, what's the word? Ah yes. "Quiet." I enjoyed the quiet.

• As a turtle owner, this story caught my attention. I have to ask: HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?!?!?! It's a TWO FOOT wide TURTLE. Was the owner a cripple?! How does a turtle that runs slower than Andy Richter after a ham buffet even get out of the block?! Seriously? And how does anyone not report seeing a random turtle ambling down the street? Is this a common occurrence in South Carolina? Someone tell me, please. Sorry about the rant, I'm just weird about turtles.

• Now that it's been used about 3,264,937 times over the weekend, I never want to see the phrase "Boston Massacre" ever again.

• For a guy who didn't even know what Marsala was until I started working at my current restaurant I make - according The Girlfriend - a pretty damn good Veal Marsala.

• I read a story that women are able to determine a man's character within a second of meeting him. The report doesn't say anything about whether the women are actually correct.

• The Girlfriend and I saw "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby" before she took off. It was the stupidest movie I've seen in a while (and that's saying something). But it's the funniest stupid movie I've seen. Not quite as good as "Old School" or "Anchorman" but just funny as "Wedding Crashers" but with a better ending. Let me put it this way; The Girlfriend really liked it and she absolutely hates Will Ferrell.

• As good as Will Ferrell was, the cast made the movie: John C. Reilly as Cale Naughton Jr., Leslie Bibb as Ricky's disturbingly hot wife, Gary Cole as the absentee dad, Michael Clarke Duncan, Andy Richter and Sacha Baron Cohen as he gay French driver. (With a name like that, you wonder if he's gay in real life. Come on, "Sacha?" And as stupid as it was, those with discerning minds can tell that it takes a certain amount of intelligence and talent to write stupid that funny. Just thought I'd point that out.

• Jon Benet Ramsey's "real killer" was found? Didn't see that one coming. (Always thought it was the mom.) I heard forensic specialists wanted to reexamine her body for more tests except, apparently, her mother had the body exhumed. You know, to change her outfit. (Yes, I'm going to hell.)

• According to this article, rap music is blamed for teen pregnancy. I always thought it was Catholicism but I've been wrong before.

• Milwaukee is, apparently, the hardest-drinking city in America. It's just too bad that the only beer they have is so crappy (Pabst Blue Ribbon, Olde English 800). Or maybe they're too drunk to care. We may never know.

• I'm used to dating women who get complimented by other women for their hair. The Girlfriend isn't quite used to dating a man who gets complimented by other women for his hair. Just so you know, I'm not exactly sure how to react, either. (Full disclosure: It is kinda flattering.)

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:49 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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