:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: Saturday, September 23, 2006 ::

:: Week 3 Picks: ::

I know, I know. Two sports related posts in a row. I'm a guy that loves sports almost as much as I love hot chicks and rare steaks (not necessarily in that order). Anyway, I seem to be off to be a decent start this season but what I'm really stoked about is My 49ers actually affirmimg my beliefs and beating the Rams last week. So already my Niners are three games away from tying last season's record with fourteen games remaining. Hey, nobody said being a loyal fan is always pretty.

Last week: 11-5
Season tota: 20-12

Week 3:
Dolphins beat Titans:
I live in Miami and I have absolutely no idea what the hell happened with the Dolphins last week. True story: I work with a prep cook who's a diehard Dolphan. Nobody, and I mean absolutely NOBODY was happier than him when Daunte Culpepper was traded here. Sunday night at work, after that fiasco against the Bills, he says to me, "you know what mahn? I never liked Culpepper anyway" If they somehow manage to lose against the pathetic Titans this week, someone needs to put all of South Florida on suicide watch.

Vikings beat Bears:
To continue with the "Daunte sucks" theme, is anyone really surprised that the Vikes are playing better with him and Randy Moss gone? I wonder if they're experiencing the same kind of bitterness that a guy would have if they ever saw an ex-girlfriend they just dumped, only to see her three months later after she dropped 10 pounds, sporting a new hairdo, a great tan, and looking happier than she ever was with you; all the while you're slumming at dank bars, unemployed, and scratching that rash you got after a drunken hook-up with some filthy bar skank. (Not that I would know anything about that.)

Panthers maul Pirates of the Caribbean (Bucs):
I remember last season when Hall of Fame and Super Bowl MVP SanFran 49ers QB Steve Young (yes I typed that all out on purpose) questioned Chris Simms toughness after being raised in "...a laissez-faire kind of atmosphere." I haven't seen any Bucs games this season but from I read about him, I'm thinking Johnny Depp would have a better game right now.

Redskins beat Texans:
The 'Skins played so bad last week that they somehow managed to make Drew Bledsoe look like an elite QB. That's how bad they are. I don't have any jokes, other than to point out Mark Brunell's recent play.

Jets beat Bills:
Chad Pennington, where have you been? Sure the Bills' D might be vastly improved and all but, you still have to score once in a while, and with J.P Losman back there, that's gonna happen about as often as Mel Gibson passes up a chance to make Jewish jokes.

Bengals beat Steelers:
You know things aren't going well for the Steelers when Big Ben plays so bad that fans are calling for The Chin to bring in Charlie Batch. And you know what? If you saw him play in week one, that would have been the smart call. If Chuck was starting this week, I'd call it a push but since Ben and his appendix scar are playing, I'm calling Cincy all the way.

Lion eat Packers:
One thing I noticed during last week's loss to the Bears is that a lot of the Lions' players seem to be playing with certain fervor, noticeable difference from the last few season where it looked liked they were mailing it in. Sure, this group of Lions might bear a stronger resmeblance to Simba in the middle part of "Lion King" when he was too busy singing "Hakuna Mattata" and playing grab-ass with Timone and Pumba, but at least they seem to be headed down the right track.

Jaguars eat Colts:
Since I can't think of anything funny to write, I'm calling my Nature Theory on this game.

Ravens beat Browns:
The Ravens offense seems more disorganized than an art history student during finals week but the Browns as whole seem like they're in yet another rebuilding year. And Romeo Crenel is fat.

49ers beat Eagles:
Alright, I'm not just picking my Niners because I'm a shameless homer. (I am a shameless homer but that's not why I'm picking them.) The Eagles get their guts ripped out in overtime against the Giants after dominating the first three quarters, they lose Jevon "The Freak" Kearse for the year to a (sorry) freak injury, Brian Westbrook is hurt, McNabb is having TO flashbacks, and they have to fly cross-country to battle a fiesty underdog that has no pressure to even win six games? If I was a Philly fan, I probably threw up in mouth after last week's game.

Seahawks beat Giants:
I love how some analysts were lauding Eli Manning's "clutch" TD throw to Plaxico Burress when in reality, that was a borderline Hail-Mary pass that he pulled out of his ass in desperation. Sure, Seattle's offense is looking softer than Mike Golic's belly but until the G-man get some consistency from the little Manning, they'll be perennial underachievers.

Rams over Cardinals:
The Rams suck. So do the Cards. I hate them both. Terrell Owens sucks.

Patriots tame Broncos:
New Bronco wideout Jevon Walker suffered through playing with INT-machine Brett Favre last season, and now he has to play with INT-machine Jake Plummer this season. The guy must be confused, wondering when he got switched from wide receiver to cornerback.

Saints beat Falcons:
This is purely an emotional pick. Partly because I really believe New Orleans can use some good vibes sent their way, but also because they're playing in the only football arean to host U2 twice for nationally televised games. You better believe I'll be glued to the TV when they come on.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:11 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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