:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: Madden Curse ::

This post will probably only make sense for people who follow football religiously.

Most of you know about the Madden Curse. If you play Fantasy Football and own Vince Young in a keeper league, you probably want to set yourself on fire after hearing this news.

In related news, it seems like the cries, pleas, and prayers the from the fans of San Diego Charger Running Back and Fantasy Football Jesus Ladainian Tomlinson actually worked, or least you can think it did if you saw this this online petition.

Labels: football, Madden Curse, NFL

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 7:15 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Starbucks ::

i'm at my usual starbucks right now and I just had to listen the people in front of me say this:

Gay Guy: Does your cinnamon dole-see (actually spelled "dolce") latte have sugar in it?
Clerk: Yes, we use a...
GG: Oohhhh, if can you leave that out and use equal instead, I'd absolutely love you. (Verbatim.)
C: (Forced smile) Sure. What size?
GG: Oh, whatever your medium is.
C: Grande Cinnamon Dolde Latte with Equal instead of...
GG: Wait, doesn't grande mean large?
C: (Looking like he wants to hurl himself out the window) It's just the way we...

I roll my eyes and tuned out after that. Then the girl in front me walks up and spews this gem:

"I'd like a grande, extra-shot, half-decaf, four-Spenda, four-pump, 130-degree dolce latte."

That's roughly what she said though I'm not completely sure since I think head caved in at that moment. I also thought for a moment that I heard the ex since she's the only one who ever ordered anything that way. This girl was an employee at another store. That's the only explaination.

Anyway, the poor clerk looked like he wanted to set himself on fire by the time I walked up. Through his forced smile and barely veiled contempt for humanity, he greets me and asks for my order.

"Large coffee, please."

Labels: starbucks, stupid customers

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 4:19 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Celebrity Sighting ::

Working at a nice, fairly well known restaurant in South Beach, you'd think we'd get our share of celebrity sightings but not that much. The last two that I know about were Annie Lenox, who was apparently nice, and the singer Pink, who came in with her motorcross star boyfriend and was very sweet. There were a few other minor sightings but having grown up in L.A., star sightings just don't get me all excited as they would other people. So when a co-worker told me that she waited on Pink, I just said, "that's cool."

"Why aren't you more excited?" she asked.

"Let me know if you wait on one of the guys from the Florida Marlins."

In fact, I was more excited when the ex told me she waited on Indianapolis Colts wide receiver Reggie Wayne, who was apparently very sweet, but soft-spoken and almost shy. He probably didn't like all the attention from locals who still recognized him from his days playing at the University of Miami.

So tonight, just before closing, most of us are doing our sidework, goofing around when I somehow got into a conversation with a friendly young couple that wasn't even in my section. She asks me where I'm from because I "don't look like [I'm] from around here." I tell her I'm from L.A. The guy tells me he's also from the West Coast but he's living in New York now. This is the first time I noticed him since his date is rather, um, hot. That's when I notice his massive biceps that are almost thicker than my legs (I have solid 18" calves). He tells me that he grew up in Seattle but now lives in New York, even though he splits time between cities (and being the genius that I am, I figure he's a consultant or something.)

Somehow the conversation turns to sports (probably because I brought it up) and we learn that we're both lifelong SanFran 49ers fans. Then he starts to talk about how he was almost drafted by my 49ers, that he was disappointed when they passed on him, but he'll always be a loyal fan.

"Drafted? You mean for the NFL? When was this?"

"2004."

"And who do you play for?"

"The Jets."

(WHOA.)

"I'm sorry, what's your name?"

"Erik Coleman".

(I smile huge.) "Whoa, (I actually did say that, not unlike the way Keanu Reeves said it in 'The Matrix." I'm not proud of this.) I actually know who you are." (Which is true, because I remembered researching the Jets' defense during the last Fantasy Football season and ran across his name a few times. Of course it never occurred to me until just now that I'm probably acting like every other bumbling, asshole, Jets fan that's ever approached him. Or maybe not because he's not a huge defensive star like Ray Lewis of Champ Bailey, which might explain why he was friendly. Or maybe he is just a nice guy. Sorry, I'm rambling again.)

Fortunately he didn't seem at all uncomfortable and we talked more football, and his girlfriend kept saying that meeting me must be a sign because she had a dream about him being traded to my Niners, and now they just met some random waiter in South Beach who happened to be a Left-Coast native and lifelong 49ers fan.

Of course, the whole time we're chatting (the whole conversation didn't last more than five minutes) I'm smiling like a dork since I'm super-duper excited that I just shook hands with my first National Football League Player. And the whole time, he was gracious, convivial, and remarkably grounded considering he's a 24 year-old multi-millionaire playing football for a rabid fanbase.

Even if he never plays for my team, it was cool for me to meet an NFL guy who wasn't the gansta-thug-wannabe-type that media tried to portray, especially after the ridiculous amount of publicity generated by all the arrests this past season. Sure the bad apples get all the TV time, but most of the guys are good guys like Erik Coleman. (I realize I'm assuming a lot from a five-minute conversation but I don't think I am, but even if I was just let me have this.)

And to top it off, at least for my friend who waited on him, he's a very generous tipper (50%!).

Labels: 49ers, celebrities, football, server stories, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:52 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Random Question ::

You guys ever drink so much dark beer that the next day your pee smells different? Or is that just me?

Just curious.

Labels: Beer

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 4:21 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: On Second Thought... ::

I've been contemplating for a while whether or not to get my ear pierced. Nothing fancy, just my left one. I tell a female co-worker about this and her immediate reply was, "why? You already look like a girl with that hair."

I could have mentioned my big, hairy legs, broad shoulders or my scruffy facial hair, but there's really no coming back from something like that, is there?

All I could say was, "yeah, good point."

Labels: hair, piercings

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:55 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Everyone now... ::

I went to a friend's birthday party this week that started at an all-you-can-eat Brazilian BBQ place and eventually moved to s bar in Downtown Miami. Like St. Patty's day I'll give you rundown of the damage incurred:

• About 3 pounds of meat (steaks, chicken, pork, sweetbread, sausages, etc)
  
• 2 glasses of house red
• 4 Jack and diet cokes
• 1 Guinness
• 3 Yeunglings
• 3 High Lifes
• A shot of Glenfiddich (or it could have been Glenlivet... I don't remember)

All over the span of about 5 hours. And no, I didn't have a hangover, though I was a little tired from an uncomfortable night's sleep on a friend's couch.

A running joke among a few friends: "If you're an alkie and you know it, clap your hands!"

*CLAP* *CLAP*

Labels: alkie, Beer, drinking, whiskey

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:09 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Temper ::

I hate conflict. As mellow a person as I am, people are often surprised when I tell them about the temper I used to have. "I just can't picture it," they usually say. Back when I was younger, if I lost my temper objects would get broken and people might get hurt either physically or emotionally. It was an ugly side of me that I didn’t like and I worked on tempering it enough that I at least now, I lose it very, very infrequently.

The last time it happened was about six years ago. It involved a friend at the time, who for whatever reason, was the kind of guy who liked to push buttons and instigate arguments. He told me a few time "I wanna get you angry just to see how you're like." I didn't think he'd actually follow through. One night he was trying to get me talk about stuff I didn't like talking about, asking very invasive questions, and trying to provoke an argument. I looked across the table and asked him "what are you doing?" "I'm just trying to get under your skin," he replied with a smirk. "Ok, then." I go around the table, grab him by the neck, lift him up and throw him against the wall. Then I punch him in the stomach, and I throw my elbow to his face. As he crumples to the ground, I reach down, grab his neck, get right into his face and say to him - without ever raising my voice - "you happy now, you piece of shit? This is me angry, wanna see more, asshole?" Just before the other guys pull me off of him. He ended up badly shaken and with a black eye.

He tried to apologize later. I told him,to forget about it. He waited for my apology, almost demanding it, but I wouldn't give it to him because as far I was concerned, all I did was give him what he wanted.

We haven't spoken in six years. I'm not proud of that event, but I probably wouldn't have done anything different. If a friend can't respect me enough to not respect my request of "don't piss me off," then I can find better friends.

I've lost my temper since then a few times but fortunately no one got elbowed. A few of those incidents involved coworkers who were assholes anyway. If you've ever worked in a restaurant, you'll learn that, for whatever reason, cooks - regardless of whether they're head chefs, pastry chefs, or just line cooks - are temperamental types. You send back orders with too many changes or substitutions and they go apeshit. Since I've been hired at my current restaurant, I've gotten into shouting matches with a grill cook and on two occasions, I almost got into a couple of fistfights with a line cook.

With the grill cook it was a case of him being a bully that liked to verbally abuse the waitstaff (he was a big Haitian and he liked to pick on the gay and female waiters). A few times, I just shut up and took it because I was new and didn't want to make waves. I finally got fed up. He made a mistake on my order and I told him to fix it and to "hurry the fuck up." He looked at me stunned, amazed that a waiter would have the temerity to talk back to him. "Stop staring at me and cook!" Once he got my dish out, he called me to the prep room, and we had a shouting match before a manager intervened. This happened twice.

With the line cook he was just a crazy guy no one particularly liked but kinda feared because he was also a big guy. We got into a shouting match over something stupid. He finally says to me "let's take this outside" and heads to the door. The smart thing would have been to walk away but for whatever reason, whether I was operating on four hours of sleep, or just feeling brave (read: stupid), I follow him outside. I get into his face (really stupid, since he's about my size, but with bigger arms) and ask "what now, huh? What are you gonna do?" He's probably not used to working with a straight, male waiter who's not afraid to talk back or isn't worried about messing up his hair, but clearly wasn't expecting this response. "Man, you crazy," he says and walks back in.

This would happen again a month later as I was cutting fruit for the bar (should've known better than to piss off a guy holding a knife). He again asks me to take it outside and this time, I hold the knife behind me (again, really, really stupid) and follow him out. As I walk behind him, he looks back and asks me "what you got behind your back?" "You really wanna find out?" (Really, what I'm thinking is, aw crap why did I do this.) He stares at me for a moment before finally saying "man, you fucking crazy" and walking off.

The last incident happened six months ago and neither one of those guys work here any more. But I remember those fights, as well as the one I mentioned earlier, because after each one of those conflicts, I felt like shit afterwards. It wasn't due to any adrenaline from my surge of anger or anything. But each time, on my way home, a wave of remorse would hit me, and I'd spend the rest of the night second guessing myself, wondering if there was another way I could have handled that situation. I never slept well those nights. In most of those cases, the only alternative would have been to back down, but for a guy with even a modicum of pride, that's unacceptable. But regardless, I hated that I let myself get suck in, I hated the way I acted, and I hate the kind of person I become when I lose my temper.

I'll never understand people who openly talk about throwing tantrums, causing scenes, or other things they do in anger, in a way that seem like they're bragging and proud, like they accomplished something. Despite that, I know that anger is part of life whether I like it or not. I'm just still trying to figure out how to deal with it properly. But I hate conflict.

Labels: anger, fights, introspective, server stories, temper, waiting

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:08 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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