:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: I'm Surrounded by Morons ::

With all the damage that hurricane Katrina has done, considering just how many people have been displaced, and seeing the amount of people who've lost their lives, it still never ceases to amaze me just how callous, apathetic, self-centered, and downright RETARDED some poeple are.

I've heard several people last week say something along the lines of "Katrina might hit Miami? Not during VMA weekend!" Or "ohmigawd I hope they don't cancel the VMAs!"

A few people have complained to me about how they're "sick of all this hurricane coverage." Well gee-whiz, if you're sick of hearing about it on TV, imagine how weary people in the South are of having to dig themselves out year after year.

Some of this was from people back in L.A. And none of this was said in humor. If it was, I'd know. (The people who said this aren't capable of that sort of humor. Their idea of funny is a pie in the face. Or puns. Or they look at me with a blank expression when I say one of my little quips. Idiots. I fart in their general direction.) Seriously, some people really need a lesson in perspective.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 9:33 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: The VMAs. ZZzzzZZzzz. ::

Being one of two people in South Beach who didn't care that MTV's Video Music Awards were being held in town that night (the other being the crazy homeless lady at 14th and Washington) I spent my evening like any many other evenings: over at the local Starbucks doing homework. Yeah I know, I'm a wild man.

It's amazing to me that there's only two weeks of school left and I can't believe just how fast this quarter went. I've gotten a lot done this quarter and yet I feel I have so much left to do. My book is coming along but like so many things, I always feel like it can be better and there just isn't enough time to get everything done. It's been one quarters where on more than one occasion, I've considered throwing everything out and starting from scratch. But then I just imagine how far behind I'd be if I did actually do that.

There's a portfolio review on the 21st for graduating students. It's something the school organizes (I use that word very loosely) in New York City and they bring qutie a few creative directors and headhunters for students to show off their stuff. So even though the last day of school is the 15th of September, I've set a personal deadline for the 18th to get everything done. That way, the following couple of days can be spent having my portfolio printed and bound.

Two more weeks of school left and my life is going to start over again. I can't wait.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:07 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: More Humor ::

A friend of mine sent me this e-mail. Clearly, she seems to know my taste in humor.

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

[There were quite a few and being as it my last few posts went on for quite a bit, I just kept my favorites.]

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly

Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Karmageddon: its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

My personal favorite is "Sarchasm" since I've experienced that phenomenon all too frequently.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:39 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: I Found Nemo ::

... in a health-food store of all places. He was delicious.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:46 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Blown Over ::

So it seems I was right. Tropical Storm Katrina swelled into Hurricane Katrina just as she touched down in Miami - quite possibly because she made a quick stop at a plastic surgery clinic - and did a little more damage than expected. Still it could have been a lot worse and at least for the people here in South Beach, it wasn't bad at all. Some trees and branches were knocked down, signs were tossed about, a few broken windows, flooded streets, but that's about it.

I was complaining to one of my friends about my cable being out but that's nothing considering some parts of the island lost electricity altogether. The only real annoying part of the evening was when the building's fire alarm randomly went off. At 11:30 at night. (Fire? In THIS rain?) A lot of people stuck their heads out wonder what the hell was going on and I started walking around the building looking for something that might turn the alarm off. A control panel, some toggle switches, a sledge hammer maybe. Fortunately, one of the residents called the landlord, after which she handed me the phone - apparently I was the only guy in the building who heard the damn thing go off (WTF?) - and he told me where to find the "off" button.

But that's the extent of the drama here on the Beach. One can only hope that any other following hurricanes will be as uneventful.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 6:25 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Hurricane Season is Here ::

Well, sorta. At this moment Katrina is "merely" a tropical storm but these have a pattern of picking up speed as it gets closer to the warm water near the coast even then it looks like the worst we're gonna get down here in South Florida is a lot of rain. Or rather, more rain than usual. Still, it's a good thing I went grocery shopping when I did, this way I have plenty of beer to last the weekend.

I bought food, too.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 6:23 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Random Thoughts ::

It's been a while since I did a "random thoughts" post and I think I've built up quite a few.

- Football season is about to start. My expectations for my 49ers are so low that if we somehow squeeze out an 7-9 record, I'm gonna... I don't know... strip naked and howl at the moon.

- I'm going to be the 2,894,453rd person to make the "NHL is back so Canada finally has a reason to exist again" joke.

- I was at the video store and Coach Carter was playing. No matter how hard he tries to play a thug, I'm never gonna be able to take Rick Gonzalez (at right) seriously because every time I see him on the screen, I have this urge to yell "hey SPANISH!"

- Raffy Palmeiro being caught with steroids in his system just proves one thing: you can't trust a guy sporting a 70s porn-stache.

- I was recently subjected to photos of a pregnant Brittany Spears thanks to this guy's blog and no joke, it gave me the shivers. And yet, is anyone surprised by this?

- You can categorize gay guys in South Beach three ways: gays, drag queens, and fags. Not one gay guy is offended by this.

- I wanna meet the guys who came up with Burger King's Coq Roq campaign and ask them exactly what kind of drugs they were on when they came up with this. Seriously, this is the five-headed bastard that resulted when the guys from Slipknot got drunk and had sex with chickens.

- By the way, I haven't tried to those Chicken Fries yet, just because I have a fear of eating food that comes in shapes that don't exist in nature. Same goes for McNuggets. Has anyone else noticed that they come in four distinct shapes? Check it out next time. There's an egg, a diamond, a kidney bean, and a foot. What's that about?

- Chrysler's marketing department should be fired. Seriously. Those ads with Lee Iacocca are terrible.

- Not trying to say this T.O. crap is like a train wreck. I'm saying it's worse. This guy is football's Dennis Rodman. If he decides to write a book and shows up at a signing in S&M gear, I won't be the least bit surprised. I wonder if he's going to look back at this part of life and wonder, "what the hell was I thinking?" Kinda the same way people my age look back at our hairstyles in 80s and cringe. One can only hope.

- I could be alone in this thought but there's something about a girl that drives around in a huge SUV that just screams "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!!!"

- During my night out as a wingman, not only did I get an attractive girl to thumb wrestle me, she thought she could beat me in a game of Hot Hands. I don't know if I should be proud of this.

- I don't follow basketball that much but Detroit hiring Flip Saunders to replace Larry Brown reminds me of Barry Switzer replacing Jerry Johnson after his great run: there might be some success but he's clearly reaping the benefits of someone elseÕs foundation and thereÕs no way he's going to maintain it.

- That's how little I care about basketball. I couldn't think of anything funny to write about a guy named "Flip."

- Every time I read about some girl who says she wears nothing but thongs or g-strings, they're only saying it to be salacious. Especially the ones who say they're "comfortable" which is utter crap. There's no way anyone will convince me that thongs are "comfortable." Not that I have a problem with women wearing thongs or anything, just don't tell me they're comfortable. Although, I guess as long as women wear thongs the "why" doesn't really matter. I don't even know why I mentioned this in the first place.

- Tom Brady surfing for porn doesn't really surprise me. Tom Brady surfing for porn while he's dating Bridget Moynahan? THAT'S surprising. That "steak is great but sometimes you just want a cheeseburger" analogy doesn't apply here. It's like having a closet of full Axe body wash but deciding wash your face in the toilet after taking a piss.

- Jennifer Anniston finally tells all. Does anyone care? Reallly? WHY.

- Are people really surprised that Randy Moss admitted to smoking pot? That's about as absurd as people being surprised when Nathan Lane came out of the closet.

- T.O. is touting his "heroic" and "successful" Super Bowl performance as reason for wanting a huge raise. Let's see, 9 catches for 122 yards and NO touchdowns. NONE. Are you allowed to call it a "success" if you lose? That's right, the Patriots won. Those yards meant about as much as a Sammy Sosa homerun in August when then Cubs are already 12 games behind.

- Guess what? T.O. drives a huge SUV.

- The Dodgers are playing guys with names like Yhency, Duaner, Dioner, Delwyn, Oscar, Olmedo, Odalis, Hee Seop, and Derek. There's two Jeffs, both who look a little crazy. We have Jason Philips, Jason Repko, and Jayson Werth who so far, has been about as useless as the "y" in his name. I now know why Frank McCourt decided against putting names on the uniforms: it's to confuse the fans so they won't realize what a sucky year it's going to be.

- And Duaner Sanchez has the ignominious distinction of having the dirtiest name in baseball. It's almost as dirty as Raffy's mustache.

- Not only does there need to be more Celebrity Roasts but Courtney Love needs to be invited to each one and allowed to do whatever the hell she wants. The potential for unintentional entertainment is mind-boggling.

- And when she was saying that she's been sober for 365 days, she clearly didn't mean consecutively.

- Speaking of which, I will NEVER refer to her as Courtney Love-Cobain.

- Also, Anna Nicole Smith looked pretty damn hot. There I said it.

- ESPN's commercials for their Free Fantasy Football featuring the four girls in pink running shorts and jumping around on a bed are absolutely brilliant for the fact that they have almost nothing to do with Fantasy Football.

- In yet another incredibly pretentious, self-aggrandizing move, Sean Combs want to drop the "P" and just be called "Diddy." And the scary thing is, that's exactly what's going to happen.

- Roger Clemens finally has a bad outing. He gives up 5 earned over 6.1 innings. There goes his Hall of Fame chances.

- Ok, just how the hell does anyone "unknowingly" take steroids? It's like me saying I "unknowingly" ingested large amounts of caffeine. "I swear your honor, I thought it was decaf." It reminds me of that little exchange between Sam and Toby in the first season of "West Wing" after Sam committed a potentially damaging indiscretion:
- Sam: I may have accidentally slept with a prostitute.
- Toby: "Accidentally?"
- Sam: Accidentally.
- Toby: I don't understand. Did you trip?
People aren't idiots so that excuse goes over about as well as Barry Bond's "it's flaxseed oil" crap. Then again, considering Raffy spent the last decade playing in Baltimore and Texas, I kinda understand why he thought he could get away with one.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:21 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: How to be a Good Wingman ::

I've been a wingman a few times in my life (always the wingman, never the... winger? Never mind.) and I figured I knew enough about it to write out my own version of the Wingman Rules for a certain class project a few quarters ago. There are certain things set in stone and it's not difficult to find rules online but I took the basics and gave them my own little sarcastic twist. I just imagined I was writing something for a Bud Light ad or a FHM article or something.

Even though I wrote a pretty good set of rules, it's been a while since I had the chance to actually practice it and I finally got around to it Friday night. I was a little rusty but overall, I did well. But I digress. Here's a condensed version of my rules (and keep in mind, I wrote this mostly to show how funny I am):

"Rules to being a Good Wingman"

1. REMOVE HIS BEER GOGGLES: Assess his drunkenness. Know that his judgment of a woman's ass-ets will be off. Even if he's president of the "Butter Face Fanclub," his actions are killing any chance at future booty calls with bipeds. The task of preventing sloppy-skank-shagging is one of a your primary functions so you're allowed any action within legal boundaries to prevent any tragedies. If he ignores your multiple objections in view of at least one credible witness, he's on his own for the remainder of the evening.

2. BACK UP HIS LIES: If your friend is embellishing his status by trying to raise his employment status from "busboy" to "Dwayne Wade's Bodyguard" and the girl he's talking to is become skeptical, it's your job to step in and corroborate his bullsh... story. No lie is too gigantic or too asinine since the plausibility of a lie has strength in numbers. While entitled to a slice of his glory, never leave your pal hanging; if he crashes and burns, so do you. Always stay near the emergency exit ("But enough about us. What do you girls do?") so his cock-and-bull story won't leave your cock feeling blue.

3. SACRIFICE THE BODY: Like playing defense in volleyball minus the beach babes in bikinis. Dating can be ugly, and so is "the friend." Your man is chatting up a hottie at the bar but danger lurks in the form of her drinking buddy, a bitter feminazi that doesn't like to shave and has never missed a meal who'll do or say anything to disrupt his come-ons. If they're not with him, they're against him. It's up to you to keep her from him completing his mission. Feign interest; buy her drinks, nod sympathetically at her "men are jerks" rants, offer to read her paw. Most important, be prepared to go the distance. If you find yourself burdened, literally, close your eyes, go to your happy place, suit up (a biohazard suit if needed), and, take one for the team. Obviously, the pal benefiting from this sacrifice must keep his your awful secret until death. He also owes his friend one beer for every one-to-10 point of attractiveness separating his beauty from your beast.

4. KEEP HIM CORRUPT: Your former lead is MIA. Whether he's heartbroken and won't engage (remember Maverick after Goose died?) or his new warden...er...girlfriend has him in leg clamps, he's left the buffet and is at risk of choking on commitment or cowardice. As his good friend, he hopes you'll understand. You don't. You have to bring your partner back into the fold as soon as possible or he'll never be in a position to do the same for you. Plan according to his disability. Broken heart? Plaster his office with strip club ads, night club fliers, and happy hour paraphernalia, after which you organize a guys night out and get him laid at all costs. Whipped? Use any ploy to get him out on the town. Then grab his keys, line up the shots, and let him unleash his dormant inner fratboy. He'll be so blitzed he won't know Liv Tyler from Seabiscuit. (Which is when you refer back to to Clause #1.) Help him remember what life is all about.

So anyway, those are my Wingman Rules. Like so many things, these are guidelines more than set-in-stone laws but still, use them wisely. Also, I'm sure I left a few things out so feel free to add anything in the comments section.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:44 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Apples and Grapes ::

Women are like apples on trees.

The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the best ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. And let's face it, most men just don't want to make the extra effort needed to find the best. Instead, they take the apples from the ground that aren't nearly as good, but are much easier to obtain.

The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.



Men are like a fine wine.

They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.


Just a funny little email I had to share with everyone

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:23 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: And this Week's Secret Iron Chef Ingredient is... ::

CHEESE! (Cue overly dramatic, blatant Wagner rip-off music.) Our 8th quarter class has a nice little potluck get-together a week ago and yes, the there actually was an Iron chef theme. Everyone who attended was required to bring something containing cheese. There was the usualy cheese dish (brie, cheddar, mozarrella), nacho cheese dip, grilled cheese sandwiches, and a baked ziti dish.

I made my tomato, basil, and mozzarella bruschetta and it went over quite well. I made quite a bit (the recipe called for 16 servings and there's only eight of us) and I just finished the rest off for dinner tonight and for some reason, I started to think about the stuff I make for potlucks. There's clearly a pattern, it's either Mexican (I make awesome salsa, killer ceviche, great fish tacos, and no one on east of the Mississippi makes better guacamole) or Italian (sausages and peppers, my own marinara sauce, and the aforementioned bruschetta, etc.).

And THAT reminded me of a conversation I had with some friends back in L.A. We were discussing food and the topic turned to the favorite dish our mom makes for us. Everyone has at least one. There was a pretty good assortment of dishes. It finally got to me and knowing my background, I think there was a certain expectation of what my answer might be.

So when I said that the favorite dish my mom makes is her homemade spaghetti sauce, everyone looked at me like I was an alien (I've become used to it). I'm being totally serious. I don't know where she got the recipe but she makes this sauce completely from scratch and it's excellent: rich, garlicky, and flavorful.

Apparently it's just me since everyone else in my family prefers her more traditional dishes so I wish I could say that where I got my cooking tastes. It's merely a product of growing up in an ethincally diverse city and having a lot of Mexican friends is gonna leave an impression. And apparently, my ceviche is good enough that I was deemed an honorary Mexican, something I'm quite proud of. I can't explain the Italian thing as easily other than I went through an Italian phase and I discovered I was quite good at it. Then again Italian cooking isn't exactly the hardest thing out there.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:46 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Talk about a Picker-Upper ::

So I'm walking around school, in a half-awake state depite rather copious amounts of caffiene in my system, really looking forward to going home and catching some sleep. Then I see friend of mine who I've gotten to know over the quarter and she greets me by saying "hey gorgeous."

Seriously, shit like that never happens to me. As you might imageine, I pretty much spend the rest of the day with a stupid grin on my face.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:57 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: A Moment of... not Sucking ::

I wasn't able to catch last night's Dodgers/Mets game but as a fan of pitching duels, it would have been fun to watch Pedro Martinez go up against Brad Penny. Penny only gave up one run through nine innings but Pedro was vintage Pedro.

He was just nasty. Dodger hitters were looking even more hapless than usual. Through the first seven inning, he was untouchable and came within five outs of his first no-hitter. Then all of a sudden, this scrub fresh out of AAA named Antonio Perez hit a triple over the head of the center fielder. One hit, no biggie. Almost as good and the shutout was still in place. Pedro pitched his way out of bigger jams.

So up next is left fielder Jayson Werth. A career .248 hitter and hitting a bush-league .236 this season, as well as sporting a completely useless "y" in his name, almost as useless as Hee Seop Choi at the plate. Easy out right? All he does is launch a fly ball into the left field seats.

I saw the box score earlier in the game, around the 5th inning when we were down by one and Pedro was putting up zeros and thought to myself "great. It's already been a dismal season. All we need is some former Dodger - on the wrong end of one of the worst trades in history - coming back and getting his first no-hitter off the team that traded him away for some washed-up malcontent (Delino Deshields). I'll even bet that one run came off a Mike Piazza homer. (It didn't.)" Not that I'm still bitter about THAT trade. Must... not... get... angry...

But when I saw the highlights on SportCenter... wow. It wasn't a monumental comeback like the way Boston came back against the Yankees in the ALCS last year, I mean, it was only one run. But if you saw just how foolish Pedro made each guy look, that anyone was even able to make contact, you'd know that this win was HUGE.

All that did was keep the Dodgers within five games of the first place Padres in the NL West. The way this division is looking now, it's a very real possibility that a team with a sub-.500 record will make it into the playoffs. Another theory: there's a very real possiblity that the winner of the World Series could also have a top 10 pick in the draft. I love baseball.

Go Dodgers.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:07 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: We Need more Roasts ::

Not the edible kind. I just finished watching "Comedy Central's Roast of Pamela Anderson," not because I'm a fan of hers or anything - which isn't to say I have anything against slutty blonde hoochies with ginormous racks but there is a very real concept called "too much of a good thing" - but I'm just a huge fan of celebrity roasts. (Speaking of hoochie, I'm wondering just what kind of hits that phrase might draw to here since last week, someone found my site by typing in "tyra banks hoochie shorts" in a Yahoo search. Unless one of my 11 readers [I'm in double digits now!] can find it for me, I honestly cannot recall ever using that phrase in my blog. Until just now. I'm serious, go type in that phrase at Yahoo. I can't explain it.)

I watched the Roast because few things entertain me more than a good celebrity roast. It's one of the only places that still exist on earth where people can say anything about anyone without having to fear any repercussions. It's cool since, being on Comedy Central, they can merely bleep out the more obscene stuff. As funny as the zingers where, my favorite moments were of the Unintentionally Funny type in the form of an overzealous bleeper when Lisa Lampinelli talking about how Pam would "suck #@<{ just for a diet c&{#." Last time I checked, it was ok to say "c&{#" on TV and just to prove it, I'm gonna say "c&{#" uncensored right here on my web site. Ready?

Coke. There, I said it. I'll say it again. Coke. See? No one's hurt. COKE COKE COKE!!! (If you're at all offended by that word, send hate mail to lightenupyouuptightwench@yahoo.com)

Anyway.

Other favorite Unintentionally Funny Moments were from Courtney Love staggering, slurring, and slumping around on the couch all the while insisting she's been sober for 12 months or something. Which is an amazingly frightening thought because if this is what she's like when she's sober... then she really has no excuses does she? (Sorry, I couldn't think of a better punchline.) Roastmaster Jimmy Kimmel was right to observed that if she was indeed sober, than she has some major problems.

For my taste, there were just way too many jokes about Tommy Lee's enormous penis. Not that I'm adverse to a good dick joke but it seemed like too easy of a target for material. But I guess anything that large would be an easy target. (Hey-oh!)

If you think about the type of programming HBO has, it's a mystery why they haven't started up some sort of Celebrity Roast series. People ripe for material would be Kirsty Alley, Tom Cruise, Barry Bonds, and Keanu Reeves. Just imagine: "Every movie Keanu's done, he's shown exactly two faces: impassive and less than impassive. That some great acting there Shatner, did you pick that up from the Steven Segal School of acting? I've seen more facial expressions on a 40 year old MILF's face after too many botox injections! I haven't seen acting that stiff since Tommy Lee's #@<{!!"

(I know it's not the best joke but I thought of that just now. Give me a break.)

(And someone remove the parenthesis buttons on my laptop. Seriously.)

I'm pretty sure that celebrities (especially the has-beens) would be lining up to be roasted since being subjected to one would have them come off as amiable types who are able to laugh at themselves, never mind the free publicity. Can you imagine the field day that comedians would have with these people? And it would totally kill in the ratings because as much as there are people who worship celebrities and actually subscribe to glamour porn mags (I love the phrase "glamour porn") like "People" and "Us," there are even more people who would love to see celebs get publicly skewered to a crisp. I mean, that would be so freakin' cool.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:14 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Cool Shirt ::

One of the funnier shirts I've seen lately:

"Hey Idiots: There was no CURSE. The Boston Red Sox just SUCKED the last 86 years."

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 6:43 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: A Change would do You Good. Maybe. ::

Remember my post about the 9 Core Values of Blogging? Ever since I discovered that website, I became a semi-regular reader at a few other blogs around the blogosphere (cool word huh?). Before that I stayed within my little inner circle of bloggers that you see at my links area. I never thought that reading about the lives of people I never met would be interesting but I've bookmarked a couple of blogs that I check back on a couple of times a week.

What's interesting about these blogs is that they all seem to have a common theme to them. For example, there are a lot of people who like to write about dating; both observation and journals of their own exploits. I found a few about life in Miami Beach, which was surprising (literate types are hard to come by in this city). I haven't followed those too closely since I've been here long enough that I already have a pretty good idea about what that's like.

Even the ones where it's simply a journal of their lives, they all seem to have a set theme to them (they follow a consistent Brand Strategy; for you ad people out there). On the other hand, I'll be the first to admit that I randomly jump from one topic to another. It never bothered before and it doesn't now but I wonder if maybe this blog might get better if I focused it somewhat. I haven't decided on what just yet but I haven't really given it too much thought just yet.

Anothing thing is that because I've been frequenting other blogs, those bloggers have, in turn started reading about me and I still sometimes wonder how I feel about complete strangers reading about my life. Especially since lately, I think some of my post have been quite personal.

What do you guys think? Is this a good direction to go to? Is there anything in particular you guys want to read about? Or is it fine as it is?

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 6:40 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: mmm Beer ::

One of the cool assignments you get to do early on at our school is for photo class, you have to shoot a tabletop beauty shot for beer.. Nice little side benefit is that you get to drink it afterwards. Even nicer is when a friend of yours offers you one in the middle of the afternoon on a muggy Friday after a really long week. I know it seems that a lot of my travel stories seem to revolve around beer but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention just how good a bottle of Yeungling can be. I mention travel because it's only available on the east coast since the brewery has some sort rule regarding shipping stating that they never ship any place that takes more than a day by truck.

I heard and read about it before moving out here and when I finally got around to trying it, I wasn't disappointed. It doesn't quite beat out my favorite, Sierra Nevada but it's still a huge step past anything Bud or Miller.

Yeah, it's the kind of school where I can openly drink beer at 2 in the afternoon. And the best part was that SH, who works at the school, was giving a prospective student a tour of the building and I just happened to be taking a pull when the walked up behind me. I think we have new student next quarter.

Oh yeah, I finally figured out how to post pictures onto my blog. Hehe.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:14 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Filtering out all the Crap ::

As much pressure as our group may feel they're being place under, there are moments of reprieve that comes in the form of other people's work. An assignment given to us by The Ron was to go all the major advertising awards websites, evaluate the quality of the work, and see if we can detect any trends.

I admit, I kinda half-assed it since most of us were under the agreement that it was B.S. assignment but having done what we did, at least for me, it was equal parts inspiring and frustrating. Inspiring because t occasionally, we did see bits of what anyone could call good work. Frustration because lot of the stuff that seems to win awards is recycled material. Not that it's necessarily a bad idea, but it's just not a great one and repeating the idea just dilutes the effect.

Even Ron, when talking about a campaign for bubble gum done by an MAS student that won an award, said that while he was glad the someone brought the award home, he wasn't exactly enamored with it. This is apparently more common than we realized and it's something the he himself dealt with in the past as a judge for some of these competitions. Looking at the work on the student boards, there's a lot of stuff that looks like it's been done before. One campaign done by a person who graduated last quarter is pretty much a direct rip-off of something done by another student a few quarters before. The only real difference is that his is for Starbucks Liquer and the previous iteration was for Red Bull. Unfortunately, it's not something that's exclusive to student work either.

So obviously looking at this stuff in the midst of working on our books makes for a few moments of aggravation. There's stuff that we want to do that might be a little edgy, highly creative, and never been seen before but we're faced with the reality that the people who evaluate our books at the agencies can sometimes judge them on whether or not there's any commonality with the award winning stuff they also see in the annuals. But at the same time, when we see what's out there, it's relief to discover that most of us are capable of better stuff.

Compared to most of the other students, I've never been one to get all excited over upcoming competitions. I used to have dreams of Clios and Grand Lions but that's been absent in the last year and a half. I couldn't give an exact reason at the time other than something about them always seemed a little "off" and now I see why. I remember letting out a silent groan when we got this assignment but I see now why The Ron made us do this. It's going to be interesting to see where he takes the class from here.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 9:40 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: I'm a little Loopy ::

I know I'm tired. I know this because the moment I got home from class I just started randomly reciting lines from Christopher Walken's famous "More Cowbell" skit ("guess what? I got a fevuh! And the only puhscription... is moh cowbell!") to no one in particular. Why? I have no idea (nevuh question Bruce Dickenson!).

Not only that, the one song that's been going through my head all day is Tenacious D's version of Jimmy Buffet's "Margaritaville" called "Marajuanaville." It's hilarious.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 6:48 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: And to make things worse, it's Monday. ::

It's seven in the morning. Why the hell am I up this early?! The alarm didn't even go off! This SUCKS. At least the coffee's brewing.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 6:57 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: That was Dumb ::

Note to self: when you need to drink something to stay awake, drink coffee. Not beer.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:37 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: I Should have Gone into Medicine. ::

I should be doing work right now but I REALLY tired of looking at my crap. I have to, in the next 12 hours, finish my mini-book which entails the following:

- Determining the look and layout of the book.

- Finishing up all the ads (12-15) and campaigns (2 branding campaigns) that are supposed to go into it.

I'm far enough along to show The Ron that I've been working on it but not far enough to have it completely done. I've dealt with pressure before but this just seems worse. For example, while in Prague, coming up on a deadline to put together a campaign for a nationally known brand doesn't seem like much compared to putting together a portfolio that's going to determine not only whether or not I'm going to get a job, but what kind of agency I'm going to end up at.

Everyone in our class has done nothing but work on our books the last two weeks but it's one of those projects that seem neverending. A teacher from Crispin, whose work many of us consider to be quite brilliant, told us that he worked on his book for almost three months. He would come home from the advertising job he had at that time and work on average three hours a night before it got to where he was happy with it. It was apparently good enough that he ended up where he is now, doing the cool stuff he's doing.

It's rare that someone from Ad School would get a job immediately after graduation. The average post-grad job hunt goes about 3-6 months and as good as we are, most of us aren't going to be hired right off the bat. Considering the talent pool, I doubt any of us will go longer than three months. Still, I really want this to be done well so I'll get hired as soon as possible and while I have just enough confidence in my abilities that finding employment shouldn't be too hard, there have been quite a few days when I find myself thinking "it's a good thing I know how to be a waiter." That or, "I should have listened to my parents and gone into medicine."

I've been told many times that I need to just relax a little and the ideas and work will come. In my case, the danger is that I might get a little too relaxed and not do the work at all. (One of many reason I don't do pot. That and it's not like I have trouble getting the munchies. As a matter fact, I'm gonna go get a snack right now.) And it's been one of those weird quarters where I'm working The Ron's soccer posters so wouldn't have to work on my book because blogging isn't a good enough excuse. Yeah, this is my life right now.

Although... certain things have a way of making it all better, albeit temporarily. For example: you've been at school all day, staring at your computer and thinking the best way to advertise a sporting goods store is to pick up your laptop and hurl it out the window. Then a nice girl says "hi" by walking up behind your chair, running her fingers through your hair and kissing you on top of the head. All of a sudden, life is good.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:22 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: This post is a LOT shorter. Really. ::

And it's because the main content of this isn't something I wrote. It's a great quote from the aforementioned "Wedding Crashers" delivered by Vince Vaughn in full "Double-down Trent" mode. If you haven't seen this movie yet, you're missing out.

"I apologize to you if I don't seem eager to jump into a forced, akward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, wondering do I have food on my face? Am I eating, am I talking too much? Are they talking enough? Am I interested? I'm not really interested. Should I play like I'm interested? But I'm not that interested. But I think she might be interested. But do I want to be interested? Now she's not interested. So all of the sudden I'm starting to get interested. And when am I supposed to kiss her. Do I have to wait for the door cuz' then it's awkward. It's like "Well, goodnight." Do you do like the ass-out hug? Where you hug each other and the ass sticks out because you're trying not to get too close. Or do you just go right in and kiss 'em on the lips? Or you don't kiss 'em at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering , "are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions?" And perhaps play a little game called, Just the tip in. Just for a second. Just to see how it feels. Or "Ouch, ouch. You're on my hair." ... Great talk.

And Rachel McAdams? Hot.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:18 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Yet another Blog Quiz ::

I used to look at these results on other poeple's blogs and while interesting, they seemed to be filler more than anything. However, this is one of the more interesting quizzes I've taken recently. Or at least, the results were interesting. I would have thought I would be more of a romanticist that but the rest of the results seem prety close.

You scored as Cultural Creative.

Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative 81% Existentialist 63% Postmodernist 56% Idealist 50% Modernist 38% Romanticist 38% Fundamentalist 31% Materialist 19% What is Your World View? (updated) created with QuizFarm.com

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:11 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: A few new Touch-ups here and there ::

I woke up around 4:20 or so this morning and I couldn't go back to sleep (it's been happening a lot lately and haven't a clue why) so stayed up and made a few changes to my blog. I finally figured out how to add the title feature to my template but I had to fiddle with the html quite a bit to get the font, style and color right. That was a a pain since I don't know html. I also added the obligatory "about me" link that shows you my Blogger profile, which is largely useless since most of you have an idea about me anyway.

I was thinking about using a new template altogether but I like this one and the new ones don't really do anything for me.

All that's left for me is to figure out how to post pictures on this thing.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 9:44 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: America's Tainted Pastime ::

Five words I hoped I'd never have to write:
Maybe Jose Conseco was right.

My inner fanboy tells me:
Maybe it was some other banned substance but not steroids

My outer realist tells me:
It was steroids.

Thoughts in my mind I wish I didn't have:
I was thinking maybe it'd be Barry Bonds (if only), Jason Giambi, even Jason Schmidt who tests positive but Rafael Palmeiro? Really?

Who's next?

How's he going to spin this?

He's going to long for the days when he was best known for doing Viagra commercials

That sound you hear around 9:30(EST) this morning was Giambi breathing a sigh of relief.

Seriously, maybe Jose Conseco was right.

Questions baseball fans must be asking themselves:
Raffy? Really? I don't get it. Where's the sudden spike in power numbers? Where's the ballooning physique? Isn't his head still the same size?

Question baseball fans must be asking but don't really want to know the answer to:
Maybe this is the reason he did the Viagra commercials?

Questions reverberating through the world of baseball:
Is Conseco working on a follow-up book: "I told you so!"?

Baseball and politics collide:
Looking back, Raffy's emphatic denial in front of the Committee for Government Reform comes across as merely another "I did not sleep with that woman" type denial and we know all too well how that turned out.

A moment to digress:
I'm typing this at Starbucks and what just walked through the door was evidence that plastic surgery and sun damage make a horrible combination.

Ok, I'm back:
Maybe Jose Conseco was right, but he's still a whack-job.

Before this, all previous positive tests were a bunch of nobodies:
Which means, if you were to believe in the law of averages the next wave of positive tests will be very well known players...

If only:
... and I hope they're all from the Giants

There's still hope:
Much of Conseco's book is still disingenuous, petty, and vindictive and even if this one positive gives it a modicum of validity, no one would ever point to it as gospel.

But still:
Maybe Jose Conseco was right.

Does it have to come to this?
I don't have the "end justifies the means" type mentality but if this is what it takes to clean up baseball, so be it.

Dammit.
Even if it might mean that maybe Jose Conseco was right.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 9:07 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Blogging from an "Artist's" Perspective ::

It cracks me up sometimes when friends from Ad School make comments about my blog. They usually run along the lines of "you're an Art Director right?" "I'm trying to be, yeah." "Why do you write so much? I mean, post a picture or something." "I can't. I have an older template." "Well, then get a new one." "I like this one."

For those of you wondering what I'm talking about, there are two main jobs in the Advertising industry: Art Directors and Copywriters. This is an oversimplified explanation but generally ADs determine what an ad will look like and the CWs are in charge of whatever wording it contains. ADs usually come from an art background; painting, graphic design, etc. CWs might have studied things like English, history, or communications. There are also account managers and planners who work for ad agencies but us creatives don't like to acknowledge their existence.

Everyone who's eighth quarter has to take a class with Ron (school president and founder). Ron has a disturbing soccer fetish so every week we have to do one poster reminding everyone about Soccer Sunday at 6pm (as if we could forget). Past work includes map of the island giving directions to the park, a naked chick with a "soccer tan," comic strips starring "Soccerman," a half-naked chick with a soccer ball "bikini," and half-naked chicks doing... something.

So being an AD, my first three soccer posters, naturally, are copy-driven (there's no naked chicks, get your mind out of the gutter). One of them was a Letterman Top 10 list, another was a page of mindless scribbles, and the last was a "Football vs. Futbol" chart.

These soccer poster assignments being what they are, I'm not going to do them unless I can somehow amuse myself with them. That means that a lot of the jokes I put up there might fly over people's heads. Others are more obvious. Here's a couple of my Top 10:

5. Bad news: You're still not allowed to use your hands. Good news: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.
2. Show the chicks you can "Bend in like Beckham" if you know what I mean.

Another one has a drawing of guy with a shirt that says "YOUR STUPID" on the back. And the beautiful thing about that one is that it received exactly the desired effect: some people got it immediately; others told me that I used the wrong "your." One person in particular, it wasn't so much that this idiot pointed out the "error" as much as the air of authority with which this person did it. The whole time I'm just standing there smiling and thinking "you’re the largest bag of gas this side of Al Franken."

In case you were wondering: yes, some of those jokes are just for me.

I'm not sure why but writing was one of the things that I was always able to do. Not necessarily do well but it just came naturally. I noticed this back in college, when for reasons unknown to me, I just breeze through English courses. (You'd think scoring better on the English section of the SATs would be an obvious indicator but I was also an idiot back then. Some things never change.) I always wanted to go into some sort of art career, but I've always liked reading and if you asked me I could name my favorite authors, sports writers, columnists, even lyrics. But ask me about my favorite painting? "Garden of Earthly Delight" by Hieronymus Bosch. Favorite painter? I don't know, maybe one of the dudes named after a Ninja Turtle. Favorite photographer? Graphic Designer? Umm...

Quite a few students have told me I should be a copywriter instead, which, depending on the person telling me, I'm really not sure how to take it. Is it a compliment of my writing skills or an indictment of my art directing abilities? Who knows. But one thing I've learned is that writing an essay for English 101, a Top 10 list, or even a stand-up comedy monologue is different from writing taglines and body copy for ads. I could write jokes all day but ask me to come up with some copy for a laundry detergent and you're probably going to find me at a bar going on a bender cursing the day I went into advertising.

It may not seem that it's all that different but they are, and while subtle, they're significant. It's like the difference between jogging and sprinting: both requires use of leg muscles but jogging works your slow-twitch muscles while sprinting develops your fast-twitch... actually, never mind. My analogy just went to the zoo.

Another thing is that when it comes to ad copy, brevity is key. If you've read my blog for any length of time, you'll know that I have a tendency to be long-winded. I haven't kept track but when it comes to writing an entry with some personal content, I've yet to write one that's shorter than "War and Peace." I've told myself repeatedly that I'm going to figure out how to condense my posts one of these days but if you're reading this, then you can clearly see that today is not that day.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:07 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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