:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: Monday, August 15, 2005 ::

:: We Need more Roasts ::

Not the edible kind. I just finished watching "Comedy Central's Roast of Pamela Anderson," not because I'm a fan of hers or anything - which isn't to say I have anything against slutty blonde hoochies with ginormous racks but there is a very real concept called "too much of a good thing" - but I'm just a huge fan of celebrity roasts. (Speaking of hoochie, I'm wondering just what kind of hits that phrase might draw to here since last week, someone found my site by typing in "tyra banks hoochie shorts" in a Yahoo search. Unless one of my 11 readers [I'm in double digits now!] can find it for me, I honestly cannot recall ever using that phrase in my blog. Until just now. I'm serious, go type in that phrase at Yahoo. I can't explain it.)

I watched the Roast because few things entertain me more than a good celebrity roast. It's one of the only places that still exist on earth where people can say anything about anyone without having to fear any repercussions. It's cool since, being on Comedy Central, they can merely bleep out the more obscene stuff. As funny as the zingers where, my favorite moments were of the Unintentionally Funny type in the form of an overzealous bleeper when Lisa Lampinelli talking about how Pam would "suck #@<{ just for a diet c&{#." Last time I checked, it was ok to say "c&{#" on TV and just to prove it, I'm gonna say "c&{#" uncensored right here on my web site. Ready?

Coke. There, I said it. I'll say it again. Coke. See? No one's hurt. COKE COKE COKE!!! (If you're at all offended by that word, send hate mail to lightenupyouuptightwench@yahoo.com)

Anyway.

Other favorite Unintentionally Funny Moments were from Courtney Love staggering, slurring, and slumping around on the couch all the while insisting she's been sober for 12 months or something. Which is an amazingly frightening thought because if this is what she's like when she's sober... then she really has no excuses does she? (Sorry, I couldn't think of a better punchline.) Roastmaster Jimmy Kimmel was right to observed that if she was indeed sober, than she has some major problems.

For my taste, there were just way too many jokes about Tommy Lee's enormous penis. Not that I'm adverse to a good dick joke but it seemed like too easy of a target for material. But I guess anything that large would be an easy target. (Hey-oh!)

If you think about the type of programming HBO has, it's a mystery why they haven't started up some sort of Celebrity Roast series. People ripe for material would be Kirsty Alley, Tom Cruise, Barry Bonds, and Keanu Reeves. Just imagine: "Every movie Keanu's done, he's shown exactly two faces: impassive and less than impassive. That some great acting there Shatner, did you pick that up from the Steven Segal School of acting? I've seen more facial expressions on a 40 year old MILF's face after too many botox injections! I haven't seen acting that stiff since Tommy Lee's #@<{!!"

(I know it's not the best joke but I thought of that just now. Give me a break.)

(And someone remove the parenthesis buttons on my laptop. Seriously.)

I'm pretty sure that celebrities (especially the has-beens) would be lining up to be roasted since being subjected to one would have them come off as amiable types who are able to laugh at themselves, never mind the free publicity. Can you imagine the field day that comedians would have with these people? And it would totally kill in the ratings because as much as there are people who worship celebrities and actually subscribe to glamour porn mags (I love the phrase "glamour porn") like "People" and "Us," there are even more people who would love to see celebs get publicly skewered to a crisp. I mean, that would be so freakin' cool.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:14 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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