:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: One of Many Reasons Why I Love Baseball ::

I can imagine the conversation on the mound:

Manger: Let him hit it. It's not wise to upset a Wookiee.

Catcher: But sir, nobody worries about upsetting other hitters.

Manager: That's 'cuz other hittings don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they strike out. Wookiees are known to do that.

Catcher: I see your point sir. (TO THE PITCHER) I suggest a new strategy. Let the Wookiee win.

Chewie: Grrraaaggghhrrrr

(I'm such a nerd. But not so much that I was able to write out the entire dialogue verbatim despite not having seen the movie in, umm, weeks, but that I actually have slight issue with the fact that this photo incorrectly portrays Chewie as a lefty.)

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 9:33 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Not quite Headline of the Day but... ::

I read this article about Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter yesterday and didn't really think much of it until I saw it again on the news and thought about it a little more: Jeter's father is black and his mother is white. Don't these idiots who sent that letter realize that it's virtually impossible for him to not date interracially? I'm just saying.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 5:12 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Headline of the Day ::

I always thought it would take a lot more than this to shock Italians but what do I know.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:51 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Two Years Later ::

Two years in Miami Beach and not much has changed. Two years in Miami Beach, everything has changed. I can't believe two years have gone by so fast and that I've accomplished almost everything I need to do (there's still that pesky matter of finding gainful employment). I still remember meeting my fellow scrubs two years ago at a TGIFridays, as well as meeting some people who were in the 3rd quarter students and thinking to myself how 3rd quarter seemed so far away. Now it's a vague memory; merely a collection of old work and forgotten blog postings. At the time, my blog wasn't even a year old.

This shouldn't read like some coming-of-age story since I already had 28 years worth of life under my belt. I still remember the few months leading up to the move. I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I was attending church regularly and confiding in a few close friends about a lacking a sense of purpose. I swore off dating and rather depressingly, found myself adhering to it. I remember listening to "I Still haven't Found what I'm Looking for" my U2 a lot back then. Sports was my escape. I had a group of friends that I played tennis with every Monday. A different group of friends that got together for football every other Sunday. And another bunch for volleyball the other Sundays.

I've never lived outside of L.A. (There was a short stint in Korea but doesn't really count since I was 6). I was considering a school in Orange County but for many reasons, it just didn't feel right. There was also a good school in Detroit but that also didn't feel right (largely because, it's you know, Detroit). Then I discovered this little school out in Miami that seemed like it was exactly what I needed. I applied and got accepted. I called a rental agent and she found an apartmentl a block away from school. Things just started falling into place. Up until this point, I lived life with one foot out the door. I always needed way out. A safety net. And that affected my career and my relationships. There's a part of me that's still like that but one thing at a time. Realizing that, making this leap was really the only choice I had.

The move itself was anti-climactic. I suppose if you're 18 and moving across the country to go to college it would seem like a big deal but add ten years and it's just another move. Most of my friends made a bigger fuss about it. I was certainly excited but for completely different reasons. Where they saw sun and sand, I saw new opportunities. Where they saw spring break destinations, I saw challenges. Where they saw a thriving nightlife, I saw a life outside of my comfort zone.

I took to my new surroundings immediately. One of my lifelong dreams of living in a city with the word "Beach" in the name, silly as it seems, was met. I couldn't tell you if it was simly a change of scenery or if there was something in the water but everything about it just felt right. Even the timing. A few of my rather shortsighted friends asked if I feel like I should have done this sooner. It happened exactly when should. Again, it just felt right.

And now, I'm still the mostly same guy. I don't feel like I'm in a rut. I dropped a few friends but gained a few new ones. I've always been introspective so I've always had a pretty good idea of who and what I am, but the last two years were all about looking under the seat cushions to see if I missed anything, and its kinda amusing to what kinda crap (both in the good and bad sense) I discovered.

What has changed? What hasn't?

Well, my hair is a lot longer but I still have the goatee.

My sense of humor has gotten drier but I've learned that unless you're, say, Dennis MIller or Steven Wright who have a devoted core fanbase, then there's a virtue in telling jokes that people actually get. It also tends to be a little more puerile.

My eating habits are still kinda the same but I finally felt my metabolism slowing down in the last few months.

The few close friends (I can count them on one hand) I've known the last few years mean just that much more to me now.

I'm still not a fan of clubs but I appriciate the value of a dark, cozy, neighborhood bar.

I've gotten a little better on the guitar.

Speaking of which, I once wrote how most of the dates I've been on come in second to a quiet evening reading a book or practicing my guitar. Still true.

Finally got drunk for the first time. Still no hangover. Still never been high. Not even via contact.

I lived in Prague for three months. Spent almost an entire day in London during layovers. I drink a lot more beer thanks to that trip (beer really is a lot better in Europe).

Still quite the introvert, but I've opened up a little more (especially on my blog). Still very independent, but I've learned it's ok to ask for help every now and then.

I could go on but I have quite a few stories archived if you're curious. And bored. And have way too much free time. But don't stay there too long. I'm just getting started.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 5:29 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Week 3 Football Picks ::

Now that I have a little time, I'm gonna try doing a weekly "NFL picks" every Friday (or Wednesday is there's a Thursday game). While I didn't post it, I gave it a shot last week and came out ok at 9-7. Here's how I'm predicting this weekend's outcomes:

Bill over Falcons
Good: The Bills' defense. Bad: Michael Vick playing with sore hamstring. Worse: Michael Vick being forced to stay back and actually throw the ball.

Bears over Bengals
Not just because I think a bear would kill a tiger in real life but after the way they pulled the mat out from under Detroit's supposed breakout year, I think they have a pretty good shot at not embarrassing themselves this year. And let's try to remember that Carson Palmer, as good as he's been, is only in his second year and is subject to growing pains, especially against a good defense. (Not only that, he's a USC alum and let's face it, Trojans sometimes break. So I heard.)

Bucs over Packers
This game isn't so much about whether or not Brett Favre can somehow manage a season as much as it's about which of coaches named "Mike" is gonna get canned first. If I was betting man, I'd pick Mike Tice of Minnesota as the first one out, Mike Holmgren of Seattle second, and Green Bayå?s Mike Sherman third.

Colts over Browns
Trent Dilfer's reputation as one of the game's classy good guys notwithstanding, does anyone else think he might have been gloating just a little bit after last week's 300+ yard performance? That was his "I was and still can be a starting QB in this league and if you donå?t think so I have Super Bowl ring and you don't" performance. To which Peyton Manning, after passing for 250 yard and 3 touchdowns - in the first half - is gonna reply "shuffle passes to Jamal Lewis doesn't really count dude. My retarded kid brother could have done that."

Rams over Titans:
Titans are young and hungry and the Rams are old and complacent. Mark Bulger is looking kinda like a post-Super Bowl Kurt Warner at the moment and Mike Martz is too busy admiring his legacy in the mirror. But as much as I hate to admit it, the Rams offense will give the Titans inexperienced youth a beatdown.

Panthers over Dolphins
Let's see now, Panthers just beat last year's Super Bowl champs convincingly despite erratic play from Jake Delhomme. The Dolphins on the other hand: okay defense, no running game, and Ricky is still out. Who are they gonna fall back on, Gus Ferotte? Please. And just so someone finally says it, nobody gives a crap about Ricky anymore. Move along.

Saints over Vikings
The boys from N'awlins are exhausted, displaced and homesick, but more important, they're pissed. Last week was a very winnable game for them and they lost it thanks to sloppy play. On the other hand, Dante Culpepper, after screwing over countless fantasy team owners might finally rebound with good game. Remember, QBs can still put up good fantasy stats when putting up 27 points in a losing effort.

Jaguars over Jets
During my East Coast baseball park tour last year, I tried my hand at a few speedpitch booths just for fun. My "fastball" topped out at 61 miles per hour. For some perspective, even mediocre Major League Pitchers throw 90. The point of that story being, after watching Chad Pennington play the last two weeks, I've seen harder throws from drunk British guys throwing darts.

Eagles over Raiders:
The highly touted wide receiver matchup of the week has the semi-reformed reefer vs. the petulant bitch. You couldn't ask for a better Battle of the Divas if you put Diana Ross and Mariah Carey in a steel cage. (Except maybe a pre-wedding Brittany Spears and Lindsey Lohan in a tub filled with cheese grits. Not because it'd be sexy but it would give people who enjoy watching a Tonya Harding boxing match something to look down on. Where was I? Oh, right.) Raiders might score early but the Igles will pull it out since Oakland canå?t seem to get out of their own way.

49ers over Dallas
Not only did I pick my Niners to win the last two games, I'm also picking them to not just beat but pummel the Cowboys this week because:
1. I'm a shameless homer
2. I'm delusional
3. Drew Bledsoe to Keyshawn Johnson?
4. Julian Peterson, defensive stud, and the best player on the team went on record guaranteeing a win and that's good enough for me.
5. I'm delusional

Cardinals over Seahawks
Both these teams are division rivals to my guys and unfortunately, only one team can lose.

Steelers over Patriots
This might raise some eyebrows (assuming there's actually people from New England who are reading this) and honestly, I'm not anti-Patriots. But, as lackadaisical as Corey Dillon looked and as confused Brady looked at times the first two weeks, I just don't think that they can magically turn it back on in one week. And as good as the Pat's defense has been trying to replace Teddy Bruschi, they're not the same when it comes to stopping the run, Even if they hold Willie Parker to, say, 80 yards, they still have to deal with Big Ben (I'm not even gonna try to spell his last name) throwing to Hines Ward and Antoine Randall El. And the big guy just doesn't make many mistakes.

Chargers over Giants
The Chargers should be 2-0 right now and believe me, the guys on offense, especially Brees and Tomlinson, are fuming over their underachievement. And the fact that Eli Manning is finally coming to play in the city he so famously shunned in the draft only adds to the Charger's desire to bust some heads. That is, once they're done scarfing down in fish tacos.

Chiefs over Broncos
Speaking of Mikes on the Bubble, Shanahan is gonna have Ron Dayne up against Priest Holmes of Kansas City. Also, there's error-prone Jake Plummer trying to win two tough games in a row, especially against the much-improved Chiefs defense. A bit much to ask isn't it? I'm just saying.

There you have it. I'll post my results on Monday and see how I did.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 8:01 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: A Few Updates ::

I've made some minor changes to my blog in the last couple of weeks. You probably noticed the one.org band in the corner. I'm pretty much behind anything Bono of U2 is involved in, including this organization. I discovered they gave out white wristbands supporting their cause by accident so I got one to replace the red wristband I've been wearing the previous year (which said "Miller: Good Call." Yeah, I know).

The rest of the changes are on the sidebar, where I removed and added a few links. I pared down the "stuff about me" to just the essentials. Sort of. I also added a few new blogs. The only blogs I used to read were by people I know personally but ever since I found the site that inspired my post about the "9 Core Values of Blogging" I figured I'd see what else is out there. The links under "cohorts" are blogs I found interesting enough to read at least semi-regularly and there might be more coming. I separated those from people I know on a three-dimensional level, who are under "friends."

And just a few subtle tweaks here and there but that's about it. I thought about changing the template altogether but none of Blogger's templates really appeal to me so the look is gonna stay. At least for a while.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:55 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: There's always next year ::

I'm coming up on the two year mark of my move to Miami Beach (the 24th) and it got me thinking about the how horribly wrong things have gone for my beloved Dodgers this year. (My brain is strange that way.) Two years ago, we finished the year in second place, having wasted one of the greatest performances by a pitching staff in history thanks to a group of hitters that couldn't score even if you strapped them to a keg and airdropped the bunch into a sorority house during spring break. But there were flashes of hope in that there was talk of a new GM taking over and making moves to revive the offense.

The following year lived up to that promise, sort of. The pitching was solid, the defense was spectacular, and we were scoring runs. There were some questionable moves (trading away Guillermo Mota and the heart and soul of the team, Paul Lo Duca...) but others that worked (... for clutch hitter Steve Finley) and it produced our first postseason berth in quite some time in dramatic fashion: a late-inning, walk-off grand slam by Finley that clinched our spot. That we beat the Frisco Giants in process just made it that much more awesome. Of course we got our asses raped by the St. Louis Cardinals but there was one gleaming moment in Game 3 when Jose "My Wife has Huge Cans" Lima pitched a complete game shutout, giving the Dodger their first postseason victory since 1989.

We were supposed to build on that success this year. We brought in proven run producer Jeff Kent. World Series hero Derek Lowe would compliment flamethrower Brad Penny. Jayson Werth would be healthy and there were rumors he'd dump that useless "y" in his name. Milton Bradley went to anger management counseling in the offseason. But there were questions. The new GM signed a washed-up Jose Valentin. We didn't resign Adrian Beltre (looking back, a good move since he's having a horrible year in Seattle). We gave talented but fragile (and ultimately useless) ourfielder J.D. Drew a five-year contract, indentical to a deal we gave talented but fragile (and ultimately useless) pitcher Derren Dreifort; a guy who spent more time recovering from injuries than actually playing. We lacked of a proven catcher.

But the season started off great. And it was good. But the injuries started piling up. And things got bad fast. Cy Young winning closer (and my favorite player) Eric Gagne hurt his elbow eating meatloaf sandwich (because he put two slices of bread on an entire meatloaf). Drew, whose skeleton is made of peanut brittle, is out for the season thanks to a broken bone after being hit by a pitch (a changeup no less). Milton Bradley hurt his knee kicking over a game board. Emerging Gold Glove shortstop Cesar Izturis needs elbow surgury. Hee Seop Choi strikes out at the plate more than I do at a bar. Groundball pitcher Lowe, despite being healthy, already gave up a career high home runs playing a park where it's hard to hit home runs. Owner Frank McCourt is more interested in desecrating the hallowed grounds of Dodger Stadium in search of revenue than fielding a winning team. And in a pointless display of nepotism, he hires his wife as V.P. She's a clueless harpy. And as of right now, we lost the last series against the Friggin' Giants. But then again, the Giants should win since Barry Bonds is back (now that he pissed all the steroids out of his system) and we're fielding a glorified minor league team.

But there's hope for next year. A lot of the rookies playing right now show promise and ability to be future starters. Gagne and Izturis will be back next year. But this season? Not fun. Not fun at all. In fact I've made a list: things that are more fun and things that might be more fun than watching the Dodgers this year:

Things that have been more fun.
1. Watching the Florida Marlins play, especially when Dontrelle Willis pitches.

2. Seeing everyone else in our division completely stink up the joint.

3. Having diarrhea so explosive that I practically levitated off the toilet.

4. Asking a girl for her number, only to have her tell me "I don't remember it."

Me: How do you not remember your own number?

Girl: I just got a new number.

M: So go find your phone.

G: Ok. Stay here. (WALKS AWAY. RETURNS AFTER A FEW MINUTES.) I can't find it. Give me your number.

M: (BLANK STARE) Um, ok. It's...

G: I'll call you (SMILING ENTHUSIASTICALLY)

M: (SKEPTICAL) Cool.

(She never called. On a side note, I've been turned down before but that's the first time I've ever heard the "I don't remember" rejection. Seriously, any guys ever heard this? Any girls ever use this?)

5. Working frantically on a project 36 hours before deadline and finding out my laptop has 40 minutes of juice left. Because my charger broke. At two in the morning.

6. Playing goalie and deflecting a shot off my balls.

7. Being told by a creepy gay guy that he "likes my hair."

Things that might be more fun than watching the Dodgers play this season.
1. Being a Red Sox fan and watching Aaron Bleepin' Boone hit that homer off Wakefield.

2. Getting so incredibly drunk that you vomit into your cup of beer only to drink from that same cup because you're too drunk to realize you just threw up into your beer.

3. Being on this Jet Blue flight.

4. Dry-shaving your entire crotch area and then dipping it in rubbing alcohol.

5. Having a one-night stand and waking up with a vicious rash.

6. Scrubbing the petrified fecal matter on the side of your toilet.

7. Being a wingman and having to distract "the friend" by making out with her despite the fact that she bears a striking resemblance to a sick catfish.

Again, the last six are strictly hypothetical. But the point being, all these things? More fun than watching the Dodgers. A lot more.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 5:43 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Hurricane Watch ::

So it seems that Rita has pretty much come and gone with most of the mainland pretty much unscathed. The worst of it was down in the Keys. Other than some blown over trees and stuff we've been fine and as if the people of South Beach need another reason to go on a bender, this is just another excuse to have a hurricane party.

Me? I've stocked up on emergency supplies (pizza, beer) and some rented movies to ride out the storm, which should be gone by tomorrow.

But the thing that's lingering on my mind right now is that this thing is projected to hit near Houston by Saturday and I can't help but wonder if we're in for another Katrina-type disaster. Let's just hope it weakens by then.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:28 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: So. What's next? ::

I watched today's Marlins vs. Phillies game and witnessed a teamwide meltdown rivaled only Mariah Carey's famous implosion on TRL. Seriously, they were up 2 runs and needed only three more outs. And what happens? FOUR errors? Even before there's an out recorded? Closer Todd Jones, who's been unyielding most of this season (and has a mustache that ensures him a career in porn once he retires from baseball. That or a replacement for the biker guy in The Village People), gave up four earned runs without recording an out. The end result? They gave up TEN runs in the ninth. Seriously, that sucked donkey nuts.

Oh yeah, the Dodgers lost too. Giants pitcher and supposed ace Jason Schmidt lasted only five innings and gave up a run whereas our guy Jeff Weaver went eight innings and gave up only two. You're telling me we couldn't scratch together two more runs against that sorry ass bullpen? Weaver, your team owes you an apology. Owner Frank McCourt owes you and the fans an apology. And not only does he needs a severe beating but he needs to sell the team to an owner that cares about, you know, WINNING. Go back to writing your depressing novels you big-haired asswipe. (I'm kidding. Different guy.)

Oddly enough those results got me to thinking (no, I'm serious): I'm almost done with school and the question everyone's been asking me "so what now?" Or "where do you want to work?" I have a pretty good idea where I want to end up but the question of whether I actually will is an entirely different matter.

I'd love to stay in Miami (though I'd definitely have to move off the Beach) but there's only one agency here that I'd want to work for and they tend to be rather selective about hiring. Not to say I don't have the ability to work at Crispin (I've met a couple guys employed there and how they even got hired is far beyond the frog scene in "Magnolia" on the "explain THAT to me" scale) I've heard anecdotes that lead me to believe that whether or not I get hired will be predicated on my what my favorite color is and whether or not I can function on ten hours of sleep per week.

There's a little advertising place out in San Diego that does some great work and their client list seems like a lot of fun to work with. Seattle sounds nice. If those don't work out, I'm pretty much open to whatever.

Two places I don't want to work right now: Los Angeles and New York City. I grew up is L.A. I love the place and I'll always be a SoCal beach boy at heart. But as of right now I'm (relatively) young and unattached so why not take this time to live in another city? There's nothing tying me down other than a few close friends (couple of whom also moved to the East Coast). I mean, I'll miss going to In 'n Out for my Double Double (with grilled onions and fries well done, animal style) but I tend to overindulge in that guilty pleasure anyway so a little distance is probably a good thing. The other guilty pleasure I tend to overindulge being... umm... actually never mind.

(That reminds me, I don't know if it's because White Castle has more national recognition but that movie might have done better if they called it "Harold and Kumar go to In 'n Out." I haven't seen it but I just have a gut feeling about this. Come to think of it, that's gonna be the sequel. Give a year or so and we're gonna be seeing the trailer in front of a movie starring Will Ferrell. You heard it here first.)

New York City? I'd love a chance at living in NYC actually. Just, not on an entry-level salary. While agencies there do tend to pay a little higher, it still isn't a commensurate increase to cover the astronomical cost of living and when taking into account rent, living expenses, and paying off my student loans, I'm not gonna be able eat. Maybe in ten years or so when I'm creative director or something but not now.

I should probably also mention that San Francisco is another city I'd try to avoid. Not that I hate it or anything (maybe a little. Or a lot). It's a city that I don't mind visiting but living there would be a little, wearisome. It amuses me how Frisco is trying to pass itself off as the NYC of the West Coast and honestly, I don't see it. Sure there's plenty of public transportation, restaurants, and culture but you know what? Bacteria is a type of culture and as much as NYC may have that you don't see them bragging about it. Frisco is to NYC and other big cities what Kenny G is to jazz, ok? (Apologies to my Frisco readers. Not really.) Other than the 49ers anyway.

Honestly, my immediate and long term future are up in the air right now and there's something simultaneously exciting and terrifying about that.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:43 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Saw someone on Friendster ::

Actually, it's not like that. Wednesday night, I needed a break from schoolwork and decided to browse Friendster. I came across the profile of an attractive girl in my area. I really can't tell you what her various interests were since all I did was click that "see more photos" link.

So the next afternoon, I walk into Taste Bakery, get a table facing Alton Road, and guess who I see eating lunch right outside my window in the patio? Yeah her. Or, well, I wasn't sure it was her at first but the beauty wireless technology allowed me to go back to Friendster and look her up again. Yep, I got a confirmation thanks to a certain tattoo on a certain part of her body that just couldn't be confused with anything else.

The reason I had to check was that her photos on Friendster were professionally done and in the harsh light of day she looked, well, somewhat less glamorous. Don't get me wrong, she still looked good but I'm quite aware of how studio lighting can help one's cause. Also, her goofy sunglasses obscured her eyes.

No I didn't talk to her since she was outside and I needed to get some work done. That and I had no idea what to say. But that was an interesting experience.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:32 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: I'm Done! (sorta) ::

I'm done with school. Yesterday was graduation (I didn't go, more on that later). I still have to finish up a couple of projects for The Ron but this stage of my life is almost over.

Wow. Weird.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 4:51 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Hats off ::

You sports fans out there know about Roger Clemens' performance on Wednesday, pitching lights-out against the Marlins and dedicating that game to his mother, Bess Clemens, who died that day.

Last season, the game after his father passed away, Brett Favre orchestrates a passing performance against the Raiders that amazed even the broadcasters to point that they used terms like "otherworldly."

Two seasons ago Frisco Giants pitcher Jason Schmidt tosses a two-hit shutout after his mother passes away - in the middle of a tight pennant race - successfully ending any and all past criticisms about him lacking fortitude. (And you know it impressed me since I'm praising a Giants pitcher.)

Many, many years ago Pete Sampras' close friend and coach Tom Gullickson passed away from a tumor. It affected Sampras to the point where he was broke down during a match against rival Jim Courier during the Australian open. He somehow not only won that match, but won the tournament.

Any time I hear stories like this, I'm amazed and inspired.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:44 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: More Wingman Rules ::

Remember my post about how to be a good wingman? Well, I had to dig out the original file to use it for an assignment (really). I wrote them last year so I forgot that there's a couple more rules that need to be mentioned so here's numbers 5 and 6.

If you can think of any more or feel I left something out, please let me know.

5. YOU ALWAYS GOT HIS BACK. So you just got back from men's room only to find a bunch of Mr. Smiths surrounding your Neo. And instead of "whoa" he's screaming "I gots a black belt in Fung Shui" Now, your duty is to protect both your sorry asses, but if diplomacy fails, be ready to throw down. How your pugnacious partner got himself into this predicament doesn't matter. For single combat, the rule of thumb is: Same height, let 'em fight; bad guy bigger, pull the trigger (as in tag-team the oaf, not like, shoot him or anything). Four of them vs. one of him? Congradulations Morpheus, you have to protect The One. Even if it means getting whomped on (you saw the movie). Exception: if some previous dumbass behavior warrants this beating and this is the fifth beat-down you've saved his ass from this week, you don't have to hurry: Go ahead and finish your beer.

6. NO ONE GETS LEFT BEHIND. Things are getting a little nuts: His drunken charms are frighteningly effective on that cross-dresser host... er... hostess... whatever, or he's gone Animal House and pissing into car windows. Either way, he's about to be more screwed than your Catholic sister. You're required to get him home in one piece with body, mind, arrest record, anal virginity intact (assuming he hasn't already been to prison, that scamp). You must make sure he doesn't do anything that night that's going to make him suicidally mortified, incarcerated, divorced, or deceased. Should something like that happen the good wingman can and should use to lying, bribery, guilt trips, a sucker punch, or a well-placed bitch-slap. ("Sorry dude, but this is for your own good.") Anything short of breaking the buddy code of silence is fair game; use your discretion. But regardless, get your man home.

So there you have it. The six rules to being a good wingman. Remember, knowledge is power. And power corrupts. And corrupted files during studio week suck ass.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 6:43 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: I need a Vacation ::

I need this quarter to be over. Now.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:54 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Way WAY too much Coffee ::

This being finals, er.. "studio" week, school has been overrun with stressed and frazzled art students fighting deadlines, slow printers, and from what I hear, each other. That being the case, I decided to go to the Starbucks one block over. That was early Thursday afternoon.

Thanks to the relative lack of distractions and drama, I get a lot of work done but I was so engrossed in work that I didn't look at the time until a couple of girls from my class walked in later that evening. It was one of those odd cases where I look up from my laptop and just noticed the sun went down. It wasn't until I was walking home that night that I realized that I saw literally everyone that worked there. Ok, maybe not everyone since I four people had days off (it's sad that I know this).

This is how frequently I'm there: four of the baristas usually know what I want. A couple of them know exactly what I want depending on the time of day that I walk in (Venti Iced Americano in the mornings, Venti Tazo Tea in the evenings. Afternoons are predicated on how badly I need caffiene.) I get free sandwiches. Maryanna not only knows what drinks I want but I think she might have a littel crush on me. (That could be the coffee talking.)

Oh, and take a guess where I'm posting this blog from.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 5:54 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Are you Ready for some Football? ::

HELL yes... I can't wait to see how my team is going to do. If they somehow extricate themselves suck-ville into mediocrity, I'll be so happy. Good stuff.

At the same time, it's still baseball season and while my Dodgers are mired in a totally sucky season, they just won the series against the Frisco Giants. And it's not so much that they took the last two of three but it's how they did it: both games they came back from behind in the 9th inning. No matter how lousy a season is, it still feel pretty damn good to send the Giants off with their tails between their steroid-laden asses.

Oh, and Barry Bonds is gonna come back this season now huh? Not trying to imply anything but I guess he finally pissed all the 'roids out of his system. But I'm not trying to imply anything.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 8:35 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Some Random Questions ::

I should be working on my projects right now but the Agassi/Blake tennis match is so totally riveting. And my mind being the way it is, I started thinking. Which is never good. Here's what went through my mind:

Is it weird that...
... out of that generation of American tennis players (Agassi, Jim Courier, Pete Sampras, Micheal Chang) Agassi is the only one who's still playing? And playing well?
... the Seattle Mariners players make up a third of all positive steroid tests?
... and despite that, they still really suck?
... I find watching a taffy puller so fascinating?
... even though job opportunities might will be available out there, and I still miss it a lot, I have no desire to move back to L.A.?
... despite having some of the worst drivers in the country Miami doesn't have any mandatory helmet laws?
... my sweat smell faintly of coffee?
(Ok, I'm going off script for moment here but I have to say; this tennis I'm watching right now is an in instant classic. Really, I mean I haven't seen a match this good in a long time.)
... despite having an outside chance of making the postseason, I don't want my Dodgers to make it (because it's like giving the dumb kid a popsicle even though he got a D+)?
... vegetarian and vegan food "substitutes" makers always try to make their stuff taste like meat?
... my expectations for my favorite teams are so low that I'll be happy with a .500 record?
... even though I'm able to play a real guitar, I still like playing air guitar?
... frequently?

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:38 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Thanks for the memories ::

He played the game with grace, he played with style, and he played with class. He was the reason I became a football fan (and the person to blame if any future girlfriends find themselves alone on Sundays during football season).


Jerry Rice, thanks for the last 20 years.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:12 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: More Quizes ::

I took this quiz that I found over on Jenne's Most Fun site and at least for me, it's pretty dead-on. I'm just happy I got compared Letterman.

the Cutting Edge (61% dark, 53% spontaneous, 36% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top. Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi The 3-Variable Funny Test! - it rules - If you're interested, try my latest: The Terrorism Test

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 87% on darkness You scored higher than 70% on spontaneity You scored higher than 48% on vulgarity

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on OkCupid Free Online Dating

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:16 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Gone Fishin' ::

You know that saying "the worst day fishing still beats the beats the best day at work?" Well, someone needs to coin a phrase to compare a pretty good day of fishing to something because last few times, I haven't returned empty-handed.

Yesterday just before the school closed DT told me about a six-hour deep-sea fishing charter trip. And against my better judgment, I bit (pun SO not intended), despite having so much schoolwork to catch up on. We've gone fishing a few times before and his approach to it is such that if he were to show up on one of those televised bass fishing tournaments, I wouldn't be surprised.

It's been a good three years since my last fishing trip and that last time, it wasn't even for fish, but for giant squid. (Seriously, these puppies were huge, averaging three feet long with the tentacles) When we got there the crew was cleaning up stuff from the previous charter and there were fish everywhere. The popular catch seemed to be bonito (a type of tuna) and kingfish. Kingfish is quite edible while bonito, while edible, isn't the kind of tuna you'll find at restaurants. While waiting for our boat to get prepped, we looked over the pier and saw a school of tarpon feeding on the discarded scraps. These things were massive. A couple of the larger ones seemed to be close to a hundred pounds. DT was very close to casting off right there and then if not for the fact that we were told that not only are they not very good to eat, but it's illegal as well (???).

So anyway, heading out to our spot DT and I talk about guy stuff (girls, beer, truck racing). I examine my rented fishing pole and it didn't take much to see that we were gonna catch something pretty serious. The line was a lot thicker than anything I've used before (the largest thing I ever caught was a 5 pound snapper) and the rod itself was looked fairly stout. We arrive at our first spot and that turned out to be a bust since only one person caught anything and he was one of the crew. I got a few nibbles but all I pulled up was half-eaten bait.

The second spot turned out a little bit better. But at least for me it was a LOT better since I finally got a bite. And let me tell ya, it was a fighter. It even made the pole bend almost completely over from the pull but I finally pulled it up after a few minutes and it was beauty.

I think I figured out the secret since I got two more bites that day but I lost both, one because the line broke, and the second because my line got tangled with a few others. Actually that was the story for both of the rest of the day. Even at the third spot, when fish were biting more frequently, DT couldn't pull anything up since his line kept either breaking or getting tangled. Unfortunate since a couple of times, it looked like he hooked a pretty big one.

It ended all too quickly but I was happy since I caught a pretty big one. Especially since every charter boat has a pool; everyone in the boat who wants to play chips in five dollars and the one with the biggest fish goes home with the pot. My catch was 10 pounds even. And you know what? No one else could beat it =) So not only did I have a great day of fishing, I went home with an extra $30. SWEET.

Funny thing is when I asked them to filet it for me, the crew asked me if I ever ate a bonito before. When I said no, he started laughing. Apparently, bonito is different from other tunas in that the meat is oilier and much darker; almost maroon-ish shade of red as opposed to the pink-to-red tuna you'll find in sushi restaurants. What you end up with is something that's supposed to be very fishy and gamey tasting. Undaunted, I take my filets home anyway. DT told me that one thing his mom did was to soak it in milk for a couple of days to get rid of some of the fishy taste. So I took one filet and did just that. Another one, I cut into bite-size chunks and marinating them in lime juice A third one, I simply threw in the freezer.

The last one, that was dinner. I took the simple route; salt and pepper on both sides and cook it in olive oil and butter. I cooked one medium rare and the other well-done for future reference. As an experiment, I cut off a small piece to eat it raw with soy sauce just to see if it would work that way (in a word: NO).

The fishy taste was certainly there in the medium rare filet but while it wasn't unpleasant, it's certainly not meant to be seared. The well-done portion was better but nothing to write home about. I'm starting to wonder if this is the stuff they put in canned tuna.

But hey, I never said I'm Mario Batali and any day you get to go fishing and eat your catch later in the day is a great day.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:39 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Coming up on Two Years ::

At the moment I'm sitting in one of the conference rooms to Crispin Porter + Bogusky waiting for one of my former teachers to get around to critiquing my portfolio. Or at least what I have of it at the moment. I can't believe it's already been almost two years since picking up what I now laughing refer to as "my life" and moving out to Miami Beach. It's amazing how life just seems to get faster as you get older and yet, goals you set for your life still seem so distant.

And now, almost two years later, I find myself wishing for just a little more time. And I chastise myself for even thinking that way by way of "you've had two freakin' years you lazy bastard. Get off your ass." I haven't reached that whigging-out stage, and I probably won't since I'm not really that much of a whigging-out type to begin with so it's mildly amusing to see some of the girls in my class starting to freak.

The few moments I have to think about it, I probably should be though: I'm the oldest in my class (30, and 31 is approaching very quickly) and unlike most of the other students in my school (average age 22-25) I don't feel like I have the luxury of time that they have. I'm fortunate enough that I'm going to be doing what I want to be doing but, at least to me, I feel I have very few fall-back options.

But I wouldn't have it any other way. I've never been one to make things easy on myself (though at times, I do wish I wouldn't complicate things so much) so it's only fitting that I'm doing what I'm doing when I'm doing it. I took a huge chance two years ago and I was fortunate enough that it worked out well. Some of it was my own doing, a lot of it was things completely out of my control falling in place, and well, a large dose of good luck helped.

And really, a lot of things in my past that worked out well for me seemed like daunting tasks at first. Two years doesn't seem that bad now but back then I was worried about something that might a few weeks. How much things have changed, but how much things have stayed the same. It's funny to think that just now in the elevator, a friend of mine marveled at the fact that I've only had one hair cut in the last two years. I could go into length about the last two years and my hair now being past my shoulder is the least of it. I could go into it, but I'm gonna save that for another post.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 9:33 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Nut Milk ::

I have to share a post from my friend JH about a certain aspect of life in New York City. I read this and laughed my ass off.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:21 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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