:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: It took me a week to set up my Tree ::

Merry Christmas everyone!

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 4:18 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Quizzes ::

What can I say, I love this crap.

25

91%DRUNKARD

Labels: alkie, online quizzes

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:13 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: The Soundtrack of my Life Part II ::

Put your iTunes or whatever music player you have on shuffle. The first song that you hear will be the song for your Opening Scene. Skip to the next song, this answers your next question. Keep doing this until the end. However, I have a lot of Classical music so if, for example, "Allegro con Brio" from Beethoven's "Symphony no. 5 in C Major" pops up, I just skip ahead and see if anything with lyrics (and a title in English) come up.

Thanks to Neenee for this one.

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY? Oh Danny Boy - Peformed by Daniel O'Donnell
And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me
And all my dreams will warmer, sweeter be
If you will kneel to tell me that you love me
I will sleep in peace until you come to me.

What a way to start, huh?

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? Good Times Bad Times - Led Zeppelin
In the days of my youth, I was told what it means to be a man,
Now I've reached that age, I've tried to do all those things the best I can.
No matter how I try, I find my way into the same old jam.

Good Times, Bad Times, you know I had my share;
When my woman left home for a brown eyed man,
Well, I still don't seem to care.

Sounds about right.

3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? November Rain - Guns 'n Roses
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? You and Me and the Bottle makes Three - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Well I know this cat named Mo. He wanders to and fro
His and my favorite waterin' hole
I said "Hey Mo, how you doing, where have you been?
He said, "I've been fine with my whiskey, wine and gin.

I'm not an alcoholic.

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE? Texarkana - R.E.M.
20,000 miles to an oasis
20,000 years will I burn
20,000 chances I wasted
Waiting for the moment to turn
I would give my life to find it
I would give it all
Catch me if I fall

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? - Cabo Wabo - Van Halen
We drink mescal right from the bottle
Salt shaker, little lick a lime, ohhh
Throwin down, down tryin to reach the bottom
Where the guave worm, well hes mine all mine

I'm NOT an alcoholic.

7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? The Fly - U2
It's no secret that a friend is someone who lets you help
It's no secret that a liar won't believe anyone else
They say a secret is something you tell one other person
So I'm telling you...

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? Hold her Down - Toad the Wet Sprocket
And they dont know her
But what the fuck
They've got nothing else they can do
And they've no reason
But still they come
And I
Would have a hard time facing you
This crime
The shame of what a man can do

And they wonder why I never call.

9) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Paranoid Android - Radiohead
When I am king, you will be first against the wall
with your opinion which is of no consequence at all
What's that...?

10) WHAT IS 2+2? Spirits in the Material World - The Police
Where does the answer lie?
Living from day to day
If its something we cant buy
There must be another way

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Let her Cry - Hootie and the Blowfish
And just let her cry...if the tears fall down like rain
Let her sing...if it eases all her pain
Let her go...let her walk right out on me
And if the sun comes up tomorrow
Let her be...let her be.

I'm pretty sure my best friend won't like that I called him a "her."

12) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Little Drop of Poison - Tom Waits
Did the devil make the world while god was sleeping
Someone said you'll never get a wish from a bone
Another wrong good-bye and a hundred sailors
That deep blue sky is my home

She left in the fall, that's her picture on the wall
She always had that little drop of poison

No wonder I'm so confused lately.

13) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Terrorism - Soulfly
Spreading terrorism through the music
Rebelling against all this shit
Energy in the purest form
Controlled chaos, bring it on...

Sort of works, but I'm really not this angry. (Just don't piss me off.)

14) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Stand up and Shout - Steel Dragon
I know what you want and what your thinking
I can free your sexuality
No ones ever tortured you with pleasure
Pleasures all you'll ever feel from me

I'll buy you a drink if you know where exactly this song is from (without Googling it).

15) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Kashmir - Led Zeppelin
All I see turns to brown, as the sun burns the ground
And my eyes fill with sand, as I scan this wasted land
Trying to find, trying to find where Ive been.

Yeah, sounds about right =P

16) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Fallen - Sarah McLachlan
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

I didn't even need the lyrics. The title pretty much says it all.

17) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Touch You Touch You - Hot Hot Heat
Know you won't believe it
not until you see it.
No. Know you won't believe it
not until I write it down.
Down...I Touch You, Touch You

Strangely fitting.

18) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Kite - U2
Who's to say where the wind will take you
Who's to say what it is will break you
I don't know, which way the wind will blow
Who's to know when the time has come around
Don't want to see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye

It was originally "4 Finale: Adagio molto from Symphony No. 3 in E flat major OP. 55 'Eroica'" by Beethoven but, whatever.

19) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? You can't Kill Rock 'n Roll - Ozzy Osbourne
Leave me alone, don't want your promises no more
'Cos rock & roll is my religion and my law
Won't ever change, may think it's strange
I'm born to rock & roll, I'm here to stay, yeah

Ozzy rules.

20) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Whiskey in the Jar - Metallica
There's whiskey in the jar-o
Being drunk and weary I went to Molly's chamber
Takin' my Molly with me, but I never knew the danger

Seriously, I'm not an alcoholic!

21) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? If it Make you Happy - Sheryl Crow
If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad

I'm not going to tag anyone but if you're like me and you havea a lot of classical or instrumental music, try adopting my rules and see what you end up with.

Labels: meme, music

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:49 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Tennis and Other things ::

I wrote the first section of this post months ago but I've been afraid to post it due its personal nature and redundancy to some of the related topics I've blogged about in the past. However, it's probably better to get some of these thoughts out there. The second part of this post deals with a follow-up. Like before, if you read this, please feel free to comment since I might come to my senses and delete this.

I've been playing tennis only once a week lately because of my work schedule. Like many things that require practice and repetition, my tennis game has suffered because of my lack of playtime. After this morning's session, one of pros who coached me before, asked me how I did. I responded with a scowl and disgusted groan. (Not unlike thw last few weeks.) "That's alright," he responded. "You know what I like about you, though? You keep showing up and trying."

His actual tennis skills aren't great but his understanding of fundamentals and strategy are off the charts. He is always upbeat, regardless of how well I did - or didn't - play. He could always watch me play and point out stuff I need to improve, yet made sure to praise the positive. Even if I got beat by some hack and left with a foul mood, he was unrelentingly positive.

I think my tennis game in many ways similar my dating life. I have the qualities that you might think women would find desirable, yet I'm not as good as I should be. Follow along for a minute if you will:

In my tennis game, many of the pros have told me that I have excellent ground strokes and fundamentals. For my dating life, I have that requisite "good personality" that women supposedly like. The sense of humor, the loyalty, the ability to hold a conversation, and the self-sustaining (non-clingy) personality that most would consider and asset.

On the court, I have a decent ability to analyze my opponent's strengths and weaknesses and develop a strategy on how to beat them. Likewise, I seem to have knowledge on how to carry myself as a somewhat confident male that can converse with a woman, get past her shield, and maybe get a phone number or two.

If there's a glaring weakness in my tennis game, it's my serve and game time execution. My serve is inconsistent at best. My mechanics are awful. Even when I'm able to get a first serve in it's not a great serve and a competent opponent can pounce on it and immediately put me on defense. If you ever saw Roger Federer, Pete Sampras, or Stephan Edberg play, you'd probably know just powerful an effective first serve is. With my strategy, I can set up my opponent but I fail in execution because my passing shot ends up going wide. The frustrating part of this is that I've lost games against opponents where I should have easily won. I play at an "advanced" level and I've lost 6-2 against several "intermediate" players. I'm not being self-aggrandizing, since after some of these losses the coaches would read my face and ask me "how'd you lose against him?"

Why? I've been playing tennis for so many years, I've seen so many matches on TV, that I should be able to rely on knowledge and instinct. But it's one thing to carry head knowledge and another thing to confidently execute that strategy into an actual match. I do fine at practice but once they let us play live points, I find that I either hold back, or I go for too much. Opponents whose skills are far inferior to mine have beaten me.

Like in real life, my approach is weak. In tennis, the serve is considered an offensive weapon. And at my peak, years and years ago, it was average at best. And now? I have nothing. I can't remember the last time I tried to start a conversation with a woman. Even the few times a woman was brave enough initiate a conversation with me, I couldn't follow up with anything of substance. Even if I got a phone number (which means nothing, absolutely nothing), I couldn't follow up. I couldn't execute my strategy because... well... I had little faith in my fundamentals.

And in translates as such into my love life. The fundamentals and game plan are sound. The approach and execution totally SUCK because I, in a word, choke.

I've seen men holding hands with beautiful women, despite the fact that they might have bigger guts that I do, less hair than I do, or less personality than I do. I used to rationalize it by thinking "they must be rich (or they're a tripod)." But regardless of the reason, the one thing these other guys have in common is that their confidence belies whatever shortcoming some third-party observer might have.

The similarities are eerie: when I'm playing well, I seem to attract some female attention (not that I'm able to do anything with it). When I'm not, I couldn't get a woman to look at me if I set myself on fire.

But the key difference between tennis and dating: with my tennis game, I "keep showing up and trying." The tennis clinics have regulars and many of those regular have either beaten me or heard me get beaten (I may or may not unleash a yell of frustration at times) so it's not like I'm sparing myself from embarrassment. The last six sessions have been highly frustrating to the point where I half-heartedly entertain the thought of giving up tennis. Yet I "keep showing up and trying."

Dating is the same way. I'm going to get rejected more often than not. That's the simple reality. But there might be just as good a chance someone will find me attractive and desirable. But how will I know if I don't "show up and try?" If my approach sucks, don't I owe it to myself to at least keep, for lack of a better word, practicing this? It's one thing to know what my shortcomings are, but what kind of person am I if I do nothing to remedy those flaws? Even if the best thing I can say about myself right now is that "I've never killed anybody," I deserve better than what I've had so far, right? I owe it to myself to not just seek better, but to be a better person for those I seek, right?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Miami has hosted "Art Basel" this past week, which is essentially a city-wide collective of art galleries displaying modern art. Art Basel bills itself as "the most important art show in the United States, a cultural and social highlight for the Americas." Last month, I waited on a curator who installed an exhibit at a posh hotel for a world-renowned photographer. Her past work is with some famous artists, enough that that even if you never heard of her name, you might have heard of the artist.

The first time I waited on her, I simply remember her being friendly, engaging, and having a nice smile. I normally have trouble remembering customers unless they've been by at least three times, but the second time she came in, I remembered who she was, why she was here (she lives in New York City), and even what she ordered. It was slow enough that I was able to talk to her and flirt a little. She gave me her business card. When she left that night, she left me a nice tip and a kiss on the cheek.

Fast forward to this past week: She's back in town, working her ass off trying to accumulate clients and sell artwork. When she dropped by, she gave me a big hug. We weren't able to hang out since she was working the whole week but she always stopped by on nights I worked and tried to sit in my section. Nothing developed but I enjoyed our conversations nonetheless.

I wasn't expecting much out of this and I'm still not sure if there was any attraction from her but at least I made a new friend. But this experience made me realize one of the things that was holding me back:

There are several posts about how I believe being a waiter is a great way to make living, despite what anyone else may think. But perhaps due to insecurities and other factors I've deviated from that and let it affect other facets of my life.

When sitting at Starbucks or Taste Bakery with my laptop, I'd often see other women there, sometimes with friends, sometimes alone with their own laptops. I’m usually engrossed in whatever I'm working on, but occasionally I would make eye contact with these women. Some would throw smiles my way, and yet I'd never act on them. Why? They would be dressed very professionally, with pantsuits and ponytails. Or they might be University of Miami students studying either law or medicine (that particular Starbucks seems to draw that crowd). Either way, I'd let that intimidate me and I'd be afraid to say anything.

"She's a businesswoman/law student/med student/smart. She's not going to hook with some loser waiter" is what would go through my mind. I disqualified myself without ever giving myself a chance.

But it shouldn't matter what I do, right? I'm able to sustain a very good living with my job and I have other qualities and interests that should override any occupational concerns. Right? But that held me back.

Despite that I flirted and conversed with the curator enough that she kept in contact with me, gave me a kiss, and stopped in to see me when I worked. I was able to talk to her and flirt with her enough to keep her interest because she knows what I do and she talked to me anyway.

Isn't there something wrong with that line of thinking?

If I possessed true confidence, I should be able to say "she talked to me because I'm charming, fun to talk to, and I have a good sense of humor, and smart women respond favorably to that." Not "I'm a waiter and she liked me anyway."

What's holding me back? What am I afraid of? If I was working my "real job" in advertising, all that would change is my job title, since my pay would probably be about what I make now, so money isn't as issue. (Or it shouldn't be.) Is it the stigma of being a waiter? It shouldn't be. The friend I wrote about that offered me a management job; he recently got married to his beautiful, blonde, sweet wife, despite the fact that she's an office manager (or something, I'm not sure exactly) and they met while he was a bartender at some smelly little dive bar. It shouldn’t matter.

Yet, in my mind it does and my solutions are clear: either find my "real job" so I have one less psychological barrier, or work at simply believing in myself. If I can believe in my fundamentals and my knowledge of strategy, my serve would improve and my execution would certainly get better.

Except, like tennis (and so many other things), improvement takes time. It takes practice and it requires enduring setbacks and frustration. Even in tennis I endure considerable frustration, yet I "keep showing up." There was a point in the past where I was actually a pretty good tennis player and I "keep showing up" because I believe I can return to that level.

I've dated a few women, but I was never "good with women." Looking back, I sold myself short. And I probably thought I couldn't do any better. I never really put it all together enough to date a genuinely good woman. Some of the women I dated were garbage. Every woman I dated, I remember a subconscious thought telling me "you could do better. You deserve better." I would dsimiss it, believing it to be a case of the jitters, ignoring the obvious red flags.

With my dating life in the here and now, I need to just "show up" more, results be damned. I somehow lucked into some past relationships. I can't rely on luck. Luck might win a few points here and there but it won't win you a match. I need to "show up" and let the woman decide whether or not she wants me. I shouldn't make that decision for her. And I need to find a way to overcome my demons and find the fortitude to do that. How exactly? I'm still working on that.

As for the curator? This was a business trip for her: she was attending galleries, seeing clients, selling art, and installing artwork so there wasn't any time for us to hang out. I wasn't expecting much anyway but she tried to visit me at work when she had some down time so I take that as a good sign. She'll be flying back to New York tomorrow but there were a few positives I could take way from this. The really sad thing is that I'm 33. I should have learned this shit in my 20s.

But that's a whole other blog.

Labels: dating, I'm an idiot, in a rut, introspective, the curator

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:36 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Whoa ::

I can't believe it's already December.

Labels: I'm getting old, time flies, whoa

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 3:48 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Eight Memes ::

8 passions in my life:
Playing my guitars
Listening to U2
Football
Baseball
Good food
Good beer
Classic rock
Playing sports

8 things to do before I die:
Tour Europe
Tour South America
Ski down a mountain after jumping out of a helicopter
Finish a 72oz. steak with the 'fixins' by myself
Tour both a beer brewery and a whiskey distillery
Meet and marry a good woman (who happens to be hot)
Own a Pontiac Firebird
Meet Bono

8 things I often say:
"Dude."
"Hey."
"Good evening, welcome to [my restaurant]."
"What the fuck?"
"I'll have a beer, please."
"I need coffee."
"I'll have a Maker's Mark on the rocks, please."
"Easy on the rocks."
"Thank you, have a good night."

8 books I read recently:
"Wild at Heart" - John Eldridge
"Hey Whipple, Squeeze this." - Luke Sullivan
"I'm Ok, You're Ok" - Thomas Harris, MD
"Farewell to Arms" - Ernest Hemingway
"The Hobbit" - J.R.R. Tolkein
"Without Remorse" - Tom Clancy
"The Book of Gossage" - Howard Gossage
(I can't remember what else)

8 songs that mean something to me:
"I Still haven't Found What I'm Looking for" - U2
"Bad" - U2
"Nothing else Matters" - Metallica
"Right Now" - Van Halen
"Behind Blue Eyes" - The Who
"Voodoo Chile" - Stevie Ray Vaughn
"Red Barchetta" - Rush
"Simple Man" - Lynyrd Skynyrd

8 qualities I look for in a friend:
Loyalty
Sense of humor (i.e. gets my brand of humor)
Patience
Enjoys sports
Reasonably intelligent
Compassion
Isn't an asshole/bitch
Doesn't piss me off

8 people who I’m passing this on to:
The 8 people who read my blog. What? There's only 7? Fine, the 7 of you and go find me one more.

Labels: meme, NaBloPoMo

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:54 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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