:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: Look at my Little Boy Grow Up ::

Being a proud parent of a, um, turtle you learn to appreciate some of the quirks about owning a reptile as a pet. I've always been a dog person and always envisioned having one eventually. I have friends who have cats, goldfish, hamsters, and even a fighting fish and while they're cool in their own way, they never appealed to me. I wanted something with fur that licks my hands and plays fetch.

So you can imagine my surprise at the level of affection I've developed for my turtle Mike. I never realized turtles could be such cool pets but at the same time, I wonder if I should be a little embarassed for being so ga-ga over a reptile. But then I remember I don't care what anyone things so, never mind. Here's a few more baby photos.

This is what he was like when I first got six or seven months ago. His shell was about the size of a half-dollar coin. Cute, ain't he?



















That little white thing next to him is a calcium block for his tank. I put that there for reference so you can see how much he's grown. That block is actually about 15% larger than when he was a hatchling.



















You can really see the details on his shell. It's quite beautifully shaped.



















A pretty clear shot of his red "ear." I took this right before he scurried back into the water. I can't prove it but I think he said "thanks for waking me up, you giant douche." Kids.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:55 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Week 7 Picks: ::

I know how disappointed you readers were when I forgot to post my picks last week (just play along). I still managed to turn in my picks for the football pool so I can yet again lose my ten dollars to someone who probably picks based on which uniform is prettier. (I'm not bitter. Not at all.)

So for the season, I'm now at 58-29 after going 8-5 last week and 10-4 the previous week. That's not to bad considering I'm not a like, a paid analyst over at ESPN or anything, and we all know how they're never wrong.

Also, congratulations to the Detroit Tigers for making it to the World Series. (As I mentioned before, I'm rooting for them because I think they're the better team, mostly because The Girlfriend is from Michigan and I don't have a choice.) The city needs something to feel good about (it's not like the auto industry or the Lions are helping in that respect) they have a rich history filled with great moments in baseball history and this season is a reminder to its great past. However, I thought it was over the top to mention yet again that Jerome Bettis is a Detroit Native and that he's coming home to with it all. I mean, enough is enough. Go drink a Miller Lite or something.

Week 7:
Philly over Tampa
Is it just me or dd the Igles look a lot like the Washington Generals when the play the Harlem Globetrotters? It's not that they went in knowing that they were supposed to lose that game but they played like a father trying to not hurt his 5-year-old son while rassling.

Jacksonville over Houston
One positive way to look at not having signed Reggie Bush: Houston's first pick Mario Williams has two sacks. Bush has NONE. Count 'em, none!

Pittsburg over ATL
Congrats to the Falcons coaching staff for finally figured out how to utilize Michael Vick's considerable running skill by installing that play option running game in tandem with Warrick Dunn. Give it a couple of more seasons and they'll finally figure out how to teach how to, you know, pass the ball.

New England over Buffalo
Buffalo has been so awful the last few season that I'm even starting to lose my taste for Buffalo Wings. Ok, not really.

Carolina over Cincy
When Marvin Lewis' dictum about signing and drafting "character" guys looks shakier than a Parkinson's patient after three Red Bulls. If you don't think bad character can ruin a good team, just look at the Bengals. (I'd say look at Oakland but that's too easy.)

Green Bay over Miami
In case you forgot, the Dolphins are a team is such dire condition that they're relying on Detroit castaway Joey Harrington to keep things from getting worse. And Coach Nolan is getting so desperate that he might sign a wide receiver in the first round in next year's draft.

New York Jets over Detroit
Apparently, Detroit has only enough room for one feel-good story at a time (sure the PIstons Red Wings had successful seasons at the same time but hockey doesn't really count) so it's only appropriate that the Lions are going to suffer their next loss away from home, so they don't infect the Tigers with their losing stank.

Sandy Eggo over Kansas City
Philip Rivers, who the hell are you and where the hell did you come from?!

Denver over Cleveland
Why does Jake Plummer suck so bad this season? Can anyone tell me how he reverted back to his old self? Did he shave that beard or something?

Seattle over Minnesota
So Shaun Alexander is out till Novermber, and they're expecting a huge boost when he comes back. It's like they suddenly forgot that he SUCKED before he went down with his injury. His MVP award last season was the worst selection for that award since, well, A-Rod the same year.

Arizona squeaks by Oakland
I was certain that the Raiders were almost a lock to go at least 0-10 until Arizona choked worse than A-Rod in the fourth quarter against the Bears last weekend. And now, thanks to that historic meltdown I have absolutely no idea. Vegas setting the spread at 3 points is their way of saying "we don't have a damn clue either." I found it rather amusing that the only person fired was the offensive coordinator. Almost like they're trying to imply that their offense was actually coordinated the last few years.

Indy over Skins
As each year passes, Peyton Manning and the Colts find new ways to keep breaking records, gutting through wins, blowing out opponents, and losing late in the playoffs. Just saying.

Dallas over New York Giants
Can someone tell me why sportscasters keeep referring to them as the "New York 'Football' Giants?" As opposed to what, the "New York 'Baseball' Giants? The "New York 'Bocci ball' Giants? The "New York 'Broadway Musical' Giants?" I need to know these things.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:58 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: The Soundtrack of my Life ::

I got this from the lovely and talented Babbling Brooke and since I haven't posted all week, I figured it's a good post to start again with. Here's how it works... Put your iTunes or whatever music player you have on shuffle. The first song that you hear will be the song for your Opening Scene. Skip to the next song, this is your next category. Keep doing this until the end.

Opening Scene: Something to Believe In - Poision
And give me something to believe in
If theres a Lord above
And give me something to believe in
Oh, Lord arise

Wake Up Scene: Nothing Else Matters - Metallica (acoustic version)
So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

Average Day: Top Gun Theme (Yeah, really. Shut up.)

1st Date: Why can't this be Love - Van Halen
Oh here it comes
That funny feeling again winding me up inside
Every time we touch
Hey I don't know
Oh, tell me where to begin cause I never ever
Felt so much

Falling in Love: Ride the Lightning - Metallica
Someone help me
Oh please, God help me
They are trying to take it all away
I don't want to die

Fight Scene: Sweet Surrender - Sarah McLachlan
I've crossed the last line
From where I can't return
Where every step I took in faith betrayed me
And led me from my home

Break Up Scene: We all Die Young - Steel Dragon (I'll buy you a drink if you know where this song is from and somehow manage to not mock me for having this on my iTunes)
Tell me I know
I lived so afraid
And still we cry alone
With words left unsaid

Back together: Go Daddy-O - Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Go, daddy-o!
Go, daddy-o!
Go, daddy-o!
Go!

Secret Love: Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd
Sweet home Alabama
Where the skies are so blue
Sweet Home Alabama
Lord, I'm coming home to you

Life's OK: Running with the Devil - Van Halen
I live my life like there's no tomorrow
and all I've got, I had to steal
Least I don't need to beg or borrow
Yes I'm livin' at a pace that kills

Mental Breakdown: Electrical Storm - U2
You're in my mind all of the time
I know that's not enough
Well if the sky can crack, there must be some way back
To love and only love

Driving: Fur Elise - Beethoven

Learning a Lesson: All my Love - Led Zeppelin
Should I fall out of love, my fire in the light
To chase a feather in the wind
Within the glow that weaves a cloak of delight
There moves a thread that has no end.

Deep Thought: Satisfaction - Rolling Stone
When i'm drivin' in my car
And that man comes on the radio
He's tellin' me more and more
About some useless information
Supposed to fire my imagination

Flashback: Heartbreak Hotel, Elvis
Well, since my baby left me,
I found a new place to dwell.
Its down at the end of lonely street
At heartbreak hotel.

Partying: Enter Sandman - Metallica
Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
Off to never never land

Happy Dance: Mysterious Ways - U2
One day you will look
Back and you'll see
Where you were held
How by this love
While you could stand
There You could move on this moment
Follow this feeling

Regretting: Strange Brew - Cream
Shes a witch of trouble in electric blue,
In her own mad mind shes in love with you.
With you.
Now what you gonna do?
Strange brew -- kill whats inside of you.

Long Night Alone: Everybody Hurts - REM
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Death Scene: Love Her Madly - The Doors
All your love is gone,
So sing a lonely song
Of a deep blue dream,
Seven horses seem to be on the mark

Closing Credits: Creep - Radiohead
I don't care if it hurts,
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

Some are kinda random (Fur Elise?), other are dead on (Mysterious Ways, Strange Brew) and others are strangely appropriate (Nothing else Matters, Ride the Lightning, Creep). I'm supposed to tag people but... nah. If you decide to try this out, let me know.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:21 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: I Really Need to Watch what I Eat ::

The Girlfriend often makes gestures about baking things for me: cake, cookies, muffins, etc. but so far she's only cooked for me, which is cool since her food is good and I don't need to be eating that waistline-expanding, sugary crap anyway. That isn't to say that I don't eat that crap because if I get home from work tired and hungry - which is pretty much all the time - I usually reach for whatever's in front of the fridge. (Coincidentally, or perhaps not, my beer is usually what's in front of the fridge.)

A couple of weeks ago, I opened the fridge and saw a couple of packages of brownies in there. I opened it up and tored off a square, and bit into it. My first thought: "they hell kinda brownies are these?!" The texture was very gritty and doughy and it dispersed in my mouth the same way a slice of Kraft Singles would do when you eat those by themselves (you know what I'm talking about. Of course you do. You're lying.) Naturally, I finish it off anyway, after which I decide perhaps I should make myself something with a little more sustainance for dinner.

I asked The Girlfriend about those brownies the next day - I believe my exact words were "babe, those brownies in fridge totally suck" - to which she replied, "what brownies?"

"The new ones? In the blue package?"

"Oh that? That's ready-to-bake cookie dough."

(Pause) "That's... really?"

"Yeah. You didn't try to eat that did you?"

While I didn't say anything, my facial expression, whatever it may have been, answered for me. I know this because she started laughing hysterically.

"You really do eat everything."

(Sheepishly) "Shut up."

"You're such a dork."

"Shut up."

Later that night I take a closer look at the package. Sure enough, Pillsbury Ready to Bake Triple Chocolate Cookie Dough. I'm pretty sure that when they told us that we have to "watch what you eat," they weren't aware of that glitch.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:06 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Part X - I'm a Professional Salad Tosser ::

... not only that I can make a kick-ass Ceasar. (Hey-O!!!)

The restaurant is implementing a few changes and a couple of them are additional salads to our menus and a new wine list. All the waiters were at work listening to the owner explain to us how the salads are made. One of the guys had a question regarding the gorgonzola and all I remember from the reply is "blah blah blah cut the cheese." Maybe I was tired or bored, or maybe my inner child took over my brain for an unfortunate moment but I started to snicker. Then I noticed that my buddy Chuck was also laughing at that verbal gaffe.

Yeah we're all adults, aren't we. (By the way, I don't know if this has anything to do with anything but Chuck and I were the only straight guys there. Thought I'd mention it.) Part of the salad seminar involved tasting. And as each of the cooks got a turn at making each one, the waiters were grazing like cows. I'm not sure but after eating all that green, leafy stuff and other healthy crap, I think my body might have gone into anaphylactic shock.

A day later, we were given a lession on wines by the new manager Rey. We were lectured on the different varietals but also the proper method of presenting and pouring wines to a customer. I thought I was doing it right this whole time but I guess not. (Apparently, popping open the cork, setting the bottle in front of the customer, and telling him "dude, take a long swig and gargle that bitch" isn't the right way. Whatever.) And it would supposedly help us if we ever have deal with customers like these.

We went over the differences in the various whites (Pinot Grigio, Sauvignon Blanc, Reisling, and Chardonnay) and reds (Pinot Noir, Merlot, Syrah, and Cabernet) and even tasted them so we got an idea of what they taste like and what to recommend them with when they order their seafood.

However, Rey didn't say anything about the White Zinfandel. Shocking, I know.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:29 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: To the People of Red Sox Nation... ::

...I feel your pain.

I now know what it was like for you those two long years of 2002 and 2003, with October of the latter year being a culmination - or nadir - of the kind of suffering a fan can endure when he or she fiercely, stubbornly, and indeed, idiotically cling to that unwavering faith that great things can happen - only to see Grady Little take that faith and toss it into a dumpster the same way Boba Fett got tossed into the Sarlac Pit. (I am such a dork.)

I remember that fateful night of 2003, when Grady Little left Pedro in one hitter too long and Aaron Boone became forever known as "Aaron 'Fucking' Boone" in the city of Boston. I was watching with two friends who were from Boston. To say they were excited at the prospect of finally advancing to Elysium... er... The World Series is like saying Hurley from "Lost" was a little giddy when he found the closet full of food.

I remember them leaning forward in anticipation when Little walked to the mound, only to see that become shock and trepidation when he walked back to the dugout without calling for Mike Timlin. I remember them recoil in abject horror when Pedro hung a breaking ball and gave up the game-tying hit to Matsui.

I remember when Aaron "Fucking" Boone launched that walk-off homer off Tim Wakefield, how their faces went from dismay to revulsion to anger to apprehension to resignation in a matter of half a second. Almost like it's happened before. *COUGHbillbucknerCOUGH*

I remember having to talk then off their 5th floor balcony.

I was an outsider so while I felt bad for them, I couldn't understand the chants of "fire Grady Little." Both his years as manager, the Red Sox won more than 90 games and reached the playoffs each season. Also, as a baseball fan with a rudimentary knowledge of Sabrmetrics, it's not like Pedro's arm suddenly falls off or he starts throwing40mph fastballs the moment he throws pitch number 100. Pedro's changeup is still an above-average pitch and he used it effectively neutralize lefty batters his entire career. It was just a fluke hit that came at a bad time. And really, you should be more upset at Wakefield for giving up the home run to Aaron "Fucking" Boone (I'm trying to see how many times I can type "Aaron 'Fucking' Boone"). I tried to rationalized all this to them but they were still bitter.

A year later, fate dealt a different hand and you guys finally won The World Series. Everything was good, and all the bad, horrible things were forgotten. Boston was joyous. Even Bill Buckner was forgiven. Grady Little was a tiny little footnote soon to be forgotten deep in the annals of sports history and in the minds of jealous Yankee fans.

And then he was hired as the manager of my beloved Los Angeles Dodgers.

All the memories came rushing back to me and, no kidding, once haunted my dreams. All those rationalizations were still in my memory. He had a winning record, he's taken teams to the playoffs, the Dodgers who played for him (Bill Mueller, Derek Lowe, both former Red Sox) spoke highly of him, and it seemed like a good idea at the time (as many, many things do).

As a Left Coast sports fan, I wasn't there to see the specifics of what caused Boston to have this animosity towards Little. But as the season went on I learned. He mismanaged the bullpen worse than Joe Torre, he made puzzling calls for pinch-hits with both timing and matchups, and indeed, there were the times he left his starting pitcher in too long. But he wouldn't repeat those errors in the playoff would he? He learned from his mistakes, didn't he?

Us Dodger fans saw Derek Lowe melt down in his first playoff start. Bill Mueller was out with injuries. Nomar Garciaparra struck out a lot. And for a moment, I was at Fenway, sitting on those new Monster seats, looking over the field, watching Tood Walker botch a ground ball, John Burkett get pulled after two innings, two unearned runs score thanks to another Manny Ramirez brain fart, Johnny Damon throw like a girl, and an Alfonso Soriano homerun flying right towards me thanks to a Ramiro Mendoza fast(meat)ball. Truly, and it came without the aid of any drugs.

And to add to my confusion, in what's sure to go down as one of the colossal blunders of MLB postseason history, TWO Dodgers got thrown out at the plate within seconds of each other, which made me wonder out loud if Dale Sveum was our Third Base Coach. (I knew better, but I did have a brief, but very vivid, yet hazy moment there.)

So in a span of four get-wrenching days, Dodger fans have to suffer through a period of ignominy that Red Sox Nation never endured, by getting swept by the very beatable Mets (getting swept last year by the White Sox doesn't count because no one outside of New England though they would advance, and the five-game sweep this season against the Yankees is also excluded since that's the regular season). Blown calls, bad relief pitchers (Brad Penny? Seriously?!), horrible lineups (why did you play 82 year old Kenny Lofton?! He couldn't come up with a hit if you gave him an aluminum bat and had little league girls pitch to him), and a failure to adjust to the situations. (Sure the players couldn't come through either when it mattered, but whatever.)

And now our season is over more prematurely than a fifteen year old getting laid the first time. The only positive I can get from this is that a year after Grady Little got fired, the Sox won the very next year (otherwise know as the "Buck Showalter Theory") so I'm hoping that maybe, just maybe something equally miraculous might happen to My Dodgers. It's the only faith I have right now. That's all I have left.

At least we didn't get beat by Aaron "Fucking" Boone.

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Week 5 Picks:
Detroit over Minnesota
New England over Miami
New Orleans over Tampa
Washington over New York
Carolina over Cleveland
Chicago over Buffalo
St. Louis over Green Bay
Indy over Tennessee
Frisco over Oakland
New York over Jacksonville
Kansas City over Arizona
Philly over The Circus
Pittsburg over San Diego
Denver over Baltimore

Last Week: 10-4
Total: 40-20

Labels: baseball, Dodgers, frustration, Red Sox, sports

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:04 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server Stories: Part X - Our Restaurant is a Haven for Ex-Cons ::

You meet all kinds of people working in restaurant. Not just the customers, but the weirdos and freaks that are your fellow employees. Everyone has their quirks, a good number of them do drugs, and everyone likes to drink. And that's just the waitstaff.

The cooks, janitors, dishwashers, and everyone else you don't see have their own quirks. Interesting things happen back there, especially when you consider that English isn't the first language of just about 99.99% of the kitchen staff. Shit happens and stuff but the last two weeks have been bizarre, even for us:

• First, our cook/assistant kitchen manager Ralph, who's been working there nonstop for about seven years, somehow broke his ankle, leaving management scrambling to find a temp cook while he heals.

• Just before that happened, we hire a guy to work part time (like they knew what was coming) from a restaurant across the street. We joke that he's just there to steal the sauce recipes. He disappears after a week.

• A different guy we hired, Mack, seemed to be working out; he works hard, and unlike some of the other cooks, speaks perfect English and doesn't seem to have any predisposed animosity towards waiters. We take him out for beers for his birthday, and he sounds genuinely excited to be working there. Then he goes M.I.A. over the weekend. As it turns out, he borrowed his roommate's car, only to get pulled over and get caught with a suspended license, which resulted in a nice weekend in jail.

• Another newly hired a prep cook is there for about two weeks. He also works hard, and the managers seems to like him. Only he also goes M.I.A. for a couple of days. It seems he neglected to tell them that there's a warrant out for his arrest. (For what, I'm not sure.)

• There's a new grill cook that's such a flame that he might possibly discharge more BTUs than our rather sizable stoves. (Being as it I work in South Beach, I'm surprised there aren't more.) Last week when I show up, he seems a little moody and emotional. I know this because instead of saying "hi" he says "Dan-E, pleasthe go easthy with the orders, I'm a little moody and emotional." I simply nod, walk away and say "whoa" under my breath. Two hours later, he apparently stormed out of the kitchen in a, uh, moody and emotional fit. I say "apparently" because I was attending to my customers when this happened and didn't get to witness this meltdown (I need the blog material). The waitstaff has a good laugh about it, chalking it up to a "gay moment." (And before you overfeeling drama whores get all out of whack, the guy who said "gay moment" was a gay guy.)

• A few days later, Mack gets arrested yet again, this time for having violated probation.

In a span of just over two weeks, we have one broken ankle, one recipe thief, one gay moment... and three arrests. You'd think that as long as out managers have been in the restaurant business, they'd learn a thing or two about judging character when interviewing.

Then again, they did hire me.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:32 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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:: Server tales: Part IX - Think of the Kids (plus Week 4 Picks) ::

My bartender buddy Luke, who works at my restaurant is happily engaged to a very beautiful woman. They've been together for five years and they're trying to start a family very soon. He's one of the few that I can refer to as "good people" and I hope for nothing but the very best for him.

We were talking during a slow lunch shift about a couple of our material guilty pleasures. He has a thing for wristwatches (last count, 25) while I have this thing for all things Oakley (7 pairs of sunglasses, two of which have 4 extra lenses; 2 pairs of shoes; 2 pairs of flip flops; 1 metal case and 1 array case; 2 pairs of wristbands, 2 T-shirts and 1 polo shirt). He mentioned rather excitedly how Tag Heuer just came out with a new watch that he's itching for, but ultimately decided against it since he already has enough watches and since they're trying to have a baby, he needs to start thinking about the future.

I kinda know how he feels.

I've been itching to get myself a pair of polarized Oakleys (polarized!) but I also decided against it... because my turtle is growing up.

I'm completely serious.

When I first got Mike, he could fit onto a silver dollar with room to spare. Now, he's almost as big as my hand. I first got him in a little turtle habitat that was a glorified plastic tray. (That tray had a basking platform just large enough for both of them. And he's now bigger than the platform. Did mention that he's getting huge?! I know, I sound like a doting dad. By the way, I'm honestly surprised that I still haven't printed out "baby" photos and put them in my wallet. I know, I'm babbling.)

A little over a month later, The Girlfriend and I chipped in for a 10-gallon aquarium, a UVB basking light, a turtle dock, and some bigger grown-up food. And now he's already outgrown that.

So instead of those polarized Oakleys, I just came home with a 20-gallon tank, a higher-capacity filter, water heater, water treatment, and some feeder guppies and ghost shrimp. The total of which is just a tad more than those shades.

And it was worth it. I haven't had a chance to set up Mike's new habitat but I dropped in a few guppies and shrimp just to see how he'd like them. At first he approached the new residents with the same kind of cautious approach of a curious puppy sniffing a much larger dog (except he had his front feet pulled in and his head halfway retracted - I had no idea turtles could swim this way, it's actually kinda cool).

But once he realized they were harmless, his once-dormant turtle instincts kicked in and... he remembered he was hungry. He doesn't seem interested in the shrimp (odd considering he absolutely loves the dried shrimp that I feed him; that's like a guy saying he prefers beef jerky over a freshly grilled ribeye). However, He's spent the last 30 minutes chasing after and snapping at the little guppies around the tank. For whatever reason, watching him do this makes me really, really happy. I wonder if this is similar to how new dads feel when they take their kids out fishing or hunting for the first time and they manage to reel one in.

The Girlfriend sees me go all ga-ga over my turtle and it invariably results in her saying "I can't believe you don't want to have children." It's not the same thing. Not even close. Sure some of the responsibilities are similar (food, housing, health care) but I don't have to worry about other kid-related crap (insurance, dating, driving, college, drugs).

Anyway, I'm gonna go watch Mike chase guppies. (Make those guppies your bitch MIke!)

----------------------------------------------------

Week 4 Picks:

Indy over NYJ
Carolina over New Orleans
Sandy Eggo over Baltimore
Miami over Rice University
ATL over Arizona
Minnesota over Buffalo
Dallas over Tennessee
KC over Frisco
Rams over Detroit
Jacksonville over Washington
Cleveland over The Black Hole (of suckiness)
New England over Cinncinattica
Seattle over Chicago
Philly over Green Bay.

Last Week: 10-4
Total: 30-16

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:32 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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