:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::
Thoughts, observations, and introspections from an
:: Monday, January 31, 2005 ::
:: Friday, January 28, 2005 ::
1. I worship Bono and The Edge is a Christ-figure.
2. I sometimes eat peanut butter straight from the jar.
3. Misspellings, grammatical errors, pEoPLe wHo tYpE LikE ThIs, and people who misuse clichés annoy me.
4. but, for whatever reason, people who never capitalize their e-mails don't.
5. Ben & Jerry's Karmel Sutra and Haagen Daaz Macadamia Brittle are my favorite ice creams. I'll eat other stuff though.
6. I think smokers are some of the dirtiest people, the way they fling their butts everywhere.
7. Blogging is a valid excuse to not do homework.
8. It's also a good way to look like you're working hard at the office, especially if you're typing out a lengthy post.
9. Considering how active I am, I'm surprised that I've never broken any bones in my body.
10. I've always done better in English than math and coming from a family like mine, that's cause for disownment.
11. Tomboyish girls are attractive to me because I somehow got it in my head that they're low-maintenance.
12. I own over 50 U2 CDs.
13. I've never tried a cigarette or done any drugs. Except for that one time...
14. I learned to type thanks to IRC.
15. I dont' care what anyone says, I love power ballads.
16. There's still a part of me that wants to drop everything and try being a rock star.
17. My only regrets in life involve women - both of the "If only I..." and "why the hell did I..." variety
18. I've dated blondes, brunettes, and a redhead. Yes she was a real redhead. She showed me.
19. Titanic has to be the most overrated movie. Ever.
20. I'm convinced that if you go back far enough, you'll find Irish or Dutch blood in my family line. This would explain some of my traits.
21. I'd die without caffeine.
22. Four years ago, I weighed 248 pounds. I'm now a svelte 204. Thanks to dating, I'm back up to 220.
23. I saw "Jerry Maguire" six times in the theater.
24. Two types of people I don't have much tolerance for: dumb people that don't know just how dumb they are and overeducated people who love the sound of their own voice.
25. I'm a good cook. I can be a great cook if I had more ingredients, a higher budget, and more counter space.
26. A few of women have used the word "enigma" to describe me. It's not intentional.
27. I once watched SportsCenter reruns for four straight hours.
28. Even though I'm an "artist" I have more favorite writers than I do painters.
29. I don't like being around a large group of people for a long time.
30. The only way to *really* get to know me is to spend time with me one on one. Observation, proximity, and group outings won't get you anywhere.
31. There's something incredibly satisfying about getting a pile of earwax on a q-tip.
32. I realized recently that if I grew up in South Florida, I'd rarely go to South Beach.
33. "Super Size Me" is the most pointless documentary ever.
34. Going to clubs is sometimes both mind-numbingly boring and incredibly headache-inducing.
35. If I could come back as an animal, it'd be as a Peregrine Falcon.
36. My thighs are 27" around at their widest point. My calves are just over 18".
37. For reasons completely lost on me, I know by heart the lyrics to "I don't want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith and I don't even like the song that much.
38. I never want kids. Ever.
39. I really don't care much about my appearance, hence the perpetual scruffiness and ignoring fashion advice from women.
40. I've never celebrated Valentine's Day. Even recently.
41. Despite claiming to be a beer snob, I'll drink anything if it's there and free. Except for Natty Lite.
42. A girl that likes to play or watch sports, laughs at my humor, and can cook is free to walk on the ground I worship.
43. I love the smell of new liner notes, bacon, a fresh can of tennis balls, my guitar, and freesia.
44. I really believe that people who are inordinately picky about the opposite gender are usually the type that has no business even moderately picky. Deep down, they know this and the pickiness is a defense mechanism against rejection.
45. I'm a lot more intuitive/complicated/melancholy than I let on.
46. Macy's once sold Chenille sweaters for men and I almost bought one. That's about the extent of my metrosexual tendencies. (Ok, there may have been other but I'm not telling.)
47. I'm a Christian but I'm not very religious.
48. I like funny words.
49. I can see why women like George Clooney but Freddie Prinze Jr. is completely lost on me.
50. Most people who think they know me really don't. They know things about me. But they don't know me.
51. I once went so long between having sex that I sometimes wondered if they changed it.
52. I've received every grade on the scale from 1st grade to senior year in high school. Mostly because grades meant nothing to me. And I hate studying.
53. Character and loyalty are highly valued.
54. My "type" is a tall, athletically built, brunette with blue eyes. I've yet to date anyone that matches that description.
55. This list was originally called "50 Random Factoids (not actual facts) about Me" but I numbered wrong in the mid-30s and ended up with 54. Now I'm gonna see if I can hit a hundred.
56. I once told myself I'd never do this but I did: get drunk.
57. ...date a fat chick.
58. ...work at a fast food restaurant.
59. ...spend more than a $100 on sunglasses.
60. ...make women cry.
61. ...hang out at bars.
62. My favorite weather is when it's sunny and drizzling at the same time.
63. There's so much homework to be done but I really wanna finish this.
64. New England Clam chowder is the best soup ever.
65. Thinking back on the last few dates I've been on, staying at home and playing my guitar would have been time better spent.
66. I'm a late bloomer.
67. My kid brother is the good looking/smart/athletic one of the family.
68. Taco Bell used to sell 10-Paks of tacos. I've finished those on my own on more than one occasion.
69. ... is fun.
70. I thought about being a therapist but I can't keep a secret. I'll never get tired of that joke.
71. Really, really fat people don't annoy me or anything but I sometimes wonder how they let themselves get like that.
72. No one in Miami knows my birthday. For those that do know it, don't ever throw me a birthday party.
73. The original "Iron Chef" is the unintentionally funniest show ever.
74. I don't really care for candy. I'll eat it if it's there but I'll never go out of my way to buy it.
75. I love flip-flops.
76. I was never surprised at how easy it was for me to move across the country to Miami.
77. I own seven pairs of Oakley sunglasses.
78. I sometimes chew on my own hair.
79. My girlfriend to be really attractive. Which is good because at least one of us should be.
80. I don't take myself too seriously, I don't feel any need to talk myself up, and I'm a fan of self-deprecation. People sometimes mistake these for insecurity.
81. I had a huge crush on Debbie Gibson.
82. I love the way a woman's hair smells at the end of the day, when it's a combination of her conditioner and her natural aroma. Don't ask me why, it's just comforting.
83. For me to move to a city, it must have both a professional baseball and football team.
84. My favorite cuss word is "mother fucker."
85. People who think only in terms of monetary values are pitiable.
86. I can be very emotionally detached at times.
87. I don't really care about the size of a woman's breasts are as long as they're real.
88. You don't want to be around me when I'm angry. I'm a completely different person.
89. There are a lot of people I like but don't respect and vice versa.
90. "Out of Sight" and "Playing by Heart" are vastly underrated movies.
91. That "cool" on the other side of the pillow is just amazing.
92. I have no desire to move back to L.A. anytime soon.
93. I have no idea why lobster is such a big deal to some people. I like it and all but I'd rather spend my money on a rib eye.
94. Most guys take up guitar to try to get chicks. I took up guitar after a breakup to get my mind on something else.
95. Few things make me smile more than a well-poured Guinness.
96. I forgot what my blood type is.
97. I prefer doing things for myself. Getting my own refills, washing my car, cooking for myself, finishing my own sentences.
98. It seems that some girls I've been out with have issues with #97.
99. Parental approval means nothing to me. Sometimes I don't even care what my friends think of me.
100. The sexiest thing my girlfriend could ever wear is my t-shirt.
:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:33 PM [+] ::
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:: Sunday, January 23, 2005 ::
Remember a blog last November about my "sunglass curse?" I've owned about four different pairs of Oakley M-Frames since 1992 and they've all been lost, stolen, or irreparably damaged, which is saying something given their much-touted durability.
I've been on an Oakley sabbatical for the last six+ years, at least in terms of eyewear. When they came out with their first shoes, they were so damn ugly I just had to have a pair. They're close to ten years old and quite worn out now, but I'm never going to get rid of them. Then there was my second pair of Oakley shoes that I still wear to this day. I've also owned a few T-shirts.
So I recently took the plunge late last year and bought myself a set of M-Frames and promptly scratched the lens within two weeks by walking into a post. Fortunately, the lenses can be switched so naturally, I had to go out and buy a replacement. I scoured ebay and ended up buying three and a case in one great package deal.
Now two of the lenses were identical which means I still need to buy at least one more lens for "bright" conditions, since others are for "sunny to partly cloud" and "overcast" conditions. At the same time I've been casually looking around for slightly more conventionally shaped models to wear when I'm not going to be playing sports. Ebay is great that way since you can find near-new shades for around half price. But this is just for now. Don't even get me started on my wish list.
Oh yeah, my old generic pair of flip-flops just broke so I just ordered a pair of Oakley O Sandals. Not from ebay but they were still over 50% off and I just couldn't say no. I'm such a slut.
My rather modest Oakley obsession amuses me sometimes since I'm normally not one to care about brand names. I kid you not, almost all my clothes were bought on sale. But yet, when it comes to Oakleys... it's my one splurge brand. I'm sure you can relate.
:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 5:02 PM [+] ::
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:: Friday, January 21, 2005 ::
I supposed I could write a few things about what he meant to me but there are others out there who could probably articulate that feeling better than I ever could. He was missed before and he'll be sorely missed now.
For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
- Johnny Carson
:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:04 PM [+] ::
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:: Thursday, January 20, 2005 ::
Well, it's... a red. My palatte isn't refined enough to start talking about "oak" or "tannins" or if it has a nice "bouquet" or anything so I'll try laymen's terms:
- It's red. A deep, dark red but it has a very light texture. Not quite watery but it's thinner than your typical cabernet.
- It smells, or rather, it's bouquet has grapes, berries and alcohol.
- Just typing this blog makes me feel as fruity as its aroma, by the way.
- The flavor is is sharp but not very fruity. Or is that another way of saying it's "dry?"
- It went well with my dinner of Italian sausage and peppers last night.
- If there's oak flavor here, it's completely lost on me. It's like telling a guy who's never seen a movie before 1980 to view a black-and-white film and find the McGuffin.
Despite this post don't think for a second that I'm on my way to being an oenophile anytime soon but I don't know if it's old age or what but I do seem to be enjoying wine more these days. I actually got a couple of bottles for Christmas; a 2001 Gloria Ferrer chardonnay and a 2002 Saintsbury Pinot Noir from Carneros (thanks for the advice JH =)). I haven't had the pinot yet but the chardonnay was... cheeky. I liked it and I'm not ashamed to admit it.
For that matter most guys, if pressed, will admit that a cheeky chardonnay is one of their favorite guilty pleasure, almost up there with Krispy Kreme donuts, movies like "Old School," and every little word that comes out of Jessica Simpson's pouty little mouth.
Anyway...
:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:25 AM [+] ::
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:: Wednesday, January 12, 2005 ::
In my case, it started off innocuously enough when I wrote stuff for a friend's website. He mentioned that I'm a pretty good writer so I should think about starting my own blog and hence the birth of Planet Dan-E. It seemed at the time to be both fun and an outlet for my self-perceived witty, uh, witticisms. A little over two years later I'm not sure what to make of it at times. It's easy to say that it's not what I want it to be but I was never sure of what I wanted it to be in the first place. There are completely new people have joined the five or six people who first read it. What keeps them coming back?
There are a few I casually follow but the two blogs I read regularly both share an almost naked, emotional openness that I’m drawn to. When reading about their joys, I smile. When reading about their troubles, I want to embrace them. They write about very personal things that can be potentially damaging and risk some harsh judgment from readers who aren't the most open minded. But that's part of why those blogs are so engaging. They draw you in by blogging like they're conversing with you.
Being a naturally private person, I constantly talk myself out of opening up a little more. The stuff I "open up" about isn't really getting too deep into my life. Blogging about why I haven't dated Asian women in a while isn't exactly a revelation and even on that post I just scratched the surface. I mentioned last week that someone considered me an "enigma" and while that may or may not be true, I'll be honest and say that reading this blog probably isn't going to erase that. Sure it'll provide a modicum of insight but there's still a disconnect between knowing what I do and understanding why I do it. Even friends who have known me for years haven't figured me out completely. Every time someone thinks they know me, I just chuckle quietly to myself.
It's my long way of saying that I sometimes wonder why people read this blog.
I can make a killer ceviche, am unusually perceptive, and play a pretty good guitar but I'll be the first to tell you that I'm not a great blogger. If there is indeed such a thing. Writing what you know is fine for books but blogging requires something... more. It’s deeply personal. It goes back to "why blog?"
There are the disenchanted writers who are seeking some form of gratification. (Before blogs, these types went into advertising. God bless the weblog inventor or who knows just how bad commercials might get). Some might be introverted types who put into words things they have trouble expressing verbally. There are those who keep it to update their close personal friends on the goings-on of their lives. There are numerous subcategories that fit under each of those descriptions and no blogger fits under just one mold.
I've derided the preponderance of reality TV but really, blogs are reality TV in ASCII. Readers have become voyeurs but instead of a keyhole, we're peering through a monitor. Following blogs helps us relate to human truths and it gives us a brief respite from dealing with our own lives. In reading about the personal details of someone's life, we're delighted, horrified, concerned, and/or amused. Us bloggers have become columnists publishing journals where grammar, spell-checking, and editing are tossed aside with the rest of the detritus that accompany our existence. That same detritus is often the subject of our entries. Blogging is masturbation for your subconscious and your readers get to watch.
Maintaining a good blog requires very thick skin. You have to be open and you have to update often since those who are kind enough to bookmark or link your site are eagerly waiting for the next post. But at the same time you can't be worried about how people are going to react. You know that old saying "dance like no one's looking?" It holds true here. Sometimes you just have to write like nobody will read it, then take a deep breath and click "publish." I'm still working on these aspects. But like almost everything I do, this blog, ultimately is for me. It's inextricably become part of my crazy little world and it's at the mercy of my commitment, my candor, and my caprice. (I like alliteration.) Whether or not it's being read.
:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:05 AM [+] ::
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One of the classes I'm taking this quarter is "Stand Up Comedy." I tried getting out of the class but for reasons unbeknownst to me, I'm forced to stay in. I know I requested a writing class but considering I'm not a copywriter, it's odd that they're making me take this. Yeah, I'm paying $3500 a quarter for this. Shut up.
:: Thursday, January 06, 2005 ::
Anyway, one exercise we did in our first week was to subject ourselves to observation. We sat in front of the entire class and for two and a half minutes, everyone else wrote down stuff about that person, be it clothing, mannerisms, even things they discovered in previous classes. Everyone found out today what people wrote about them and here, in no particular order, are some of the things that people wrote about me:
- A nice smile
- Cut your hair!
- Easy going
- Enigma
- Facial hair is patchy
- Fancies himself an athlete (hey!)
- Geek
- Hair is long
- Hairy
- Likes rock music
- Long hair - torn as to whether it suits him or not
- Looks like he's about to jump out of his seat and assault someone (me?)
- Nervous
- Nice guy
- Pops knuckles
- Scary eyes (huh?)
- Smart
- Thinks the "E" makes him original
- Thoughtful
- Time to start thinking about new shoes
- Very sweet
- Very vocal laugh
- Yucky goatee
I left out some stuff that's not exactly PG rated but overall, I thought it was pretty funny. Keep in mind only a few people knew for longer than a year and some of these people don't know me at all.
Actually, what's funny is everyone's apprehension towards this class, including mine. Personally I'd rather dry-shave my nutsack and then dunk them in rubbing alcohol... but that's just me... For now the only thing we're working on is learning to write funny material but our "final" is doing a minimum 5-minute monologue in front of the whole school. Shoot me now, please.
Today's assignment was to write a 5-minute monologue in the style of a late night host (Letterman, Conan, etc.) and perform that in front of the class. I think I did ok and by "ok" I mean "no one threw anything at me." My material was ok but good gawd was I nervous. It showed too, since I was stuttering almost every joke and my body language was fidgety. It was painful. Writing it was a lot more fun.
I've never liked speaking in front of people and to this day, I still don't like doing presentations in front of class, though my habit of breaking out in a cold sweat and mumbling in the fetal position if it doesn't go well have stopped. But this... this is something completely different. It's not I don't think I can't be funny. I know I'm funny (...looking! HAHA! See what I did there? Anyway...) but sometimes my humor references and my method of delivery do tend to send jokes flying over people's heads. It doesn't bother me and if anything, I like the fact that some people don't get my jokes. However, that's an almost certain death knell in front of a crowd.
Shoot me now, please.
:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:47 PM [+] ::
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I just saw evidence to support the theory that Starbucks is either a Godsend or the anti-Christ. Either way, they just might end up taking over the world. I'm in one right now as I'm typing this. They introduced this new beverage called the "Chantico Drinking Chocolate" which is can best be described as hot chocolate on steroids.
:: Tuesday, January 04, 2005 ::
This is the body copy on their in-store display: "Discover a sublime, new chocolate chocolateness with extra chocolate on top." In laymen's terms, they take a solid block of chocolate, melt it and pour the contents into a cup. If I'm exaggerating it's only slightly. Lightweight beer drinkers complain about Guinness being like motor oil but even motor oil isn't this thick. The guy behind the counter told me that if drinking the chocolate is a little too rich, they sell these rolled sugar cookie stick thingies to go with the... I don't think calling this a "drink" is appropriate. (Would you like some sugar with your chocolate?)
So what Starbucks is doing with this is breaking down the last bit of resolve that the remaining 0.003% of Americans who haven't converted to the Church of Starbucks of Latter day Perks. They're seducing customers via sweet tooth. While they sell teas and juice, this virtually renders the Starbucks-phobic's excuse of "I don't drink coffee" irrelevant. It's almost brilliant. "If we can't get you hooked using our caffeine-laced drip, we're gonna snag you with our hot chocolate sugar bomb." The already devout won't give up coffee but will turn to this stuff when they frequent the place during non-morning hours. You know, for when the caffiene buzz just isn't enough so you need to enhance it with a sugar rush.
It's Starbuck's world and we're just living in it, sucking on her teats for sustenance.
:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 10:42 PM [+] ::
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I get caught in this vicious cycle every quarter. I start off trying to stick either teas or sodas as a caffeine source but as the quarter progresses I start reverting to coffee and depending on how early my classes are it either starts around week three or week five. The good people at Starbucks sometimes know what I want as soon as I walk up to the counter (venti iced Americano, extra ice?) and I just nod with a weak smile.
:: Saturday, January 01, 2005 ::
So I start off with a couple of cups a day, completely eschewing tea, and it slowly escalates to the point where by studio week, I just might be able to measure the amount by gallons. Per day.
So once school is over, I go into detox mode for the next two-three weeks where I try to avoid any and all caffeinated beverages. That usually results in me sleeping in way past noon and walking around like a stoned zombie when I do drag my ass out of bed. I get withdraw headaches, the vague feeling that my arms are twelve feet long, and I wonder if I'm wearing cement shoes. Aspirin helps. Somewhat. I don't know what other effects caffiene has on my body but I'm pretty sure that without it, my skull will cave in.
So right now, I've gotten over my withdraw but I don't know if it's the jet lag or the balmy weather or quite possibly that I haven't worked out in almost a month but I have absolutely no energy. I'm not quite as catatonic as, say, Will Ferrell's portrayal of James Lipton but it's not far off. I think my coffee habit might start early this year.
I'm gonna go for a run and see if I can actually make it around the block this time.
:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 8:58 PM [+] ::
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First off, Happy New Year everyone.
Now that that's out of the way, can I tell you? I'm so completely zonked out of my mind right now. To say I'm jet lagged is an insult to chronic stragglers. I left Los Angeles at 10:20pm and walked into my apartment around 7:00am the following day. Yes, I spent New Year's on a plane. I slept for maybe four minutes. I saw SportCenter's "Not Top 10" plays of the year three times. I listened to "How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb" twice. And not once did I say "Happy New Year" to anyone since 10:00 last night.
Oddly, I'm ok with this.
You really do learn to appreciate things you take for granted when you've been away from it long enough. I enjoyed a fun evening with PK and his wife Thursday night and when I left, I decided at the last minute to take the scenic route home. What's normally a quick 24 mile shot down the freeway became a drive more than twice that long. One of the things I used to do back when I had a car was something called "aimless driving." If I needed to clear my head or just wanted alone time, I'd point the car in some random direction and drive.
I took the car down through Long Beach and up around the Palos Verde Penninsula. Along the way are a couple of places to stop the car and enjoy the scenery. One spot along the northwest part of PV gives you a breathtaking view of the Los Angeles coast that on a clear night, would let you see from Redondo Beach up to Santa Monica. That view was amazing and had it not started raining, I would have stayed there a little longer to take in the view.
LA may be the posterchild for urban sprawl gone haywire but if you find a nice high perch after the sun goes down, you see before you a twinkling backdrop of a city that's truly alive, teaming with activity, and beckoning you to explore its interwoven network of diversity. And none of that came back to me until my plane took off and I looked out the window. Bono may have been writing about New York City in "City of Blinding Lights" but I always envisioned Los Angeles at night when I listened to that song (drug free even).
Neon heart dayglo eyes
A city lit by fireflies
They’re advertising in the skies
For people like us
I love that stanza because it can be about Los Angeles. And what makes it different from any other city is that it's sometimes covered by a mist that gives everything an ethereal glow. Bono may like NYC but The Edge had the right idea when he got himself a place up in Malibu. I think part of the reason is that I can almost see myself describing LA that way to someone. As for who else would be of that "us," well...
Don't get me wrong, I love Miami and I'm glad to be back but I just had to describe those intangibles about my hometown that no other city will ever have.
:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 7:35 AM [+] ::
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