:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

Thoughts, observations, and introspections from an art student waiter/bartender in South Beach. Arcane humor ensues.
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:: Saturday, March 25, 2006 ::

:: Server Tales Part I ::
In an effort to improve the efficiency and profits of the restaurant I work at, the owner hired a consulting service to make improvements. This included a mild retraining of the waitstaff. We were resistant to some of the changes at first but there were a few things that just made sense. One of the changes was that we were to always carry a couple of spoons in either our shirt or apron pockets at all times. After a few weeks of observation, the consultants learned that spoons are the most frequently dropped utensils, at an average of 3 spoons dropped per table per hour. If we carried a spoon, we could reduce the number of trips back to the bus station and save 15 man-hours per shift. (There was another significant change which I'll elaborate on later.)

And my life being the way it is, a customer at my station was the first to drop a spoon after this change was implemented. I reached down for the wayward spoon, grabbed the fresh one from my apron, and promptly replaced his runaway silverware. The (easily amused) customer was impressed with that sort of expediency and asked if that was why every other waiter and I were carrying extra spoons in our pockets.

Me: The owners hired a consultant and told us it saves time, and we just get another spoon the next time we have to go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right then. Especially for the guy working outside.

Now about that other significant change; that customer also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the my zipper. Of my pants. Looking around, he noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their zippers. As I left to punch in his meal, he stopped me and asked, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

M: (A little hesitant) Umm, sure? (I lowered my voice.) The dude also found out that we can save time in the bathroom breaks. By tying this string to the tip of my, uhhmm, "thing," I can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash my hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by almost 70 percent.

Customer: (Pause) That works?

M: (Nodding) Pretty well.

C: Really.

M: Yep. (I started walking away.)

C: Hold on. After you're done, how do you put it back?

M: (I walked back and kept my voice down) I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.

Consultants. They think they're so clever.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 2:15 AM [+] :: | 0 comments

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