:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: Monday, December 12, 2005 ::

:: Week 14 Recap (and some stuff completely unrelated to football): ::

This week's set of games actually had interesting results in that a lot of the better teams either lost or had trouble putting away the weaker teams. Cincy squeaked by Cleveland, Denver edged Baltimore, Miami somehow beat San Diego as did Dallas over Kansas City. The Giants' Jay Feely redeemed himself with an OT field goal over the Igles, and Green just got by Detroit. (Ok that last one was a joke.)

• Baltimore Ravens RB Jamal Lewis never played a down even though he was in uniform, due to a "sore hand." He shouldn't spend so much time on his computer "playing with his mouse." Sore hand or not, I can guess which finger he wanted to show his coach for benching him.

• Speaking of his coach, I'm glad Baltimore lost for no other reason than Brian Billick publicizing his mid-life crisis by wearing a leather jacket in the snow and sporting aviator sunglasses despite the fact that game didn't end until long after the sun went down. Seriously, if you can think of anything that looks stupider than wearing sunglasses at night (or indoors) please let me know. (I may be a bit harsh. It's entirely possible he kept them on so it'd be harder for him to see how bad his teams sucks. But still.)

• Completely unrelated to football: An old friend of mine that I talked to, when asked if she checks my blog said "sometimes, but I always check right after a hurricane hits just so I know you're still alive."

• Any truth to the rumors that Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is in line for the next face transplant surgery?

• Completely unrelated to football (read: reason I should probably cut my hair): In the last week, I've had four women approach me to ask how I got my hair the way it is or what my hair care regimen is. One even asked what products I use. That's exactly the word they used, "regimen." I didn't even know it was possible to have a regimen for hair. All I do is wash, condition, dry. That's it. (Also, I use Tresemmé shampoo and conditioner. For no other reason than I could get two 32oz bottles for $5 at Publix.)

• I know they dominated in their last two wins, but let's ease up on the rhetoric about Pats threepeating. They beat up on two very awful teams. And I have this theory that this cold front we're experiencing in South Florida is because of everyone in New England collectively gasping when Tom Brady went down with a bum leg.

• Look, I know I want my 49ers to keep losing so they can pick up Reggie Bush but at least try not to make it look so obvious, ok guys?

• The Houston Texans are the one team that have a worse record than Frisco and despite having arguably better talent, every week they find new and creative ways to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

• This might be the year that Seattle fans will finally know how it feels to go to the Super Bowl and lose.

• Completely unrelated to football (read: Second reason I should probably cut my hair): You how girls with long hair flip their hair back do so it doesn't get caught between their backs and the seatback? You ever sit behind one of these girls and almost have your eyes gouged out when they do this? Well, yesterday at Taste Cafe, I did this and smacked a woman on the back of her head. I apologized for accosting her with my hair, after which she proceeded to ask me how I got my hair the way it is and what my hair care regimen is.

• I almost didn't write a column today but I remembered that I already had my bye week last month.

• Hey Raiders? Thanks for answer the question, "how can anyone with so many weapons on offense possibly lose to the suck-ass Jets?"

• Completely unrelated to football Part II: Now that it's dropped to a chilly 71 hi/58 low degrees here in Miami, I've been keeping track of cold-weather clothes I've seen at Starbucks the last two hours: 5 wool sweaters, 4 leather jackets, 3 gloves or mittens, 2 fur shawls, and an outdated Members-Only Jacket. (I'm not even kidding, and yes, you can sing it to "The 12 Days of Christmas.")

• I have a thought on how the Dolphins somehow beat San Diego, and it requires invoking my Nature Theory. Dolphins are sometimes mistakenly caught in nets that fisherman use to catch the same fish they feed on. San Diego is the home of the fish taco (actually, it's Baja California but they don't have a football team). The dolphins were so sick of this that they got revenge by coming into San Diego and devouring their signature dish. (I didn't say this thought was funny.)

• I wrote a few weeks ago that the Bears would be wise to ditch Rex Grossman and develop Kyle Orton. I also thought that Frisco RB Kevan Barlow would become an outstanding player; that Seattle would regress to sub-mediocre levels and that Oakland would score left and right on opponents this season. I am clearly the funniest football writer in blogland.

• San Diego RB and Fantasy Jesus LaDanian Tomlinson was reportedly injured in a pileup last week when a guy on the Raider's defense punched him in the midsection while on top of him. Reports were mistaken, since the anonymous player admitted to simply giving him a wet willy.

• Completely unrelated to football Part III: This Starbucks right now consists of half Miami Ad School students and half UM med students. I almost want to see a fight break between the two of them just so I can see which group of nerd/geeks collectively fights more like a girl. Though I think Ad School would win just because (if what I hear is true) students in our school do harder drugs.

• Am I being a bit premature in wanting to file a Missing Persons Report on SanFran wide receiver Brandon Lloyd? I'm only asking because he hasn't been seen or heard from in weeks.

• Completely unrelated to football (read: Third reason I should probably cut my hair): Whenever there's a light directly behind me, my shadow looks like I'm wearing a Darth Vader helmet.

• It's unfortunate that Jets RB Curtis Martin's season ended prematurely due to an injured knee. There's always his considerable talent but he's also one of the game's genuine good guys. And I'm not just saying that because he carried my Fantasy team last year.

Anyway three more weeks of football left before the playoffs and my 49ers clinch the Number One pick in the draft (knock on wood).

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 11:22 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
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