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:: Saturday, December 03, 2005 ::

:: Week 13 Picks ::
Ok, just so we're clear, I don't having anything against Lenny Kravitz. He does have a couple of songs that I don't mind listening to if there's nothing else on the radio. But the thought of him - a derivative musician who makes no qualms about ripping off past artists - playing one of the greatest and most innovative musician/guitarist in the history of Rock, quite honestly, makes my ears bleed.

But I have nothing against Lenny. Anyway, here's my picks.

Miami defeats Buffalo:
I think this is the first time that Dolphans will be happy that their team might actually finish with a .500 record. I mean, after last season's disaster where, I kid you not, Miami sports bars would sometimes hang their flags at half mast, 8-8 would be a success. As a 49ers fan, I can relate. Except for the part about the .500 season.

Tampa Bay defeats New Orleans:
During last week's surprisingly watchable Saints/Jets game, Joe Theismann actually said Saints coach Jim Haslett deserves to be "Coach of the Year" and that he's done a "remarkable" job. This for leading an undisciplined team that's 2-8. I have no way to prove this but I suspect that Broadway Joe may be back on the sauce.

NY(G) defeats Dallas:
I can almost guarantee you that the most-watched moment in football this weekend will be when Jay Feely lines up to go for his first field goal after last Sunday's meltdown. I don't wanna say he's on a short leash but I don't think they'll let him go for anything over, say, 25 yards.

Carolina defeats Atlanta:
Since I can't think of anything to write about this game, can I just say how fucking retarded I thought it was when I read that atheists planned on boycotting the movie "Chronicles of Narnia" because of supposed "religious undertones?" Do these idiots not see that it's the same narrow-minded thinking that makes fundamentalist Christians protest "Harry Potter" movies because it supposedly promotes "pagan Wiccan practices" or some stupid shit like that? Seriously, I want the kind of life where I need to protest stupid shit just so I can say I'm supporting a cause. Actually no, I don't want that kind of life.

Cincinnati defeats Pittsburg:
For sports fans, few things are more fun to watch than players who seem to genuinely enjoy their job. One guy is pitcher Dontrelle Willis of the Marlins and another is Hines Ward of Pittsburg. He's the toughest WR in the league, blocks like a fullback, isn't afraid to run up the middle, and has the athleticism to put up gaudy stats. And yet, every shot of him on the field shows him smiling like he just he just got flashed by Pam Anderson. You have to love that. I feel bad picking against him since Big Ben just doesn't look quite right and there is the possibility of a Tommy Maddox sighting.

Baltimore defeats Houston:
Remember how in "My Best Friend's Wedding" you weren't really sure whether or not the guy would end up with either Julia Roberts or Cameron Diaz? He had both the history and better chemistry with Julia even though Cameron was perkier and hotter. For a while it looked like Julia's scheming might actually work and she'd run away with the guy (she did get top billing after all) but in the end he ended up married to Cameron. It was kinda like that for me while watching last week's Texans/Rams game. Sorta. (I'm sure you can relate.)

Chicago defeats Packers:
The Brett Favre era is grinding to a screeching halt. While no other guy deserves the chance to end his career on his own terms as much as he does, he's been trying way too hard to lead talent and make plays that aren't there. He's making mistakes that would have Eli Manning shake his head (and possibly even Joey Harrington... or not) and it's killing whatever chances his team might have in winning.

Jacksonville defeats Cleveland:
Trent Dilfer? Meet bench. Bench, this is Trent Dilfer.

Minnesota defeats Detroit:
No more "Love Boat" jokes about the Vikings, since it seems like they've somehow salvaged this sinking ship (ok, that was the last one) of a season. And did anyone else foresee QB Brad Johnson leading his team to a 5-0 record during his starts? That's like Sammy Hagar joining Van Halen and somehow keeping them a kick-ass rock band despite the complete change in sound and personality.

Indy defeats Tennessee:
I love Colts coach Tony Dungy's quote after last week's dismantling of the Steelers: "We gotta be able to play with composure in these situations. We're playing with energy, we're playing with emotion, we're playing with talent. When we put it all together and play with composure, we're gonna be very, very tough to beat." Uh, really? Just what happens when the Colts do "put it all together?" Does Peyton Manning suddenly reveal superpowers? Will Marvin Harrison sprout wings and somehow become even more open? Will their defense stop world hunger? Does Dungy know that his team is 11-0? Where am I going with this? Will I ever stop asking questions? Wait, where's everybody going?

Washington defeats St. Louis:
I have to admit, while watching parts of the St. Louis game I couldn't help but be impressed with Ryan Fitzpatrick's composure and passing ability (at least when I wasn't throwing stuff at the TV). And then I remembered that he was playing against the Texans and that even my grandmother could probably have a pretty good game against them and she's been dead for twelve years (God bless her soul).

Arizona defeats San Francisco:
Kurt Warner has been looking like the Warner of old, but every time he passes for over 300 yards, his team loses. His luck as to change eventually and it'll probably happen against my 49ers. Of course, now that I picked against them, it just means Warner's streak will continue. And I have no problem picking the Cards since I've entered that rarified air of rooting for my team to lose so we can have a shot at picking up a Reggie Bush. I'm not proud of this, by the way.

New England defeats NY(J):
Tom Brady never has two bad games in a row and after last week's four INT showing, he's gonna bounce back like U2 after the "Zooropa" album against a Jets team that also seems to be in the running for the Reggie Bush sweepstakes. I should really be rooting for them to win since they're competing against my 49ers but I still want to win a few picks here.

Denver defeats Kansas City:
Jake Plummer showed flashes of his old self by throwing... well... one INT. I don't know exactly what's gotten into him this season. While there are QBs that are late bloomers (Rich Gannon), my theory is that coach Mike Shanahan forced his QB to undergo a lobotomy. Either that or he has blackmail photos of Plummer nekkid with farm animals.

San Diego rapes and pillages Oakland:
LaDanian Tomlinson is in fact the best running back since Marshall Faulk but Marty Schottenhiemer was a little premature in waxing superlatives about him. That said, he's gonna go bonkers anytime he plays against a team that somehow made the Dolphins look good.

Seattle beats Eagles:
This would seem to be the perfect game to invoke the Nature Theory if not for the fact that I don't even know what an actual seahawk is. All I know is that the eagle has landed... and it's tired.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:54 AM [+] :: | 0 comments

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