:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: Thursday, November 24, 2005 ::

:: Week 12 Picks ::

I sometimes type these up while sitting at my favorite Starbucks. Their radio station seems hellbent on playing Alanis Morisette as much as possible. While I like her music, there's only so much of her you can take so I've taken to listening to stuff on my iTunes. You know what works while you're writing about football? AC/DC. Especially "Hell's Bells." \m/_ _\m/

Falcons beat Lions:
Mike Vick is finally staying back and throwing the ball like a good QB. His last two games were actually solid, if not spectacular, passing games for him and Atlanta rewarded him with two losses. Given that they're playing Detroit in this Turkey Bowl Game 1 (otherwise known as Detroit's Super Bowl) look for Vick to revert to his old ways just because he can.

Broncos beat Cowboys:
An immobile Drew Bledsoe going up against a fast, blitzing defense made up of Cleveland Browns cast-asides, being led by a formerly error-prone QB who hasn't tossed an INT since the last Paris Hilton sex tape. Mike Shanahan finally seems to be living up to his "genius" moniker. Most impressive is how he's keeping a very tight leash on QB Jake Plummer. It's almost like Chandler stopped being so neurotic and learned how to score dates like Joey.

Chiefs beat Patriots:
Remember what I said about last week's 'Skins vs. Raiders? Well, the Chiefs are doubly pissed just because their brethren got beat last week so they're intent on taking their revenge out on the evil Patriots who stole all their land, raped their women, and gave them casinos in return. Or I could have just said this is the Nature Theory in affect.

49ers beat Titans:
This is the first time in... actually all season that I can pick my Niners to win with reasonable confidence. And yet I feel conflicted about this because as warped as it seems, I want them to finish with enough losses that we can get an early enough draft pick to pick up USC running back Reggie Bush, who sometimes looks like the second coming of Gayle Sayers. And while Brandon Lloyd has had a few spectacular circus catches the last couple of weeks, I wish he'd find a happy medium between un-freakin'-believable and utterly crap-tastic.

Vikings beat Browns:
Ruben Droughns has been a total stud RB for Cleveland this season but Minneapolis seems to have washed off the stink from the Love Boat scandal by purifying themselves in the water of Lake Minnetonka (I had to use the reference eventually) and are finally playing some slightly above average football. But then what else can you expect from a team owned by a guy who calls himself "Ziggy?"

Bears beat Bucs:
Did you see what Chicago did to Jake Delhomme last week? Chris Simms, welcome back to Earth. I love how earlier this week, Steve Young claimed Simms wasn't mentally tough because he grew up in a "lasseiz-faire atmophere." This from a guy who came up the hard way in the 'hood of Greenwich Connecticut. Steve Young will always have a special place in my heart for what he did for the 49ers but dude, stick to gameplay analysis.

Chargers beat Redskins:
If the 'Skins can get beaten by some invaders, you think they'd really stand a chance against a Force of Nature in the shape of lightening bolts?

Texans beat Rams:
This is my Spite Pick of the week because: 1. Houston just has to play a good game eventually and 2. The Rams crewed up last week's picks by somehow losing to the one team in their division (ok, two) that's worse than they are. All you guys on the Rams can suck it.

Panthers beat Buffalo:
This is Carolina's "revenge game" after being so thoroughly whomped by San Diego last week. And since I can't think of anything else to say about this game, I'll... uh... stop here.

Bengals beat Ravens:
"Expert analysts" have been saying that Indy's offense exposed holes in Cincy's secondary last week. That's like saying an RPG exposed a weakness in a Kevlar vest. Their defense will be fine. We're talking about Baltimore here. Their offense amounts to a poorly-aimed potato gun.

Raiders beat Dolphins:
The head coach of Miami was quoted as saying that this year's record doesn't matter since it's basically an audition for who's going to stay and how next year's team is going to look. Now, the question is did he come to this conclusion before or after he realized a winning season is out of reach? Their logo still, sucks by the way.

Jaguars beat Cardinals:
Anyone who thinks Kurt Warner's breakout game last week wasn't the product of an unacknowledged grudge against his former team that dumped him is just stupid. That said, all he's playing for this week is another job next season as a starter that he's eventually gonna lose to a young up-and-comer.

Seahawks beat Giants:
I don't really have anything against the Giants and I think Eli will become a great QB. However, I will never root for him for that virtual hissy-fit he threw during the draft. It's ridiculous to hear rookies making demands like they're established players and the entire point of a draft is that the team is the one that determines where a college kid will play, not the other way around. And the way he swindled his way out of San Diego sets an unhealthy precedent for the NFL. Anyway, rant over. Owens sucks.

Packers beat Eagles:
The only thing the announcers are gonna be talking about is the how a promising Philly team has to endure a total trainwreck of a season after losing both Owens and Donovan McNabb. In the meantime, Green Bay is over there waving their arms saying, "hey! Our season's a disaster, too! Hellooo!" Anyway, given the way the Pack hung in against a resurging Vikings team, I think they'll do well against the sinking mess that is Philly. Owens is a douche.

Jets beat Saints:
A game featuring two teams in the midst of horrible seasons with nothing to lose playing in front of a national audience hoping to not embarrass themselves. Does anyone even know what QB is starting for the Jets? Does anyone know who's the RB for N'awlins? Anyone?

Colts beat Steelers:
It doesn't matter whether Big Ben is gonna play. It just means that the Steelers are only going to lose by 6, as opposed to 24 if Tommy Maddox starts. You guys remember at the beginning of the season when everyone was asking "what's wrong with Peyton Manning?" or "have defenses caught up with Indy's offense?" Me neither.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:37 PM [+] :: | 0 comments
.....