:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::
Thoughts, observations, and introspections from an
:: Saturday, October 29, 2005 ::
Jaguars over Rams:
Since I can't think of anything interesting to say about this game, I'm going to break out the "what would happen in nature" theory and say that a jaguar could easily kill a ram. Not the best way to start out the Picks but it'll get better. I hope.
Redskins over Giants:
Someone told me that the Redskins are actually favored to win this game? Why, just because they anally screwed the 49ers last week? My weekend flag football team from three years ago could have beaten the 49ers last week. The 7-year old Pop Warner football team that plays here could have beaten the 49ers last week. Just for that I'm, um, picking Washington.
Panthers over Vikings:
If not for the Texans, the Vikings would be the biggest joke of an NFL team this year. Let me rephrase that: ever since the boat sex incident, they've become the biggest joke of a team in all of sports. If not for the Texans, Vikings players would have no one to look at to help them feel better about themselves. This is the same thinking behind the existence of Monster Truck races. It's so that fans of professional wrestling and NASCAR have someone to look down on.
Browns over Texans:
At least Houston has the Astros... oh wait. At least they have the... Rockets? I'm trying here. I really am.
Bengals over Packers:
I probably should have mentioned this weeks ago but ever since that movie, I love guys who play football named "Rudy." Or in this case, "Rudi." Hey, how about "Rud-E?"
Cowboys over Cards:
As bad is my team's QB situation is, I'm just happy I don't have to deal with trying to root for Drew Bledsoe. Anyone else think that he was accident prone as a child? And did anyone else see Parcels take a swipe at his assistant on the sidelines during that umpiring dispute last week? I've seen more coordinated hits from a 98 pound girl after three Coronas. You can't tell me that after seeing this replay that his players still have the same level of respect for him. Especially a brutal guy like Roy Williams: "yo, I know coach been to two Super Bowls and shit but... he hits like a girl!"
Bears over Lions:
A little explanation about last week's pick: the Lions losing was predicated on the fact that Joey Harrington was playing on the road... and that I didn't think Trent Dilfer could possibly have played this horribly against a such bad team. (Just outta curiosity, did anyone draft Dilfer their FFL? Anyone? Really? Put your hand down. You're embarrassing yourself.) But Jeff Garcia started and actually made the Lions look decent despite not having two of the (not so) Big Three receivers. That, and in nature, I think a bear could beat a lion.
Raiders over Titans:
So I guess I screwed the pooch last week in picking Oakland to lose last week since Kerry Collins picked a hell of a week to minimize his mistakes. New Titans offensive coordinator Norm Chow is probably looking at the season USC is having and thinking to himself why the HELL did I ever leave that?
Chargers over Chiefs:
San Diego will win this game because they absolutely HAVE to win this game. There's absolutely no reason they should have lost last week playing a banged-up Igles. Thanks to Wilma, I couldn't watch the game but I'm pretty sure Marty Schottenheimer screwed it up somehow. My guess is he went into playoff (read: choke) mode and playing way too conservatively in the closing minutes. Am I right? Someone let me know.
Saints over Dolphins:
I've listened to a lot of sports radio this week and the local opinions about replacing Miami QB Gus Ferotte with backup Sage Rosenfeld has been adamant support... or abject apathy. I side with the latter since the Fish have a lot more problems than just the QB position. For starters, their logo SUCKS. Outdated, ugly, and really, just utter crap.
Bucs over 49ers:
After being tossed around like the drunk midget at a Kid Rock concert (and by saying "the" drunk midget and not "a" drunk midget, I'm essentially confirming that there is indeed a designated midget for the sole purpose of being tossed) by the 'Skins, first round pick and hopeful savior to the franchise Alex Smith has been benched in favor of perennial backup Ken Dorsey. While Dorsey couldn't possibly be any worse, it's like bringing a knife to a gunfight, realizing you make a mistake, and reaching for a lead pipe.
Broncos over Igles:
I wonder what it's going to take before McNabb is pulled from the game because of his injury. Is he gonna keel over? Start spitting out blood? Courtney Brown, after a sack, reaches into his chest and rips out his heart "Temple of Doom" style? There's also halfback Westbrook who's unhappy about both his lack of carries and a contract. McNabb publicly stated that Westbrook is a valuable member of the offense and should be paid properly. I wanna hear him say the same thing about Todd Pinkston just so I can see TO's head explode.
Patriots over Bills:
If things get any worse in Buffalo, they're going to start pining for the return of Bledsoe. Kelly Holcomb filling in behind center is akin to fixing the levees in New Orleans with sandbags (what, too soon?), and it'll be a while before J.P. Losman develops into a good QB, the same way people once thought my dimples would help me develop into a lady's man.
Steelers over Ravens:
After bitchslapping the Bengals last week, one can only imagine the pillaging that Pittsburg will unleash on feeble and faltering Baltimore. By the way, (and I'm excluding injured players when I say this) other than Daunte Culpepper, has than been a bigger Fantasy Football letdown than Jamal Lewis? I feel for the poor bastard who drafted both these guys. Ok, not really. It's stuff like this that makes me glad I decided to take a year off from Fantasy Sports.
:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 8:59 PM [+] ::
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