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:: Saturday, October 15, 2005 ::

:: Week 6 Picks ::
I never realized that trying to do a set of picks for every week of the Football season would so tedious at times, but it may be because I'm not only trying to decide the winner, but I'm also racking my brain for funny things to say about each matchup. If you guys actually enjoy this (or have nothing else to read) let me know and I'll try to keep it up. I didn't post last week's picks even though I had them listed and I'm kinda glad I didn't. Let's just say I was a little off and leave it that. Anyway, here's Week 6:

Falcons over Saints:
They have no real home games, their offense is playing bad, they're coming off a 52-3 raping from Green Bay (sans lube), and now their best guy on offense Deuce McAllister is out for the season thanks to a torn ACL. And sad thing is, the biggest complainers are Fantasy Football managers who drafted Deuce in the first round.

Steelers over Jaguars:
This is my Unsure Pick of the Week. As good as the Steeler's pass is, as immobile Bryon Leftwich appears this could go either way because there's a very good chance the starting QB for Pittsburg is Tommy "INT Waiting to Happen" Maddox. Did I mention he's injured? If he can't start, his backup is Charlie Batch: a guy so bad while at Detroit that they had to bring in Joey Harrington to replace him.

Buccaneers over Dolphins:
The biggest impact this game is gonna have is again on Fantasy owners: are they gonna start Cadillac Williams? Will Ronnie Brown get most of the carries? Will my gamble on starting Ricky Williams pay off? What they really should be asking is "if I win the fantasy pool this season, will it be enough to finally move out of my parent's place?" (Answer: no.)

Browns over Ravens:
If it wasn't for that Sex Cruise Fiasco over in Minneapolis, Baltimore's myriad of meltdowns would have been this last week's big stories. I mean, I tried to keep track of all the penalties but I lost count at 73. Also, two players tried to punch out refs. People used to joke that they got rid of all that crime in Baltimore by offering them professional sports contracts. Then I remembered that people from Baltimore are incapable of humor.

Bears over Vikings:
Speaking of meltdowns, remember all that feigned indignance the NFL spouted about the "inaccuracies" portrayed in ESPN's football drama "Playmakers?" There were reports from that boat trip about finding "used condoms, K-Y Jelly, handi-wipes (?!), and wrappers for sex toys" and yet, there's a group of guys from Bakersfield driving to Vegas right now thinking "dude, we're gonna make the Vikings look like a bunch of preschoolers."

Giants over Cowboys:
The perfect matchup of two QBs going in completely different directions. I'm starting to think Eli is for real after the way he put up all that ultimately useless yardage against San Diego two weeks ago. (And last week's performance was pretty good, too.) Drew Bledsoe on the other hand, is looking at Eli and mumbling to himself about the good ol' days when he was the next young star QB and trying to figure out where it all went wrong. He's been solid so far this season but it's only a matter of time before Bledsoe becomes, well, Bledsoe.

Panthers over Lions:
Another game featuring QBs with very different paths: perpetual benchwarmer Jake Delhomme comes out of nowhere to lead his team to the Super Bowl two years ago and develops into one of the league's better passers. First round pick Joey Harrington plucked out of a promising college career has yet to turn in a winning season. Here's a thought, maybe it's 'cuz he insists on calling himself "Joey?"

And speaking of which, why do the Lions keep drafting QBs who insist on being called on like they were still 12? Charlie? Joey? Who's next, Kenny?

Bengals over Titans:
After seeing his former study Carson Palmer beat the living crap out of his Titans, I can almost imagine this scene unfolding midfield during the postgame handshakes: new Offensive coordinator Norm Chow is gonna embrace Palmer, kiss him on the cheek, and saying something like "you ungrateful bastard." Kinda like that scene from "The Godfather II" where Al Pacino says "I know it was you Fredo. You broke my heart."

Chiefs over Redskins:
Kansas City will pull together and finally hold on to a lead this week but I'd be lying if there wasn't a part of me that wants to see yet another defensive collapse. For no other reason than to see Dick Vermeil start to weep during a press conference. Yes I have a mean streak.

Chargers over Raiders:
I know I'm not the only one thinking this so I'll just put it out there: odds are better than even that after every Randy Moss score, his endzone celebrations are gonna be choreographed to mimic sailors, sex toys, lapdances, and possibly even a circle jerk.

Patriots over Broncos:
I was around back in the 80s when the Lakers and Celtics were in their heyday and from what I've seen and everything I've read, I have a feeling that Boston sees Tom Brady as this generation's version of Larry Bird. They should have lost the Steelers game and last weeks was a squeaker, and yet Brady uses a Jedi Master-like trance to pull wins out of those situations in the same improbably serene manner that Yoda willed Luke's X-Wing out of that swamp.

(And to think I was gonna go with a hackneyed "Jake Plummer throws so many INTs..." joke. I'm such a geek.)

Jets over Bills:
Trying to pick between these two teams is like trying to arguing between "The Day After Tomorrow" and "The Island" when all it boils down is that what once started off like a promising idea ended up being was an empty display of loud noises causes by stuff crashing into each other.

Seahawks over Texans:
My initial reasoning in picking Seattle was last week's road victory over the Rams. It's significant because recent Seahawks teams have been horrible on the road and this could be the sign that they've finally gotten over that hump. Then I remembered they're playing the Texans.

Colts over Rams:
Even if you don't account for their radically improved defense, you have to notice the many similarities between the Colts and the Rams during their miracle 2001 season. On the other hand, even if you discount how badly they've been playing this year, you have to notice the many similarities between the Rams and, well, the Rams during all those crappy years in L.A. (No I'm not bitter about them leaving. Why?)

There you have it. I just hope you're not looking to me to win your office pool.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 8:39 AM [+] :: | 0 comments

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