:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::
Thoughts, observations, and introspections from an
:: Wednesday, January 28, 2004 ::
Super Bowl 38 ... err, I mean Super Bowl XXXVIII should be a pretty good one for no other reason than the Panther's "where the hell did these guys come from?!?" factor. I'm not sure it'll be as good as the recent Rams/Titans or the Patriots/Rams games but it should be markedly better than the Ravens/Giants game.
Jim O'Brien resigns as head coach of the Boston Celtics because of "philosophical differences." So who should they get to fill that coaching vacancy? How about... Byron Scott? One has to have been a Laker fan dating all the back into the 80s (and in doing so I date myself) to realize and appreciate the convoluted nature of the previous sentence. There’s really no way that could ever happen but if it did... let me paraphrase Marcellus Wallace from "Pulp Fiction:" (to Scott) "You leave now, tonight, and don’t ever come back. Your L.A. privileges have been revoked."
Los Angeles Dodgers second baseman Alex Cora broke his arm playing winter league ball in his native Puerto Rico. Dodgers GM Dan Evens replied, "wait, he JUST broke it? We though he was playing with a gimp arm all last season. At least that’s why we thought he only hit .249. Crap, someone go check Shawn Green's shoulder."
Speaking of the Dodgers: In order to remedy last year's pathetically incompetent offense, they sign *drum roll* Jose Lima and Jose Hernandez. (Reports say that the Dodgers tried to go for the hat trick and sign Jose Conseco but couldn't meet his contract demands of "please for the love of God get me the hell out of house arrest.") That's just great. Fix the offense by getting a barely mediocre pitcher that started last year in the minor leagues and a shortstop that strikes out about as often as me at a nightclub (which means "way too much" for you unfamiliar with Dan-E-isms). But it's ok, they signed minor league deals so they probably won’t see any action at Dodger Stadium; except lately, the Dodgers lineup has been about as healthy as a bird in Thailand.
First there's mad cow disease, now the "bird flu?" American chicken farmers, understandably jumpy after the mad cow scare, react defensively saying "our chickens are perfectly safe. Everyone knows that chickens never flu."
Ok, that joke was just fowl. What, you gonna henpeck me to death for that? Well, the yoke's on you so I'll keep you a-breast of anything else I can come up with.
Last Dodger rant, I promise: My expectations for them have lowered to the point where I'll consider it a good season if the Dodgers don't get sold to some jagoff real estate developer - in this case BAH-ston mogul Frank McCourt - whose sole purpose for buying the team is to demolish Dodger Stadium and use the land for housing. McCourt you crusty old bastard, I don't care how successful "Angela’s Ashes" was. Don't inflict your childhood pain on the rest of us, alright? Get over it! Drink a Murphy’s for Pete's sake.
At the start of the season the Lakers were supposed to tear through the league manner similar to that of the Civil War's William T. Sherman cutting through the Deep South during his Atlanta Campaign. Instead, if I may paraphrase C3P0, "this team is not entirely stable." Likewise, the Kings, after being off to a promising start, have now dropped to third place in their division. Don't get me started on the Ducks. It sucks to be a fan of an LA sports team right now and those fans, being bitter and dejected would probably... oh wait I forget, L.A. sports fans don't actually care. Keep in mind, this is the city where its people, when faced with the prospect of both its NFL teams leaving for other venues, responded with a collective "we had TWO football teams?"
I mean, I'd hate to live to see the day where Angelenos have to look the the Angels as a last ray of hope... oh wait. S**t.
And before you obsessive correction freaks write me, I’m quite aware that there are in fact, two very different, completely unrelated Frank McCourts out there. Put the mouse down. Now.
:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:22 PM [+] ::
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