:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

:: Monday, August 25, 2003 ::

:: Follow me. I'm gonna total this thing. ::

I've been working rather frantically the last couple of weeks trying to get a portfolio together for admissions into art school. Exacting, anal-retentive perfectionist that I am when it comes to work that I have to show to others, it's probably taking me longer than it really should. But then it's always been like this for the last several years and thing usually work out well for me more often than not and for something as important as this, that isn't going to change.

Something as important as this. Geez. I haven't grappled with a decision of this magnitude since I bought my acoustic guitar. (Okay, maybe a little more serious than that.) And it's not just that the things I've done the last few weeks and will do in the next two days might affect the next two years (never mind the rest of my life). I'm not even vacillating on the where, when, or how. Or even why. It boils down to will it or won't it happen and it's clear to me that I'm at a point in my life that I know that this is something I absolutely have to do. It's something that’s crucial to my... maturation? Growth? Character? Soul (as cheesy as that sounds)? I can't even begin to try to explain it in a way that would make sense to anyone without carrying on and on for several paragraphs and if you actually read through my entire Vegas blog (August 10), you know that I tend to take the long way in storytelling.

Friends have asked me if I'm frightened of the possible change and I usually reply "yes" but not for the typical reasons. I couldn't really explaing it before because, frankly, I didn't know. Now that I've really had time to think about it what scares me isn't the possibility of change. What scares the hell out of me is if nothing changes. It wasn't very long ago that I never seriously considered living anywhere outside of Los Angeles but now, the only way I can see my existence continuing at all is to start again somewhere else. Of the three or four people I've tried to explain this to, only one seems to even remotely understand.

I used to wonder if a year from now, whether I'd be seeing a Tigers/Lions game or Marlins/Dolphins game. Good ol' American comfort food or Cuban cuisine? Two seasons or four? Affable, down-to-earth Midwestern women or passionate, exotic Latin women? It all seems so trivial now. I have a fairly decent idea of where I’ll be headed, when I’ll be heading there, and what I’ll be doing once I get there. I haven’t quite worked out the logistics of such a drastic move, other than that I’m taking my guitar with me =)

Pray for me. I’m about to jump off a cliff holding nothing but a cheap umbrella.

It just occured to me, I was going to write about something else but this blog just took a drastic turn after the first paragraph. You fellow bloggers might be able to relate to this: ever start writing and the words flowing from your fingers somehow take on a life of their own? Kinda like a bad rumor?

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:38 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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