:: Life on Planet Dan-E ::

It seems O. J. Simpson is back in the news. (No, he didn't kill someone else. Yet.) A friend told me earlier today that he's the star of an "Osbournes" style reality show that is currently being developed and filmed. Holy crap. Are TV show producers really this desperate for ratings? Has it become that difficult to develop an original, scripted show? Then again, some of the ideas for the title and premise of this latest reality series is amusing:

"Joe Wife Beater" - Women vie for the affection of a rich guy who seems to have a history of spousal abuse only to discover that he doesn't beat them, he merely slashes their throats.

"Who wants to Marry a Multiple Murderer?" - OJ gets to pick and kill more that one gold-digging woman with a death wish.

"Survivor: Brentwood" - No voting off the island or any crap like that. Your goal is simply to make it out of OJ's mansion without getting stabbed. Teamwork optional.

"Who wants to be a Murder Victim?" - Contestants try to answer correctly as many questions as possible asked by host OJ. Person with the fewest correct answers gets cut. Literally

"Are you Dead?" - See celebrity judge OJ decide which male and female contestant would make the most attractive chalk outline.

"American Idol Worship" - See a once-beloved sports celebrity eventually develop a Messianic complex and sink deeper and deeper into self-aggrandizing delusion as the constant adoration from fans lure him into thinking he can get away with murder.

"America's Most Wanted" - He makes a guest appearance on this long running program documenting his meticulous search for his wife's real killer one golf course at a time.

"Jackass" - I know it's already taken but it seems appropriate.

Geez, it's been how many years since the event and I'm making OJ jokes? Don't ever say I don't recycle. However, remember the timestamp on this post so in the off chance you hear any of this crap on Conan or Leno, you can say you saw it here first.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 1:16 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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This is for fellow baseball fans out there who are following the very interesting start to this latest season. What the hell is going on?! Future Hall of Fame pitcher Greg Maddux gets rocked in his first three starts and has an ERA of 11.05. He's so bad even other pitchers are homering off him. Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling have both lost their first five starts. Division bottom dwellers Kansas City is 3.5 games ahead of the the number two team in that same division. Career .307 homerun slugger Jason Giambi's batting average is perilously close to the Mendoza line. The Diamondbacks, only a year removed from winning the World Series is already nine game out of first and tied with perennial losers San Diego Padres. Just Crazy. Imagine something almost as odd as, say, the Lakers starting out the season eight games under .500.

I heard about the controversy last weekend between actor Tim Robbins and Baseball Hall of Fame president Dale Petroskey. Mr. Petroskey canceled a "Bull Durham" anniversary screening (which would have featured an appearance by Robbins and Susan Sarandon) due to the anti-war views of its co-stars. Robbins responded sarcastically saying he didn't realize baseball was a "republican sport."

Which made me think. Is baseball a republican sport? Or does it lean more towards the left? There's evidence to support either thought:

Despite (or perhaps because of?) coming from very humble backgrounds many baseball players -- through hard work, dedication, and perseverance -- enjoy very successful careers and often end up multi-millionaires. Very republican.

Out of all professional sports, baseball is the most internationally diverse with players of African, Latin (Puerto Rico, Cuba, Dominican Republic, etc), Asian (Japan, Korea, etc.), as well as Caucasian backgrounds. Very democrat.

Its players work through a hierarchy-based system which rewards seniority, loyalty, and output. The longer you play, the more hours of practice you put in, the greater your production, the higher the rewards. Republican ideology.

Minority baseball players, especially foreign, are often scouted more aggressively than American players - despite some having questionable documentation - since some international leagues can produce superior athletes. Democratic practice.

Baseball teams are mostly owned by old, stodgy, millionaire white guys who run their respective teams like a corporation and often use revenue to line their own pockets instead of distributing the wealth out to the players who do the actual dirty work. Quintessential republican.

Not only do most baseball teams have some switch-hitters on their rosters, most players constantly grabbing... or rather, "adjusting"... themselves, patting other male teammates on the butt, and execute plays called a "squeeze" or a "pop fly." Democrats all the way.

Ya know, I could probably come up with many more examples to support either side but I'm tired so I'm calling it a draw.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 5:15 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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I told myself that I'd try to update my blog at least once a week... so much for that. I have all the discipline of a stoner trying to hold down a heavy-machinery job, don't I?

Does anything out there besides me think that maybe this whole "reality TV" thing is getting out of control? Remember back in the days when these were referred to as "game shows?" They're everywhere: "Joe Millionaire," "Are you Hot?," "All American Girl," multiple sequels to "Survivor" and "The Bachelor." Even "The Osbournes" and that train wreck "Anna Nicole Show." Even "Star Search" is back and labeled a reality show becuase it's broadcast live. It refuses to die. And yet what surprised me the most was the rather dubious return of the old classic "Let's Make a Deal." You're kidding me! Wasn't this show put out to pasture several times already? Maybe it's time to take it to the slaughterhouse and give it a nice whack on its proverbial head. I sat through a few minutes of this and I actually felt offended. And it takes a LOT to offend me. I did enjoy the moment where the host stumped the crowd when he offered up $500 to the first person who could display some dignity or self respect. Nothing. Talk about bowling a gutter with that call.

All this potential humiliation for what, money? I supposed the allure of celebrity and money would cause some people to stoop to levels known only to spelunkers and politicians. Seriously, have seen these people? Talk about forcing down that gritty, two-hour old last cup from the coffee pot. And you thought there were a lot of zeros in the prize.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 7:42 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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Okay. I just remembered what today is and for those of you who were wondering, my previous entry is not a prank. Everything actually happened.

If you want to read something that seems like a prank but carries a degree of plausibility, go to the archives and read my February 5th post.

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:44 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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I got into an accident on last Sunday.

It happened on my way to church that early afternoon. I was on the freeway, taking 110 south transition to the 405 south. If you've never been on the road, it's a fast, sweeping S-curve. Right when I entered that interchange some idiot in an Acura drifted into my lane just as I was about to pass. I hit my brakes and turned the wheel to try and avoid a collision. The good news was I avoided a collision. The bad news was, I lost control of my car and proceeded headfirst into an embankment. The car did a 180, slid a few yards, and somehow turned back around into the direction of traffic.

Fortunately, no one else crashed. At the speeds most drivers take that road, it was very possible that a car behind me could have easily plowed into my car as I was spinning. Even more fortunately, a driver saw what happened and pulled over to see if I needed any assistance. The guy waited until the tow truck and a CHP officer showed up to assist me. I got his business card so I'm probably going to buy that guy lunch or something.

As you might imagine, I was quite pissed. Not only because some f***ing idiot whose lack of expertise regarding rear-view mirrors, turn signals, and general rules of traffic made me wreck my car and in turn deal with the inconvenience of getting it repaired -- as well as facing the inevitable increase in my insurance premiums -- but being the quintessential, Gen-X, self-loathing type that I am, I was also berating myself for not being able to avoid spinning out. This wasn't the first time I've had to evade some pinhead cutting me off and I've never once lost control of my car. I've taken that transition road countless times in the past, and at even faster speeds and I've never once lost control of my car. I've taken that road at faster speeds, avoiding other lane drifters while sipping a grande coffee and I've never once lost control of my car, dammit.

(Geez, you think maybe I'm still feeling some residual anger from the incident?)

I'm very mindful of the fact that it could have been far worse. I thanked God that I wasn't injured, and that there were no other cars involved. There was a period of time a couple of years ago where some of my friends, within a short period of time, got into accidents that were far worse than mine and I couldn't help but realize just how lucky I was. Someone up there doesn't hate me, let me tell you.

While watching SportsCenter that night and I saw a replay of a Nascar race where a car lost control and spun out. I thought to myself, "I've always wondered what those look like from the driver's seat.. now I know."

:: Miscellaneous Ramblings by Dan-E at 12:20 AM [+] :: | 0 comments
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